Joy Comes in the Morning (20 page)

Joshua walked out of class at Missionary, past Alex's desk. I could picture her sitting there with her warm smile and big, bright eyes. She was the only woman who could make my heart skip a beat. I also missed those curvy hips, and that sassy walk wrapped up in the classiest exterior a man could imagine. No, really that woman could melt an iceberg with her walk. I sighed as I walked down the lonely hallway and out of the front door. I couldn't believe it was all over. I guessed she would be impressing some other guy now, but I sure did miss her. Since I had been going to counseling, I was better able to accept this, and better able to forgive.

Before I could get to my car, my phone rang, and I saw on my caller ID that it was Yvonne. What did that woman want now? I was tired of her always calling me. “I need this. I want that.” Didn't she know any of the other brothers in the church? I had better things to do. I wasn't even going to answer the call until I thought of Sister Winifred's nagging lips.

“Yeah? What?” I answered, obviously irritated.

“Now what kind of way is that for a future minister to answer his phone?”

“I don't have time for this, Yvonne.”

“Well, I'm sorry to disturb you, but I need you to come over quickly. I've got . . . it's an emergency,” Yvonne whined.

“Okay, okay. I'm leaving school now. Give me ten minutes,” I sighed. “What's this all about anyway?”

But she had already hung up. I was in no mood for her female antics. This was getting out of hand.

When I arrived at Sister Winifred's door, I noticed that the house was quiet. I rang the doorbell, and Yvonne came to the door. She peeked out, and then let me in quickly. It was dark, so I couldn't see a thing.

“Can you please turn on a light, or is that the problem?” I asked.

“No, the problem is the heat.” Yvonne said.

“The heat? Did your air conditioning or power go out?”

“I'm hot.” Yvonne clicked on a lamp, and I saw that she was wearing a very thin robe. Suddenly, I could see curves everywhere, imprints of every body part. When I stopped staring, I closed my mouth.

“My Lord. I thought you were genuinely in trouble.”

“I am.” Yvonne moved closer to me.

I backed away. “I'm a man of God. Did you genuinely think that I'd be so weak?”

“Maybe.” Yvonne giggled.

“Yes, men are weak in the flesh, but thank God for the Spirit. Get dressed.”

She caught up to me and threw her body against mine. It was all I could do to pry her off of me. “Good-bye, Yvonne.”

“But I thought—”

“I'm in love with Alex. I always have been.” I stood in the doorway with the door open. I was so disgusted. “I was trying to help you out.”

“Oh, so that's all it was?”

“Yeah, that's all it ever was. I'll be a minister soon, and I ain't going out like this.”

“Where are you going?”

“I'm going to do what I shoulda done from the beginning. Leave you the heck alone.”

 

 

It was a breezy day at the Long Island Cemetery. I knelt to place fresh lilies on Delilah's grave. They were her favorite. I used my finger to outline her name on the tombstone. Then I buried my face in my hands as I remembered the way she died, like a piece of meat on a slab. Being here was rough, but I knew I could handle it now. The scriptures Pastor Martin had given me to meditate on had helped. I hadn't visited her grave since she was buried two years ago, but through God's grace, I wasn't angry anymore. My eyes filled up with tears, and for the first time, I didn't wipe them away. After continuous counseling with Pastor Martin, I learned to forgive Delilah, no matter how wrong she had been. When I finally stood up, I caught a glimpse of a familiar face. I saw Alex's sister, Taylor, humped over a grave a few feet away. She seemed to be placing fresh lilies on a grave, and I just knew it was her mom's. Then I saw her father farther away in the distance, going down the trail while Taylor lingered behind.

Before she rolled away from the gravesite in her wheelchair, I called out to her softly. “Taylor.”

“Joshua?” Taylor rolled over to me.

“How are you?” I smiled, but couldn't look her in the eyes. I was ashamed of how I had treated her sister.

“I'm cool, but what's up with you?”

“I'm miserable without your sister.” I was sure I probably looked miserable also.

“That's funny. I'm usually miserable with my sister. Just kidding.” Taylor threw her head back and laughed hard.

“Why don't you call her?”

“Oh, is she back from Kenya?”

“No.”

“I don't think she'll want to talk to me after the way I put her off. Besides she's in love with someone else.”

“Are you kidding me? My sister is in love with you, only you.”

“Are you sure?”

“I'm her twin, okay? I know what I'm talking about.”

“But would she forgive me?”

“Look. You're pathetic. She ain't no saint, but if anyone would forgive you, it would be Alex. We don't always get along, but she's cool people.”

“You're right about that. She's a giving person, and I let her go.”

Taylor smacked her gum and blew a small bubble. “Yeah, whatever.”

“That's why I feel so bad.”

“Look, life is too short for feeling bad. It's time to get on with the business of living, don't you think?”

“What did you say?”

“I said it's time to get on with the business of living.”

“That's funny. My pastor told me the exact same thing.”

