Irresistible Lies (21 page)

She
wanted to tell him that, but she didn’t want to push him away.

Was
he still angry?

She
couldn’t tell. He didn’t kiss her like he was angry, but there was something in
his kiss that hadn’t been there before. There was an urgency and possessiveness
to it, like he needed to have her at this very moment and mark her as his own.

His
hand reached the elastic waistband of her pants and he pulled them off along
with her underwear. She was completely naked and at his mercy, and she couldn’t
imagine a place she wanted to be more.

I love you, Jamie.

Never
had she wanted to say those words more, and never had she been so afraid to.
She bit her lip, keeping them in.

Jamie’s
mouth and hands continued to explore her everywhere, torturing her with
exquisite pleasure until she lost her ability to do anything but feel. She
wished with everything she had that he would never stop making love to her like
this, that his blue eyes would always look at her with that same fierce
intensity.

“I
need you now,” he said.

In
one swift move he slid hard inside of her, making her cry out. She dug her
fingers into his back and he moaned, crushing his lips against hers. He kept
his rhythm steady at first, moving against her over and over and holding her so
tightly she felt as if she were a part of him. She arched her back and moved
with him, both of them quickly losing any semblance of control they had left.
The feel of him hot and hard inside of her was sweet torture, and she needed it
like a drug.

She
wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling him tighter, and he slid his hand
behind her neck.

“Look
at me, Grace.”

Her
blood was pounding in her veins and she knew she was on the brink of something
cataclysmic. His eyes were on hers, watching her with heat and intensity.

I love you. I love you. I love you.

To
stop herself from screaming out the words, she dug her fingers harder into
Jamie’s back and pulled him down into an earth-shattering kiss. He moved inside
of her and she exploded into an orgasm that was so sweet it brought tears to
her eyes. He met her finish with his own, grabbing her tightly and moaning into
her hair.

When
their breathing finally slowed, they didn’t loosen their holds on each other.
Grace kissed Jamie’s chest and was rewarded with a contented sigh.

“What
am I going to do with you, Grace?”

“I
don’t know, Jamie.”

She
felt like crying, and she hated herself for it. She was never one to get
emotional after sex, but this time was different. At any second she could lose
Jamie forever. He didn’t love her anymore, and he would never be able to love
her after all the lies she had told him.

They
would always have a physical connection, but his heart wasn’t in it like hers
was.

Now
that the anger had dissipated, she had so much she needed to say. There was so
much she needed to try and make Jamie understand. If he knew that she had never
meant to hurt him, that she was only trying to protect them both, maybe he
would be able to forgive her and give her another chance.

Jamie
yawned and disentangled himself from her body, rolling onto his side of the
tiny twin bed. He was so tall that his feet hung off the edge of the mattress
and he took up more than his share of the space, but it didn’t bother her one
bit. Having him there next to her made her feel safer and more comfortable than
she had in years.

“Jamie?”

“Mhm?”
He had already closed his eyes, and she remembered that he had just driven
seven hours to get to her, not to mention that it was nearly 3 a.m.

“Never
mind.”

Grace
inched away from him to give him as much space as she could in the bed, but his
arm came around her, pulling her close to his side.

Her
last thought before falling asleep was a prayer that this wouldn’t be the last
time he held her like this.

Chapter 20

The
morning light poured in through the thin blinds, and Grace slowly woke up and
remembered where she was. It was confusing, waking up in her childhood bedroom.
The pink walls were her first clue that she wasn’t in her tiny Virginia
apartment anymore.

She
was wearing an oversized tee shirt, but she didn’t remember putting it on. She
must have grabbed it last night, after she and Jamie had...

Where
was he, anyway?

She
looked around the room with renewed purpose, searching for clues that the night
before hadn’t been a dream. She was satisfied only after finding a black duffel
bag by the side of her bed. It was open and filled with clothes.

Did
that mean he was planning to stay? Surely he wouldn’t pack a bag full of
clothes for just one night. She felt her hopes start to rise, but squashed them
when she realized Jamie might have just stopped to see her on his way home. To
get to his brewery, after all, he needed to pass by her parents’ house.

He
had probably just stopped in to see her son.

No,
his son.

Their
son. She would have to get used to thinking of Jake like that—he wasn’t
just hers alone, anymore. She would need to share him, to co-parent.

It
would take time for them to work everything out. Would Jake spend summers with
Jamie and the school year with her? Or would they move to live closer to him?
She didn’t have any excuse not to, now that she had left her job and apartment
and was temporarily living in her parents’ house. If she were going to look for
a new job, it would make sense for her to look for it somewhere close to Jamie,
so that he and his son could spend time together.

