Joy Comes in the Morning (8 page)

On Friday morning, when I walked through the doors of Missionary Bible College, the first one I saw was Dr. Harding. He was tall, well built, and had a full head of white hair. Although he appeared to be deep in conversation on his cell phone, he didn't hesitate to give me last minute instructions. Before I could put down my purse, he lowered his glasses, handed me a broom and pointed to pieces of a broken coffee cup on the floor. He nodded gratefully and disappeared into his office. That was my life.

“Good morning, everyone,” I said.

“Morning, Alex.” Marisol leaned against the wall talking to a student with wavy brown locks that hung to the side of her head.

When I finished sweeping, I checked the inventory of office supplies. As soon as I made notes on the deliveries, checked them against purchase orders, I was able to determine what shortages I had to warn Mr. Harding of. Being the organizational whiz that I was, I loved keeping accurate, up to date records, and as a secretary, I had more than my share of work in this area.

“Alex, I need you to log in this information.” Mr. Harding handed me a sheet of paper.

“Right, I know,” I recited, without even looking at it. “Yes, sir.”

“You always do such a good job. I hope you're still considering my offer to fund your public relations career. If you decide to accept, I'll need you to go on a short mission trip to Nairobe, Kenya to wrap up some loose ends for me.”

“I'm still considering it, but you know, I . . . I'm not sure I can handle it.” I smiled my biggest smile.

“With an accelerated program, you'll be ready to take your place in public relations in no time. ”

“I know, and thank you. But I'm just not sure that I can go back to school right now. I've got so much going on right now. You know Deacon Joshua Bennings and I are getting married.” I held out my ring finger.

“Congratulations on your engagement to Brother Joshua.”

“My aunt will be throwing an intimate little engagement party for us, and I hope you can come. The invitations should be in the mail any day now.” I was hoping to throw him off. Up until now he hadn't even been on the guest list.

“How nice.” Dr. Harding adjusted his glasses and smiled.I was hesitant. “Again, I'm just not sure yet about the position.”

“Alex, what if I extended the time you had to decide, would that help? You wouldn't have to give me an answer until the end of the summer since the official position won't become available until then anyway.” Dr. Harding's eyes lit up with his idea. “There is only one catch, of course.”

“What is that, sir?”

“That you go to Nairobe first. You can consider this trip a trial, a free vacation of sorts or whatever you like, but I need the work done either way.”

“When is the trip?”

“The trip will be the second week of July, with or without you. We'd love to have you on board, Alex.”

“That sounds really generous of you, Dr. Harding, and I will give this offer serious consideration. I'll have to—”

“No need to explain, but your being a mere secretary is such a waste of talent.” Dr. Harding walked away, shaking his head. “Think about it.”

I smiled as I swallowed my real dreams. Although most of my days were uneventful, they were productive. I fulfilled my duties with a certain level of dignity, and while I wasn't completely fulfilled, I did feel some measure of satisfaction. My real dreams, however, were lost in the abyss of misfortune.

When it was time for my break, I went across the street to McDonald's to eat a Big Mac combo as I contemplated the job offer again. Public relations wasn't my cup of tea. It wasn't fair that Taylor came home after a day of work, physically rejuvenated, energetic, full of passion, and full of exhilarating stories of her clients' progress. I wanted to feel connected to my clients like that, but my exhaustion and lack of enthusiasm always held me back. There was always a line I wouldn't dare cross. Unfortunately, the only thing about the offer that excited me was the chance to go to Kenya. Public relations. It wasn't a bad field. It just wasn't enough for me. I didn't know what I was supposed to do for a living, and I didn't know what I was supposed to do for God. I hated being indecisive.
Please, Lord, fill me.
Maybe this trip was what I needed to decide. Maybe I could spend the week in Kenya, away from Joshua, not only working, but also reflecting on my life and clearing my head before the wedding. The real question was could I live with myself if I married Joshua and didn't clear out the cobwebs of my past? Also if I did marry him, could we survive if he didn't face his own issues?

I picked up my cell phone and called Joshua. “Hi, Josh.”

“Hi, baby,” Joshua said.

I hesitated for a moment, not knowing how to tell him. “I've got news.”

“Really? What's going on?”

I took a deep breath. “I'll be going to Kenya on the second week of July.”

“Kenya? What are you talking about?”

“Remember that position Dr. Harding offered me?”

“Yes.”

“Well, he's allowing me to test it out by doing one public relations assignment in Nairobe, Kenya.” I waited anxiously for his response. “I'm hoping to be able to do some missions work also.”

