It's All Relative (42 page)

As he massaged her palm, he whispered into her hair, “I missed you, Jessie.”

Jessie’s heart started racing. She pulled away from his shoulder, and he lifted his head so she could move hers. They stared at each other, their bodies flush together, their faces inches apart. Kai’s tropical eyes searched hers. “I missed you…so much.”

Jessie swallowed; her throat was suddenly dry. She clenched his fingers with her hand, stopping the massage. Holding him tight, she whispered, “I missed you too, Kai. Every day.”

Exhaling, his forehead came down to lightly rest against hers. Shaking his head, he whispered, “It was so hard to be apart from you. Harder than I ever imagined it would be. I wanted to call you all the time. I wanted to see you all the time. It felt like nothing was really happening in my life, since I couldn’t share it with you.”

Jessie’s free hand came up to cup his cheek. “I felt the same way. I hated hearing about you through other people.” He pulled back to look at her; his eyes were sorrowful. “I wanted to hear your voice,” she whispered. “I wanted to see your face.”

Letting go of her hand, he reached up to touch her hair. As he watched the dark curls twisting around his fingers, Jessie dropped her hand from his cheek and ran it down his back. Pinching the end of a lock between his thumb and forefinger, he murmured, “I think about you. About…being with you.” His voice was low and husky, deep with desire.

Jessie’s breath hitched. She knew exactly what he was referring to. They shouldn’t talk about that, not here, not completely alone with very little chance of anyone interrupting them.
That
conversation would open too many doors that shouldn’t ever be opened. Kai peeked up at her face when she didn’t respond.

“I think about that night…that night we first met.” His eyes drifted over her features as his hand released her hair and touched her face. He ran a finger along her jaw line, then across her lips. “God, I think about it all the time. I can’t stop…”

Dropping his hand, he let his voice trail off. His eyes were sad and wistful as he returned his gaze to the fire. Jessie could see the struggle within him, his painful battle of wanting her and not wanting her. It was a war she was all too familiar with. He suddenly looked so lonely, staring into the flames with moist eyes. Jessie ached
for
him and
with
him, and she desperately wanted him to know that he wasn’t alone; she was just as deep in this turmoil as he was.

Tentatively, her fingers came up to his cheek. She gently turned his head, making him look her in the eye. “I think about it too. All the time,” she whispered.

Kai’s soft smile slowly became a frown. “I wish there was a way to go back.” He sighed and shook his head. “To go back to that night, when being with you felt…”

He looked down and Jessie smiled sadly. “When all it felt…was right?”

Returning his eyes to hers, he nodded. “Yeah.” There was so much painful honesty in his expression that Jessie almost couldn’t stand it. She wished they could go back too…but life didn’t work that way. You couldn’t un-know things
that
monumental.

Jessie ran her fingers through his hair, now dry after their romantic walk through the snow. Pulling him down, she rested their heads together again. “We can’t go back, Kai. We know now.”

He slowly shook his head against hers. “What if we just…forgot?” He whispered that so faintly, Jessie barely heard him. Her heart was hammering so hard she almost couldn’t hear her own thoughts. Did he mean what she thought he meant? Jessie pulled back to look at him; his eyes were downcast, he wouldn’t meet her gaze. To Jessie, that meant yes, he’d meant exactly what she thought he meant.

She cupped his cheek and forced his head up, making him look at her again; the move also brought their mouths closer together. “We can’t, Kai.”

Even though she was saying they couldn’t, with the heat of his breath on her lips, his body tantalizingly close to hers, and no one around to interrupt them, they could. They’d hate themselves afterwards, but with how much feeling was building between them…they definitely could.

Leaning into her, closing nearly every space between them as he rested his cheek against hers, he muttered, “I know.” His hand lifted to her shoulder, and began rubbing a circle into the worn fabric. “I just can’t stop…remembering.” With a sigh, his fingers left her shoulder and slowly started trailing down her chest. Jessie was sure her heart was going to explode it was pounding so hard, and her breath was already heavy with anticipation. She wanted him to touch her again, and she knew how horrible that desire was.