She
thought of living near Jamie, running into him at the grocery store and not
being able to be with him or seeing the women he brought home and having to
pretend it didn’t bother her.

Maybe
finding a place an hour’s drive or so away would be best.

Grace
sighed and got out of bed to find a pair of pajama pants. Things were about to
change in her life, and there was no getting out of it. It was time to face the
music and make better choices than she had made in the past.

She
and Jamie sure had a lot to talk about today. Where was he?

Grace
really wasn’t surprised that she had woken up alone. Jamie was angry with her,
and she didn’t blame him for that. He was probably angry with himself for sleeping
with her—it was surely something he hadn’t meant to do. There were a lot
of emotions between them, and they had always been good at the physical stuff.

Jamie
was hurt and vulnerable and in a state of shock. He probably thought she had
taken advantage of him or something.

Not
that that’s how she remembered it.

Grace
pulled open the door leading out to the hallway and peeked her head out,
looking for Jamie. The coast was clear so she made her way to the pink,
Paris-themed bathroom she and Caroline had decorated as young girls. This place
wasn’t going to work for Jake—he hated pink. Another reason they couldn’t
stay here for long.

She
quickly brushed her teeth and ran a comb through her hair, trying to make
herself look decent even though she really needed a shower. That could wait
until after coffee, however. She needed to get Jake ready for the day while
finding a non-earth-shattering method of introducing him to his father.

As
far as Jake knew, his father was someone Grace had loved very much that ended
up not being the right person for her to be with. So they had gone their
separate ways.

She
knew the time would eventually come when Jake would want to know more, but she
had figured she had at least a few years to come up with something. She didn’t
want to lie to her son, and that’s part of the reason she had so thoroughly
lost touch with Jamie. She hadn’t kept any tabs on him, not because she didn’t
care or wasn’t curious, but because the more she knew, the more she would one
day have to tell Jake.

Now
she would have to tell Jake that his father wanted to be a part of his life and
hope that Jake was still innocent enough to accept that for an explanation. She
shuddered, imagining if this had happened five years from now, when Jake would
be about nine years old. He would surely be angry with Grace for keeping him
from his father all those years, and she would have no defense that would hold
up.

Still
in her pajamas but with fresh breath and combed hair, Grace poked her head into
Jake’s room to see if he was awake. He wasn’t there, but she heard the sound of
his laughter coming from downstairs.

Bracing
herself, Grace walked downstairs and into the kitchen. The scene in front of
her nearly took her breath away.

Jake,
still in his pajamas, was sitting on one of the tall kitchen stools holding a
mixing bowl and a dripping spoon. Jamie, dressed in gray sweatpants and a tee
shirt, was flipping pancakes in the air, making a show of it while Jake
laughed.

“You
have to get it really high in the air,” Jamie was saying. “That’s the trick.”

“That
one is bubbling,” Jake said, pointing to a pancake. “Flip it!”

“I
may need your help with this one, buddy. It’s pretty big.”

“I
can help,” Jake said with determination.

Jamie
guided Jake’s hand toward the spatula and together they flipped the pancake
high in the air. So high, in fact, that Jamie was unable to catch it, and it
landed on the floor.

Jake
roared with laughter, and Jamie smiled.

“Have
you ever heard of the five-second rule? We can still eat it.”

“I’m
not eating it!”

“You’re
right,” Jamie said, picking the pancake off the ground with a laugh. “We can
give that one to mommy.”

Grace
wanted to say something to announce her presence, but more than anything she
wanted to watch them interact for a little longer. Seeing them side-by-side, it
was impossible to deny that Jake was Jamie’s son. From their hair to their
eyes, smiles and noses, they were practically clones.

Her
heart ached for the time they had lost together.

“Mommy!”
Jake caught her eye and ran over to her, his smile as wide as she had ever seen
it. He wrapped his arms around her legs. “Mommy, I have a daddy!”

She
bit at her bottom lip, not knowing what to say. Obviously, Jamie had decided
not to wait for her before telling Jake.

Jamie
met her eyes, and she saw the defiance there. He was waiting for her reaction,
waiting to see if she would dare challenge his right to do what he had done.

She
didn’t say a word and plastered a smile on her face. “Yes, baby. You do.”

“I’m
so happy,” Jake said.

“Me
too.” She got down on her knees to give her son a hug, unable to look at Jamie
any longer.

“Now
I have a daddy and a mommy. I’m so lucky.”

Grace
just held the smile, feeling Jamie’s eyes on her. “Something smells good in
here. What are you making?”

“Pancakes.”
Jake broke free from her and ran back to his seat by the stove, where Jamie was
waiting for him, spatula in hand. “We’re making lots and lots of pancakes. Do
you want some? I already had two but I’m gonna have more.”

“I
would love some,” she said.