“Cool. Look, I've got to go and catch up with my father. See ya around.”

I watched her start down the winding trail with her electric wheelchair and wondered how any disabled person could survive without one. Taylor had come a long way.

When I left the cemetery, I immediately went to see my parents. I met them in the informal living room. The sunlight flowed in from the huge cathedral windows. They were both seated on the velvet sofa. I sat down in a high backed armchair.

I took a deep breath. “Mom and Dad, I know what you're going to say, but I want to reconcile with Alex.” Mom stood up immediately.

“What do you mean you want to reconcile with her?”

“I love her. I made a mistake.” I was excited.

“Are you sure, son?” Dad looked into my eyes as if he were peering into my soul.

“I've never been surer in my life,” I answered.

Dad nodded his head in agreement. “All right then, I support your decision. I just want you to be sure and to be happy.”

“What? Have you two lost your minds?” Mom stood up and started pacing.

“Mom, what happened with her was a long time ago, and she's not that person anymore.” I stood up too.

“That's what they all say.” Mom squinted up her narrow eyes and threw her hands into the air.

“Mom, don't.” I didn't want to hear anything negative about Alex.

“What about your ministry?” Mom continued to pace the marble floors.

“What about it? Alex has been the most supportive of my ministry.”

Mom stood still for a moment. “Yes, I know she's been dabbling in ministry at our little sister church, but will she stand by you when it's time for you to take over Kingdom House of Prayer?”

“First of all, that's if God calls me to take over the church. What if God calls me to start my own? I don't know which direction the ministry will take at this point. But I do know that Alex will be by my side.” I stood next to my mother.

“What do you mean if you take over the church? Of course you will. You're your father's only son,” Mom said as she reached up, grabbed me by the shoulders and shook me.

“Ever since I told you two that I was going into the ministry, you've been trying to control me.” Now I was angry. “I have to live my own life.”

Mom narrowed her glare. “Like you lived your own life when you went against us and married Delilah?”

I slammed my fist against the wall. “Alex is not Delilah.”

“How do you know that?” Mom started walking again, breathing hard this time. “Mirriam.” My father started.

“No, don't Mirriam me. This is my only son, and I want the best for him. That's why I found that gentleman,” Mom said.

“What gentleman?” Dad looked at my mom. “What do you mean found?”

“Do you think that low life just showed up and showed interest in Alex after all these years? No, he didn't just show up. I dug him up.” Mom's eyes looked small and beady.

“What?” I asked.

“Tell me you're kidding.” Dad covered his face in shame.

“No, I'm not kidding. I paid a private investigator to dig up Alex's old college boyfriend. It wasn't hard at all. I knew there would be something scandalous there. I just didn't know what it was,” Mom said.

“There is no scandal, Mom.” I couldn't believe she did that. “Why would you, on purpose, try to destroy my life?”

Mom fell back onto the couch. “Because I didn't want anyone to hurt you again like Delilah did. I wanted to be sure Alex was all she claimed to be, so I paid that hoodlum to come to New York City, to become involved in her life again.”

“I don't believe this.” I was shocked.

“It wasn't hard. He said he had real feelings for the girl once and that he wouldn't mind seeing her again anyway.” Mom threw her hands in the air. “So what was the harm in that? If she loved Joshua, she wouldn't have been moved by an old fling, right?”

“Mom, you almost messed up my whole life. Now I have to see if she'll take me back. I don't know if she will, but she's all I want.” I didn't know how to do it, but I knew I had to act fast.

“Go handle your business, son.” Dad patted me on the back, and then turned to my mother. “I'll handle your meddling mother.”

“Joshua,” Mom said.

I was determined. “Leave me alone, Mom. I'm going to really pray hard for you. Pastor Martin was right about everything. I've got to put all this mess behind me if I want to go forward.”

Mom yelled out. “Son, I'm just concerned about your future. You're making a huge mistake.”

“Then let me make it.” I opened the front door. “But Alex is all I want right now, and I'm going to get her back.”

After the initial week in Kenya, I realized that I was in no way ready to go home. Besides, I had nothing to go home for. I couldn't explain it, but I felt a strong urging to stay and commune with God under the stars. Then there were the dreams I kept having, not my usual nightmares, but ones of me speaking to a crowd of women. So I said good-bye to Sister Martha, Sister Ethel and the other eight missionaries from the church. Their two week assignment was over. I, however, knew that after only a week, my real assignment was just beginning. I called Dr. Harding and asked if I could extend my visit to do some additional missionary work. I explained to him that it was something I felt the Lord was calling me to do and that I needed an indefinite leave of absence. Hesitantly, he agreed, reiterating the importance of me making up my mind about the public relations position once and for all. He agreed to put a temp in my current position for a little while so I could have time to sort out my affairs if I would do one more public relations assignment while I was here in Nairobe. I was glad we had a deal since I was sure that at any given moment some religious know it all would come marching into Dr. Harding's office demanding my resignation.

