It's Only Temporary (25 page)

‘I’m sure. What do you need me to do?’

‘Interview em. Next Friday.’

‘My last day.’

‘Yeah,’ she said quietly.

I walked back to what I euphemistically called home after work and ostensibly tried to enjoy the warm summer evening. I told myself that my time here was coming to an end that the positives I had been hoping for were just around the corner. Despite this I was feeling unsettled and for once I knew why.

Frankie first time.

T
he guy who went speed dating simply to meet desperate women, why on earth was Stacy going out with him? Well more’s the fool her I decided despite this I could feel my anger rising.

‘Wotcha mate, lovely night innit?’ Alfie called. He was letting himself in as I approached.

‘Is it?’ I growled.

He looked at me,
‘Whoa there Nelly! What’s up pal?’

‘Women.’

‘What, a lack of or too many?’

‘Neither, they just drive you mad.’

‘Ok,’ he said closing the door again. ‘C’mon.’

‘Where are we going?’

‘Across the road.’

Sitting in the
empty bar of the Star Alfie asked what I wanted to drink, ‘Not bitter if it’s ok with you?’ I said remembering last time

‘Sure. Hey Ronnie, two Bud’s mate!’ he called.

Ronnie brought us two bottles of American beer, ‘Best get used to this mate, it’s all they drink over there.’

There were no glasses provided and I was initially appalled to see Alfie simply take a swig straight for the bottle. ‘Go
on, mate, try it.’ I hesitantly took a sip, the cold beer was just what I needed on this hot and frustrating afternoon. We sat quietly in the still empty bar and I found I was actually enjoying the drink and the silent company of Alfie. Drinking straight from the bottle seemed satisfyingly decadent, rebellious even

As I emptied the bottle Alfie said, ‘Another one mate?’ I nodded.
He ordered two more and asked ‘Like it?’

‘Yeah actually I do.’ I tried not to sound
too surprised but was not sure if I managed it.

‘Y’know sometimes it’s just good to sit in the sun with a mate and have a beer. Kind of puts the world to rights.’ I couldn’t argue
with him. How I had denied myself this simple pleasure was beyond me. ‘First time?’ Alfie asked.

‘What?’ I snapped. I could see he was shocked by my reaction. ‘Look Alfie, I’m sorry I didn’t mean that. It’s just something has ….annoyed me.’

‘What has?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Yeah you do.’ I looked at him quizzically.

‘Women?’
he asked. I nodded, ‘A woman?’ I nodded again, ‘Stacy?’ What was he a mind reader?

‘Yeah, how did you know?’

‘Oh I dunno, intuition I guess. So what’s up?’

I told him about her strange behaviour during the week and her decision to go out with Frankie First Time despite my warnings.  Throughout this he just sat there nodding, I even managed to include the offer from Mr Russell, it felt good to off load.

‘Sorry Alfie, I guess I just needed to talk about it.’

‘
That’s cool, it’s what friends are for.’

Friends? Not mates,
friends.
That was what he said and I suddenly realised that I considered Alfie as a friend, probably more so than I had ever done with anyone before.

‘Thanks,’ was all I could think to say.

‘No worries. You wanna know what I reckon?’

‘Definitely.’

‘You should go and see this mush at the Poly.’

I was not expecting that, seeing as we were predominantly talking about women, well Stacy
actually.

‘Ok, well err that’s not quite what I was expecting you to say.’

‘Nah, defo. Do it, it’ll give you something else to focus on. Stop you from getting yourself in a state.’

‘
A Distraction?’

‘Yep.’

‘Oh, ok. What the hell, why not?’ We touched bottles.

‘Course there’s the other thing you’ve got to ask yourself. About this thing with Stacy.’

‘What’s that?’

‘You jealous?’

Chapter 26.

Jealous? Was I jealous? I asked myself as I lay in bed. Despite my initial protestations to Alfie I kept coming back to the same question. No, I was not jealous I decided she just deserved better. That was all.

We had left the bar once people had started to arrive. Alfie had gone on to an “appointment”, I wondered what her name was this time. I had attempted to distract myself by searching for a memory stick from within the numerous pockets of my rucksack, although I couldn’t open it I knew there were several presentations stored on it which I could use when I was in Texas.

Trying to sleep had proved fruitless and on several occasions I had considered calling Stacy to try and get her to see the mistake she was making. However each time I reached for the phone I had heard Alfie’s voice in my head,

If you’re not jealous why is it bothering you so much?
As well as
Stacy’s a big girl, she can make her own choices.

He was right on both counts annoyingly; I did not know why I was bothered by her bizarre decision, it was her problem not mine. This didn’t help though and I eventually resorted to listening to the radio to distract myself. I woke up the following morning with the radio still on; I had fallen asleep listening to it.

It was Saturday, I had a week and two days to go. All I needed to do was focus on what I was doing and forget about everything else. Yes I would continue to help Kurt and Jade gather equipment for the youth club, yes I would interview the prospective new tutors and yes I would confirm with Mr Russell that I was going to attend our planned meeting on the bank holiday Monday. Other than that I was none committal, if she wanted to make a fool of herself then let her, it meant nothing to me I told myself.

