Into the Light (9 page)

“You’re good at that. Or did Brother Jacob do it?”

I shook my head with an amused grin.

“I wasn’t sure, but it’s pretty. I’m better at helping other people braid than doing it myself. I guess that’s why this is my calling, helping others. If I had to braid my own hair, well, it’d look awful. That’s why I usually wear mine in a bun, or a messy bun, or sometimes . . .”

Sister Raquel filled every moment after Jacob’s departure with talk and the entire time, though I never said a word, I was part of the conversation. Soon I was back in bed and completely relaxed. I laughed at some of her stories and also practiced my sponging, learning things by listening to her friendly voice. I also learned more about my training. She joked that I’d undoubtedly already heard all the lessons and sermons that Sister Lilith would recite, and if I promised not to snore, I could probably catch a catnap under my bandages and still be able to answer all her questions.

When Sister Raquel mentioned her husband, Benjamin, her voice filled with adoration. I got the sense that their relationship was similar to what Jacob had described, one where she put her full trust in Benjamin and he assumed full responsibility for her. Her obvious contentment with her marriage gave me hope for my own. The only time she sounded sad was at the mention of children, sharing that she and Benjamin didn’t have any. Even then, she quickly said that she believed God would provide them in His time. She confessed in a whisper that she needed to work on her patience.

I realized that if she and Benjamin were trying to have children, Father Gabriel must not preach against sex. For some reason that made me smile. I couldn’t remember having been with Jacob in that way, but he said we had a good marriage and loved one another. The idea of being intimate didn’t scare me as much as the thought of his correction. As a matter of fact, as my thoughts lingered on his washing and drying me, parts of my body woke from their sleep. I pondered who my husband was in the bedroom.
Is he the protector with a reassuring tone or the disciplinarian who demands obedience?

I wouldn’t be finding out as long as my leg and rib were in their current conditions, but with the way my insides tingled, I suspected that whoever he was, I liked him.

Raquel’s conversation reassured me. Instead of facing Sister Lilith alone, I would have her by my side. Therefore when the door opened and Sister Lilith’s high-heeled shoes entered, I was confident that I was ready to begin.

“Sister Sara,” she began, “It’s Sister Lilith. I’m happy to see you’re ready to start this review of your training.”

I nodded
.

Raquel sat beside me on the bed where Jacob had been as she spoke. “I’m sorry if you weren’t notified, Sister Lilith. Brother Jacob asked me to stay, at least for today. You see, Sara can’t get to and from her bed to the bathroom by herself. Brother Jacob didn’t want to burden you with the task.” Though I’d zoned out through part of Jacob and Raquel’s conversation, I didn’t think Jacob had gone into that much detail.

“Well, yes,” Sister Lilith replied. “We could always call for you . . .”

“Sister, I would go”—Sister Raquel’s shoulder rubbed mine as it shrugged with her casual reply—“but I’m confident that Benjamin would punish me if I disobeyed Brother Jacob. And I wouldn’t want Brother Timothy to learn that you suggested my disobedience.”

“Of course not,” she responded quickly. “Sister Raquel, we’ll make do with all three of us today. I wasn’t suggesting disobedience. We’ll just forget that we even discussed it.”

Oh, that is definitely a conversation I’m glad I sponged.
I liked Raquel. “Sister Raquel?” Sister Lilith asked. “Before we begin, do you know Dr. Newton’s plans for Sister Sara’s cast? I believe I heard she’ll be receiving a walking cast soon.” From the sound of the chair over the tile, I could tell she’d brought it from beside my bed toward the foot.

“I don’t. He’ll be here later. I’ll let him know you’re curious.”

“Thank you. I’m just thinking it’ll make our future review sessions easier for Sister Sara.”

“Yes, I understand.”

“Now, Sister Sara, since you’re unable to respond, once I’ve read Father Gabriel’s declaration of faith for The Light, I’ll ask you basic yes-and-no questions. Your answers will help me determine where we’ll go from there. Do you understand?”

I nodded.

Pages fluttered. “We the members of The Light believe in Father Gabriel and the enlightenment . . .”

