Irresistible Lies (20 page)

Even
in the light of a new day, however, she couldn’t think of a better alternative.
Telling Jamie about Jake’s parentage was not an option, and he didn’t seem to
have any plans to leave Virginia.

Grace
wondered what Jamie’s reaction would be when he realized she wasn’t going to
call him to set up a date. She knew he would call her to find out what was
going on, so she turned off her phone and left it off all day.

It
was kind of nice having the phone off, because it also meant she didn’t have to
deal with Caroline texting her, trying to change her mind about leaving.
Caroline’s texts had started coming in a few minutes after Grace left the
apartment, and they continued coming in throughout the night, some of them
short, angry snippets, others long, depressing diatribes.

Caroline
was not going to guilt Grace into changing her mind; that was for sure. Her
sister had a fiancé, a great job and a life in Virginia. Grace had nothing
there anymore.

Grace
helped Jake unpack his things in the guest bedroom, which her parents had
unofficially deemed his room when he was born. Jake already had enough spare
toys and clothes there that she really hadn’t needed to bring anything over
from her apartment. It was all part of the perks of being the only grandchild,
and Jake loved it. He occupied himself exploring his toy box while Grace moved
into her childhood bedroom, complete with her old twin-sized bed.

Unpacking
took up most of the day, and Grace was grateful for the hours passing so she
could sleep in blissful unconsciousness. With each hour, she felt more and more
guilty about skipping out on Jamie. Somehow, she hoped he would be able to
forgive her for not calling. For leaving.

But
truly, what did it matter? She was never going to see him again.

That
realization hurt more than she had imagined it would.

The
coincidence or twist of fate that brought Jamie back into her life would not
happen again in her lifetime. Their love story was officially over.

It
was time to move on. She wondered how long that would take this time.

Grace
made dinner with the few ingredients she could find in the fridge. She put on a
movie for Jake and watched the clock throughout the film, wondering how many
times Jamie called her and how many voicemails he would leave.

She
itched to turn on her phone and check her messages, but she didn’t dare. It was
better for her heart not to hear his voice again, not to hear the hurt in it.

She
had to remember the reason she was doing this: Jake.

Jake
fell asleep on her lap and she brought him up to his new bedroom. She looked at
his sweet, angelic face and wondered how Jamie could ever not love this little
boy—how anyone could not want to be his father. Being Jake’s mother was
the greatest blessing in her life.

Jamie
would never appreciate that. All she needed to do was remember the fear in his
eyes when he had seen her son for the first time, and she could get through the
pain of losing Jamie again. She just had to hold onto that memory.

Mentally
exhausted, Grace changed into an old pair of white flannel pajamas that she
found in her childhood dresser and climbed into her old bed. She turned out the
light to go to sleep but could only replay her last conversation with Jamie in
her mind, over and over.

“You
have a son.” She had wanted to say those words so badly. He had asked her about
Jake’s parents straight out, giving her the opportunity to tell the truth, and she
had wanted to so badly.

For
some reason, though, she just couldn’t do it. She was so deep into the web of
lies that she had spun that telling Jamie the truth was no longer an option.
Instead, she had lied again, right to his face.

“Who is the father?”

It
would have just taken one word, and everything could have been different.

Grace
curled up under the covers, playing out a fantasy in her mind of the way things
would have been if she had put it all on the line and told Jamie the truth. She
imagined his anger, how he would have stormed out of the apartment, confused
and hurt.

She
would have cried herself to sleep, afraid of what was going to happen, afraid
of Jamie fighting for custody and taking her baby away from her. Or, equally as
horrible, of Jamie not wanting to be a part of their lives at all and leaving
them to go back to his brewery and his bachelorhood.

But
maybe he wouldn’t have done either of those things. It was only a fantasy, but
in her mind she could picture it—Jamie sweeping her off her feet, pulling
her into his arms, telling her that they were meant to be and that their son
proved it.

Grace
had Jamie’s kiss on her mind when she heard a pounding noise, breaking her from
the spell. She left her bed and crept slowly downstairs toward the pounding,
hoping Jake wouldn’t hear it and leave his room.

It
was coming from the front door.

She
stood in front of the door, heart beating wildly, wondering who in their right
mind would be banging on it in the middle of the night. Then the pounding
stopped, and she knew, just knew, that it was Jamie on the other side of the
door as if there was nothing at all between them.

She
checked the peephole and confirmed her suspicion. Full of emotion she couldn’t
name, Grace reached out and turned the doorknob.

Standing
in front of her, illuminated in the darkness and soaked with rain, was Jamie.

His
eyes locked with hers, and she knew he knew everything.

Chapter 19

Grace
held open the door and Jamie entered the house. There were no lights on, and
when she closed the door to shut out the rain it left them in silent darkness.

“What
are you doing here?” she asked.

“Why
didn’t you tell me?” His spoke quietly but with emotion. She was grateful that
her eyes had not yet adjusted to the darkness so that she would not have to see
the pain on his face.

Grace
swallowed hard, her mind desperately searching for a way out. “Tell you what?”

“That
I have a son!”

