Just a Little Crush (Crush #1) (7 page)

Ryder leaned back, placing his palms on the ground behind him. “I’ve never really spent time on campus this late at night. Kind of nice.”

“It is.” The sky was dark but a few stars were visible. A gentle breeze rustled the trees overhead. I stretched my legs out and crossed them at the ankle.

“Tell me something about yourself,” Ryder said.

“Like what? There’s nothing that interesting.”

“Everything about you interests me. Start with your major.”

“Biology.”

“Pre-med?” he asked.

It wouldn’t be easy to get into med school, and I worried people wouldn’t take my aspirations to do so seriously. I glanced at him and nodded. “Yeah.”

He cocked an eyebrow. “Impressive.”

I smiled. “Thanks. How about you?”

“Civil engineering.”

“Seriously?”

“Don’t look so surprised.” He grinned. “Tell me something else.”

“I don’t know what else to say. Ask me what you want to know and I’ll answer.”

“Okay, then, quick fire. Ready?” He glanced at me.

“Fire away.”

“Do you like scary movies?”

“No.”

“Do you like to read?”

“Yes.”

“Do you eat sushi?”

“No.”

“Do you like chocolate?”

“Yes.”

“Do you like Noah?”

“No.”

“Did you hate me in high school?”

“Yes.”

“Do you hate me now?”

“No.”

“Can I kiss you?”

“Yes.”

As the word left my mouth he cupped my cheek, leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine in a kiss that was hot and sweet all wrapped up in one. His fingers slipped around my neck and he scooted closer.

It didn’t matter that we sat outside the dorms, I just wanted his body closer to mine. I sat on my knees and angled toward him. His tongue swept over mine then ran along my top lip.

Shivers drifted through me as my stomach tightened. Without breaking the kiss, he cradled my hips and pulled me onto his lap. My knees pressed into the grass on either side of him and he ran his fingers along my thighs before tightening his grip and holding me firmly to where he strained against his jeans. The dress I wore rode up and the thin fabric of my panties was insubstantial against him. The tiny bit of rational thought I clung to fought the urge to moan and grind my body against him.

He slid his hands under my dress, following the curves of my back. Then ran his fingers down before settling his hands on my ass. “You look so fucking hot in this dress,” he said, lips inches from mine. His mouth crushed mine and he tugged my lip between his teeth.

I squirmed against him and an intense wave of pleasure radiated up my body. A moan started in my throat and I clamped my mouth shut.

Ryder groaned. He pressed his lips against my neck, trailing kisses until he reached my ear. “I want you so fucking bad right now.” He licked my ear and nibbled at the lobe. “Which is why I need to take you back to your dorm now.”

I jerked away. “What?”

“I may not know you as well as I want to, but I think I know you well enough to say you wouldn’t be doing this if you hadn’t been drinking.”

“I’m not drunk,” I said, though he’d made a valid point. We were going at it…in public. Maybe I wasn’t being myself. Problem was, it wasn’t the shots. I was drunk on him.

“Regardless, you deserve better than this.” He slid me off his lap and stood. “C’mon.”

My dress fell back into place as I stood. Though he’d probably said and done the right thing, I was beyond disappointed. He handed me my shoes and I carried them while he held my other hand.

We didn’t speak the entire way back to the dorms.

“You don’t have to walk me inside,” I said at the door leading into Laney Hall.

“Of course I do.” He held the door open and I slipped past him.

The elevator felt like a box without air holes. The tension between us sucked every last molecule of oxygen from our shared space. His gaze bore into me but I kept staring at my feet.

“I knew you hated me in high school,” he said.

I looked up.

He’d leaned against the wall, hands resting on the metal wraparound bar, and his shirt pulled tight against his chest. “I deserved it. I felt horrible about that night. The party.”

Blood rushed into my cheeks. God, I wished I could erase it from both our memories. “Please, let’s not talk about it.”

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I cared more about what my friends thought than doing the right thing. In that moment it was easier to be an asshole than admit—”

“It’s fine. We were young. It’s stupid. In the past.” The elevator dinged at my floor and I spun to face the doors as they crept open. Reliving that moment was horrible enough, doing it with Ryder was torture.

He pressed his body against my back and slid his hand over my waist. His breath was hot on my neck as he spoke. “I was young and stupid, and it may be the past, but I can’t forget it. I don’t want to.” He pressed his lips against my neck and my skin prickled. My head lolled to the side as his tongue flicked out and seared my skin.

