J Roars (9 page)

“This scar is your love. And it’s my love. J, I tried to live without you. I fucked someone else.”

Hold the fuck up. “What?” She fucked someone else? And she was telling me? What the fuck. I didn't even know how to process that. I pulled back from her, unsure why she was telling me this, or how I was supposed to act.

“Yeah. I did. And then I had a panic attack on a bathroom floor.”

Fuck. I didn't like the idea of her with someone else, but was I a total asshole because I was glad it went poorly? Yes, yes I was. I shouldn't want Elle to be having panic attacks, even if it was after having someone's dick inside her other than mine. Plus, this was Elle, my Elle, and if I stopped and thought about it, the fact that she was trying desperately to go on with her life, that she wasn't going to let anyone stop her from being happy—well, that was one of the many things that made me love her, that made her different from every other woman I'd known. Elle was the real deal Holyfield. She was strong enough to try and move on, and when one way didn't work, she tried another. The other being to go to school in Mexico. Really, who did that? Elle, that's who.

She asked me more about what I'd been doing. I told her about my time in San Antonio and that I'd stayed at a hotel between Monterrey and Ciudad Victoria, as well as a little house on the east side of Monterrey. I told her this with as much of her skin touching mine as possible. It was like I couldn't get close enough to her. She asked me some questions about Dig, probably trying to piece together who he was, especially after their not so friendly
encounter the previous day.

"
Dig has handled things on this side of the border.”

“By himself?”

“Naw, he’s got Son with him most of the time.”

“Who’s he?”

“Dig’s son,” I clarified.

“What’s his name?”

“Son.” I smiled at her, knowing she wasn't amused with my antics. “He is Dig’s son and the poor boy got nicknamed Son. I’d have to think real hard to remember his real name. Haven’t heard it in years.”

“How long are you going to stay here? In Mexico, I mean?”

“I planned to stay at least until after the first of the month when Burns didn’t get his drugs. Then I was going to make a new plan of action from there based on what the brothers in Missouri told me. But now,” I said, pulling her closer to me, “I may stay longer.” With that I flipped her over, ready to stop talking shop. I needed to be inside her.

“What about killing Burns? I mean, not that I want you to, but I thought you were all hell bent on it?”

“I was. But seeing you, having you, touching you—I could give a fuck about Burns so long as the asshole dies, and Fret would be just as happy to avenge Ratchet’s murder as me.”

"Who's Fret?"

"One of my brothers."

She wrapped her legs around me even tighter, and I'm sure she could feel how hard I was for her.

“Well, I’m here ‘til Christmas. You wanna kick it in Mexico with me?”

“I wanna kick it with you wherever you are—forever.”

Elle did this thing where she pulls my boxers down with her feet and her toes. It was oddly sexy, as was the fact that she didn't shy away from taking charge and pulling herself on top of me, burying my cock inside her soaking wet pussy.

“Forever,” she moaned. That was it, no more slow kissing, ear suckling, and gentle touching. I flipped her onto her back. She wrapped her arms around me, and I sat up enough to pull her off the bed a few inches. I slid my arms under her back, cradling her head in my hands. Her legs were around me, but I maneuvered her so that her legs were together, her calves laying on mine. I built a cage around her with my body, watching her submit to me, making her vulnerable, something that wasn't easy for either of us except when we were together. I'd never met a woman I'd bared so much of myself to, and I'm sure she'd say the same.

At that moment, she wasn't saying much of anything, more so moaning and making sounds there were no letters in the alphabet for. God, I wanted to own every inch of her, and in those few minutes while she was in the cage that was my body, she was mine, all mine, and only mine. Those whimpers coming off her lips were mine. The twitching of her pussy was mine. Her first, second, and third orgasm—all mine.

I shoved my hands into her hair, pulling and pushing my cock in and out of her, something I wanted to do all day long. Her limbs were limp beneath me having lost control of them amidst the multiple orgasms she'd had. I shoved my face into her hair and inhaled the scent that was uniquely hers. Shit, I was close, I could feel my dick throbbing inside her. I was gonna blow any second, and it was sure to be explosive. I'd been away from her for too long, jerked off to her picture too many times, and had the image of her face in my mind every moment, every second.