Her
heart almost leapt out of her chest, finally hearing those words from his
mouth. “How did you find out?”

“Caroline
told me.”

So
her sister had betrayed her. Sold her out to the enemy like her secrets meant
nothing. She tried to summon her anger, but it faded just as quickly as it
came. She would love to blame Caroline for this mess, but she knew she had to
take responsibility.

This
was between her and Jamie.

“She
had no right to do that,” Grace said.

“No,
you had no right. How could you do this to me? How could you lie like that, for
all of this time? Why didn’t you tell me?”

Jamie
was standing right in front of her, the whites of his eyes the only thing she
could really make out in the darkness. He was staring at her, waiting for an
answer that would make everything okay, but she couldn’t find one. Now that she
was finally put on the spot, forced to defend her actions, she had nothing to
say.

How
could she justify keeping a father from his son? How could she have ever
justified that?

She
drew a blank, and the silence was deafening.

 
“You weren’t around.”

“That’s
not a good enough answer.” His hands gripped her shoulders. “You should have
called me. I would have been there for you. I would have been there every
minute.”

Her
heart cried out at the words, mourning over what could have been. There were so
many nights when all she wanted was Jamie there to hold her, but she told
herself it could never be. Now, to hear him say that it would have just taken a
phone call...

Was
she the only reason they weren’t together now, a family? Had she destroyed her
own chance at happiness? Their chance at happiness?

“Would
you have been there?” she asked him. “Really?”

“Of
course. You know that.”

“I
didn’t know that. How could I have known that, Jamie? You wanted space. I
didn’t want to ruin your life. I didn’t want to take away your dreams.”

“
You
were my dream.” He sounded so sincere,
but she had been fooled by him before.

She
summoned what was left of her hurt and anger, built up over their years apart.

“That’s
not what you said. You weren’t even ready for a serious relationship with me.
How could you have handled a child when we were practically children ourselves?
It would have ruined your life.”

“That’s
bullshit.” He shook her gently with the force of his emotion, and she pulled
away, putting an arm’s length between them.

“It
isn’t, it’s the truth. I was protecting you.”

“No,”
he said. “You know me better than that. I would have done right by you and our
son. You know that. I would have grown up. You didn’t give me the chance.”

Grace
was surprised to see that Jamie’s hands were trembling, and it increased her
guilt tenfold. She put herself in his shoes, trying to imagine what it must be
like for him, finding out that he was a father. She wondered how he had even
had the mental ability to drive all the way to New York without going off the
road from pure distraction.

She
could barely get her own thoughts in order, and she wasn’t the one who had been
so completely blindsided.

Grace
wished there was a way she could make Jamie understand why she had done what
she had done.

“At
the time, it seemed like the right thing. I didn’t want to keep you from
starting the brewery with your friends. I was afraid you would take the job in
New York to be responsible.” Her voice was small. “I honestly thought I was
doing you a favor.”

“A
favor, Grace? So I could find out like this, five years too late?”

She
winced at his tone. “Don’t raise your voice. Jake is sleeping.”

Jamie
tensed up, looking toward the staircase, and lowered his voice. “Where is he?”

“Upstairs.”

He
took a step toward the stairs, but Grace reached out to grab his arm.

“Please.
Not now. Let him sleep.”

Jamie
stopped, but she could see the effort cost him. “I want to see him. I won’t
wake him up.”

“No.”
Not yet. Not like this. “Tomorrow. Please, tomorrow.”

He
stepped toward her and away from the staircase, and she loosened her grip on
his arm.

“But
how do I know you’ll even be here tomorrow?” he asked, turning back to her. “That
you won’t leave in the middle of the night and take my son with you?”

She
backed up toward the wall, wanting to put more space between them, but he
followed her into a corner.

“I
won’t, I swear.”

“Why
should I believe you?”

“I’m
giving you my word.”

He
pressed his hand against the wall to the right of her head, partially trapping
her in place.

“What
exactly did you think you were doing, running away? Did you really believe you
would get away with this? That I would never find out? That Jake would never
ask questions? He is my son, just as much as he is yours.”

“No!
He’s my son. You are not taking him away from me, so don’t even think about it
for a second.”

“I’m
not going to take him away from you. Would you stop it? I’m not this terrible
person you think I am. Give me some credit, Grace. What did I ever do to make
you think of me this way? To make you think that I don’t deserve to know my own
child?”

She
realized then that he wasn’t angry. This wasn’t about him hating her for lying
and keeping this secret.

Jamie
was sad. He was sad because she had treated him like he meant no more to her
than a stranger. After everything they had gone through together and all the
love they shared, she hadn’t wanted him to be a part of their son’s life. She
hadn’t trusted him to be a good father.

No,
that wasn’t right either.

She
had known all along that Jamie would make a good father, hadn’t she? She had
known that he would have stepped up to the plate, just like she had done. Jake
had changed her, and he would have changed Jamie, too.

All
of this time, was it really about keeping Jamie from having to deal with a
child he wasn’t ready for, or was it about protecting herself from getting hurt
again?

“It’s
not like that,” she finally said. “I would never think you are a terrible
person.”

