Irreversible Damage (Irreparable) (26 page)

“We’re having spaghetti,” Andrew tells Brady as he comes back from washing his hands.

I smile, noticing how much water he got on his shirt. I drain the noodles, thinking about what Gabe said at the studio about life being short. I understand exactly what he meant now. I never want to be away from Andrew or Brady again. Lost time isn’t something we can ever get back.

We eat dinner together, and then go down to play on the beach and watch the sunset. The sound of Brady’s and Andrew’s laughter fills the air and melts my heart. We go up to the house, and I give Andrew a bath. I read him a story about a rough-and-tumble cowboy who befriends a soft and fluffy poodle. He laughs as I read. I swear it’s a sound I could listen to forever. I pull his covers up and kiss his head as I tell him goodnight. As I’m closing the door to leave, I hear him call my name. I turn back to him.

He looks right at me, and through his father’s eyes says, “I love you.”

I melt as my heart bursts with joy. I swallow hard. “I love you, too. Goodnight, kiddo.”

“Goodnight.” He smiles before rolling on his side toward the wall. I close the door, reflecting how powerful those three words can be.

Brady’s on top of the bed when I enter the room. “You look happy,” he says as I crawl up the bed next to him.

“I am very happy.”

His smile mirrors my joy. “Me, too.”

I nestle in close to Brady with my head on his chest. His heartbeat in my ear lures me to sleep.  “He’s an amazing kid. Thank you for sharing him with me,” I say groggily as my eyes grow heavy and I drift into peaceful sleep.

Chapter 25

Tori

The next month flies by, and our lives fall into a steady routine. Andrew loves school and has lots of friends. Brady had paperwork drawn up last week, and I signed the documents this morning. Legally, I’m Andrew’s mother now. We didn’t tell him, and I’d never push him to forget about his real mother. He doesn’t call me Mom, and that’s okay. The paperwork is more peace of mind for Brady and me. Andrew and I grow closer ever day. I think he finally feels secure in the fact that I’m here to stay. I don’t have to promise as often that I won’t leave him. He no longer worries about his mother or if she’s coming back. When she comes up, I encourage him to tell me about her.  As hard as it is for me, I want him to remember her fondly. The happy memories with her are the ones I want him to treasure.

Second Chances finished up their studio work. The first single from the album is due to release at the end of the week. The following week they’re leaving on their first tour, opening up for another band that’s signed with the label. They’ll start with California, and if the single does well, then they might go nationwide. I have mixed feelings about being away from Brady for long periods of time, but the road is no place for Andrew. Brady and I both agree he should be home with me. We decide to Skype as often as we can. Harrison and Liv are due back from Tahiti this morning. I can’t wait to see them. Brady took Andrew clothes shopping because he’s outgrown everything so I could be here when Liv gets in. The only person noticeably absent from our lives is Tug. I know he’s avoiding coming home because he doesn’t want to see me. I’ve sent him several texts. He hasn’t responded. As much as I’m afraid to see him, I miss him and our friendship terribly. I hope once we talk, he’ll forgive me and we can go back to the way things were.

I’m about to start brewing a cup of coffee when I hear the front door. I flip the switch on the coffeemaker before sprinting to the living room. Liv smiles, setting her luggage to the side. I jump up and down before throwing myself at her for a hug.

“I’m so glad you’re home,” I squeal in her ear.

She laughs and releases our hug. “I’m glad to be home.”

I tilt my head, wondering if the trip didn’t go well. “That bad with Harrison’s parents?”

She gives me a strange look. “No, they were great. I had fun. I’m exhausted, though.”

I laugh, understanding how she feels. “Where is Harrison?”

She makes for the kitchen, and I follow her. “He went with his parents. I’ll pick him up later.”

“I made coffee.” I grab two mugs from the cabinet. “That should wake you up, and then you can tell me all about it.”

Liv sits at the island while I fill both mugs. The aroma hits me, and a wave of nausea ripples through my stomach.

I turn, and my gaze smacks into Liv’s concerned expression. “Tori, are you okay? You look a little green.”

“I’m going to throw up,” I yell to her on my way to the bathroom with my hand over my mouth. I sink to my knees in front of the toilet, holding my hair to the side. My skin burns as my mouth starts to water. My entire body shakes. With my next breath, I gag and violently vomit into the bowl.