“I see.”

“It's only for a week and um—”

“But that's too close to our wedding date,” Joshua interrupted.

“It's only for a week, and believe me, your mother has this wedding under control. I'm sure everything will have been done by the time I leave.”

“This is big news,” Joshua said, with a hint of surrender on his voice.

“It's something I've been thinking about ever since Dr. Harding mentioned it.”

“I know that, but—”

“Please don't make this harder than it already is. I need this trip.” In my heart I was pleading with him because I knew I needed this.

Joshua's tone was mellow. “It is a great opportunity for you, so I'll have to be supportive even though my heart doesn't want you to go.”

“I'll be back, Joshua.” I paused. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

When I hung up the phone, I walked over to Dr. Harding's office and knocked on his door.

“Come in,” Dr. Harding said in his gruff voice.

I entered, but stood against the door.“I've been thinking about what you said.”

“And?” Dr. Harding never looked up from his papers.

“And I'll go on the trip to Kenya.”

Dr. Harding smiled. “Good, good. I feel this will be mutually beneficial.”

“I believe so too.”

“We'll talk about the travel details later.” Dr. Harding finally looked up.

“Yes. Thanks again, sir.” I turned to leave.

“You're welcome.”

“Yes, sir.” I went back to work, but this time with a smile.

By the end of the day, I had already applied online for a single entry, three month tourist visa and mailed off my passport to the Consulate General of Kenya in New York. Thankfully, I had already obtained a passport for last year's praise conference in Canada, even though my lack of funds never allowed me to make it on the trip. I also scheduled a doctor's appointment so I could be vaccinated for yellow fever. There was so much to do before my trip, but I enjoyed the anticipation.

Surprisingly, it had been a good day, and I left work hopeful about the future, ready to assist Michelle with tackling hers.After work I drove straight to the Harrises' home to meet with Michelle's parents.

Sister Harris greeted me at the door. “Please come in, Sister Alex.” She led me over to an antique looking armchair. “What brings you by?”

“Well, I hope I'm not interrupting anything important because if I am, then I can come back another time.” I sat down and hoped I could find an excuse to run out. How did I get involved in this anyway?

“Don't be silly. We weren't doing anything important right now.”

“Nope, not a thing.” Minister Harris sat down on the couch next to his wife, and suddenly I felt outnumbered. Where in the world was Michelle?

“Oh, I see. Well I've got something really important to tell you, something you should know and—”

Sister Harris smiled. “Is this about your engagement to Deacon Joshua? He's a wonderful young man.”

“Congratulations. You two make a nice couple,” Minister Harris said.

“Thank you. No, it's not about that.” I wanted to bolt through the door as quickly as possible.

“What is this about, dear?” Sister Harris crossed her legs.

My voice was shaky. “Actually, it's about Michelle.”

Minister Harris pulled his glasses down onto the tip of his nose.“Our Michelle?” Minister Harris leaned forward.

Sister Harris sat on the edge of her seat. Then Michelle walked into the room, holding a book up to her chest. I let out a big sigh of relief.

I smiled at her as she took her place in the room. “Yes, it's about Michelle.”

“Well?” Sister Harris squeezed together her arched eyebrows.

“Sometimes people, even Christian people, make mistakes. If we repent, then God is merciful enough to forgive.” I fumbled with my fingers as I spoke.
Help me, Lord Jesus.

“Right,” Sister Harris said.

“Mom, I've made a mistake,” Michelle said.

“What kind of mistake?” Minister Harris took his glasses off altogether and stared into Michelle's eyes. I, on the other hand, just sat there feeling very awkward and un-useful.

Michelle set the book down on the coffee table. “Mom and Dad, I'm pregnant.”

“Oh my goodness, no,” Sister Harris said.

“Michelle Harris, what in the world were you thinking?” Minister Harris raised his voice.

Michelle dropped her head. “I'm so sorry, Daddy.”

“Oh no, how could this happen?” Sister Harris put her hand to her head as if a headache had just come on.

“That's a very unfortunate and costly mistake, Michelle,” Minister Harris said.

Those were the last words I heard before I asked that we have a word of prayer. “Father, I pray that you give this family peace with what has happened. Give them wisdom in how to handle this situation. Give them forgiveness for whatever trust has been betrayed. Give them strength to stand against persecution and judgment. And finally, give them joy in loving the new addition to the family. In the matchless name of Jesus. Amen.”