CHAPTER 9

Jacob

Father Gabriel began each morning at Assembly with prayer. Only the members of the Assembly and the Commission were worthy to meet daily with our leader, though that privilege didn’t always mean meeting in person.

Our campus in Alaska was one of three campuses of The Light. Ours, the Northern Light, was the largest and the most productive, but Father Gabriel’s leadership was needed at all campuses. Because of this he often traveled. Though all the communities lived modestly, The Light possessed the latest technology. With protected webinars and teleconferencing, and because of different time zones, it didn’t matter where Father Gabriel was on any given day. He was always able to attend the morning Assembly of each campus.

Whether he was with us, or somewhere else, his aura of authority filled the room.

There were four commissioners at each campus, making up Father Gabriel’s circle of twelve disciples. These were Father Gabriel’s inner sanctum, the men he most trusted. Under the Commissioners there were twelve Assemblymen at each campus. The Assemblymen shared the Commissioners’ burdens and were fully accountable to them. These sixteen men and their wives were
the chosen
of each campus. The system Father Gabriel put into place worked well to govern The Light and was especially efficient when he was away and as the campuses continued to grow.

At last census the Northern Light had over 450 followers who all lived, worshipped, and worked for Father Gabriel and The Light. The Western Light had nearly three hundred, and the Eastern Light, the first campus, had over one hundred. The Eastern Light purposely remained small due to its urban location. It had neither the space nor the isolation of the Northern and Western Light communities. The Eastern Light served primarily as the point of entry for many of the followers. Once they were tested and found acceptable, they were assigned to one of the larger campuses. Assignment was usually based on the follower’s abilities as well as the needs of each campus.

As Father Gabriel’s voice transcended the miles and his prayer wished blessings on our souls, my thoughts returned to Sara, to Sister Lilith’s intentions, and Sara’s healing.

This is wrong. My body and mind should be focused on Father Gabriel
.

Internal conflict was one reason I’d resisted the assignment of a wife. Another reason was my desire to succeed. Throughout my life, no matter the endeavor—from the military to The Light—my goal had always been success. With the addition of a wife, everything changed. For the first time, success wasn’t contingent only upon me, but also upon Sara.

Before the Commission assigned a follower a wife, especially one in need of indoctrination, the husband-to-be received training. As a member of the Assembly, I’d been involved with many trainings. I knew the strict protocol and what was expected.

Since my assignment to the Assembly nearly a year ago, I’d listened to followers who claimed to be having difficulty with the indoctrination protocol. From my lofty position, I’d piously remind those followers that they were but a part of Father Gabriel’s body of believers, as were their new wives, and all parts of the body must work together. I’d said, “We’ve been taught that if something causes us to lose our way, we must remove it. It’s written that if your eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out. It’s better to enter the kingdom of Light with only one eye than to be cast out.” Then I’d ask, “Is your new wife causing you to lose your way, to forget Father Gabriel’s teachings, or will you be able to control her and help her become a productive member of the body?”

Though everyone claimed they’d succeed, there were failures. Insubordinate members of the body were banished and removed—the ultimate penalty, paid with the ultimate price. My head knew the answers. Hell, I’d said the answers. I also knew the consequences.

However, now, for the first time in my memory, I felt conflicted. I was supposed to train and rule Sara, yet in a very short time, even without her eyes and with a limited ability to speak, she’d developed a power over me. When she’d asked me about my asking her to marry me, I was taken aback, and when her hands trembled at the mere thought of my correction, my stomach turned. Kissing her hand was a reflex. I didn’t consider the penalties. I knew the prescribed timetable. At this point my affection was to be limited and nonsexual. The touching of her hair and even platonic kisses to her head were acceptable, but not affection or comfort, not yet.

As Father Gabriel concluded the opening prayer, guilt tugged at my conscience, and I contemplated confessing my affectionate behavior. The only thing stopping me was concern regarding punishment. I didn’t worry about myself; I never had. I was a firm believer that if I did wrong, I deserved correction. I’d never expected less of myself than I did of my subordinates. Everyone was accountable.