A shiver raked through me, but I hid it by breaking free of his grasp and shaking him off. “I can walk the rest of the way. Thanks.”

He captured my hand. “Brinley.”

I glanced over my shoulder.

“I’m trying.”

Before I could respond, a door opened, drawing my attention away.

“Mason?”

He pulled the sock off the knob and tossed it into my room before closing the door. He flipped his blond hair from his eyes. “Won’t be needing that anymore,” he said with a smirk.

“You’re wasted,” I blurted.

Ryder came to my side and Mason’s eyebrows slanted over his narrowed gaze.

My stomach twisted into knots and nausea overtook me. “Why…why were you in my room?”

“You gave me permission. Remember?” He laughed but it didn’t sound like Mason. It was cruel. “Have fun tonight?” He pointed at Ryder and glared at me. His words slurred a little and he placed his hand on the wall for support.

“You—You slept with her? But you said—”

“I asked you a question.”

Ryder’s arm brushed me as he moved closer. I glanced at him. The muscle in his jaw clenched.

I looked back to Mason. How did he get here so quick? “I don’t understand. We were at the club. Why were you…Why, Mason?” Hurt and betrayal weakened me. It really wasn’t my place to say whether or not he could sleep with her, but he’d said he wouldn’t and some part of me had clung to that reassurance. Fallon had grown on me lately, but that didn’t mean I wanted to come home and find her screwing my best friend.

“Don’t act stupid. Sweet little Brinley.” His tone was mocking. “I was here for
you
. But where were you? Huh?” He glared at Ryder then back at me. “Don’t fool yourself. He doesn’t like you. He just wants to fuck you.”

I gasped.

“I think it’s time for you to sleep it off.” Ryder spoke in a controlled tone but his posture was rigid, like he was barely holding it together.

“Fuck off.” Mason stepped forward, his fist clenched.

Ryder’s shoulders stiffened and I stepped between them.

“Mason, go to your room.” My throat was dry and scratchy. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“I’ll leave when he leaves.” He nodded his head toward Ryder. His chin remained tilted, begging for a reason to throw a punch.

I glanced at Ryder. His green eyes had gone dark.

Mason asked, “Well, Brinley, who is it? Who are you choosing?”

“What? When did this become about choosing anyone? You’re my best friend, you know that, but right now you’re acting like a real asshole. You’re drunk and probably won’t remember half of this in the morning, but I will, so let’s do us both a favor. Shut up and go to your room.”

“And him. He stays?” he scoffed.

“No, he goes too. But I’m not sending the two of you down in that elevator together.”

“I’ll take the stairs,” Mason barked, and headed toward the exit door.

“Can you manage stairs?” I asked.

“I’ll take the stairs,” Ryder grumbled.

“I said I’d take the fucking stairs,” Mason shouted.

I rushed after him as he slammed his hand against the door, swinging it open. If he did manage his way downstairs, he’d make a commotion and probably have the RA in our business.

“Mason, wait.”

He glanced back then continued walking.

“Ryder, I’m sorry.”

He’d crammed his hands in his pockets. “Me too.” He turned, pressed the elevator button and stepped in when the doors opened.

Anger, directed at Mason, surged through me. I rushed down the stairs and had no problem catching up to him.

“Go after him. You know you want to,” Mason said. “I don’t need you to babysit me.”

“Shut up and quit being an ass.”

We reached the landing to his floor and he spun toward me, pressed me to the wall and put his hands beside my head. “Why him?”

My breath caught at the suddenness. I rolled my eyes and tried to slip under his arm. “Stop acting weird.”

He slid it lower, locking me into place. His eyes were dark and glassy, his lips red like they always got when he drank too much. “I told myself it wouldn’t matter. I wouldn’t get jealous. But why him? I can’t stand the thought of him touching you.”

Countless times I’d slept in the same bed as Mason, and never once had he pushed boundaries. But in this moment, something had changed in the way he looked at me. It was almost possessive and I didn’t like it. This wasn’t my Mason. I stared directly into his eyes, needing him to hear my words. “Mason, you’re dru—”

He pressed his mouth against mine and cradled the back of my head with his hand. I pulled away but he held me in place.

