Joshua: A Brooklyn Tale (25 page)

BOOK: Joshua: A Brooklyn Tale
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“Yes, I agree. Growing up in an apartment is less than ideal,” she had responded, without letting on that she’d felt slighted by his statement.

“It’s nice to have many children, a great
mitzvah
.” This he had said on their fourth date, adding, “I don’t believe in birth control. I know that there are some who practice it against the
Rebbe’s
ruling, but it is wrong to prevent what God intended.”

Rachel, too, wanted lots of children, as many as God would allow, for she had felt disadvantaged as an only child. She didn’t appreciate, however, the assumption that
she
would be home all day, caring for these children and the home.

It was time to set him straight about her aspirations. Even if it would end their relationship—which she didn’t want to happen—she had no choice, she could pretend no longer.

“Binny, there’s something I have to tell you.”

They were sitting in the same dairy restaurant they’d been to on their first date, at the very same table. He looked at her and realized that what she was about to say was serious. It was a blustery night, and there weren’t many people out. They had enough privacy to talk about anything, and he had had some plans of his own regarding a topic. But she had beaten him to it, and by the look on her face, his guess was that his agenda would have to wait.

“I want to go to college.”
There,
I’ve
said
it
, she told herself.
The
act
is
over
.

He was speechless, as if he hadn’t heard.

“Binny, I want to go to college, and I also want to go to medical school.” There was no way he didn’t hear that.

The dumbfounded expression left his face. “Oh,” he said, wearing his disappointment. “I see.”

“I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you sooner, but I…” She stopped herself mid-sentence.

“You?”

“I was afraid.”

“Afraid? Of what?” His tone was serene, but she could tell he was shaken.

“Of everything, I guess. I know that this changes things, that you probably won’t want to see me anymore.” She became tearful.

He didn’t know how to react. He felt deceived; he felt sad; he didn’t want to lose her. He had planned to ask for her hand that night. And now
this
. Suddenly, he began to swell with anger.
How
could
you
do
this
to
me
, he thought. “How could you do this to
us
?” he said.

She was silent.

He stared into space for a moment, then stood up and gathered his things. “Come, I’ll take you home,” he said, putting on his coat.

Without another word, she complied.

They left the restaurant, and kept silent as they walked the three blocks to her apartment. At the front door to her building, he politely said good-night. She could see that he was trying to control the hurt that she had brought upon him.

She kept back her tears, turned from him, and walked into the building. She stood, waiting for the elevator, flushed with anguish. And terrified of how her parents would react.

 

The following morning, the phone rang in the Weissman home at six o’clock. The rabbi was preparing to leave for the morning prayer service at the synagogue; Rachel and Hannah were still in bed. Hannah was awakened by the ringing, but Rachel had already been up, she hadn’t slept at all.

From her bed, Rachel was able to hear bits and pieces of her father’s end of the conversation. “Vhat do you mean?” “Yes, I see.” “Of course, I vill talk to her immediately and find out vhat happened.” “No, you didn’t disturb me at all.” “I vill certainly phone you as soon as I know something myself.”

After he hung up, Rachel overheard a conversation between her parents:

“Who was it?” her mother asked.

“Reb Blesofsky,” her father answered.

“Well, what did he want?”

“He said that it is
ois
shiddoch
, the match is finished, over.”


Ois
shiddoch
! How can that be? They seemed to like each other…”

“He said he didn’t know vhy, only that Binny had called him last night and told him it vas off. That’s all.”

Sometime during their conversation, Rachel had gotten out of bed, and had walked to their bedroom. She was now standing in the doorway. They looked at her, waiting for her to say something.

“I told Binny last night that I want to go to college. To medical school. To be a doctor.”

Lost in her own thoughts, she ignored their reactions. She held back her tears, and added, “I don’t think he wants to marry me anymore.” She stood there, almost dazed for a moment, and then began to cry.

Hannah jumped out of bed, went to her, and held her, trying to console her. Isaac remained seated on the bed, visibly shaken.

“Papa,” Rachel said, regaining her composure.

The rabbi didn’t answer.

“Isaac,” Hannah called out.

Still blank.

“Come,” Hannah said to Rachel, “we’ll go to the kitchen and talk there.” She began to escort her daughter to the kitchen when a faint voice said, “Vait!”