Then I hugged Sister Harris and Michelle, ready to give them all their privacy. Minister and Sister Harris seemed quietly devastated, yet I was still relieved to know that the healing process could finally begin. Sister Harris thanked me for coming as she walked me to the door. At least she seemed calm. I didn't dare look at Minister Harris, and he didn't even say good-bye. I felt confident that Michelle's family would soon become a strong support system after the initial shock had dissipated, of course. Then I walked to my car, opened my door, and before I could sit down, I heard Sister Harris scream.

Hearing Michelle's mom scream quickened my steps, but I didn't dare look back.

I felt her pain, so I prayed all the way home.The next beautiful spring day I awoke in my canopy bed to the sound of my favorite gospel station, WGSP New York. I bounced out of bed to the tune of Mary Mary's “Heaven.” After a good cool shower, I was refreshed and ready to face this Saturday with my father.

I walked into the living room and looked out of the window. The huge cloudsswirled around in dark circles, holding the promise of rain. When I lifted the window slightly, I first smelled the moisture in the air, but after the raindrops began to hit the pavement, the stench of wet cement settled in.

I backed away from the window as Taylor entered the room, wearing a silk nightie and high heeled slippers. Even her not together look was together.

“Aren't you going with us to Mama's gravesite?” I asked her.

“Not today,” Taylor answered.

I shook my head. “You're not going?”

“That's what I said.” Taylor looked like she was in one of her moods.

“May I ask, why not?”

“You can ask, but it ain't really none of your business.” Taylor rolled her eyes.

I turned and walked away from her before I had a chance to react in the flesh.
Help me, Lord Jesus
. I wanted to give Taylor a backhand across her face for being so selfish and disrespectful, but I didn't have time to deal with her nasty attitude. Besides, Daddy was already waiting for me to pick him up, and I wanted to hit the highway before it started pouring.

Sighing, I went into the bathroom and examined myself in the full-length mirror. I sucked in my stomach, adjusted my girdle underneath my pleated skirt, wishing my thighs weren't so unruly. I fluffed my hair and used concealer to mask the dark circles under my eyes. I wasn't my best today, but I was ready. Suddenly I remembered that Joshua was taking Yvonne into Manhattan today. I didn't understand what the rush was and why it couldn't wait until next weekend, but I didn't argue. It was all Sister Winifred's idea to partner her fireball of a niece with my man. I wasn't happy about it all, but I couldn't cancel on Daddy. Even though Joshua was trustworthy, I still had a bad feeling about it.

When I walked back into the living room, complete with cotton hat and matching purse, Taylor looked me up and down.

“You look cute,” Taylor complimented.

“Thanks.” I bit my tongue not to say more.

“I'm sorry about before, but I just don't feel like going anywhere with that man.” Taylor turned her back tome.

“That man is your father,” I said.

“And?”

“Okay, I understand.” I didn't understand.

“No, you don't.”

“You're right, I don't, but it's your choice.”

“That's right. It's my choice, and no one knows what I'm going through.” Taylor turned around with tears in her eyes.

“God knows.”

“There you go again with that God stuff.” Taylor stormed out of the room.

“Well, it's true. I don't know, but He does.” I followed my sister into her bedroom.

“Why doesn't he fix everything, then?”

“God moves in His own time. His thoughts are not our thoughts. His ways are not our ways.”

“I've heard that before.” Taylor dropped down onto her bed and didn't turn around.

“He is a problem solver.”

“Promises are for fools.”

“I'm nobody's fool.” I sensed offense rising up in her.

“That's a matter of opinion.”

“Such a pretty face and such an ugly mouth.” I placed my hands on my broad hips. “I can't reason with you.”

“Then don't.”

“I guess I'll see you when we get back this afternoon.” I was determined not to let my sister get to me.

“I'll be gone by then,” Taylor said.

“Good.” I let the door slam on the way out.

An hour later I sent Taylor a text message saying that I was sorry. Her response was:
YEAH, RIGHT
.

 

Sure enough, as soon as I returned to the apartment, Taylor was gone. Everything was quiet. No loud music, no gum smacking, no telephone gossiping. There was only Taylor's lingering exotic scent.

I dropped my purse down on the couch and went over to call Joshua on the cordless. I hadn't heard from him all day.

The phone rang twice, and then he answered.

“Hi.”

“Hi,” I said.

“What's going on?”

“Not much. Dad and I just got back from the cemetery.”

“Oh, right. How was it? Sorry I haven't called.”

“That's okay.” I held my breath, hoping to get an explanation, but really hoping for more than that. “I figured you were busy.”