“My sun. My light. My life,” I moaned, shoving my face into her neck as I felt the first drops of liquid explode from my cock inside of her. “There’ll never be another one for me than you. You are my sun. My one. My only.”

“My darling Bear,”
she murmured. “I think it’s always been you.” 

Good lord, hearing her call me Bear made me ready to do it all over again. Instead, we both passed out from exhaustion. It wasn't just the sex that had taxed us, it was the strength of emotion the sex was laden with. This wasn't a casual fuck. It was a connection so intense that it
knocked us both out, only waking when Elle's stomach demanded to be fed.

Press Play

I've only known bliss with Elle. I didn't think it was a real word actually. I thought it was like utopia, a word we made up for something that isn't really attainable. Elle made bliss attainable. In the park, watching taco meat fall out of her taco, out of her mouth, all over her shirt, that was my bliss. She was a spiller, and I loved her spiller ass.

The fact that she didn't correct my Elvis song was bliss, dancing around the park plaza like two idiots was bliss. Every moment with Elle was so simple, so easy.
Despite the fact that we were in the middle of a shit storm filled with drug cartels, angry wannabe MC presidents, and all kinds of violence, Elle and I managed to act like fools, and love every minute of it. That's what she did to me. She made me feel like I didn't have a care in the world other than her happiness, and for a brief moment she was happy, and therefore so was I. We were the definition of bliss. I wanted to freeze the moment, to spend eternity dancing around the park with her to my off key rendition of an Elvis classic.

The universe had other plans.

I was off my game, lost in Elle when the SUV rolled up. Under normal circumstances, we both would have seen it coming, but we weren't under normal circumstances. Bliss isn't normal, right? Were we taking our bliss for granted? Were we too happy? Was that why I was firing shots at two men who sped away with my girl? Was I such a monster the universe felt I wasn't deserving of that much happiness?

It happened so fast. One minute we were living utopia and the next I was running as fast as my feet would carry me, making a spectacle of myself in the middle of a public park. Was it a good idea to bust a gun out of my ankle holster and shoot at a car in broad daylight?
No, but I didn't give a fuck. I was still holding my gun as the car sped off and I dialed Dig's number.

"Get over here with the Crown Vic. Now! They've got her!" I shouted as soon as Dig answered the phone. I was running back to Elle's place.

"What the fuck, brother. Where are you? What's going on?"

"I don't know. We were at the park and a black SUV rolled up and took her." I was pan
ting as I spoke. "Just get here."

I heard him starting the car. "Where are you now?"

"Headed to her place. I was shooting in broad fucking day light. You gotta get here. I can't get back into her place, but I don't have any other place to go."

"Elle's place?"

"Yeah."

I heard Dig peeling out as he yelled back, "Stay put. I'll be there soon. Don't let anyone see you. You have to stay hidden, brother."

I was crouched behind a dumpster in the back of Elle's apartment building when Dig rolled up. He must've sped the whole way as it felt like I'd barely hung up with him. I jumped in the car before he even came to a complete stop.

"You put the tracker on her phone?" Son asked from the back seat, a laptop in propped on his knees.

"Yeah. Last night while she was asleep. Can you find her? Tell me you can fucking find her." I was crazed, a feral beast ready to pounce, I just needed my prey.

"Turn left dad, they're hitting the
autopista
. We need to catch them before they get on it."

"The
autopista
?" What the fuck was that?

"The
toll road," Son answered. "Weren't you listening when Isabel explained the freeway system?"

"I think you've been the only one paying attention to her lessons, son." Dig joked, making the left turn.

"Jokes? You got fucking jokes? My girl is in an SUV with a bag on her head, two men taking her God knows where and you're fucking joking?"

"Easy, brother. We'll find her." Dig was calm. I realized it was his thing,
even if I was the antithesis of calm.

