Irresistible (13 page)

“I’m going to WET MYSELF!” shrieks Gabi.

“I’m actually crying!” Dan says.

“It’s not that funny!” Max protests, but he can’t help laughing.

“Owww.” I lean back and wait for the pain in my ribs to subside.

“What can you do in this situation?” says Dan. “Doughnuts. Doughnuts?”

There’s a resounding yes from the three of us, and Dan heads off toward the concession stands.

Gabi grabs my arm, recovering fast. “Omigod. Mia. When you went to the bathroom earlier, Dan totally said he was falling for you!”

I look over at Max, who nods in agreement. “Yup. Loves you, girl.”

Gabi looks at me expectantly.

I look over at the back of Dan’s head as he waits in the line. And I remember my hands running over it when we kissed. I feel the warm buzz that I get every time I arrive at work and Dan’s already in the kitchen.

“His hair looks good, doesn’t it?” I say. “Everyone at work’s making fun of him for it and calling him Tintin, but I really like it.”

“Yeah, um, okay. Mi, I asked if you’re falling for him, not if you like his hair.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“So?”

“Of course I like him. It’s just complicated.”

“Why?”

I don’t answer.

Gabi gives me a look. “Come on.”

I eye her warily, as I’ve got an idea what’s coming. She makes a lunge for my head.

“Come to my bosom.”

Ever since Year Nine when Gabi was delighted to discover she was growing absolutely enormous boobs, she’s always taken the opportunity to rub them in our faces. Literally.

I struggle for a moment, but then let it happen. She clutches my head to her chest, and my face is buried in boob. It’s what she does when she wants me to tell the truth. I breathe in, risking intoxication by Ralph Lauren.
The situation is so familiar, it makes me feel like everything is normal. Although that might not be the impression that other zoo-goers walking past our bench might get. This is Gabs. I’ve known her forever. She’s the last person I should be keeping secrets from.

“Oay mri aigh ann.”

She releases her grip slightly so that I can actually speak.

“Okay, I like Dan.”

“Super,” says Dan, appearing behind us. “Doughnut?”

Gabi lets me go immediately and I sit up. When Dan’s handing out the doughnuts, our eyes meet, and he smiles his lopsided smile. My heart leaps.

Gabi’s reading a message on her phone “We’re going to meet the others after this,” she says. “There’s some band with someone’s brother in it or something playing. You guys should come.”

“What kind of music is it?” Dan says.

“Guitars,” says Gabi vaguely while texting. It’s safe to say that with gigs, she’s more interested in the social side than the music.

“Oh, but Mia’s got a family dinner, haven’t you?” Dan says.

That gets her attention. She usually gets invited to my family dinners. Not to this one though, obviously, since I made it up.

I’m still feeling the aftermath of the heart-leap moment. “I’ll make some excuse,” I say.

“Nice!” yells Gabi, and Dan grins at me again. Even Max nods and says, “Sweet.”

They are so uncomplicatedly happy to have me around. I feel really bad about how little effort I’ve put into seeing them this summer.

Gabi gets into organizing mode. “So, we’ll go back to my house and get ready. Then get some food in town, and we’ll be there by eight. Mia, didn’t you want to dye your hair? I’ll do it for you at my place. We can go to the drugstore on the way home.”

“Okay, but no bird poo streaks.”

“We do
not
speak of that,” she says, and we both crack up. Max and Dan look confused.

“Before either of your times,” I explain.

As we leave, I link arms with Gabi. “Can you dye it red?”

I’m on the late shift, and it’s another quiet one. Suzy, Ben-the-other-kitchen-boy, and I sit and chat for most of the night and try to throw peanuts into each other’s mouths.

Jamie comes to the bar with his hair even messier than usual and wearing jogging shorts and a T-shirt. He’s obviously only just gotten up.

“You look dead,” Suzy says. “What were you doing last night?”

Jamie gives a big fake smile. “Now, that would be telling.”

“What do you want?” I say quickly.

“Wine, please,” says Jamie.

“Make that two.”

Everyone looks up at the door. Cleo’s back.

She’s wearing a tight checked shirt and shorts and has her hair piled on top of her head. She must have come straight from the airport, but she still manages to look effortlessly stunning.

