Irresistible (9 page)

“What does Ju—I mean, your mom think?”

Our feet crunch on the stony path as he considers. I can tell his brain is working more slowly than usual.

“She says I’m blowing off steam before university.”

We’ve reached the front of the castle. I hear a rolling noise above us, and a few seconds later Cleo appears at a window to the right of the huge pillars. Jamie looks upward, shielding his eyes and wincing, like the daylight pains him.

“Oh, you’re alive.” She smiles sarcastically.

“I’ve got an awful headache, if you’d mind not nagging.”

She looks at him, unimpressed, and he blows a kiss at her. She slams the window shut.

Jamie takes a swig from the bottle and makes a face.

“You should have kept it chilled,” I tell him.

He ignores me.

“You should do something nice for her.”

He frowns at me, but still doesn’t say anything.

“Something romantic.”

“Don’t be disgusting, Joseph.”

“Okay, don’t, then.” I start through reception toward the restaurant, and he’s still following me.

“What sort of thing?”

“A nice gesture.”

“Buy her a horse?”

There’s a chance he’s not even kidding.

“No, something personal. Like, take her for a picnic or something.”

“Is that what your boyfriend does?”

“Yes, it is, actually.” I’m not sure why I said that. I thought I should defend Dan.

“How lovely,” he says.

Cleo comes and sits at the bar for much of the day. She’s flipping through a Cambridge prospectus, trying to pick a course. She doesn’t mention Jamie, so I don’t either. However, as it approaches three o’clock, he walks straight past both of us into the kitchen. He’s holding a big wicker basket.

Cleo looks up only briefly, but then continues reading about philosophy. I follow Jamie in.

“What’s the magic word?” Dan is saying, not looking up from the cutlery he’s polishing.

Jamie rolls his eyes. “
Please
could you, you know, do the thing.” He gestures at the basket.

“I’ll see what we have.” Dan catches my eye and gives me a little smile.

I’m clearing my last table when Jamie emerges, the picnic basket now much heavier.

“Come on,” he says to Cleo, nodding toward the door.

She looks at him, her eyebrows raised.

“I’m going to feed you from a basket. It’s romantic, apparently.”

I look down at the table and smile to myself.

Cleo shuts the prospectus and sighs. “I’ll come if I can bring Mia too.”

Okay, that’s a little weird.

“I can’t,” I say. “I’m busy this afternoon.”

“No, you’re not,” says Cleo. “I heard you say earlier you had absolutely nothing to do.”

I try inviting Dan to make things a bit less weird, but he’s going to play rugby. Jamie doesn’t seem bothered either way, and Cleo is fixing me with a look that is pretty hard to say no to.

“Okay,” I say, confused. “That will be nice and not weird at all … I’ll just change and get my stuff.”

The grounds of Radleigh Castle make for a picturesque picnic setting. We sit by a ruined archway that was part of the old outer wall. The strict squares of the back lawns, with their straight paths, colorful flower beds, and elaborate fountain at the center, give way to uneven grass. The archway is on the edge of a hill, which looks down over miles of wild countryside with the river zigzagging through. It makes me
wish I were here on my own, rather than sitting in on another couple’s picnic.

Cleo has me on one side and Jamie on the other, and she conducts the conversation like an orchestra, the main part being her, with Jamie and me being brought in when she requires it. So from that point of view I don’t feel like an awkward intruder, at least. More like a person shaking a tambourine occasionally.

Cleo’s phone rings, and within about ten seconds she has called the person an “insufferable bitch” and wandered off to argue with her.

“Her mother,” says Jamie.

He throws something at me that lands on the grass in front of me. It’s the fifty-pence coin.

“What does it say?” he asks.

“Tails,” I tell him.

He looks at me, and his gaze hovers momentarily over my lips.

“Shame,” he says.

The next day, Julia calls us all together for an announcement.

“In a week’s time, we are hosting a very important event.”

“Oh, a society wedding,” Melanie whispers confidently. She had a few days off “sick” after the phone incident, but came back telling everyone emphatically how great she’s feeling and that she and Simon are in a really,
really
good place.

“It is Desdemona’s birthday,” continues Julia.

“Right,” whispers Dan. “What milestone age do you suppose she’s reaching?”

