Jesus Lied - He Was Only Human: Debunking the New Testament (18 page)

The bigger question for me, however, is considering that the proclaimed Son of God is said to have spent the best part of thirty-five years on earth, what did he really accomplish in that time? Six of his thirty-four miracles were wasted on healing people that he believed were possessed by demons. An illness mistakenly diagnosed for centuries until Louis Pasteur discovered the Germ Theory for disease. Which means, effectively, that Jesus spent 15% of his magical powers on healing people with, most likely, the common cold. It really is an absurd notion that the spawn of the Prime Mover would have no knowledge of bacteria.

Philosopher David Hume argued against the plausibility of miracles in framing the argument into four concise points:

In regards to point 4, that is unless, of course, you lack intellectual curiosity and critical thinking skills. Or suffer long term brain damage from a horrific waterskiing accident involving a telegraph pole positioned a little too close to the water’s edge.

Voltaire, the eighteenth century French enlightenment philosopher, Voltaire, illuminated the vast number of religiously claimed miracles, miracles that are shared across neighboring faiths, when he wrote in
Miracles and Idolatry
:

It’s pertinent to point out that the age of miracles died when the last of the prophets and sages died more than millennia ago and before the advent of 24/7 cable newswires. We simply don’t witness the suspension of nature anymore. That all ceased with the invention of recording equipment such as cameras. Put in another way, the camera killed your god!

Christopher Hitchens examines the probability that what you believed you witnessed actually did defy the laws of nature:

The arrest of Jesus is a pivotal event in the Gospels, as it ultimately leads to the crucifixion and resurrection, and, at least on the surface, it’s a well-known story. In Christian theology, the events from the Last Supper until the death and resurrection of Jesus are referred to as The Passion.

Most know that Jesus had instructed his disciples to prepare a meal for the Passover, a meal that is now referred to as the Last Supper. This final meal was the last Jesus would share with his dozen followers. In an act of betrayal by his beloved Judas Iscariot, an act prophesized by Jesus during the Last Supper, the Roman soldiers and Jewish Priests are led to the Garden of Gethsemane where Jesus and his men have camped for the evening.

Every year, just before Easter, the Chief Rabbi in Rome goes to the Vatican and presents an ancient, and by now quite tattered envelope to the Pope. The Pope inspects the envelope, shakes his head, and hands it back to the Chief Rabbi, who then departs.

This has been going on for nearly two thousand years. One year recently, it happened that there was a new Pope and a new Chief Rabbi. When the Chief Rabbi presented the ancient envelope to the Pope, as he had been instructed to do by his predecessor, the Pope looked it over and handed it back as he had been told to, in turn, by his predecessor ... but then the Pope said, “This is an unusual ritual. I don’t understand it. What is in this envelope?”

“Damned if I know,” answered the Chief Rabbi. “I’m new here myself. But, hey, let’s open it and find out.”

“Good idea,” said the Pope. So together, they slowly and carefully opened the envelope. And do you know what they found? The caterer’s bill for the Last Supper!

The Synoptic Gospels report that Jesus predicted his execution on several occasions throughout the course of their respective writings. The first time we learn of this prediction is in chapter eight of Mark:

The final sentence of this passage is an interesting choice of words. It implies that Jesus “spoke plainly” about his impending doom, suggesting he is not only comfortable with the idea but also understanding of the meaning of his death. Moreover, Jesus uses the phrase “I
MUST
suffer” indicating certain events
must
take place to fulfill God’s pre-determined fate for him.

His arrest
must
be one of those events, for without the arrest of Jesus there’s no trial; without the trial there is no crucifixion; without the crucifixion there is no resurrection; and without the resurrection there is no Christianity. As we’ve demonstrated again and again, in chapter after chapter, the Gospel accounts are,
again
, not only inconsistent with one another, but they also present irreconcilable discrepancies.

