Julian's Pursuit (31 page)

“I… I want…” Her voice quivered. “I want to go home.”

I drew back slightly so I could look into her face. “Did he hurt you?”

She shook her head and there was something in her eyes that hadn’t been there before.

Relief churned with nausea in my stomach.

I lifted my hands to her face and lightly cupped her cheeks. “I think you should see a doctor.”

“No.” A broken cry escaped her. “I don’t want to see a doctor. I want to file a police report and then I want to go home.”

Seeing her distress caused every muscle in my body to grow rigid. I searched her face, studying her a moment longer before pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Okay.” I breathed her in, my voice gentling. “Okay.”

Chapter Thirty-Five

When I got out of the shower and padded naked into my room, I found Julian standing by the doorway. Even though he smiled, it did not reach his eyes, and his skin was pulled tight with worry. “Your mom knows what happened. Evan fell asleep on the sofa about ten minutes ago and I carried him to his room.”

I nodded once, then reached for my robe, pulled it on, and belted it.

He took a couple of cautious steps toward me. “Sadie,” he said softly, his voice labored with concern and fatigue.

I turned from him without comment and stared out the window, seeing nothing beyond the glass.

God. I was exhausted. Filing the police report had taken hours.

It was time consuming, invasive, difficult, but it had to be done.

As I kept my gaze fixed out the window, I gave myself over to the thoughts I’d held in check all night.

I didn’t trust Tim. But how well did I really know Julian?

In time, I heard Julian’s approach and felt his warm arms circle my waist from behind. He pulled me against him, melding my body to his.

When I flinched, I felt him grow very still. “Sorry, babes. Did I hurt you?”

I don’t know
, I wondered.
Did he?

Not in the way Tim had tried to hurt me. The external cuts and bruises were nothing compared to the pain I felt inside. The sting of betrayal that burned like a festering wound. Tim had planted the seed and my doubts had provided the water. “Were you still sleeping with Riley while you were seeing me?”

“Sadie…” His arms flexed around my waist and he drew me tight against his chest. “Why are you asking me this? Where is this coming from?”

“Did you?”

Behind me, Julian took several deep breaths. “No.”

“What about before that?” I felt the muscles along my neck and shoulders clench in apprehension. “You
did
have sex with her, didn’t you?”

“Sadie, please.” He sighed deeply when I grew rigid in his hold. “Don’t pull away from me.”

I let him turn me around and stood very still, holding my breath. “Tell me the truth.”

He opened his mouth to speak and I watched him, willing him to say no.

“Yes,” he said finally.

Yes
. That single word caught me sharply in the chest, driving a wedge between my ribs.

He brought a hand around the nape of my neck and rested his forehead against mine. “But I stopped seeing her once I knew we had a chance.”

My heart was pounding so loudly I could hardly hear my own voice as I spoke. “That’s not what I heard.”

“It’s the truth, Sadie.” His jaw flexed. “I swear. After the night I spent with you at the children’s hospital, the night Evan had his procedure, I cut things off with Riley.”

“How long did this go on for?” I had to forcibly swallow the lump in my throat before continuing. “How many times did you fuck her?”

He didn’t answer, but I saw his jaw tighten.

“How many?” I asked again.

“Sadie, please.” He inhaled sharply. “Don’t do this.”

I pulled far enough away that I could glare at him. “Answer me.”

“A couple. I don’t know…” His voice was strained and hardly sounded like his own. “Sadie, you don’t understand. It’s not what you think.”

“Then explain it to me.” My heart pounded painfully in my chest. “Help me understand. When did it start?”

He was slow to answer. And when he did, I heard the raw remorse in his voice. “Kip’s birthday at the Waterfront Grill. We had a couple drinks, and she came back to my place. It was nothing serious, I swear. Riley’s a lovely girl, I care about her but we weren’t together-together. Not like you and I.”

It was nothing serious. She’s a lovely girl. I care about her but
…

The words dragged across my heart like a shard of glass.

It sounded too familiar. All too
painfully
familiar.

“We were just hooking up. It was nothing more than that and it was never going to amount to anything more than that. It was just a fling.”

“A fling?” My voice was threaded with anger. “I’m sure Riley wouldn’t appreciate hearing herself being referred to as a fling.”

“But it was nothing serious.” He exhaled hard. “She meant nothing to me.”

She meant nothing to me.

A cold, leaden weight settled in my gut. I knew that was what Simon would have said about me if his fiancée ever found out about us.

That girl I got pregnant
…
she means nothing to me.

“Sadie, I swear.” His eyes were pleading. “It’s not what you think.”

“And she meant nothing to you?” I echoed hollowly. “Nothing at all?”

“No, I didn’t mean it to come out like that. I cared about her, yes. But the way I felt about her is nothing compared to what I feel for you.”

“Did Riley know this? Did she know how you really felt?” All I could think of was how distraught she’d looked when she caught Julian getting too close to me in the break room.

“I don’t know.” He pushed a hand through his hair. “I assumed so. We never really discussed it.”

“So how do you know she knew?”

“We didn’t go out on any dates, we didn’t spend any time together, we just—”

“You just fucked.” I felt like I was going to throw up.

“Sadie…” His face contorted with pain.