Grace
sat down on one of the kitchen stools and watched father and son finish the
last few pancakes. They had already gotten out the plates, forks and syrup, and
she couldn’t help but notice how messy the kitchen had become. She wondered how
long they had been together while she was sleeping. It couldn’t have been more
than a few hours, yet Jamie was already in full father mode.

He
had picked it up quickly, apparently.

Jamie
sat down next to Grace when it was time to eat. His nearness made her heart
beat faster, and she wished she didn’t have to pretend that everything was okay
when she had no idea where things stood between them.

Did
he regret making love to her last night? Would he leave, or would he stay a while?
Did he want to be in her life, or only in Jake’s?

The
uncertainty was killing her.

“Mommy,
you haven’t eaten your pancakes.” Jake was frowning at her, pointing his fork
at her full plate. “Don’t you like them?”

“I
love them,” she told him, plastering on her pretend smile. “You make wonderful
pancakes, baby. I’m just not very hungry.”

“Are
you sick?”

“No,
I’m not sick.” She took a big bite of her food to appease him. “Yum, delicious.”

Jake
smiled, satisfied. “My daddy says you love his pancakes. He said we should make
them special for you, because it would make you happy.”

Jamie
didn’t react, but her heart lifted. It was such a little thing, pancakes, but
maybe it meant that he still cared, that he didn’t hate her. “That’s very sweet
of you both.”

Jake
motioned Jamie toward him and put his lips to his father’s ear. He whispered,
but Grace could still hear him.

“Did
you give her the one that fell on the floor?” he asked.

Jamie
winked at Grace, lowering his voice to a whisper, too. “No, I thought I’d be a
gentleman and only serve clean pancakes.”

“Good,”
Jake said.

Grace
pretended she hadn’t heard anything.

“So,
Jamie, are you planning on staying today?” She tried to make her voice sound
nonchalant. “Jake and I were just going to do some more unpacking and go pick
up some groceries.”

“Yes,”
Jamie said. “I’ll be staying.” It wasn’t a question.

“Oh.”
Relief flowed through her veins. They had more time. “Well, Jake, we had better
get you dressed. Have you brushed your teeth yet?”

Jake
nodded. “Yes.”

“No,
you haven’t,” Jamie said, ruffling the little boy’s hair.

Jake
giggled. “Sorry, mommy.”

“That’s
alright, but no more lying. Go upstairs and brush your teeth, okay? I’ll be up
in a few minutes to check if they are done.”

With
a last look at his father, Jake ran up the stairs to do his mother’s bidding.
When he was gone, the air took on a new tension.

Grace
turned to face Jamie, not knowing where to start.

“You
told him without me? Why didn’t you wait?” She didn’t mean for it to sound like
an accusation, but truth be told, she was a little hurt. She would have liked
to be a part of that moment, there for her son if he needed her.

“Yes,
I told him,” Jamie said. “I’m not going to apologize for it.”

“You
didn’t want me to be there?”

“I
didn’t want to waste any more time. I want to be a part of his life, Grace, and
I’m going to be from this moment on.”

Her
hands were clasped tightly in front of her on the table, and he covered them
with his own.

“I
want to be a father to him,” he said.

“I
understand,” she said. “Still, you could have woken me up.”

“It
was something I had to do on my own.”

What
could she say to that? She would never understand what Jamie was feeling, try
as she might to put herself in his shoes. She would never know what it was like
to know that you had missed out on years of your child’s life. Jamie and Jake
would have to build their relationship as a father and son, and that would have
to take place outside of her.

“Was
he happy when you told him?” Graced asked. “Was he confused?”

“He
was thrilled.”

“But
what did you say?”

Jamie
squeezed her hands, trying to reassure her. “I went into his room to look at
him, and he must have heard the door open because he woke up. He asked me who I
was, and I told him.”

“Just
like that?” If she had been there, she would have been a lot subtler about it.
“You could have taken it slower.”

“No,”
he said, determination in his eyes. “I’m done taking things slow.”

“Okay,
okay. What happened next? What did he say?”

“He
didn’t say much. I told him that I had just come back into your life after
spending many years away from you, and I just found out that I had a son. I
told him that we were going to get to know each other, and that I would always
be there for him for the rest of his life from this day forward.” Jamie smiled,
and she saw for the first time how happy he was. “I told him that I love him. I
told him the truth.”

The
truth. Such a simple concept, yet it had failed her for so long.

“Then
he told me he’s getting a dog,” Jamie added, eyebrow raised. “He said you
promised him one.”

She
had forgotten about that. “Yeah, he was pretty upset when we left Virginia. I
did sort of promise him a dog.”

“We’ll
get him a dog, then,” Jamie said, as if it was the simplest thing in the world.