Is This Acid In My Applesauce?

Text copyright © 2013 by Josh Kraus

Illustration copyright © 2013 by Daryl Alexsy

All Rights Reserved

Josh Kraus

Chicago, IL 60607

http://www.IsThisAcidInMyApplesauce.com

Kraus, Josh, 1989 –

Is This Acid In My Applesauce? / by Josh Kraus; illustrated

by Daryl Alexsy

1st ed.

p.cm.

Summary: Is This Acid In My Applesauce? is a twisted tale

for grownups about a little boy who feeds his head with

more than just junk food.

ISBN 978-0-615-89740-0 (ebook)

[1. Monsters – Fiction. 2. Adventure – Fiction. 3.

Imagination – Fiction. 4. Humor – Fiction.

5. Illustration – Fiction.]

For the kid in all of us, and the parent in all of us, and the tacos in all of us.

CHAPTER ONE: Theo

“Mom
dad mom dad mom dad! Did you know that koala bears hug each other when they’re sad? Nah just kidding they poop and pee and fart like all the other animals!”

Theo rambled when he was excited, and today he was pumped to the max. His grandparents just moved into a new house, and apparently they bought a giant trampoline for him to play on. Yeah, a GIANT TRAMPOLINE!

But mom was driving
so
slow. Didn’t she understand? Out of all the things you could jump on, trampolines were definitely the bounciest. Way bouncier than hotel beds or pogo sticks or dad’s face.
I think when moms get older they forget to bounce on stuff. That must be why they drive so slow.
Theo was always smart for his age.

“Well hello there!”
Granddad said after Theo and his parents
finally
arrived.

“Just look at this handsome family,” Grandma added. “You in particular Mister Theodore.”

Theo always hated when people called him that, but he still gave Grandma and Granddad big hugs. He would give a million hugs for a jump on the trampoline.

“Where is it Grandma?” Theo asked longingly. “How high will it bounce me? Could I high five a bird? What kind of bird though? A space bird?”

Grandma laughed. “You’ll just have to find out. It's in the basement, but it's a mess down there so be careful.”

Theo started toward the stairs.

“NOT YET,” his mother’s voice boomed. “Do you remember what I told you young man?”

Theo sighed. “I need to help Grandma and Granddad unpack before I can play.”

“You can help put the books away,” Grandma offered.

Theo groaned.
Old people books.

“And the dishes,” Granddad said.

Old people dishes.

Grandma winked at him. “But I baked cupcakes ...”

Cupcakes? Cupcakes aren’t bouncy! Nice try Granny, but I won’t forget about the trampoline
that
easily.

I hope she remembered sprinkles though.

Sprinkles are awesome.

CHAPTER TWO: Curt & Deb

“Jesus Theo,
quit bouncing around back there!” Deb shouted as they swerved into the driveway. “This is how Bambi died!” Theo didn’t seem to hear her.

“Huh, that usually works,” Curt said. “The lure of a giant trampoline must be too powerful.”

“Why did you even tell him about the You-Know-What?” she murmured. “That’s like catnip for kids his age.”

“For the last time Deb, don’t compare him to a cat. Contrary to what the internet would have you believe, cats are the sociopaths of the animal kingdom. Theo’s more like a lemur, bouncing and swinging and-”

“Throwing his poop at the mailman?”

Curt sighed. “Give him a break. I feel like you’re forgetting all the times he
didn’t
throw his poop at the mailman.”