His tongue slipped into my mouth and I squirmed against the wall, trying to break free. What was he thinking? Everything about this was wrong. So incredibly wrong. He was supposed to be my best friend. Didn’t he understand this one kiss could ruin everything?

I pressed both hands on his chest and pushed him away.

“Stop,” I yelled. “I get it. You don’t want me with Ryder, but I’ll be damned if you’re going to kiss me after your mouth has been all over my slutty roommate!” I shoved him back and broke free of his arms. “I love you to death, but right now you are acting like a huge fucking asshole. Go to your damn room, get some sleep and we’ll talk tomorrow, but for the sake of our friendship don’t say another word. Don’t touch me. Just walk away. Like I’m doing now.” I spun and raced back upstairs. If he got busted by the RA it wasn’t my problem. Not tonight.

Once in my room I peeled off the borrowed dress. Slipped on a T-shirt and flopped onto the bed. Tears from anger stung my eyes.

Stupid Mason. Freaking Fallon. And Damn Ryder.

How had my night gotten so screwed up? And why did Mason have to go and kiss me?

Now I remembered why I hated alcohol. It took people I knew and loved and changed them into people who cared only about themselves, and didn’t care who they hurt in the process.

Fallon snored softly like she always did when drunk.

I glared. Tonight had seemed like a breakthrough in our friendship and then she goes and sleeps with my best friend after making out with Luke in the club.

I rolled onto my side, tucked into a ball and pulled the pillow over my head.

My phone chimed. If it was a drunk text from Mason I probably didn’t want to read it, but curiosity got the best of me. I flipped over and dug through my purse.

Ryder:
Did you make it back to your room okay?

Me:
Yeah. Sorry about that.

Ryder:
I guess I asked about the wrong guy tonight.

Me:
Yeah, you did.

Ryder:
So, do you like Mason?

Me:
Wrong guy again.

Ryder:
?

Me:
Ask me if I like you.

Ryder:
I don’t want the answer to that one.

What did that mean? I’d really thought after tonight there could be something more between us. I stared at my phone, having no response for him.

Ryder:
Guess I should say I’m scared to hear the answer.

Me:
Scared I’ll say yes, or scared I’ll say no?

Ryder:
Both.

Me:
Oh.

Ryder:
Be ready tomorrow night at 7. There’s somewhere I want to take you.

I’d been ready for over an hour, switched outfits three times and fixed my hair twice. The clock read five after seven. Maybe Ryder had changed his mind.

The length of my dorm room didn’t allow for much pacing but I marched back and forth.

Fallon, who’d nursed quite the hangover most of the day and had gotten out of bed only to pee and puke, pulled the blanket over her head and groaned. “You’re like a herd of elephants. Stop stomping around.”

My footsteps hadn’t been that heavy but I was damn sure going to make them be now.

Mason hadn’t called and I refused to call him. He had some apologizing to do and maybe a little groveling. He’d probably spent his day much like Fallon had and that gave me a little satisfaction.

A knock at the door saved her from further torture.

“Hey, ready?” Ryder stood in my doorway looking delectable. Like lick-the-bowl delicious. His hair, which usually brushed over his forehead, had been combed to the side, and he wore an olive green long-sleeve shirt that set off his eyes. It fit just snugly enough to make out the lines of his chest.

“Yeah.”

“May want to bring a jacket.”

I grabbed my favorite hoodie and closed my door harder than necessary. I heard Fallon swear from inside.

“Roommate feel like shit?”

“And then some.”

“So have you talked to her…or him?”

“No. She’s been in bed all day. I assume he has too.”

He nodded but said nothing more.

He drove us to a park with a hike-and-bike trail. I pulled on my hoodie and let him lead me down the path until we came to an overlook. From where we stood the city was nothing more than blinking lights and streaming colors. Directly in front of us was a bridge. Lights beamed from the base, angled up with each arch, then bowed down, repeating the pattern.

“I love this view.” Ryder sat on a large rock with a smooth surface. He patted the spot beside him.

The cold rock sent a chill through me. I hugged my hoodie closed. “It is a pretty amazing view.”

“I like bridges.” He smiled then faced forward. “Always have. When I was a kid, my dad and I used to build these really elaborate bridges with blocks and things from around the house. We tried to find new ways to construct them each time. Trial and error. Which structure was sturdiest? How much weight could each hold? Drove Mom crazy when she’d come home and find them stretched from one side of the living room to the other. But Dad always encouraged it. Said it was good practice because he knew, one day, I’d be building ones like this.” He gestured to the lighted bridge in front of us.