His breath was stuttered, like he was having trouble keeping it even. “I remember the sounds you made.” He whispered it, like he didn’t want to say it, but couldn’t stop himself. His breath brushing over her cheek, tickled her ear, and desire zipped up Jessie’s spine.

She sucked in a quick breath at his words, holding back the erotic groan she dared not make. As she closed her eyes, her fingers returned to his hair. Threading them through the soft strands, she grabbed a handful and tightened. Kai hissed in a breath, then spoke again, a little louder. “I remember your body…on top of mine.”

Jessie dropped her mouth open; just his words were making her weak. Pulling him closer, she buried her face in his shoulder. His wandering fingers finally came to rest over her nipple, his thumb gently swept across the peak, causing waves of pleasure to ripple through her. When he spoke again, his voice came out broken, choked with passion and confusion. “I remember your face when you came.”

Jessie groaned as she squirmed against his body. She could feel the tension coiling within her, begging for release. Just hearing him talk about it was driving her crazy. “Stop,” she gasped, her hand in his hair tightening, releasing, then tightening again. “Stop talking about it, Kai.” Desire surged through her in pulses, as she struggled to remember that it was not okay to want him. They couldn’t just forget who they were, no matter how much they wanted to.

She rubbed her lips against the warm skin of his throat, wishing desperately that she could kiss him. His fingers drifted off the edge of her breast, then fell to her hip. “I remember driving into you,” he murmured, his hand clenching her hip. “I remember coming in you…and it’s killing me, Jessie.”

His hand suddenly shifted. He ran his fingers up her loose shorts, just to the edge of her underwear. The proximity was too much for Jessie. With a low moan, she dropped her head back. He was going to bring her to release and he hadn’t even really touched her yet. It was so wrong. It was so right. He groaned as he pressed his lips against her neck. “I don’t see you as Jessica Marie. I see you as Jessie, my Jessie, and I want you. God help me, I still want you.” His ran his hand up the side of her hip and fisted her underwear.

Pulling back, Jessie grabbed his face with both hands. Bringing her lips so close they were almost touching his, she fiercely whispered, “I want you too. God, so much. What do we do, Kai?”

Feeling restless, unsatisfied, and confused, Jessie wanted him to turn her away
and
lie her down. His breath was heavy as he clenched and unclenched her underwear. She was positive he wanted to rip them apart, but he was stopping himself from doing it. After another painful second, Kai exhaled in frustration and pulled his hand away. “Nothing, Jessie. We do nothing…”

Disappointment flooded through her, overwhelming her reasoning. Do nothing? No. The ache buried deep inside her was too great to ignore. Jessie didn’t think she could “do nothing” anymore. It was too late. She needed him too much. She’d missed him too much. She wanted him too much…

Yanking his face back to hers, she made that connection that they both needed, that they’d both longed for. Her lips wrapped around his and groaning, he automatically began moving against her. They explored each other, and just like before, everything faded away but the electrifying sensation of the movement. As his tongue glided along hers, igniting her, nothing else mattered. Not any of the reasons she’d had to push him away, not any of the reasons he’d had to pull away from her. The only thing that mattered now was how much he meant to her and how much his touch enflamed her.

As his hands moved to her waist, frantically pulling her into him, hers trailed down his chest. Stopping at the edge of his shirt, she began lifting the fabric away from his body. Kai broke apart from their kiss when he realized what she was doing. Looking down, he paused only a fraction of a second before helping her remove his light shirt.

Jessie’s fingers trailed over his tattoo before drifting down his abdomen. His eyes fluttered at her touch and he leaned in to find her mouth. Between their passionate kisses, Jessie muttered, “I love your tattoo. I love that no one else here has seen it.”

Groaning in her mouth, Kai ran his fingers to the edge of her shirt. Achingly slow, he slid the fabric up her stomach. Jessie helped him once he reached her chest, and tossed the worn sleepwear over her shoulder. Reaching for his face, she brought his lips back to her mouth. Now that she had him, she couldn’t get enough.

His palm came up to cup her bare breast, his thumb running over her nipple. “I love the way you feel under my fingers,” he whispered.