Now was different. Though I hadn’t planned on it, nor wanted it, now I cared. I cared about someone other than myself. I knew what Sara had endured and what was still to come.

“. . . blessed by me, Father Gabriel, The Light of our God. Amen.”

“Amen,” came resoundingly from all sixteen men around the large conference table. I scanned the eyes around me.

Do they also have these conflicting thoughts or is it just me?

As soon as my gaze was met by Brother Timothy’s, I knew that I wouldn’t confess my show of affection. I couldn’t risk it, not as long as Sara was vulnerable. With Brother Timothy’s eyes on me, I refused to show or admit to weakness.

I’d never understood the animosity that glowed in his eyes. When I’d first arrived at the Northern Light nearly three years before, he and Sister Lilith were the only unwelcoming followers. With time I’d learned to ignore them. Their enmity didn’t affect my goal. Even after being appointed to the Assembly, I was able to ignore them.

Suddenly the thought crossed my mind: the Commission had assigned Sara to me.

Was I assigned Sara to fail? Does Brother Timothy dislike me so much as to capitalize on this unfamiliar assignment? Will Sara undo my success?

I forced myself to concentrate on the words spoken around me. The Assemblymen had begun reading their daily reports. We each had a specific topic, and since each topic was approached daily, the reports were often quick. It was a good way to keep the Assembly, the Commission, and Father Gabriel current on the overall status of the community.

My primary job for The Light was as one of the pilots. I transported Father Gabriel from campus to campus and flew supplies to the Northern Light. My military training had been significant in preparing me for The Light. Most importantly, I’d flown a C-12A in and out of Iraq, and also, I thrived under the regimented life. Taking and giving orders, as well as following and implementing rules, were my forte.

As an Assemblyman I was to oversee and settle disputes. Father Gabriel required cohesive living on all his campuses. Everyone’s behavior was continually monitored. Any disobedience was brought to me. If I believed the behavior warranted correction, I took the offense to the Commission. If the Commission forwarded it to Father Gabriel, the usual course of action was public correction. Banishment was the ultimate punishment. Simply the knowledge that such punishments were possible served as a powerful deterrent.

Brother Raphael, the longest-standing Commissioner, conducted the morning meetings. At the Northern Light he was second in reverence only to Father Gabriel. His deep voice reverberated through the conference room. “Brother Jacob, please share your report.”

I stood and addressed the Commission and Assembly. After my report was complete, he asked Brother Luke about some new followers. Luke and his wife Elizabeth were responsible for all new followers at the Northern Light.

Luke went on, talking about a husband and wife who’d come to The Light, how they were progressing well with their training and would soon be granted an apartment. Brother Raphael went on to ask the Assemblyman in charge of housing how soon an apartment would be ready. As they discussed the possible housing and job assignments for this new couple, the temperature of the room seemed to rise and my palms moistened. Though I knew Sara was the next topic of conversation, I tried to think of anything else. The way Brother Raphael had retained his Boston accent through all the years. The way Luke’s back straightened with pride as he spoke about the new followers’ success.

My eyes met Brother Timothy’s and his cold glare interrupted my thoughts. Purposely I moved my gaze to Brother Daniel’s face and took in its approving shine. As my overseer, Brother Daniel had repeatedly put his trust in me and my abilities.

Damn, I have to do this. I won’t fail him or add fuel to Brother Timothy’s dislike.

“Brother Jacob,” Brother Raphael said. “I could ask Brother Luke, but let’s skip ahead. Your new wife is awake. Please tell us how things are progressing at the clinic, and if you believe we have any problems or glitches with her progress.”

I stood again and inhaled, my usual confidence waning. If I didn’t say something about my unease, I feared it’d be noticed. I needed to tackle the subject head on. “I apologize for my less-than-stellar presentation. I’ve spent the last ten nights sleeping in a chair, my head on the end of Sara’s bed.” I shrugged my shoulders. “It’s less than conducive to a good night’s sleep. If my demeanor seems off, I plead matrimonial insomnia.”