“My daughter’s fourteenth birthday,” Julia says, “will be attended by her many friends and, of course, by their parents. I’ll need extra people for serving drinks and a couple more than usual in the kitchen. Since it is not part of your contracted hours, you will get double pay. It
shall
…”
She raises her voice to quell the muttering that’s started up about who’s volunteering. “It
shall
go off without a hitch.”

I’m on the late shift already on that day, so I head back to the kitchen and avoid the rush for the schedule. Dan follows me, telling me he won’t be working the birthday. He’s off for a few days on a mountain-biking trip.

Julia catches me on our way to start our shift.

“Speaking of birthdays, Mia, there’s a family that’s just arrived with a cake. Go collect it for them.”

I go to the restaurant entrance and hear voices that I’m sure I know but can’t quite place. Then I see the woman coming toward me. She has curly black hair, tanned skin, and is holding a cake box.

“Oh, hello … Don’t I know you?” she says with a slight Spanish accent.

It’s Kieran’s mom. A cold, sickening feeling floods through me.

When Kieran comes through the door, his eyes go wide with shock, but he quickly looks down at his feet and coughs.

We’d become skilled at avoiding each other, and now we’ve been thrown together with no way out.

I wish it were socially acceptable to turn and run when you see people you don’t like.

“Is this one of your friends, Kieran? I’m sure I recognize her.”

Kieran mumbles, “Yeah,” and appears to be finding his shoes fascinating.

“What’s the holdup?” says Kieran’s dad. He turns to me, obviously not remembering me at all. “Five bottles of Moët, please. We have the crypt room reserved—Saunders, for twenty.”

The crypt is a private dining room that still has lots of the original castle stonework and arching ceilings, so people can pretend they are back in medieval times.

I can see other people arriving behind them. Then Jemima, Kieran’s twelve-year-old sister, skips past.

“Hi, Mia,” she says confidently.

“Um, I’m Mia. I’ve come to collect your cake,” I say to his mom and then take it from her, trying not to show that my hands are shaking.

“Mia will be your waitress today.” Julia suddenly appears in full-on lady-of-the-house mode with a gleaming smile. “Ask for anything you like and she will find a way.” She puts her hand on my back and quite forcefully directs me to the kitchen.

It’s a whole family affair, with grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and, worst of all, Kieran’s friends Greg and Cooper. I have to serve them, but I don’t look at them, not once, although I hear Greg snorting with laughter as I walk away. The kitchen is boiling, and I think I’m going to collapse if I don’t go get some air. I announce I’m taking my break now, and I hear Dan asking if I’m okay as I hurry out the door.

I lean against the stone wall at the side of the terrace. If I smoked, this would be a good time to have a cigarette. As I’m thinking that, pieces of ash fall from above me, landing in my hair and on my nose. I look up and there’s Jamie, leaning out a window with a cigarette hanging from his mouth.

“You look angry, Joseph.” There’s giggling from behind him.

“I’m fine.”

I hear the crunch of heels on gravel and see Cleo approaching from the front of the castle.

“Ah,” Jamie says through his cigarette, “darling.” He takes it out of his mouth and pushes someone from behind so that she’s also leaning out the window. She has curly brown hair in disarray and is wrapped in a bedsheet. “I’d like you to meet Patricia.”

“I’m Persephone.”

“As you wish.”

Cleo strides up to me, ignoring him. “I’ll need a gin and tonic,” she says, her eyes flicking upward before registering my face. “What’s wrong with you?”

“Kieran’s here,” I blurt out.

She considers this for a moment. Then she sweeps my bangs across my forehead and takes a few strands of hair out of my clip so they hang around my face. “Well, it’s a good thing you look fucking hot,” she says. Then she undoes the top button on my shirt. “I’ll take care of the rest.”

I have no idea what she means, but I go back in feeling different. Calmer. When I give Greg his dessert, I look straight at him and raise my eyebrows, daring him to laugh again. He’s at the angle where he’d be able to see the top of my boobs, and I see him look. His eyes move quickly back up to my face and I deliberately look disgusted. He turns pink and starts muttering to Cooper as I walk away. I come out of the crypt and into the main restaurant. Through the conservatory I can see Cleo and Jamie in deep conversation.