They turned and looked at the rabbi. “It vill be okay,” he said. “Vhatever you vant, Rucheleh, as long as you are happy. It vill be okay.”

He stood up, walked over, and held his arms out. Rachel stepped into his embrace, and wrapped her arms around him. They held each other tightly, wordlessly. Hannah watched, her heart feeling heavy. All that could be heard was their crying.

 

Standing in prayer, draped in his
tallis
and
tefillin
, Rabbi Isaac Weissman was unable to think of God. He yearned for the serenity that his prayers usually brought, but his mind was distracted, tormented by images from the past. He knew he couldn’t erase the images, he had tried to so many times and had failed. They were part of him, now and forever.

A
room
illuminated
by
candles;
a
familiar
woman
sitting
across
the
table;
a
two
year
old
boy
sitting
on
his
lap,
tugging
at
him
as
he
sang
Sabbath
melodies.

Flames
from
outside
a
window;
a
door
burst
open;
soldiers
storming
in.
A
dark,
crammed
cattle
car;
a
woman
beside
him;
a
boy
in
his
arms.

Echoes
of
wailing;
a
line;
hundreds
standing
in
the
cold;
soldiers
with
guns;
a
man
with
a
list
in
his
hand.

A
boy
and
a
woman
at
his
side;
a
man
pointing
to
the
left.

A
woman
and
a
boy
being
dragged
away;
a
soldier’s
hand
against
his
chest;
a
struggle;
screaming.

Darkness
.

He tried to reach into the darkness, to bring back the boy and the woman, just as he had tried so many times before. But, as always, his mind was empty, blank. They were lost in the darkness.

Suddenly, he felt tightness in his chest. Difficulty breathing. He sat down in a chair, and one of the other men in the synagogue noticed he was sweating and pale. The man walked over to inquire if he was okay. Some other men saw what was happening and gathered around.

“It’s nothing,” he said, laboring to speak. “I’ll be fine, I…” He tried to catch his breath, but never finished the sentence.

 

He regained consciousness in the hospital, lying in a bed beneath a plastic oxygen tent, tubes in his arm and electrical attachments affixed to his chest. Through the tent he could see the distorted images of his daughter and wife standing beside him. He attempted to maneuver his hand outside the tent to touch them.

“Stop! Yitzchak. Just relax, don’t move,” Hannah said.

He complied, resting his hand by his side. Then he tried to speak, but couldn’t.

“Papa.”

He looked at Rachel.

“Don’t speak, Papa. You need to save your strength. You’re going to be okay.”

He managed a smile, more for her and Hannah than himself.

“Papa. I want you to know that I’ve reconsidered. I’ve thought about things, and I really don’t need to go to college or be a doctor.”

Her mother looked at her, astonished.

“I’m going to marry Binny, so don’t worry. I’m going to marry Binny, and you’re going to have plenty of grandchildren to look forward to. You just get well, okay.” She struggled to keep her smile.

He wanted to speak. To tell her that she didn’t have to do this for him, that he would live no matter what, that she shouldn’t blame herself for what happened. He wanted to say all this, and more, but was unable.

A nurse entered the room. “Oh, you’re awake, Rabbi Weissman. Good,” she said as she came around the other side of the bed. “Everything is going to be fine, you’ve had a heart attack, but you’re doing well and it’s going to be okay.” The nurse smiled reassuringly, turned to Rachel and Hannah, and added, “I think we need to let him rest now. The doctor will be in soon to check on him.”

“Yes,” Hannah responded, placing her arm around her daughter. “He needs to rest.” She looked at Isaac. “Yitzchak, we’re going to be in the waiting room down the hall. We’ll be back after you rest.” To the nurse, she added, “Would you kindly ask the doctor to find us after he sees him?”

“Of course.”

Rachel and Hannah went down the hall to a small visitors’ lounge. It was empty, except for a seemingly healthy patient in a hospital gown, sitting in a corner by the window, reading the newspaper. They smiled at the man as they entered, and he smiled back before returning to his paper. They sat next to one another on a couch, as far away from the man as the room would permit. Hannah tried to speak softly so as not to disturb him. “What is this you’re saying about changing your mind?”

“I don’t have to go to college, it’s not that important.”

“It seemed like it was important this morning.”

“Things have changed.”

“Look, Rachel, you can’t blame yourself for what has happened to your father…”

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