“In fact,” she says, waving away the bottle that Suzy’s about to open, “save it. We’ll all have a drink at the end of your shift. Gives me a chance to make myself up. And you, Jay.”

Suzy and Ben-the-other-kitchen-boy say they’ll stay for one.

“Joseph?” says Jamie.

“Yeah, count me in,” I say.

Cleo looks up. “Oh my God! I didn’t recognize you. You’ve dyed your hair red.”

“Yeah!” I say, probably too excitedly.

“It looks great,” she says. She’s fiddling with her necklace. The pearl drop necklace. “Well, then. A shower, a shit, and a shave.” She starts for the door, but Jamie calls after her.

“Joseph and I will go for a swim first.”

Surprise flickers across her face, but other than that she doesn’t react. “Don’t be long.”

“It would be easy,” he says and disappears under the water. I wait for him to surface again.

I’m standing with my back against the side of the pool with my arms wrapped around myself. Usually I’d be swimming or splashing Jamie, starting up conversations to see where they would go, but tonight is different. I’m thinking about Cleo. Did he know she was coming over? Does he care? I think guiltily that in the last two weeks, it’s been pretty easy to forget about her. I peer over at the shape of the castle in the distance. She could be watching from a window. How much could she see from there?

“What do you mean?” I say when he comes up at the other end of the pool. He fixes me with a glance and then goes under again, swimming toward me this time. He rises out of the water about a yard away and looks at me steadily.

“I wouldn’t even have to touch you,” he says slowly.

The edges of his words make me shiver, although I try to pretend it’s the cold. All the questions I wanted to ask him dissolve. I want to know what happens next.

He moves closer and I feel the water lap against me, and just that slight change sends tingles all down me.

“Put your arms down.”

I move my arms down by my sides. He puts his hands on the pool edge on either side of me, so he’s right up close in front of me. His eyes glide down over my body, and just the way he looks at me makes me breathe quicker. He moves his head toward my shoulder, and then I feel his teeth as he moves my bikini strap to the side.

“Okay,” he says, “maybe touch you a little.” He pauses. “And a bit more.” He bites my bare shoulder gently. And then moves upward and bites my earlobe. I can feel him so close to me in the water, but not quite touching. I want to feel the full weight of him against me.

With his lips right by my ear, he says, “And more?”

I feel like my legs are going to give way, and I can’t stop the words coming out, finally admitting out loud that I want it to happen.

“Okay.”

“Jamie!” It’s Cleo’s voice, coming from the grounds. He moves back and sinks down into the water. “We’re coming, darling!” he replies, looking at me with his amused grin. He raises his eyebrows at me. “Okay?” he repeats.

I just look at him. My heart is beating a million times a minute, but not from panic—from a strange pulsing excitement that we could have been caught.

“We’d better go,” I say.

I try to fix my hair in Jamie’s bathroom mirror before we go for the drink. Some of it is wet from the pool and has gotten wavy. All I can do is mess it up, but in the end I kind of like it. Since I dyed it, I feel like I stand out. I’ve got a dress with me too. I got it on my way to work for the party me and Gabs and everyone are going to. It’s black and sleeveless with a ribbon at the waist, and the skirt is ruffled with lace underneath.

I look at myself from different angles. I don’t feel like me. I’m terrified and excited all at the same time about seeing Cleo again. I want her to see me like this. I want her to ask me what Jamie did while she was away. And I want to see how well I lie.

I leave the bathroom and Jamie’s there, in a black T-shirt and jeans. He’s still barefoot from the swim.

“Not making an effort, then?” I say, and he looks up.

He half smiles. “You clean up well, Joseph.”

“Thanks.” I shrug and head for the door, turning away so he can’t see me smile.

We walk up to the castle in silence, but the air between us is charged like never before. When our hands accidentally brush together, a heat flares through me, and my mind leaps back to the moment in the pool. Jamie holds the door open for me when we get there, and we really look at each other for the first time since we got out of the water. The heat burns in my chest again, and we both breathe in. I break his gaze and walk back into the restaurant. He lingers for a moment longer, and I feel a sort of thrill as I walk away.

“Finally,” says Cleo as we get to their table. She’s wearing a black loose-knitted sweater that falls off one shoulder and skinny jeans. She pats the seat next to her, and I go to sit down. Suzy and Ben both compliment me on my dress.

