Jia: A Novel of North Korea (6 page)

I could feel my grandfather's and grandmother's faces
suddenly go stiff. And my sister grabbed my hand with such
force that I yelped with pain. I didn't know why his answer
provoked such a reaction; I knew my country was called
North Korea. But it seemed that I was the only one who
couldn't really figure out the meaning of what he said, and
nobody explained it to me. Feeling an ache in my fingers,
I cried out to my sister, "Ouch! You're killing my fingers!
Why are you doing that?"

My grandfather became animated and nervous, and he
turned to Grandmother and said, "Why haven't you cleared
the table? He is already finished."

She stood up hastily, grabbing the dishes. "Right, what
am I doing? Dying is what the old do best," she said-a
typical elderly Korean response.

My sister started to help, but with a serious face Grandfather ordered us to bed. "It's already late. Sleep!" My sister
unfolded a blanket in the corner of the room, hanging her
head, but still stealing glances at the soldier.

Grandfather said to the stranger, "Let me know when
you want to leave."

The man replied, with consternation, "I will not hurt
your family. Anyhow, I'm in North Korea now. And I'm not
trying to decamp. I'll go back to the unit-it'll be okay."

The soldier and my grandparents stayed up all night,
talking. I tried not to sleep, forcing my eyes open wide.
I wanted to hear what they were saying. I sat next to the
stranger, propped up against his knee, but my eyelids grew
heavy, and at length I fell asleep there. I heard him say he
had come to North Korea a year before, on a deep-sea fishing vessel. The ship was fishing close to Chinese waters;
what they ran into was not abundant fish, but an armada
that glittered with a strange light. More than ten Chinese
soldiers boarded his ship. According to them, his ship had
violated international law. All the sailors, including him,
were taken to North Korea that night. There, he and his
comrades were forced to attend ideology classes and military training in the mountains where we lived. During the
maneuvers, he became lost.

When I opened my eyes again, it was already morning.
The soldier was gone. I was lying next to my grandmother, who was about to leave for the camp. I got up in a flurry
and demanded, "Where is he? Where did he go?"

"He already left. Your grandfather sent him off. But he
said he'll come back."

I waited for the soldier for several days, but he didn't
return. He was the first visitor to our house, and his arrival
had stirred a strange excitement in me; his accent was so
new and curious.

Several days later, at night, he returned. As with his first
visit, we heard a cautious knock at the door. I jumped for
joy at seeing him again, and leaped into his arms. He smiled
broadly.

He visited our house several times but never could stay
long. It was strictly prohibited for him to be absent without leave. He sneaked out of his guard post and came to see
us, sometimes bringing army food for my sister and me. I
always cried when he left. I wasn't sure whether I would
see him again.

Whenever he visited us, my grandparents and he always
discussed North Korea and South Korea. It was hard to understand what they were really saying; they spoke in such
soft voices and used words I had never heard before. My
grandfather never showed his feelings on his face, but it
was easy to see how happy the soldier's visits made him.
Grandmother said he was about my father's age and had a
seven-year-old girl, the same age as me, in the South. Perhaps I reminded him of his daughter. He always propped
me on his knee while he was in my house, checking on my
studies. I took to calling him Uncle Shin, a nickname that
indicated an almost familial closeness.

After several weeks, Uncle Shin said the army was leaving soon. My grandparents just nodded quietly, and we didn't talk about his leaving that night, but the next day I
began asking my grandparents if we could go with him. I
remembered he said he had been in Pyongyang, the capital,
and I whimpered that I wanted to go to the city and live
there. They only patted my head.

The day before Shin was to leave, my grandfather called
me softly, looking outside through the open door. Grandmother had taken my sister to the mountains to pick some
herbs for dinner. I was sulking about being left behind.

Grandfather sat me in front of him and said, "Jia, do you
want to go to school?"

I was taken aback by the sudden question, but I instantly
said, "Yes."

"Do you want to meet your mom's parents?"