“Oh
yeah? Then tell me, why did you run away?”

His
other hand went against the wall, and she felt a little like an animal caught
in a trap.

“I
didn’t give it that much thought, Jamie,” she said. “I freaked out. You saw
him, and I panicked.”

“You’re
damn right you didn’t give it much thought,” Jamie said. “That’s the problem.
You never think anything through, you just make these sweeping decisions and
you don’t care how they affect the people who care about you.”

“That
is unfair,” she said, needing to defend herself from his accusations. “I didn’t
do any of this to hurt you. Coming here... I was scared, and I didn’t know what
to do. I didn’t want to face this and have this discussion with you.”

Jamie
leaned in toward her and instant heat shot up between them. It almost scared
her more than their conversation.

“You
should have known better,” he told her. “You should have known I would find
you. I’ll always find you.”

Her
breath caught in her throat, and a small part of her thrilled at his words. “Well,
congratulations, you win.”

“That’s
right. I’m here now, and things are going to change real fast. No more of this,
Grace. You are not going to lie to me anymore.” His lips hovered above hers. “You
are going to tell me everything.”

“Don’t
talk to me like that.”

She
tried to push him away, his words making her defenses rise. She didn’t want him
to see her as someone he couldn’t trust. If he would just try to understand, he
would see that she hadn’t meant to lie and hurt him. Everything had just
spiraled out of her control.

“I’m
not a liar,” she said, crossing her arms over her chest.

“That’s
another lie, sweetheart.”

“I’m
not! I made a mistake, but you have no right to judge me. You weren’t there. You
told me that you wanted space from me, what was I supposed to do? Show up at
your doorstep and tell you that I was pregnant? I was scared, Jamie.”

“Grace...”

“I
thought you were going to be mad at me.” Her throat tightened, and she felt
more vulnerable than she had in a very long time. “I felt so much guilt, like
it was my fault for getting pregnant, and I thought you would see it that way
too. I knew you would do the responsible thing, but I didn’t want to force you
into that, into being with me.”

There
was a long moment of silence, and Grace couldn’t bear to look at him.

“I
called you,” Jamie finally said. “I called you every day, trying to make things
right. Didn’t you know I wanted to take it back? Breaking up with you was a
mistake, and I knew it.”

Grace
shook her head. “It wasn’t good enough. You have no idea how much you hurt me. I
couldn’t bear the thought of telling you about the baby and having you send me
away, or worse, giving up everything and hating me for it.”

She
saw sympathy in Jamie’s eyes, but his voice was distant. “So lying was the only
alternative? Shutting me out of your life and pretending nothing had happened
when we found each other again was the only answer? You took the coward’s way
out.”

“How
dare you.”

“How
dare
you
.”

He
ran his calloused fingers gently down the side of her neck to her collarbone,
making her shiver.

“Jamie...”
She whispered his name, wanting to finally close the distance between them,
wishing there wasn’t so much in the way.

So
much anger, so much hurt, so much distrust and disappointment. So much wrong.

She
spoke the words in her heart before she could convince herself not to.

“I’m
so sorry. For everything.”

Jamie
was so close she could smell the mint of his breath. They locked eyes and held
them, waiting with bated breath to see what the next move would be.

The
sudden onslaught of guilt was eating her alive, and knew she was going lose
this battle. Before she could look away, however, Jamie leaned down and kissed
her.

The
kiss was a lifeline. Grace almost sobbed when his lips touched hers, her heart
swelling with perverse hope. Maybe it wasn’t over. Maybe he still cared about
her.

His
tongue plunged the depths of her mouth and she opened herself to him, feeding
off of his strength. His arm wrapped around her waist and supported her weight
when her knees started to buckle, and he pushed her hard against the wall.

Jamie
moaned, a sound of both need and pleasure, and he lifted her up so that she
could wrap her legs around him. He wrapped his hand in her hair and pulled
gently so that her neck was exposed, licking his way down the length of it.

She
wanted so badly to say his name, but she was afraid that if she said a word it
would break the spell and plunge them back into reality. Instead, she satisfied
herself with the feel of him, knowing that this could be the last time she was ever
held and kissed like this.

Jamie’s
lips left her neck and traveled up to her earlobe. His hot breath in her ear
sent a shiver down her back, and she held onto him tighter.

“Bedroom,”
he said hoarsely, and she nodded.

Jamie
remembered where her bedroom was somehow, carrying her up the stairs with ease
and tumbling with her onto her twin mattress, rolling with her until she was pinned
under him. Then his mouth was on hers again, hot and demanding, his hands
pulling her tightly against him. She teased him with her tongue, needing him to
want her just as much as she wanted him.

His
mouth still on hers, Jamie greedily unbuttoned her top and yanked it off of
her, exposing her completely. He kissed his way down the column of her neck and
lingered on her swollen breasts, making her cry out.

His
shirt was wet from the rain, rough fabric against her soft skin. She pulled it
over his head and tossed it on the floor, and he pressed his warm chest against
her. It felt so right, the way their bodies fit together, like they were
designed for one another.