“I feel underdressed now!” says Cleo. She pushes a glass of wine toward me. “You look hot.”

As with Jamie, her approval gives me a thrill, and I smile and thank her. But her eyes stay on me a few seconds more, and I feel her questioning me. I try to shut her out and make my face unreadable.

Jamie sits in the seat opposite me. Cleo is talking about her holiday. Her stories about creepy guys following her are making everyone laugh. She’s just so blunt and can completely rip someone to pieces with a few well-chosen, offensive words. Soon I’ve turned to face her and am giving her my full attention, laughing and asking her questions. Despite everything I’ve been doing, I still want her to like me. I don’t want to lose her.

I feel something brushing against my ankle, and I glance
up at Jamie. He’s also looking at Cleo. His foot moves slowly up along my calf. I turn to Cleo again but don’t move my legs. I start to tell them about the various awful people we encountered at Dezzie’s birthday. His foot moves farther, exerting a light pressure, which is tantalizing. I struggle to keep my voice even as I feel the pressure on the inside of my thigh and higher.

And then he stops. I swallow at a break in my story and look at him. His eyes flicker over to me for only a second.

I’ve trailed off, and everyone must think I’ve finished my story. Suzy announces that she has to go. Ben, who is possibly a little in love with her, announces that he does too and they can walk out to the parking lot together.

“Oh, good …,” says Suzy. She says good-bye and then starts walking back toward reception at a brisk pace. Ben scrambles after her. So it’s just the three of us. I use the opportunity to go to the bathroom.

I’m just about to leave the stall when I hear someone else come in. I pause for a moment. I know it’s Cleo. She doesn’t go into a stall, but stands waiting outside mine. I take a breath and open the door. She stands there with her arms by her sides and watches me while I wash my hands. I walk up to her, and to try to break the tension, I say, “You okay?” and at that moment she grabs my shoulders and pushes me up against the wall.

She lets go but stands right up close to me. Since she’s taller, my eyes are about level with her lips. But when I look up into her face, I get a shock.

She looks worried.

“You know what I asked you to do?”

I nod.

“So … What happened?”

“Nothing. I mean, he didn’t sleep with anyone or anything. That I know of.”

“No one?”

I shake my head.

Cleo looks around and then bites down on her thumbnail.

“I thought you’d be … I mean, isn’t that a good thing?”

She laughs emptily, still gazing off to the side of me. “It’s not the ones he sleeps with that I need to worry about.”

I feel my stomach lurch. Like her words are digging hooks into me and dragging me out of this dark room I’ve made for myself, where I don’t have to face anyone or acknowledge what I’m doing. I clench my hands into fists.

Cleo turns back to me. She twirls a strand of my hair in her fingers. “It suits you,” she says. I’m looking down at her chest rising and falling.

“Mia, please don’t—” She swallows. The room is charged. Something real has opened up between us, and I fight to shut it down. I don’t reply.

Suddenly she moves her hand back and drops the strand of hair. Her expression has returned to its usual unaffected, bored look.

“Come on,” she says, and we leave.

Jamie is still in his seat when we get back. He has his head thrown back and is staring at the ceiling.

“Jesus, you’ve been in there for about a year.”

“Mia had a bit of”—Cleo gestures to her stomach—“tummy trouble,” she mock-whispers.

“What? No, I—”

“I’ll meet you in the pool house, Jay.”

As she goes, I’m left facing him. His eyebrows are raised
and he looks mildly amused at my outrage. “Where will you be?”

I could bow out now. Get a taxi home. Tell Mom and Jeff I decided not to stay at Gabi’s after all. Leave Jamie and Cleo to their twisted relationship and just have my normal daytime life. He twists his mouth to the side and frowns at me. I think of his lips on my skin. Of lying on the grass. Of Cleo’s face when she said, “Please don’t.”

“I’ll be in the shower.”

After weeks of using the shower in the well-heated pool house, the cold stone floor of the servants’ quarters is a shock. I’m shivering in the rogue guest towel I found as I push the door closed.

I don’t lock it.

Hot water runs over me. But instead of feeling alive, I’m starting to feel numb. Have I just made a complete fool of myself? Why am I getting involved? I can’t even understand why I’m doing things at the moment or why words come out of my mouth. It just happens.