In Mark, we are told that the disciples ask Jesus, on the first day of the Feast of Unleavened Bread, where he would like them to begin preparations for the Passover. Jesus gives them the directions to a man they must meet in Jerusalem, who will lead them to a guest room in his house:

Later that evening, Jesus and his disciples feasted on the customary lamb. Then, with their bellies full and with a satisfied air filling the room, Jesus reclines back on his chair and makes a shocking announcement:

The disciples are stunned by this revelation. One or two of them protest their innocence, and others demand to know who among them is a traitor. Jesus offers a cryptic reply,
“The one who dips bread into the bowl with me”
. He then delivers a promise of vengeance as forewarning, again contradicting his supposed forgiving and compassionate persona:

As a matter of later relevance, you see here that Jesus and his disciples are enjoying their meal in the evening. This is now the day of the Passover. The Passover is the Jewish holiday that celebrates God’s holocaust of all first-born boys in Egypt as a means to help his chosen people escape from that nation, documented in the Book of Exodus (but for which there is no supporting evidence for, despite the meticulous record keeping of the Egyptians).

We then come to the infamous denial of Peter. As the wine flowed, Jesus became increasingly accusatory, as often drunkards do. Eventually he turned his indignation towards Peter, reciting the prophecy of Zechariah 13:7:

Jesus, using this Old Testament prophecy, predicted that as a result of tough times ahead, his weakest followers would disperse into the night so as to save themselves. Naturally, Peter firmly denies this could ever be true and replies:

Jesus kept on the offensive however, and countered Peter’s defense testimony:

This is in contrast to Mark’s account:

One could argue that there is actually no logical difference between saying ‘before the cock crows once or twice’. In this instance, however, there is, because the cock does actually crow twice, which makes Matthew’s testimony invalid.

Naturally, the dinner ended on a somber note and Jesus led his disciples, later that same night, to a town called Gethsemane. Once there he displayed his concern that the end was near for him:

However, his disciples were tired and were unable to stay awake in order to stay on guard from the enemies that Jesus believed were assembling against him. But how many times did Jesus find his disciples asleep?

Mark: Three times.

Matthew: Three times.

Luke: One time.

John: No mention of this.

As dawn approached, his disciples remained asleep, only to be awoken by Jesus’ sudden declaration:

As Jesus continued speaking, the doors flung open and armed Roman soldiers and mercenaries sent by the chief priests, stormed the house where Jesus and eleven of his disciples had setup camp for the evening. The armed assailants were led by, as predicted by Jesus, Judas Iscariot. Judas had pre-arranged a signal with the would-be captors and foretold them:

According to Matthew only, Judas stepped towards Jesus and pronounced,
“Greetings Rabbi!”
before planting a kiss on Jesus’ cheek. The now infamous ‘Judas kiss’.

What does John say? Well, with far less dramatic effect, John makes no mention of a kiss, as he writes that Judas’ part in this coup was only that of leading the arresting officials to the house. Once there, Judas merely
“stood amongst them”
. Luke writes that Jesus anticipates a kiss but no actual kiss is mentioned.

It is very unclear why the Gospels needed to include the story of a betrayal, other than so a few more prophecies could be fulfilled. The Pharisees, Jewish elders and Romans did not require such a betrayal, however, mainly because, given the charges, Jesus could have been arrested any number of times. Jesus’ identity, at least according to the Gospels, was hardly a secret amongst the religious authorities of the time, so why, then, is the ‘kiss’ required?

Moreover, why vilify Judas? If Jesus had to die to fulfill his God sent responsibilities, then someone was required to play the part of betrayer and ensure that Jesus was arrested. In this sense, Judas played that role perfectly for his master and as such, it is a role that God ordained himself. So again, why was Judas being punished for the defining role that proved he divinity of Jesus (i.e. the resurrection)?

Further revealing to the Judas mystery - the discovery of the Gospel of Judas in an Egyptian cave in the 1970s. This Gospel begins with the words:

The latter stages of the text say,
“you will exceed all of them. For you will sacrifice the man that clothed me.”
This suggests that Jesus let Judas in on his plan to have him arrested, and that he needed Judas to play the part of betrayer. Naturally, Christians take offence to this suggestion as it contradicts Mark’s gospel that quotes Jesus as allegedly saying:

So, whom do we believe? Mark’s gospel is no more credible than Judas’, and Luke’s is no more believable than Thomas’. Therefore, Christians are left ultimately with a need to cherry pick the bits and pieces that they like the most. With that said, at the end of the day it’s all hearsay. All of it hearsay, that simply doesn’t corroborate with any external (non-existent) or internal (completely contradictory) sources!