I continued to stay at the guesthouse, but this time the group staying with me was from a church in London. Seger stayed on in Kenya as well because his was a six month assignment. One evening during the church service, a group of natives from Kibera that we had evangelized to earlier, came in and sat down. We were so happy about their hunger for God. Pastor Njoki preached, and everyone in the service fell under the power of the Holy Ghost.

The next day I called home to speak to Taylor. I reminded her to check up on Michelle for me, and she promised she would. We chatted briefly about Dad, Aunt Dorothy, and Keith. It felt good to hear her voice, yet the entire time we were talking, the subject of young women kept rising in my spirit. I tried to block it out. Taylor also told me that she had seen Joshua at the cemetery and that he asked about me. I wasn't sure why, but I was too hurt to ask.

After the call, I went to use the computers located in a small area of the guesthouse. I looked up information on young women in Kenya, and through the Internet I found out that two hundred and fifty two thousand fifteen through nineteen-year-old Kenyan girls seek abortions every year. I also saw that twenty-seven percent of nineteen-year-old women in the Nyanza Province of Kenya were either pregnant or already mothers. When I discovered that one in ten women in Kenya would die from abortions, that was the end of the line for me. I decided to find these women.

As I went through the villages interviewing young women, I was drawn by their stories of miseducation, confusion, and desperation, which in turn, set the tone for the illegal butchering they'd subjected themselves to. So I began to work with the young women as well as the children, and surprisingly, it was very good. As we trudged through the village, we brought food, toys, medicine, and books, all the comforts we so easily took for granted in America. The missionaries, Seger, and I went walking from house to house praying without ceasing. It was refreshing to see people who had so little, love God so much. I sat down on the shore sinking my toes into the sand, letting the tide wash against my feet. I threw my head back and looked up into the distant sky. It was a lavender grayish color, more beautiful than I could've imagined. Seger came and sat next tome.

“I love it here,” I said.

“Me too.”

“I just want to give of myself, to make a difference in the lives of children and their mothers.”

“It's good to know what you want.”

“Children's ministry. That's my heart.”

“Mine too, really.” I looked up into Seger's dark eyes. “It's just been so long since I've been away from it.”

“So? What's stopping you from coming back?”

“Nothing, I guess.”

“You can pick up where you left off. That's the wonderful thing about the God we serve. You can lose your way, and when you realize it, He'll take you back and fix you up like nothing ever happened.”

“You're right about that. But have you ever gone so far you didn't know how to get back?”

“Yes, I have, but the scripture says if we acknowledge Him in all our ways, that He'll direct our path. You're a child of the Most High, and you're loved, remember? You can't lose.” Seger was so full of faith.

I wanted some of his spirit to rub off on me. “I never forget He loves me, but sometimes I forget the details.”

“I understand.” Seger covered his head with a plastic bag as the rain began to fall. “But it's there, in our minds, that Satan attacks us.”

I started running toward the jeep. “Tell me about it.” The rain came down heavier as we sped away.

Most of my days were spent down at the little schoolhouse, with Seger and me working diligently with the children, feeding them naturally and spiritually. It was exhilarating. One day Seger took me down to the Masaii Mara, a beautiful landscape in the African Rift Valley. There I saw hippos in the river, giraffes grazing in the trees, and herds of zebras on the plains. We saw the villagers building a school there.

“This organization is committed to building schools here, and so far the project has been very successful,” Seger said.

“Sounds good.”

“The Masaii have the highest primary school dropout rate here in Kenya.”

“Oh, no.” I found a spot in the grass to sit down. “Why?”

Seger sat down next to me. “Most of these children start school late because schools are usually too far away from their communities.”

“Wow, how sad.”

“Oh, for the Masaii, it gets sadder.”

“Really?”

“Most times the kids can't go to school because they've got to tend to the fields, the goats, and cattle.”

“That's terrible.”

“Then most of the schools are in really bad condition. That's why I wanted to bring you here. That's why this school and the others are so important.”

I looked down at the bag of coloring books I carried. “I see. I'm glad I can be a part of this.”

After spending the entire month of August in Kenya, for the first time in my entire adult life, I was totally satisfied. I wasn't worried about my reputation. In fact, I didn't know what they were saying about me back in Brooklyn, and I didn't care. I wasn't worried about money because I had just taken a leave from my job, and yet God was providing. I wasn't worried about Michelle because she had her parents. I wasn't worried about my sister because apparently she had been doing just fine without me. Besides, she had Keith to help her. And despite my feelings for Joshua, I wasn't worried about not being his wife. I just figured it wasn't God's will, and that was finally enough for me.At the end of the day Seger and I walked down the hillside toward the guesthouse. I took a banana out of my bag and began to peel it. Seger smiled as he always did. The sunset was beautiful. Before we reached our destination, Seger stopped and pulled the banana from my hand. He took my hands in his.

“Seger, I—”

“No, don't say a word.” Seger put his finger to my lips. Then I watched him move in for a kiss.