Junie B. Jones and a Little Monkey Business (2 page)

And also, I got to walk in her red high heels.

Only then I fell down in the kitchen. And so I quick took them off.

“Hey! I could crack my head open in these dumb things,” I said very loud.

After that, I opened up the ’frigerator. ’Cause I was hungry from playing, that’s why.

“HEY! GUESS WHAT? THERE’S A BIG FAT LEMON PIE IN HERE, FRANK!” I hollered.

And so then Grampa Miller got down two plates. And then me and him ate the big fat lemon pie for our dinner!!

Just pie and that’s all!!

And we’re not even going to get in trouble! ’Cause we’re going to tell Grandma that her cat ate it!

And here’s another very fun thing. I got to sleep in Grampa Miller’s guest room!

First I put on my p.j.’s with the feet in them. And then my grampa watched me brush my new front tooth. And he tucked me into the big guest bed.

“Sweet dreams, Junie B.,” he said.

Except for then I got a little bit of scared in me.

“Yeah. Only guess what, Grampa,” I said. “It’s very dark in this big room. And so there might be hidey things in here.”

Grampa looked all around the room. And also in the closet.

“Nope. No hidey things in here,” he said.

After that he left on the hall light for me. So my ’magination wouldn’t run wild.

Except I still didn’t sleep that good. ’Cause there was a drooly guy with claws under my bed, I think.

And so this morning, my eyes felt very sagging.

Only then I sniffed something that woke them right up.

And its name was delicious waffles!

Grampa Miller cooked them for me! And he let me pour on my own syrup. And he didn’t yell whoa! whoa! whoa!

After that, me and him played until it was time for kindergarten.

Except before I left, the funnest thing of all happened! My grandma Miller came home!

And she said that Mother had a baby!

And it was the boy kind!

Then me and her and my grampa all did a big giant hug!

And Grandma Miller picked me up. And she swinged me in the air.

“You’re just going to love him, Junie B.!” she said. “Your new brother is the cutest little monkey I’ve ever seen!”

Then my eyes got very wide. “He is? Really?” I said.

Grandma Miller put me down. Then she started talking to my grampa.

“Wait till you see him, Frank,” she said. “He’s got the longest little fingers and toes!”

I tugged on her dress. “How long, Grandma?” I said. “Longer than mine?”

But Grandma just kept on talking.

“And his hair, Frank! My word! He’s got oodles and oodles of thick black hair!”

I pulled on Grandma’s arm. “How come, Grandma? How come he’s got hair?” I asked. “I thought little babies were supposed to be baldies.”

But still, my grandma didn’t answer me.

“And he’s big, too, Frank. He’s much bigger than any of the other babies in the hospital. And you should feel how tightly he grabs on to your finger when you—”

Just then I stamped my foot very hard.

“HEY! I WANT SOME ANSWERS DOWN HERE, HELEN! HE’S MY BABY TOO, YOU KNOW!”

Grandma Miller frowned at me. ’Cause I’m not supposed to call her Helen, I think.

“Sorry,” I said kind of quiet.

Then Grandma Miller bended down next to me. And so I didn’t have to yell anymore.

“Are you telling me the truth, Grandma?” I said. “Is my brother
really
the cutest little monkey you ever saw? For really and honest and truly?”

Then my grandma Miller hugged me very tight.

“Yes, little girl,” she whispered in my ear. “For really and honest and truly.”

After that, she picked me up again. And me and her twirled all around the kitchen.

My room at kindergarten is named Room Nine.

I have two bestest friends in that place. One of them has the name of Lucille.

Lucille sits right exactly next to me.

She has a red chair. And also little red fingernails which are very glossy.

My other bestest friend is named Grace.

Me and that Grace sit together on the school bus. Except for not today we didn’t. Because today Grampa Miller drove me.

Then he walked to Room Nine with me.
And he waved at my teacher.

Her name is Mrs.

She has another name, too. But I just like Mrs. and that’s all.

When I first walked into my room, Lucille was looking at that Grace’s brand new shoes. And their name was pink high tops.

“Hey, Grace! Those new shoes look very beautiful on you!” I said.

But that dumb Grace didn’t even say
thank you
to me.