Benjamin laughed, breaking my mounting tension and coming to my rescue. “No, Brother Jacob, in another month we can rib you about matrimonial insomnia; now you’re just exhausted. At least in a month you’ll have a smile.” Laughter came from all around the table before Benjamin continued, “Raquel told me about your wife. It sounds as though she’s coming along.”

I nodded, eternally grateful for the change in formality. “Being in this position is considerably different from training someone for it. Currently Sister Lilith”—I turned toward my nemesis—“thank you, Brother Timothy, currently Sister Lilith is beginning Sara’s training.”

“Why?” Brother Raphael spoke sharply.

“I was told—”

Brother Timothy interrupted. “You see, Sara seemed to be doing well, very well, and she isn’t coming to us as a mere follower. She’ll be filling the role of a wife of an Assemblyman, part of the chosen. Her success is paramount and, after what has happened in the past . . . we believed it was better to jump ahead and begin Sara’s training. Father Gabriel teaches that an idle mind is the devil’s playground. Keeping Sara occupied, engaged, and learning is—”

“Brother Jacob?” The entire room stopped—moving, breathing, everything—at the rare sound of Father Gabriel’s voice. He was often more of an observer of our meetings than a participant.

“Yes, Father Gabriel.” I turned respectfully toward the screen.

“I want to hear the particulars, not about what others are doing. Sara was given to you. You’ve been absent from us since her arrival and accident over a week ago until yesterday. Yesterday you pleaded the case for her nutrients. I see what’s happening. I want to hear it from you.”

He sees what’s happening? What does that mean?

My pulse quickened. “Father, what particulars?”

“Taking on a wife is a big responsibility. The Lord chose the church as his bride, and now your bride has arrived. It’s your responsibility to acclimate her. Tell us, how is it progressing?”

“I believe it’s progressing well. So far she doesn’t seem to have memories of her life in the dark. She’s nervous and scared, which is normal. The loss of sight, as well as her injuries, are keeping her dependent. I’m doing what I’ve told others to do, teaching her the rules, her role as my wife, and the restrictions she can expect, all the while convincing her this was, and has been, her life.” I took a breath. “Speaking of restrictions, I know her sight must be restricted until some of her injuries heal. However, I’d like to have the cast on her leg changed to one that would allow her to wa—”

“It’s not time!” Brother Timothy interjected.

“Brother Timothy.” Father Gabriel’s voice transcended the miles. “It wasn’t time for Sister Lilith to begin training either. Let Brother Jacob continue. And let me make myself clear: I don’t want history to repeat itself. The Eastern Light usually weeds out failures. Sara is at the Northern Light. We must all work toward her success.”

“Yes, Father,” Brother Timothy replied.

“Brother Jacob, tell us if there have been any problems.”

“Only one.” I swallowed. “Though Sara was forbidden to speak, yesterday she did.”

Murmurs came from around the table.

“What was your response?” Father Gabriel asked.

“I corrected her. I take my responsibility seriously. The Commission is ultimately responsible, but it’s my duty to teach, correct, and bring her into The Light.”

The room waited as Father Gabriel sat quietly, his fingers steepled before him, thinking and watching. His customary shirt and tie, without a suit coat, were a stark contrast to the cherry-paneled wall behind him.

“Yes,” Father Gabriel finally said. “Brother Timothy was right—most new followers don’t come into The Light as chosen. Sister Sara has already achieved a status most women never will. While this is unusual, thankfully, Brother Jacob, you have a better understanding of the acclimation protocol than the average follower. I’m pleased to learn that you’re compliant and capable of handling situations as they occur. I’m certain you’re aware of the consequences not only to Sara but to you should this indoctrination fail?”

“Yes, Father, I am,” I answered, steadfast.

“Brother Luke,” Father Gabriel continued. “Sister Sara’s continued treatment is under your supervision. You and Dr. Newton decide when it’s time for her cast to be changed. However, I have a few more questions for Brother Jacob.”

“Yes, Father?”

“Tell us how your wife responded when she learned of your control over her necessities: eating, using the restroom, sleeping, drinking, and hygiene.”

“She hasn’t fought my control. She’s acquiesced.”

“And when you corrected her? What did you do? How did she respond?”