"They're about four miles ahead of us. Can you catch up?" Son asked.

Dig didn't answer, instead putting the pedal to the floor and swerving through traffic.

"Shit, turn here. Now!" Son yelled. We were all thrown to the side of the car as Dig made a sharp left onto a side road. The SUV was slowing down and swerving.

"Why are they slowing down?" Son asked, like I had an answer.

The side road was void of cars, save a few beaters driving at what seemed like
a snail's speed. I could see the SUV ahead and leaned out the driver window. I aimed at the tire and fired off three shots. As the SUV spun out due to the flat I'd created, I prayed Elle was safe inside. The vehicle came to an abrupt stop and I heard shots fired from inside the vehicle.

I leapt out the window of the C
rown, my gun trained on the SUV. I approached the side and opened the back door to find a man on top of Elle. She had her hands wrapped around his forearms, trying to push the gun away he had pointed at her. I didn't think. I didn't stop for a moment before I held my own Glock up and shot him in the back of the head. He fell forward onto Elle. I barely let him fall before I was hauling him off her body, pulling her against me. She stood frozen, not hugging me back, but just standing there. I stepped away and noticed rope around one of her wrists. She was fingering it, trying to get the last knot off so she could slip it off her wrist all together.

I let her go, my
heart still racing like it was the lead car in the Indy 500. Looking around, I remembered there were two guys

"The other one. What happe
ned to the other one?" I asked.

"He'd dead."
She slipped the rope off her wrist and let it fall to the dirt.

All the adrenaline pumping inside me came to a crashing
halt at her words.

"You killed him?"

"Yes." There was no emotion in her voice. We were standing outside of the vehicle, the man I'd shot lying in the back seat. My head finally cleared enough to make me think to look further inside the car. I was unprepared for what I saw, the driver laying across the steering wheel, a knife in the back of his neck. Elle followed my eyes to the front seat. "Get my knife." She wanted her knife?

I stepped over the body in back
seat, grabbed the knife out of the driver's neck, and wiped it on the shirt of the dead guy in back.

"Come on." Dig yelled from the Crown Vic. Everything had happened so fast, Dig and Son barely had time to get out of the car and make their way to the SUV. Upon surveying the damage, Dig ordered us back to
the Crown. He took the wheel again, Son got in the front, and I ushered Elle into the back seat with me.

She got in and put her hand out. I looked at her unsure what she wanted. When she pulled a leather sheath out of her purse, I rea
lized she wanted the knife back. Her knife, the knife she killed a man with. Shit.

"Where did you get this?"

She didn't answer me, instead telling Dig, "Get us out of here."

"Son, get Jorge on the phone. Tell him we've been compromised and need a new location."

Son's fingers flew across the computer screen while he spoke into the phone. He was talking and typing at the same time, hopefully finding us somewhere safe to go while we figured out what the fuck just happened and who the hell was after Elle. Were they after her, or was it to get to me? Fuck.

"We'll need a clean up crew as well. I'll send you the coordinates," were his last words before he hung up. "Take a left at the next cross street, and settle in. We're going to Ciudad Victoria."

As Son gave Dig directions, I held Elle against me.

"You're shaking," she said.

"You're not," I pointed out.

Those were the only words we spoke for the next two hours. Son took us on back roads to another
quinta
, one outside of Ciudad Victoria where we'd spent our first night in Mexico. No one lived there permanently, but rather it was a safehouse for the Zetas, off the beaten path. It was no more than a shack on an empty ranch. We pulled the car around back, although there wasn't much to hide from. It was one of those roads no one went down unless they had a house on it, and the only house was the one we were pulling up to.

We all got out of the car and headed inside, Jorge already there and waiting for us.

"What the hell happened? You guys aren't supposed to be making scenes.
Cual es tu pinche pedo?
You'll fuck this all up with your motorcycle club bullshit.
Pinche gringos que no saben nada y traen un chingo de
broncas con ellos
."

I didn't need to understand the Spanish to know he was pissed, but it wasn't MC
brothers who took her. Last I checked, I was the darkest member in MM.

