It's All Relative (44 page)

Standing up, Kai started pacing. Maybe Jessie had gone to Harmony and April’s room. Maybe she’d finally confessed to them that she had horrible feelings for her cousin. Maybe she’d told her friends she was in love with him. And he knew now that she was. She hadn’t said it, but he’d seen the look in her eyes as she’d said goodnight. She was in love with him, in the same sick, twisted way that he was in love with her. Kai wished she wasn’t. It would be so much easier for her if her problem was only that she was attracted to him.

But they were in love. Deeply in love.

Kai watched the clock as he ceaselessly roamed the room, wondering when she’d come back. He wished he knew exactly where she was. Even though his stomach felt like it had been turned inside out, he still needed to know she was okay. The window showed a dark sky outside, with movement in the inky black that suggested it was still snowing. Kai wouldn’t get through the night if he didn’t know if Jessie was out there or not. He needed to know she was safe.

As Kai strolled out to the lobby, he wondered where to go first. The lights were low since most of the guests were sleeping. It was pretty late, but the bars were still open, so Harmony and April might not even be back yet. Walking up to the glass front doors, Kai tried to peer out to the parking lot, to see if he could spot Harmony’s car. It was dark though, and the thick snowflakes obscured his vision. While he couldn’t differentiate between the colors of the cars in the dull orange parking lot lights, all of them looking varying shades of gray, Harmony’s had a wheel cover on the back and dark, bug deflector on the front. None of the vehicles he saw matched.

Sighing, he turned back to the lobby. If the girls weren’t back yet, maybe Jessie had somehow managed to get the front desk to give her a key, and had snuck into the room, waiting for them to come back. He had to know, and that meant, he needed into Harmony and April’s room. Determined to be the suave, sexy, flirtatious man who could get any woman do to anything he wanted them to do—which was going to be stretch for Kai—he started walking up to the front desk. He didn’t expect the girl who had checked him in earlier to still be there, but he was hoping her replacement would cave into a set of sea-green eyes. Eyes that Jessie loved.

Shaking that thought out of his head, he stepped up to the desk. It was empty, but a small placard proclaimed that the person on duty would be back in fifteen minutes. Kai sighed. They were probably using the restroom or grabbing a bite to eat and would be back soon, but he really didn’t want to wait. He needed to be doing something constructive. Not wanting to stand there, looking forlorn and dejected, he decided to wait in the common room.

Looking around the room full of empty chairs and tables, all surrounding a low-burning circular fireplace, filled Kai with a melancholy loneliness. Turning away from yet another fireplace, he looked around for the most comfortable chair in the place, so he could rest his aching body. He found it immediately and smiled when he did. The plush, padded chair looked like you’d sink into it so far, you’d have to be helped back out. Comfortably nestled into the chair was the woman Kai had been hoping to find. She was sound asleep, and her long, curly locks flowed over the arm of the chair as she used it as her makeshift pillow. Sighing and shaking his head, Kai fondly gazed down at his exhausted cousin. Her face was pale, her lips slightly parted as she released shallow breaths. Her cheeks were red and splotchy, like she’d fallen asleep crying. Kai hated that she had.

Kneeling before her, he brushed a strand of hair across her cheek behind her ear. She twitched at his touch, but didn’t wake up. “I’m so sorry, Jessie, for everything,” he whispered. Leaning over, he softly kissed her cheek. “I love you so much,” he said in her ear, knowing she wouldn’t hear it.

Jessie stirred and made a noise but didn’t say anything and didn’t open her eyes. Kai’s eyes drifted down her body, then he scooped her into his arms. He couldn’t leave her out here alone all night. It wasn’t safe, and Jessie meant everything to him. He couldn’t abandon her. Family didn’t abandon family.

Careful to not wake her, he lifted her up. She grumbled something under her breath and ran her arms around his neck, but she still seemed asleep. Pausing, Kai took a second to enjoy the feeling of her body in his arms, but that feeling was the source of
all
their problems. With a heavy sigh, Kai walked her back to their room.

He fumbled with the room key in his pocket, but eventually he got the door open and staggered inside. Kai was getting tired now, too, since she was safe and secure, and he no longer had to worry about her. Gently closing the door with this toe, he walked her to the bed. He laid her down, then removed her shoes and adjusted the covers around her. Jessie sighed in contentment, stretching before turning away from him and curling into a ball. Kai listened to her low, even breaths, happy that, for once, he could take care of her.

His hand trailed down her back for a second before he yanked it away. He couldn’t shut off his feelings for her. He couldn’t stop how much he loved her. And now that he’d had her, freely and soberly, he knew he would always want her. Swallowing a painful lump, he took a step away from her. There was no future for them. At all.

Mind made up, Kai grabbed the pen and the pad of paper sitting on the desk and wrote Jessie a note. He didn’t want her to worry when she woke up and found he was gone; he knew how awful it was to not know if the person you loved was all right. After finishing his note, Kai quietly gathered up all of his things. Once he was finished packing, he glanced back at Jessie’s sleeping body.

Knowing what he had to do, and knowing it would break both of them, made a tear roll down his cheek. “I’ll always love you, Jessie. Always.”

More tears followed the first, and he quickly opened the door and walked through it before his resolve completely left him. Walking to the front desk, he was relieved to see that the night person was back. She blinked sleepily, then opened her eyes wide when she saw a guest who was obviously checking out.

“Hello, sir…is there a problem?” Tilting her head, she seemed a little nervous about the prospect of having a disgruntled customer on her shift.