Suddenly, I heard Yvonne's irritating laugh in the background. I felt my blood pressure rising.

“Busy is only half of it. We must've been in every store on the East and Westside. Sister Winifred told Yvonne to make sure she came home dressed like a New Yorker.”

“Oh.” I rolled my eyes, glad he couldn't see my expression through the phone. “How is Lilah holding up?”

“Great. Lilah loves shopping, especially since we stopped at a toy store and let her pick out a couple of things.”

“Really? It sounds like fun.”

“Are you kidding me? This was harder than all the banking I do at work. You know I'm not good with this shopping stuff. I should've let you show Yvonne around.”

You should've.
“I can imagine. I'm sorry I missed it.”

“I'm sorry too. You would have probably enjoyed it, being a woman and all,” Joshua said.

“Now, what's that supposed to mean?” I heard Lilah playing happily in the background.

“Nothing really,” Joshua said.

I wasn't handling this whole jealousy thing too well. “Well, I see you're busy . . . shopping, so I'll just talk to you later.”

“Actually, we're about to get Lilah some ice cream, and then we're leaving.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah we've got to wrap it up. I've got to get ready for class, remember?”

“Oh, I remember.” I was feeling more and more insecure as the seconds went by. “Look, I'll call you when I get in.” Joshua's voice didn't waver.

“Okay. Bye.” My heart felt like it was failing me as I contemplated our relationship and how complex it had become. I couldn't figure him out. Sometimes he was caring and attentive, and then other times he was distant and aloof. Then when I thought about the Yvonne factor, that only heated things up.

I took a quick shower, and then changed into a pair of sweatpants and a T-shirt. I lay across the living room couch, immobilized as I popped chocolate coated pretzels into my mouth.

I heard Taylor running up the stairs, taking her usual deep cleansing breaths when she reached the top of the stairs. I opened the door for her and caught Taylor searching her denim purse for her keys. “I'm surprised you're already back.” Taylor came in, mouth first.

“We never planned to stay very long, just long enough to leave fresh flowers. It makes Dad feel better,” I said.

Taylor walked by as I lifted myself up from the couch. Her clothes were wrinkled and wet. Her eyes looked heavy as if from sleepiness. Going straight for the kitchen, Taylor didn't stop until she made herself a chicken salad sandwich, one of my specialties. And while she was probably enjoying her moment of peace, I came in and sat down next to her.

“So what did you do today?” I tried very hard not to sound judgmental.

“Nothing much, just went out with some guy named Michael.”

I imagined Taylor involved in some sleazy rendezvous instead of with the family, and it made my heart sick. “Did you get my text?”

“Yeah, I did,” Taylor said. “We're cool.”

“Dad asked about you.”

“Really?”

“We missed you.” I looked into my sister's eyes, the same eyes I saw when I looked in the mirror.

“Now it ain't even that serious. You'll get over it.” Taylor took a big bite of her sandwich.

“Are you still going to the banquet with us tomorrow?” I hoped so. I couldn't stand the thought of more rejection.

“What banquet?”

I immediately gave her a reprimanding look. “Are you kidding me? The banquet at the church, the one I've been working on and talking about for months.”

“Right, the church banquet. Sure. I bought a ticket, didn't I?”

“Just checking.” I didn't dare challenge my sister. I remembered the text I sent to her earlier, telling her that Jesus still loves her. I just hoped with all my heart that she would accept that fact and change.

“Did you ever find out about that girl?”

I opened a box of Oreos. “You mean Michelle?”

“Yeah, her.”

“Yes, she's pregnant. I helped her tell her parents.”

Taylor's eyes brightened. Drama always excited her. “Ooh, I know they were mad.”

“They'll be okay. I'm going to help her.”

“So what else is new? You always tryin' to help everybody.” Taylor sucked her teeth. “You ain't no better than the rest of us.”

“I didn't say I was better.” I snapped back.

Taylor pulled back our sheer curtains and peeked through the window. “Hey, it's still early, so I say we go looking for wedding dresses.”

“Sure, why not.” I smiled at the thought of soon being a bride.

My cell phone rang, and I saw that it was Joshua. I picked it up and smiled. Maybe he missed me after all, I thought. “Hello,” I said in my most sultry voice.

“It's me again. I just wanted you to know that Mrs. Johnson just called and she has had a family emergency. I've got class tonight so . . .” He sounded very anxious.

My smile dissipated.

“I need you to babysit with Lilah.”