I visited the Library and made sure the presentations on the memory stick were in order, Hank had not given me a subject so I was free to choose I assumed. At the worst I could give them a short list to choose from. Then I opened Mr Russell’s last email, did I go? Did I not go? Oh what the hell I decided. I told him I would be there.

‘Coming for a beer?’ Alfie called through my door later that evening.

I opened it and said ‘To be honest mate, no. I am just not in the mood for the Star.’

‘What about my pad? I’ve got some Bud’s in; you won’t have to tip it down the loo this time.’

‘You know about that?’ I asked.

‘Course I do, no one can neck a pint that fast.’

‘Ok, why not?’ this seemed to be my catch phrase at the moment, perhaps I was having the rebellious streak I never had as a child.

Sitting in Alfie’s flat I was able to take in the decor, he was obviously into big leather sofas, old heavy wooden furniture and artwork, lots of artwork. It made my place directly below look and feel like a squat.

‘Nice place,’ I said.

‘Cheers, I like it. So how did Stacy get on with her date?’

‘It’s tonight.’

‘Oh right. I guess the bloke will be trying to get his leg over a bit later then?’

‘Alfie!’

‘What?’

What indeed? I hated to admit it to myself but I was still brooding over the whole unfortunate episode, however I still was not sure why. At the end of the day Stacy should be able to conduct her own affairs without it making the slightest impression on me, so why did it affect me? Maybe it was because I had become attached to her? Yes that was probably it; I felt a sense of, what? Something I just couldn’t put a label on it which made me feel even more frustrated.

‘Oh I don’t know, I just don’t want her to make a mistake that’s all.’ I said.

‘What sort of mistake?’

‘The sort where she gets hurt I suppose.’

‘Yeah, gotcha. She could do better?’

‘Absolutely, that’s it. She could do better and I can’t understand why she doesn’t see that.’ It was almost a relief, no it was in fact a relief to clarify what was the root cause of my frustration.

‘Maybe she does see it.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘He paused as he took a swig from his bottle, ‘You gonna miss her?’ he asked.

‘Well yeah.’

‘You told her that?’

‘Of course.’ He looked at me sceptically. ‘Yes!’ I said, ‘She told me she was going to miss me and I said the same but that we could keep in touch via email.’

‘So no then?’

My mental Alfie-ism alarm started flashing, ‘Like I just said, yes!’

‘You say so,’ he said with a shrug.

Chapter 27.

Having left Alfie and returned to my flat I sat pondering his words. Had I told her I would miss her? Yes in a technical sense but Alfie had clearly been hinting at the fact that I perhaps needed to emphasise this is some way. I was in no position to argue, Alfie’s experience and understanding of women far exceeded my own and it was clear I had no real concept of what was going on in Stacy’s head.

Did she feel that I was in no way affected by having to say goodbye? How would she have come to that conclusion, it made no sense? Apart from the fact that I had always been planning to leave but had not initially told her. Maybe that was it? Was this why she had been so distant over this past week? Perhaps I needed to apologise again and ensure that she knew I was grateful for everything she had done for me, which on reflection was quite a lot I conceded. 

Fuelled by my ever developing impulsive rebellious streak and to some extent the beers I had consumed with Alfie I decided to clear the air with her, there and then. I was halfwa
y into my walk to her house when I remembered she was out on a date with Frankie First Time.

This caused my frustration levels to rise again. Typical! I thought when I need to tell her something important she is off out with some male model lothario, all she was doing was trying to prove a point. I was not sure what that point was but neither was she probably.

As my blood boiled my pace increased until I was almost there, well I may as well see if she is in now, I decided. Inexplicably a sense of hope arose in me; I was hoping she was there and that she hadn’t gone out with Frankie.

My God! I
was
jealous!

This was nonsense I told myself, she had shown me no romantic overtures what so ever and I was stupid for allowing myself to develop what was in effect no more than a schoolboy crush. Even if I was not going to
Texas there would be no possibility of us being together or Stacy wanting to be with me to be more accurate. But I was going so it was all academic anyway.

As I rounded the corner my heart soared when I saw Dolly parked in her usual space, this was ridiculous, stop it! I chided myself. Despite my annoyance with my own childish reactions I felt deflated when I could see her house was in darkness. No one was home as the curtains were still open, I decided to wait.

Why am I waiting? I asked myself. Yes I had a plan to tell her I was sorry for concealing my true intentions regarding moving on and to ensure that she knew I was extremely grateful for all she had done for me. But I knew that what I really wanted was to see that she got home ok, ideally without Frankie in tow.

I sat on a low wall across the road and waited.

As time passed my resolve slowly started to slip away and I convinced myself that it would be better to say what I needed to say in a more planned and considered manner, probably on Monday morning I reflected. So maybe I should just go home now? Well maybe in few minutes, just to see if she gets home ok I decided.

An hour and ten minutes later a taxi stopped outside her house, as the interior light came on I could see her in the back, alone. The sense of joy I felt was almost overwhelming and I had a sudden urge to run across the road to her, to do what exactly? I asked myself. She would simply think I was mad as I was not sure I could have formed a coherent sentence at that point.

I watched her go into her house and set off walking back to my room with a smile on my face. Yes I had a crush on Stacy; there was no harm in admitting that but only to myself of course. She had not brought Frankie home so I could bide my time and make sure I said goodbye correctly in a mature and refined way.