“Grace is angry at you,” said Lucille. “She said that she rode the bus today. And you weren’t even there to save her a seat. And she had to sit next to an icky kid. Right, Grace?”

Grace bobbed her head up and down.

“Yes, only I couldn’t help it, Grace,” I said. “That’s because I stayed at my grampa Miller’s all night. And there’s no bus at that
place. And so he had to drive me here today.”

Then I tried to hold that Grace’s hand. Only she quick pulled it away.

“That’s not very nice of you, Grace,” I said. “And so guess what? Now I’m not going to tell you my special secret.”

That’s when that Grace called me a poopy head.

Lucille held my hand. “
I
don’t think you’re a poopy head, Junie B.,” she said. “And so you can tell me your special secret. And I won’t tell anybody. Not even Grace.”

That’s when that Grace kicked Lucille in the leg.

And so Lucille pushed her down.

And Mrs. had to come pull them off each other.

I raised my hand very polite. “I wasn’t involved,” I said to Mrs.

After that, we had to sit down and do some work. It was called printing our numbers. Only I couldn’t do mine that good. Because Lucille kept on talking to me, that’s why.

“Come on, Junie B.,” she said in her whispering voice. “Tell me your special secret. I won’t tell. I promise.”

“Yes, only I
can’t
, Lucille,” I said. “’Cause no talking to your neighbor, remember?”

Then Mrs. snapped her fingers at me.

“SEE, LUCILLE? I TOLD YOU NO TALKING TO YOUR NEIGHBOR!” I hollered. “NOW I GOT SNAPPED AT!”

Just then a boy named Jim said, “Shush,” to me.

“Shush yourself, you big fat Jim,” I said back.

After that, Mrs. stood next to me till I
finished my work. Then I got all done and she collected it.

That made me happy inside. Because guess what comes after work? Something very fun, that’s what!

And its name is Show and Tell.

Mrs. stood next to her desk. “Who has something interesting to share with the class today?” she said.

Then my heart got very pumpy. Because I had the most special secret in the whole wide world!

I raised my hand way high in the air.

“OOOOOH! OOOOOH!” I hollered real loud. “ME! ME! ME!”

Mrs. shook her head at me. Because I’m not supposed to go oooooh, oooooh, me, me, me.

She called on William. He is a cry-baby
boy in my class. I can beat him up, I think.

“William?” said Mrs. “Since you raised your hand so politely, you may go first.”

And so then William carried a paper bag to the front of the room. And he took out a jar of two dead crickets.

Except for William didn’t know they were dead. He just thought they were sleeping.

“Jump, Hoppy! Jump, Russell!” said William.

Then he tapped on the glass.

“Hey! Wake up in there!” he said.

After that, William started shaking the jar all over the place. And he wouldn’t stop.

“WAKE UP, I SAID!” he shouted.

Then Hoppy and Russell started falling all apart. And Mrs. had to take the jar away.

That’s when William started to cry. And he had to go to the nurse’s office to lie down.

And so then I raised my hand way high in the air again.

Because guess what? My Show and Tell was
way
better than two dead crickets!

Mrs. called my name.

“Junie B.? Would you like to go next?” she asked.

Then I jumped right up. And I ran speedy fast to the front of the room.

“Guess what?” I said very excited. “Last night my mother had a baby! And it’s the boy kind!”

Mrs. clapped her hands.

“Junie B. Jones has a new little brother, everyone!” she said. “Isn’t that wonderful?”

Then all of Room Nine clapped, too.

“Yes, only you haven’t even heard the bestest part yet!” I said very loud. “Because guess what else? He’s a MONKEY! That’s what else! My new brother is a real, alive, baby MONKEY!!!”

Mrs. got a funny look on her face. And she squinted her eyes very tiny. And so maybe she didn’t hear me or something, I think.

“I SAID I’VE GOT A MONKEY BROTHER!” I shouted real louder.

Then that mean Jim jumped right up from his desk. And he hollered, “Liar, liar, pants on fire!”

“No they are not on fire, you big fat Jim!” I said back. “I do too have a monkey brother! You can ask my grandma Miller if you don’t believe me!”

Mrs. raised her eyebrows way high on her head.

“Your grandmother told you that your brother is a monkey?” she asked me.

“Yes!” I said. “She told me he has long
fingers and long toes. And lots of black fur all over himself!”