“That sounds like a great memory. I never knew my dad. Mom had me at sixteen. He chose not to be around.” I shrugged.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“It’s okay. I never met him so I have nothing to miss. Mom raised me alone. Well, I should say my grandma did. Mom would rather pretend she’s my older sister.” I snapped my mouth shut, unsure why I’d just shared so much personal information. “So are you and your dad still close?” I asked, redirecting the conversation back to him.

“My parents divorced when I was fifteen. Dad moved out. Mom changed. Things changed.”

“I’m sorry. Do you see your dad often?”

“Nah. He moved out of state. I visited him in the summers but nothing was ever the same. Mom remarried the summer after I graduated high school. I hate the guy she married but he makes her happy.” He shrugged. “Or maybe his money makes her happy. He’s an attorney. Dad was a construction foreman. Very different lifestyle.”

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

“An older sister and a stepbrother.”

“Are y’all close?”

“My sister’s five years older than me, but we’re close.”

“And your stepbrother?”

He tugged the tiny metal hoop between his teeth then said, “I tolerate him.”

“Do you see him often?”

“More than I’d like.” He stretched his legs out. “So what about you?”

“Well, if you don’t count my mom, then no, no siblings. It’s weird, and I know people will think I’m crazy, but I don’t want my mom to be my friend. I want her to be my parent.” I chose not to mention her failed relationships, drinking and the countless times I helped her to bed. “I think she’s trying to relive her youth. You know, the one I stole from her.”

“You didn’t steal her youth. Her decisions did.”

I brushed a strand of hair off my face and tucked it behind my ear, slipped my hands in my sleeves and wrapped my arms around my knees. “I think that’s why I’m scared to make the same decisions she did.”

He glanced at me then stared straight ahead and nodded. “Makes sense. I’m scared to make my parents’ mistakes too.”

“Is that why you don’t do
girlfriend
?”

He grinned and stared down at his hands. “You have a good memory.” He cleared his throat. “Yeah. That’s part of it.”

“What’s the rest of it?”

He sighed. “It’s a lot of things.”

“Oh.” I hugged my knees closer to my chest.

“We aren’t that different, you know?”

I rotated my head from where it rested on my knees, and smiled. “I think you and I are very different. Complete opposites actually.”

“Why have you never had sex?”

I sat upright. “What? You don’t know I haven’t, not that it’s any of your business.”

“So you have?” He quirked up an eyebrow.

The darkness thankfully hid my cheeks, which probably flamed red. “Really none of your business.”

“I’m not asking to be an ass, I’m making a point. Look, for the sake of argument, I’m presuming you haven’t. And I’m guessing there are probably a lot of reasons why, but the main two: You’re scared to make your mom’s mistakes and you haven’t found the right person.”

I didn’t respond but he was right.

“Well, there you go. My reasons for not having girlfriends are the same. My parents haven’t left me with much faith in relationships but maybe the right girl would change that.”

Hope sparked in my chest, though I quickly smothered it. For me to be the right girl, he’d have to be the right guy. I wanted him. Like, bad. But having sex with him terrified me. I’d waited long enough to want it to be special and not just a quick devirginzation like Mason had offered. But Ryder wasn’t the kind of guy a girl like me should get attached to. He was a little too seasoned. I’d be terrified to make an inexperienced fool out of myself. Last night’s campus make-out session already made me uncomfortable to think about. Even though I’d denied it at the time, alcohol
had
been a factor. Well, and all that dancing. It was like sex standing up. Who wouldn’t get turned on doing that with him? But now that he’d essentially confirmed my virgin status, my personal insecurities were insurmountable.

“Is it that obvious?” I asked.

“What? That you’re a virgin?”

I buried my head in my hands, tucked into the space between my knees and chest.

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about, and no.”

The sound of sirens whistled in the distance then faded into the night.

I peeked at him then focused back on the streaming lights below. “So what gave it away?” If he said the way I kissed, I’d die of embarrassment.

“To be honest, I think lots of guys try to get in your pants.”

I scoffed and shook my head. “Not really.”

“You’re oblivious to the way they look at you. That’s when I assumed you were.”

“You make me sound naïve and stupid.”