"The people wearing good clothes in the pictures? Yes,
sure." Quickly, I covered my mouth with both hands, because I was not supposed to know about the pictures. He
ignored my admission and rolled a cigarette, casting his
eyes down. "If you go with Uncle Shin, you can study in
a nice school, meet Mom's parents, eat very well, and have
lots of toys and clothes. If you stay here with us, you can't
meet good teachers or have lots of friends. Do you want to
go with him?"

"Okay."

He seemed a bit surprised by my easy, instant reply but
merely took a deep pull on his cigarette. A little later, my
grandmother and sister returned empty-handed, having
found no herbs.

That night, my grandmother put my clothes in a small,
gray, decrepit bag. Leading me to the kitchen, she gave
me my grandparents' and my mother's pictures. One photograph, taken when my sister was just born, showed my mother holding her infant in her arms. This picture was my
sister's most valuable possession.

"In the place you're going, show these pictures and say
these are your grandparents and your mother. If people
ask you where you are from, what your parents are doing, and where they are, don't say anything. Just say you
don't remember. Don't talk to strangers before you meet
your grandparents. Just tell them you have pictures and
you know they are of your grandparents and mom, and
that the baby is you. Say you have to meet them. The pictures will definitely take you to your grandparents. Okay?
Erase your whole memory of this place. You'll miss us,
but don't ask other people to take you back here-it might
put our lives at risk. It's for your safety and our safety. You
understand, Jia?"

I couldn't understand why they were so serious, but I
nodded my head on and on. It was then that Grandmother
told me the story of my parents, how they fell in love and
why they were torn apart. She assured me that my mother's
death was natural, and not my fault. My grandmother was
treating me like an adult, and it delighted me.

That night, Uncle Shin came back, and my grandmother served him a whole table full of dishes. My sister and I
were beside ourselves at the sight of all the food: jangjolim
(beef boiled in soy sauce) and steamed potato with glazed
millet jelly, which we only ate on special days, like the
Great Leader's birthday. As we wolfed the food down noisily, I completely forgot about leaving and the conversations
with my grandparents.

Tapping my stomach, filled to satisfaction, I fell asleep
as usual while they talked. In the middle of the night, my
body was shaken awake, and when I opened my eyes I saw only my grandmother's face close to mine. She spoke in a
whisper, "Jia. Get up. You have to leave right now."

I tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes; I didn't expect
it so soon.

"Where?"

"Get up. Put these clothes on."

She dressed me hurriedly. I was still so sleepy. "Do I
have to go right now?"

"Yes-there's no time."

Still I rubbed my eyes, looking for my sister. She was in
a deep slumber next to me, "How about Sister?"

With flushed cheeks, Grandmother buttoned my darkgreen coat-my sister's favorite. "She is not going right
now. Hurry." She led me by my hand outside.

Uncle Shin and Grandfather were already outside waiting for me. Everything was dark. I asked my grandfather,
again, "Is my sister going with me?" I didn't want to leave
by myself, though I was happy to go anywhere with Uncle
Shin.

"No. She's not going to go." Grandfather strapped my
small bag on my back.

Uncle Shin stooped to level his eyes with mine. He
smiled and rubbed my head. "Ready to go?"

"Why do we have to go right now? Let's go later. It's
still night."

Uncle Shin took my hand, still rubbing my eyes. "No...
it's already late. Let's go right now, Jia."

He exchanged brief words with my grandparents; my
grandfather patted his shoulder. My grandmother hugged
me tightly and my grandfather stood up next to her, smoking. With a blank face, he said, "Don't forget what we told
you, Jia."

I couldn't even say good-bye to my sister. When I
looked back, my grandparents were just two dark lumps
under the starlight. They didn't move until my eyes lost
sight of them.

I couldn't walk very well in the dark; Uncle Shin carried
me on his back, walking fast, and talked about his daughter.
Half asleep, I heard only part of what he said.

"I never carried my daughter on my back. Can you believe that? I was such a strict father. I always wanted to
kiss her cheek and hug her, but I just didn't. I didn't know
how to express my feelings about her. She was my trea
sure.. .such a treasure. I was not a good father, but she always
jumped on me whenever I came home, like you did."