“Oh, shit!” I hear Liv behind me. I turn and fall on my butt as I reach up for a towel to wipe my mouth. I think I’m done, though I still feel queasy.

Liv stands above me. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I don’t know what came over me.” I wipe the sweat from my brow. “As soon as I smelled the coffee…” Oh. I look up at Liv. She thinks it, too.

“Tori, is there any chance you could be pregnant?”

“Of course there is.” Oh, God. There is. When was my last period? I’m wracking my brain when Liv disrupts my thoughts.

“Wait here. I’ll be right back,” she says, leaving me along on the bathroom floor. I think back and remember how much I thought it sucked that I was due to start the same day as my first day at school. But I never did. Oh, God, no! My first day of school was three days after I was with Tug and five days before Brady came to get me. The math is what is. If I’m pregnant, it’s Tug’s. I lean over the bowl again, dry-heaving, the thoughts in my head not helping my retching stomach.

God, please let me have the flu.

Liv walks into the room, holding a pregnancy test. She tears the box open and holds it out to me.

I remove the foil wrapped test from the box. “Why is that you have a pregnancy test handy?”

She shrugs. “Harrison and I had a scare a while back. I bought, like, a hundred of them.”

I laugh, setting the test on the counter. “It only takes one.”

“Nope.” She laughs hard. “I took most of them until Harrison finally made me stop. Started my period the next day. Now it’s your turn.”

With no embarrassment that Liv is watching, I drop my shorts and sit down. I rip open the packaging and remove the stick. Liv turns away as I pee on it. She turns back as soon as I stop trickling. I set the test on the counter and finish up.

The two of us hover over the stick as though our lives depend on it. Mine does. What the hell am I going to do if it’s positive? Brady will never forgive me. I can’t lose him or Andrew. 

It takes about fifteen seconds for my fate to be decided. “Two lines. I’m pregnant, right?” I feel like I’m going to be sick again, but fight it off.

Liv holds up the box, confirming that two lines is a positive test. She looks giddy with excitement, while I feel all the color drain from my face. My heart feels like it wants to run away and hide. It hates me. Just when things are finally right, another obstacle is put in front of us.

“This is so great.” Liv is practically jumping up and down. “You and Brady get a second chance…Tori, what’s wrong?”

I’m numb. I have to tell her. I have to talk to someone before I break down. “I…I’m not sure if it’s Brady’s.”

I watch her face pale now. “Oh, my God! Who else did you sleep with?”

“It’s Tug’s,” I say flatly.

“What? ”

I look down letting the shame consume me. “We hung out in Minnesota one night when he was there for business. We drank too much and one thing…”

Her face scrunches together. “Don’t say ‘led to another’…so cliché.”

I look up at her and narrow my eyes. “I won’t say it, but that’s exactly how it went down. When it was over, I fell apart. The next morning we both regretted it and decided not to tell anyone.”

“I didn’t know Gibson had an office in Minnesota.”

I throw her an annoyed look. “That’s not really the point, Liv.”

“You’re right. It’s not.” She takes my hand and looks at me sympathetically through the mirror. “God, Tori, why didn’t you use protection?”

Oh, great. She wants to lecture me about condoms now. It’s a little late.  “It all happened so fast, Liv. I wasn’t thinking. After I got back, I meant to get on the pill, and I got so busy with Andrew, and I never did it.”

She stands, thrusting her hands to her hips. “Tori Preston. You are an idiot with a capital fucking ‘I.’”

“God, don’t you think I know that?” I make an annoyed sound and turn away from her. I don’t need a lecture. I need a friend.

“Did you tell Brady?”

I nod, turning back to her. “I told him I was with someone. I just never told him who.”

“Okay, so this isn’t that bad. At least he knows.”

My eyes bug out. “‘Not that bad’? God, Liv, it’s straight out of
The Maury Show
.”

“Don’t be so dramatic.” She rolls her big brown eyes at me. “Wait, that’s it. You just need a paternity test before you see Tug.”

I let out a nervous laugh. “Can you keep him away for the next nine months?”

She shakes her head. “You don’t have to wait that long. You can get a blood test at twelve weeks.”

I laugh and smile at her. “How exactly do you know that?”

She gives me a
duh
look. “
The Maury Show
.”

My palm presses into my forehead as I shake my head. “Oh, Jesus, Liv. Your source kind of sucks.”

“Come on.” She yanks on my arm, pulling me from the room. “Where’s your laptop?”