Jessie allowed the erotic moan to escape her. There was no point in holding back now. Tilting her head to the side, she directed his mouth to her neck. Hissing in a quick breath, his lips and tongue stroked a tender spot in the crook near her shoulder. Jessie panted his name as fire shot through her. She tangled her fingers through his hair while he stroked her chest, squeezed her nipple. His lips returned to hers, his breath and movements filled with urgency. Lost in the moment, she drove her tongue through his parted lips.

Panting, he mumbled, “God, I love how you taste.”

Knowing he didn’t mean her mouth made the pulsing ache grow painful. She needed him so much. Her hands traveled down his chest. “I love the shape of you,” she breathed.

An erotic noise escaped his lips and Jessie knew he realized she wasn’t talking about his physique. His hand left her breast and grabbed a fistful of her hair. Twisting it, he sighed, “I love your hair.”

Kai gently pulled on it and Jessie sucked in a quick breath as bolts of electricity sizzled along her skin. Grabbing his face, she pushed their eager mouths apart so she could stare into his unbelievable blue-green gaze. “I love your eyes,” she whispered, her own hooded with desire.

With a sound very similar to a growl, he reattached himself to her lips; the passion in his kiss stole her breath for a few seconds. Groaning he uttered, “God, I love how it feels to be inside you.”

Dropping her head back, Jessie pushed her chest against his. Kai’s hands slipped down her hair to her back. He pulled her onto his lap, and hovering above him on her knees, she stared down at him. The firelight danced across their bodies as desire danced across their eyes. “I love how it feels when you’re inside of me,” she whispered, lowering herself onto his lap.

Kai groaned when their hips met. Jessie couldn’t believe how ready for her he was, nearly as hard as she was wet. She let that marvelous firmness press against her core, right where she needed it most. The teasing tension building within her was so unbelievable; Jessie couldn’t keep herself from groaning in pleasure. All she wanted was release. All she wanted was for him to give it to her. Over and over…

“Do want me?” she muttered, not even aware she was saying it.

With a ragged exhale, he rested his head against her chest, tantalizingly close to her breast. “Oh, God yes. Yes, I do.” His hands clenching her hips, he pulled her against him in a steady rhythm. Breathless, he muttered, “I want to be buried in you. I want to be consumed by you…”

“Oh, God…I want that too.” She lied back on the blankets, pulling his neck so he would come with her.

As soon as her back was against the floor, Kai lifted her hips and ripped off her shorts. Sitting back on his heels, he dragged his eyes over her naked body. Jessie could feel the heat from his gaze more than she could feel the warmth from the fireplace. As he pushed off his lounge pants, he shook his head at her. “I love how you care for me,” he whispered, reverently.

When the last of his clothing was discarded, he lowered himself over her. Holding himself slightly above her, he gave her a soft kiss. Jessie closed her eyes as his words washed over her. Partially reopening them, she ran her hands up his chest to his face. He was so beautiful. “I love the way you see me,” she quietly said.

Closing his eyes, he settled himself on top of her. Jessie could feel his hard body pressing against her, and she wanted to care about how disastrously far they were taking this…but she couldn’t. She wanted more. Kai ground his hips against her body as her fingers trailed along his ribs. His erection slid against the slickness of her and they both let out unrestrained groans.

Dropping his head to her shoulder, his hips continually pressing his ready body against the folds of her flesh, he whispered, “Stop me, Jessie…please…stop me.” His voice was strained, the ache in it palpable.

Tears in her eyes, Jessie shook her head. It was too late, far too late. She didn’t have the strength. “Kai…I can’t.”

He let out a fractured groan as they slid together. One small shift, that was all they needed. Kissing her neck, he muttered into her skin, “God, what you do to me…”

Jessie’s hands ran over every inch of his body that she could touch. She knew exactly what he meant by that. The fine line they’d been walking between friends and lovers…they were crossing it, right now. She couldn’t even bring herself to think of all the other lines they were crossing. Taboo lines. Lines that would normally be churning her stomach. But there was too much fire in her belly at the moment, and the ache between her legs was entirely too great. More. She needed more.

Jessie adjusted her hips when he rocked against her again, and they both froze when the tip of him slid inside her. “Oh God…you’re so warm, so wet, so perfect…” Kai’s voice trailed off into incoherent mumbling. Their bodies shook with restraint as they held that position, then Kai shifted his hips and moved to her side.