"They were Latino." We all looked at Elle. "He had a scar. Here," she said
dragging her finger down her cheek.

"The guys from the bar," Dig chimed in.

"
Perdón
?" Jorge asked us.

Dig told Jorge about the guys who'd followed us at the bar in San Antonio, and it appeared followed us to Mexico.

"Fuck. I gotta get
El Jefe
on the phone."

"You got someplace we can clean up?" I asked Jorge.

"Bathrooms in the back. Get changed and I'll have Beto come get the Crown. He'll bring you a new car and a new location."

"You go ahead," I told Elle. Once she was out of earshot I turned to Jorge. "Who would do this? Why would they go after Elle?"

"
No sé
. I'm not sure. I'll see what I can find out though. I'll arrange for some clothes at the new place. Burn the ones you're in."

"Shit, my cut. It's at Elle's. Can you get it?"

"Your cut?" Jorge asked.

"Look man, I know you don't get it, but that cut means more than I can explain. I'll pay you whatever to get it from her place."

"
Chingow
," Jorge sighed. "Let me see what I can do."

I went in back to the restroom. Elle was wiping her face off with wet toilet paper. She was covered in blood from the guy I shot. She looked lost in thought, wiping the same spot on her neck over and over.

"What happened back there?" I asked, coming up behind her. She jumped as I put my hands on her shoulders. "Sorry."

"No, it's OK. There aren't any towels. I looked under the sink. Just toilet paper."

Fuck, she wasn't all there. I didn't know where her head was, but I needed to get her back to the here and now, even if the here and now sucked.

"Stay here." She nodded at me. Her eyes were clouded over, like she had no idea what she was even nodding about. I went out to find Dig on a burner phone and Son on the laptop.

"Lemme get your hoodie, man," I asked Son. He shrugged out of it and I went to the kitchen, scavenging through the drawers. I found a towel and a plastic Wal-Mart bag. Out in the middle of nowhere Mexico, and I was holding a Wal-Mart bag. What the...

I went back to find Elle in the restroom, no lo
nger wiping her face with a wetted wad of toilet paper, but just standing there, staring off into space. I made noise walking in to alert her to my presence and not startle her again.

"Hey. I got some stuff. Take your shirt off and put it in this bag." I held it open for her and she deposited her top in it. I tied it up and set it on the ground. Next, I wet the towel I found and began wiping the blood from Elle's skin. It
had dried in her hair, on her neck and part of her face. I wasn't sure where we were going, but for now I was doing my best to help her.

"Do you want to talk about what went down in the car?" I asked this while gently wiping her face clean.

"They realized you were following them and started fighting in Spanish. I think about whether to take the
autopista
, but I didn't understand all of it. The guy with the scar was driving and he did a shitty job of tying my hands. I got one free."

She stopped. Was I the only one who wasn't hip to this
autopista
thing? "And?" I prompted her.

"One of ya'll shot the tire, they started to flip out, ignoring me, and I stabbed the driver. The other one got on top of me and I was wrestling him for the gun. He was only, like, five and half feet tall. I think I weigh more than he does. ...did. Then you came. You know the rest."

She said it without emotion. She wasn't sad, angry, excited, freaking out. Just... nothing. She said it all staring at the floor.

"Why did you stab the guy in the neck?"

She finally looked up, her eyes still empty. "It's the only way to kill them."

"What?"

"Griffin told Leigh it's the only way to kill them."

What was she talking about? "Who are Griffin and Leigh?"

"Characters in Slow Burn."

"A book?"

"I—I didn't know... I didn't know what to do. I stopped thinking. I just did it." Her voice started to rise. "I was trying to figure out how to get out of the ropes. Once I did that, I tried to figure how to get out of the SUV. I had the knife Fernie gave me. When you shot the tire out and shit got crazy, they forgot about me. I think. All I could think of was Griffin and how he told Leigh she had to cut their necks, so I fucking did it. I fucking killed him. He's dead, right?"