Swallowing back the bile of regret in his throat, Kai shook his head. “Um, no…I just…” He handed her the room key and his credit card. “An emergency popped up back home and I need to leave.” The woman smiled politely, but it was obvious she was relieved that she wasn’t going to be yelled at. Nodding, she took his information and started pressing buttons on the computer. While she worked, Kai pointed back down the hallway. “My cousin is still using the room tonight, so…don’t kick her out or anything.”

The woman gave him a comforting smile. “No problem, sir, you’ve paid through checkout tomorrow, so she can use the room until eleven.”

Kai nodded, wondering what Jessie would think when she woke up back in their room with Kai and all his stuff gone. Hopefully the note he’d left properly explained things. He wished he could explain in person, but it was better this way. For both of them. Sighing, Kai pointed at the phone on the front desk. “Do you think you could call me a cab? I need to get back to Denver.”

The woman paused while reaching for the phone. “Are you sure? Denver is a couple of hours away. That’s going to be an expensive cab ride.”

Kai glanced back at the hallway where his cousin—the love of his life—lie sleeping. Feeling like joy would never touch him again, he twisted back to the curious girl at the counter. “Yeah…I’m sure.”

J
essie’s eyes flew open. Her heart raced as foreboding flooded through her. Looking around, she tried to recall where she was. She didn’t remember falling asleep, but she was sure she hadn’t been lying down anywhere, and as her arms curled tighter around her legs, all she knew with certainty was that she was lying down.

Her hand stretched out to touch the heavy quilt on top of her and reason started to filling in the blanks of her memory. She was in one of the lodge’s rooms. But whose room was it? Dread washed over her in waves. Had a stranger carried her back to their suite…for who knows what? The rational side of her brain immediately told her that was ridiculous. Women who were absconded weren’t tucked into rooms in the same hotel where they were staying. No, if something nefarious had happened to Jessie, she would have woken up in the back of a van, gagged and tied.

Relieved that at the very least she was safe, she slowly sat up. In the early morning light of dawn, she could clearly see that she was back in her own room. Logically, that could only mean one thing: Kai had found her, picked her up, and gently put her to bed. She’d been so out of it, physically and emotionally drained, that she hadn’t even noticed her cousin’s loving attention.

Her cousin.

Her heart squeezing in pain, she looked around the room for him. They should talk about what happened. They should talk about what they were going to do next. Jessie was so torn on the matter, she felt like two different people. Half of her wanted to tell Kai that it was one of the greatest nights of her life. She wanted to beg him to forget everyone else, to forget all the taboos, and let the love between them grow unrestrained. The other half of her wanted to spend a good hour in the bathroom, scrubbing every inch of him off her. No matter how much they cared for each other, there was something intrinsically sick and wrong about what they’d done. The “ick” factor was too strong to ignore…or forget.

She’d made love to her cousin.

Jessie had spent a good chunk of last night crying—horrified over what they’d done, but mostly, aching. She wanted him, she needed him, she loved him…and he was just out of reach. Unobtainable. It was like a railroad spike had been wedged right in the middle of her heart. She couldn’t pull it out, and she couldn’t leave it in there. How the hell did they move on now?

As she finally noted the emptiness of the room, her uneasiness returned. Where was he? The space in front of the fireplace was empty, and the bag that had been tossed beside the table under the window was gone. Its absence alarmed Jessie the most. Had he left the lodge? Would he really take off without saying goodbye, without talking to her about what had happened?

Jessie shot up off the bed. Lamely, she searched every nook and cranny of the room hoping to find him, and hoping that if she couldn’t, it was only because he was out getting some coffee, and any second he’d walk back through the door. But all of his things were gone, and there was no trace of him left in the room. Even still, Jessie clung to the hope that he had just changed rooms, and he was still here in the lodge somewhere. Then she found his note.

She’d almost overlooked the pad of paper sitting alone ominously on the desk. But then she’d noticed the swirling handwriting splashed across the page, and stopped dead in her tracks. Letters left behind for people to find were seldom filled with good things. Jessie’s heart thudded in her chest as she tentatively approached the pad of paper. Scared of what it might say, she slowly began reading it.

My dearest Jessie,

I know it’s too little, too late, but I’m so sorry about last night. That shouldn’t have happened, and I promise you, it won’t ever happen again. I’m making sure of it this time. I decided to go home. I just couldn’t stay, and I’m so sorry for that. I wish you only the best, cousin. I’m going to miss you so much.

Love always,

Kai

So many things about the letter brought Jessie to the edge of panic. He couldn’t stay? He decided to go home? He was making sure last night never happened again? He was going to miss her? It all sounded so much more serious than him just going back to Denver. It sounded…permanent. Like he was truly leaving, like he was heading back home…to Hawaii. The thought of him giving up everything he’d built and worked for her, because of…her…it killed Jessie. It wasn’t right. He shouldn’t have to leave. They should be able to make this work…somehow.

Jessie tried calling him, to reason with him, to beg him to stay if she had to, but his phone went straight to voicemail. She opened her mouth to leave a message, but the words wouldn’t form. She needed to speak to
him
, not a machine. Knowing she couldn’t stay in this lodge a second longer, Jessie gathered up all of her stuff. She just couldn’t hang out while Kai was making plans to leave the state. And she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, that that was what he was doing. That was his solution to make sure they never crossed that line again.

Once Jessie had her skis and her bags, she strolled down the hall at a fast pace. When she passed the front desk, she paused. Would they know anything about Kai leaving? Even just knowing how long ago he’d left would help.
How much of a head-start did he have?
If the window was small enough, Jessie was positive she could catch him. At the front desk, an energetic man was chatting with a tired woman. She seemed exhausted, like she’d been up all night, but she still giggled at something the man said and playfully put a hand on his shoulder; the guy seemed clueless that the girl was flirting with him.