I follow her down the hall to the kitchen. “On the table.”

We sit at the table, and Liv opens my laptop. Her fingers tap away as my stomach twists and ties itself in a knot.

“See, look.” She turns the laptop toward me. I read about a “non-invasive prenatal paternity test,” which analyzes something called “circulating cell-free fetal DNA” in the mother’s blood to identify the daddy.  I don’t feel any better. I still have to tell Brady.

All of a sudden Andrew charges into the room. He leaps into Liv’s lap, throwing his arms around her. I quickly close down the web page and shut my laptop. I didn’t even hear them come in.

“I missed you, Aunty Liv.”

“I missed you, too.” She pulls her head back and looks at him. “Where’s your daddy?”

“He had to use the bathroom.”

Liv’s eyes grow wide as she stares up at me. My world feels like it’s crashing down around me. The pregnancy test is still sitting on the counter. There’s no way for Brady to miss it.

“Did you get me anything?” Andrew asks.

I hear the bathroom door open and then Brady’s footsteps coming toward the kitchen.

“I did get you something. Why don’t we go into the living room and find it in my suitcase?”

I shake my head frantically at her not to leave me. I turn to see Brady, holding the test in his hand, glancing between Liv and me. Liv nudges Andrew off her lap. “Come on, buddy. Let’s go get that gift.”

Brady’s gaze follows them out of the room. He walks over and sits next to me at the table. I smile uncertainly.

“Is it yours?” he asks timidly, holding the stick out in front of him. “Are we having a baby?”

Tears flood my eyes as I start to sob. He sets the stick down and pulls me onto his lap. His arms hold me against his body. “The test is yours.”

I can’t tell if he’s asking me or telling me.  I lift my head up, look into his eyes, and nod. His hand finds the side of my face. He wipes away my tears with his thumb.

“But you’re not sure if it’s mine?”

“I’m sorry.” I bury my head in his neck and cling to him tightly.

“Hey, I told you, no more apologies.”

“I’m so ashamed,” I admit as I lift my head to look at him. There’s love in his eyes, but I don’t deserve it.

He smiles reassuringly. “We’ll be okay.”

“What if it’s not yours?” My voice cracks. “Then what, Brady?”

“I admit, I’ll be disappointed, but I’ll love him or her just like you love Andrew, like my own.”

I smile as I sniffle. “You will?”

He squeezes me hard and gives me a chaste kiss. “Of course I will. I’m never letting you go again. I told you that.”

My brain feels like it’s floating as my thoughts mix together with relief and worry. “We can get a test in a few weeks. I’ll be far enough along.”

His brow knits together. “Is it dangerous?”

I shake my head. “No, it’s a simple blood test.”

“Okay.” He smiles and kisses me again.

“Brady, can we wait to tell anyone? In case something happens.” I nearly come to tears again as the lie spills out of my mouth. I don’t want Tug to know until I’m positive who this baby’s father is.

Brady nods his okay.

“Daddy, look what Auntie Liv brought me.” Andrew runs into the room with a stuffed shark. “Grrr…” Andrew sails the shark over Brady’s head.

“That’s a ferocious shark you have there.”

Andrew shoves the stuffed toy into Brady’s neck. “He’s going to bite you.” Brady plays along, shaking and screaming like he’s being attacked.

I watch them, nearly losing control of my emotions when I think about the eventual outcome of the paternity test. I’m almost positive this baby is Tug’s. The thought of what that will do to my family scares me.

Liv comes in, glancing nervously between Brady and me. “It’s fine, Liv,” Brady says for both of us. She runs over to Brady and hugs him.

His genuine happiness to be a father again causes a wave of guilt to hit me. If it’s not his, I’ll have to tell him who the father is, and then I’ll lose him for good. No matter how much we’ve been through, he’ll never forgive me or Tug. It’s not forgivable.

After Liv leaves to pick up Harrison, Andrew falls asleep on the couch. Brady and I look over the band’s travel calendar. As fate would have it, in five weeks, they’ll be in Southern California. I make a note to call my doctor in the morning and schedule an appointment for both a prenatal exam and the test that may very well cost me everything I care about.

Brady

I leave the band on their own for a few hours so I can visit Nate. I don’t know why I’m here when I don’t really have the time. I guess I need fatherly advice. As ludicrous as that feels, Nate’s my only source.