I wondered if my father would carry me on his back, if
he saw me just one time.

We had been walking for quite some time when Uncle
Shin suddenly stopped and looked around. Emerging from
the bushes, we came to a big road, and he took me down
from his back, holding my two arms before me.

"Jia, just sit down here and don't move. Wait for two
army cars to come. When you see them, sit up and wave
your hands. If you see me among those soldiers, pretend
you don't know me, just say you're lost. Whatever they ask,
say you don't remember anything and ask us to take you
to your home, then show the pictures and say they're your
grandparents. Do you understand, Jia? I know you are a
very smart girl. I know it will be scary to be here by yourself, but it's just for a few hours. After that, we'll take you
to your grandparents safely."

He gave me rice balls with sesame oil and salt and a
brown red-bean cake.

"If you feel hungry, eat these."

Uncle Shin sat me by the road at the edge of the bushes.
It was almost dawn.

As he ran away, uphill, he turned back and shouted,
"It'll be bright soon! Don't be scared!"

Then he disappeared from sight.

I was totally alone. It was cold and there was nothing
but trees and grass in every direction. I had never been so
far away from home, and the path I was on lay far beyond
the realm that I knew, back in the forest. I looked back at
the world that had been my home; now, from the outside,
it no longer felt familiar. Tall reeds swayed in the wind. I
heard the occasional stirring of cicadas in the bushes. Starting and then falling silent, the more the insects cried, the
closer they seemed to me. I was frightened an animal would
appear in front of me and attack me.

I began sobbing, crumpling with fear. I missed my sister and grandparents. I didn't know what I was doing. I
couldn't understand why I had to meet my mom's parents
this way. After I had exhausted myself I lay down on the
road, curled up, and fell asleep.

I didn't hear the cars pull up and stop in front of me.
One of the men nudged me with his boots, and I woke up
to find soldiers all around, looking down at me.

"Hey, kid. What are you doing here?"

I was confused, I thought I was still in our room at
home, lying next to my sister, but my surroundings were
strange. I couldn't answer his question. I was too scared to
talk at all, and froze until my eyes fixed on Uncle Shin. He
was almost covered by the other soldiers, but at the sight of
me, he smiled slightly, his eyes filled with worry. As soon
as I found his face, I remembered the night journey and falling asleep alone in the darkness. I burst into tears, not
out of fear, but comfort-relieved that I had discovered
him.

"Look at this girl..."

One soldier sat down to console me. He had bushy eyebrows that wriggled along above his eyes like two pine-eating caterpillars whenever he spoke. He stood me up, dusted
off my coat, and said, "Why do you sleep here? Where's
your house?"

"I don't know where I am. I'm looking for my grandparents," I sobbed.

"How did you get here?"

"I don't know. Take me to my grandparents."

I wanted to go back to the mountain. I missed my
grandparents and wanted to jump into their arms.

"Do you have your birth ID?" he took the backpack
from my back and handed it to another soldier next to him,
who opened it to search inside.

"No. I don't have it."

Their faces wore worried looks.

"Where do they live?"

I looked at Uncle Shin. His eyes tried to say something
through his nervous countenance. I followed my grandmother's instruction exactly: "Pyongyang." His head nodded slightly with a smile.

"Do you live there?" The bushy-eyebrow man gave a
suspicious look. I nodded my head lightly.

"But why are you here right now? This is far away from
Pyongyang-a kid can't get here alone."

"I don't know. I was here when I opened my eyes. Take
me to my grandparents," I wailed.

"How can we find them?"

The soldier searching my backpack handed the pictures
to the bushy-eyebrow man, and the other soldiers moved
in to look at them.

"How can we find them with these pictures?"

The soldiers made a fuss about that, and the bushy-eyebrow man stood up. Uncle Shin spoke out from behind,
"Let's take her with us. We can ask some government offices to find her grandparents."

"No, it's too much hassle. She may be from the limited
area close to here," the bushy-eyebrow soldier murmured,
touching his chin.