I turn back and walk straight into Kieran, who’s walking across the restaurant toward the restrooms. He goes straight past me. Cleo moves through the courtyard and past the window, aiming to head him off. I peer through the restaurant door into the corridor where the bathrooms are, trying to see what’s going on without being seen myself. Cleo
is talking to him, though I can’t hear what she’s saying, and twisting a strand of hair around her fingers. Then she leans in and whispers something in his ear. Kieran’s eyebrows raise and he looks at her and grins.

I remember that look. The cold panic that’s been underlying all my thoughts since he walked in is replaced by anger. So he just carries on as usual. He isn’t paranoid. He doesn’t stop at every moment and wonder what people will think of him.

Cleo pushes open the door behind him and he goes in. I don’t know if he knows that it’s the girls’ room. Cleo lets the door close and walks back into the courtyard.

“Mia!” It’s Julia. “You’ve already had your break. The table needs clearing.”

Grudgingly, I head back into the crypt and start loading myself up with plates. Most people left the cake in the end.

Suddenly there’s a scream. Dezzie comes running in, followed by Cleo. Dezzie has tears running down her face.

“What’s the matter?” says Julia, running over.

“It was horrible!” sobs Dezzie. “He was naked and … doing things.” She turns and buries her face in Cleo’s chest.

Then Kieran comes running through the door. He’s obviously just dressed in a hurry, because his shirt buttons don’t match up and he’s wearing only one shoe.

“Wait, wait! It’s not … I thought—”

He sees Cleo standing there with her arm around Dezzie and his mouth drops open.

“You … You said—”

Kieran’s dad, his face bright red, stands up. “What on earth is going on?” he blusters, sending a shower of spit everywhere.

Cleo speaks in a calm, clear voice. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Saunders,” she says. “I know it’s your son’s birthday, but really, self-abuse in a public place is just not appropriate. I think he might have a problem.” Suppressed giggles go around the table.

One of the grannies asks loudly, “He’s done a what?”

“Something about a goose,” another one replies.

“Kieran!” his dad thunders as his mom mutters, “Oh dear,” into her napkin.

“I WASN’T!” Kieran shrieks. His voice bounces off the stone walls.

“It’s just not something that someone as young as Dezzie should have to see,” says Cleo.

Dezzie shakes her head plaintively.

“Mia!” Julia snaps into action. “I said clear the table. I’ll deal with this.”

After some hushed conversation between Julia and Kieran’s dad outside the room, the Saunders party is ushered out. His mom looks mortified as the rest of them whisper and the grannies still talk about the goose. Kieran’s just walking along in stunned silence. He looks back at me once, the only time he’s actually met my eye, and I shrug.

But as he gets into the courtyard, I see a figure beckon him over. It’s Jamie. What does he want? I go to the door and crane my head around to see.

“Hey.”

I jump violently and nearly drop my plates.

“Whoa, sorry,” says Dan, and takes some of them off me. “What’s going on?”

“He’s my ex. He … We …” I trail off. I can’t work out whether I’m delighted or severely panicked by all of this.

“Yeah, he went to my school,” Dan says, and then lowers his head nearer to mine. “Not a nice guy.”

He knows, then.

I look away from him. With Dan it’s all easy conversation and banter and making fun of each other. Right now it’s like he’s seeing behind it all, seeing deeper. If I meet his eye, then I’m telling him something real about me. For a moment, I get that familiar anger when people know things about me that I can’t control.

I told Cleo, though. I know her even less than I know Dan. But I just wanted her to think I was interesting. I want Dan to think I’m put together and confident and don’t make mistakes. It’s like I can put up these screens and show people what I want them to see, but then they wobble and I know that eventually they’ll come crashing down and everyone will see what’s behind. Just me.

I look into Dan’s eyes.

“Don’t worry,” he says and looks around to make sure Julia’s not in sight. Then he kisses me on the lips, and I sink in to him for a second. We move apart and I smile at him, but only one thought is hammering at my brain.

What was Jamie up to?

The week leading up to Dezzie’s birthday is punctuated by people in the courtyard measuring things and Julia saying things like, “The replica night sky will go there,” but other than that, things at Radleigh Castle are pretty much the same.