Dread pooled in my stomach and a lick of anger chased it up my spine. “And then when you were fucking me you just threw Riley out of your life like yesterday’s trash.”

“No, Sadie.” A muscle pulled at his jaw. “It wasn’t like that at all.”

“You just used her. How do you think Riley felt? You even bragged about sleeping with her at work.”

“What are you talking about?” He frowned. “I never told anyone at work. I never told anyone. Period.”

“Then why were the men in the office calling her names? Sexual names. Implying that… that she melts in your mouth, not in your hands.”

He expelled a weary sigh. “I wasn’t the only one in the office she was hooking up with.”

“You expect me to believe that?”

“After all that we’ve been through, I’d hope that you’d believe me. Sadie, I love you desperately, you know that, right?”

“No.” My tone was rapier-sharp and he tensed at the sudden edge in my voice. “Don’t you dare tell me you love me when you don’t mean it. Did you tell Riley you love her, too?”

“No. Because it would’ve been a lie. I don’t love her. Never have.” His hand reached up to caress my cheek and his gaze softened. “Sadie, if you’re worried that it would ever happen again or that I would ever be unfaithful to you, I’m telling you now that you have
nothing
to worry about. I would
never
do that to you. Never. I’m not Simon. I’m not your dad.”

“Stop.” My voice cracked across the room like a whip. “Enough. I don’t want to hear it.”

“Sadie…” He looked at me as if I had gone mad. Perhaps I had.

Crossing my arms, I dug my fingers into my flesh so hard as to leave bruises. “I want you to leave.”

“Don’t do this.” He reached for me and I flinched away before he could close the gap.

Pulling in a shaky breath, I hardened my heart against him. “I want you to leave.”

“Sadie.” He swallowed hard. “Please.”

“Get out!”

He stared at me without speaking, his eyes flaming, his expression agonized. Exhaling hard, he turned his back on me and left.

I bit down on a trembling lip and folded into myself, placing a hand on my chest, over the tender place there, telling myself that the pain would eventually subside.

It always did.

Chapter Thirty-Six

Over the next couple of days, I pushed away all thoughts of Julian and threw myself wholeheartedly into my new job as Account Director. I was still feeling too raw and confused to process my own feelings. And I was glad I didn’t have to face Julian. He hadn’t been in the office and I heard his assistant tell someone that he’d called in sick.

On Friday, I was busy reviewing some files when I heard a sharp rap on the door.

“Come in,” I called.

The door opened and Riley Jones stepped into my office. “Can we talk?” she asked.

“Sure.” I gestured to the chair across from me. “Have a seat.”

She edged farther into the room and sat down. “I heard about what happened with Tim,” she said without preliminaries. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”

Her words startled me that I nearly dropped the pen I held in my hand. “I’m fine.” I managed a smile. “Thanks for asking.”

“Don’t worry. No one else knows,” she assured me. “I only know because I’m seeing Seth and he told me about it.”

“Seth.” I couldn’t keep the surprise from my voice. “Seth Aldridge, the head of HR?”

“Well it’s all kind of new,” she said a little sheepishly. “We just started dating a few weeks ago. Um…” she hesitated. “No one’s supposed to know, of course.”

“Of course,” I said, nodding to show her that her secret was safe with me.

Seconds passed before she spoke again. “He tried to assault me, too, you know. Tim—I mean.”

At her words, everything inside me grew still. “When?”

“Earlier this week. The day you saw me in the break room looking spaced.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “That morning, I was out back having a smoke. Kip and Tim were having a smoke, too. After Kip left, I was alone with Tim and he kept staring at my chest. He was making me feel really uncomfortable. When I turned to leave, he pushed me up against the wall and called me a cock tease, a slut, a whore. He said other things about me that I don’t care to repeat. Degrading things. Then he grabbed my breasts and asked me to show him my tits.” The slightest of shudders passed through her body, but her voice was clear when she went on. “So I slapped him across the face and asked him to show me his brains. After that, I just ran.”

“I’m so sorry, Riley.”

“No, I’m sorry. You tried to warn me about him. You’re the only one who did. And you’re the only woman in this office who’s never called me a slut. Or tried to make me feel bad about myself. And I feel terrible for calling you names behind your back.”

“It’s okay,” I told her. “You don’t have to be sorry for anything.”

“It hurts, you know.” Riley twisted her hands in her lap. “Being called a slut. It’s painful. It sticks to me.”

She didn’t have to tell me that. I knew exactly how she felt. Being labeled a sadist bitch was painful for me, too.

Riley released her breath in a rush. “When the men here sleep around, they’re just having fun. But when I do it, I’m a slut. And I don’t feel slutty. I like to experience variety but I respect myself and I respect the people around me. I’ve only hooked up with single guys. Believe me, I’ve never
ever
slept with a married man.”

“Riley, it’s okay. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. I don’t judge you for how you choose to live your life and what you do in your personal life is none of my business.”

“I just feel I owe you an apology.” She was quiet for a heartbeat before she added, “I used to think that you made Regina George look like a girl scout. And I just want to say that I’m sorry for judging you.”

“Apology accepted.” I sighed. “Look, Riley. I’m no saint. I know I’ve been a legitimate bitch at times. But sometimes being a bitch was the only thing I could hold on to when Tim tried to take away my dignity, my peace, my sense of security.”