“Not naïve. Innocent, maybe. Which isn’t a bad thing, but it scares me. I’m worried some guy’s going to take advantage of that.”

“Some people think you’re that guy.”

“I know.” He pulled up one leg and rested his arm on his knee. “That worries me too.” He stood and wandered to the edge of the overlook.

“I’m not as innocent as you think, you know,” I said.

He grinned at me over his shoulder. “I gathered as much.” He turned and leaned against the guardrail. “That day, when you walked into the coffee shop, I couldn’t resist talking with you, but once I did, I knew it had been a bad idea. I figured the odds of running into you again were slim, but then you showed up at my place. And everything about you was just so different than the other girls who are usually interested in guys like me, which is also why I knew you’d get hurt.” He shook his head and looked away. “So, I decided to just get to know you. I thought if you became a person to me, I’d never be able to hurt you. Because that’s what I do. When I see a girl I want, I go after her. I sleep with her. Then I’m done. That’s the truth. That’s me.”

He stared at me like he wanted a reaction, but what did he expect? Was I supposed to tell him he disgusted me? Because he didn’t. In fact, it only intrigued me. He’d said he wanted me but then he took me back to my dorm. “So is that why you don’t want to sleep with me? Because you know me now?”

He chuckled. “Who said I don’t? My plan didn’t exactly work. Getting to know you only made me want you that much more. In case you haven’t noticed, every time I’m around you, it tends to end the same way. So, I’m being honest with you. I’m telling you who I am so I can never hurt you. I don’t trust myself around you.”

I slid down from the rock and walked up to him.

His gaze followed my every movement and he stiffened as I closed the gap.

“You had the chance last night and you didn’t.” I slid my hands over his chest to his shoulders. “I trust you.”

“Don’t ever trust me.” His tone was pleading and it pulled at me.

No matter what words came out of his mouth, instinct told me he wouldn’t intentionally hurt me.

On my tiptoes, I laced my hands around his neck and pulled his mouth to mine. When my lips brushed against his, he brought his hand to my cheek and gently pushed me back.

“Brinley.” He sounded exasperated.

My feet flattened onto the packed dirt, and I stared at him for a moment. “I’m sorry.” I spun away, headed for the hike-and-bike trail. “We should go. It’s late and I have class tomorrow.”

“Wait.”

Leaves and sticks littered the walkway, creating potential hazards. I hoped he followed because I found the darkness terrifying but refused to slow down and face my embarrassment. We weren’t far from where the car was parked, but I was thankful when footsteps fell in step behind me.

“Slow down, please.”

I ignored him and made it to the car. His doors were locked so I waited by the passenger side. I hugged my sides as he approached, but the doors didn’t click open.

Ryder turned me to face him. “We need to get something straight. Not kissing you right then was one of the hardest things I’ve done.” He ran his finger over my cheek and tilted my head up. “I want you. Understand? So fucking bad it kills me to be around you.” He brushed his lips over mine and whispered against them, “I want to taste you.” He traced the seam of my lips with his tongue. “Here.” He ran his hand over my neck and along my collarbone. “Here.” He placed another light kiss on my lips then ran his hand down my chest and cupped my breast. His thumb brushed over me and warmth shot through me. My breath caught and he sighed against my mouth then said, “Here.” He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and ran his hand down my stomach and between my thighs. “And especially here.”

A sigh slipped out, and he rubbed his hand over me as I arched into him. He shoved his tongue past my lips and tangled it with mine. His hungry kisses made my mouth raw as he stroked me. I sucked his tongue and he groaned then tore free. The door clicked unlocked.

“Get in,” he said, his voice gruff.

My breathing was erratic as I stood stunned. He walked around to the driver’s door and I scrambled into the car. He seemed pissed and I didn’t know how to respond. Frustrated and confused, I buckled up and sank into my seat.

He pulled out of the parking lot in silence.

Though pretty sure he sped, I kept my mouth shut. He seemed in a hurry to get me home and away from him. So when he pulled into the parking lot of his dorm, I didn’t know what to think. Maybe the walk back to my dorm would cool us both off.

When I got out of the car, he grabbed my hand and led me inside his building. I waited for an explanation that never came.

He opened the door to his suite and swore when he saw Noah on the couch.

“What the hell?” Noah asked.

Ryder ignored him and pulled me toward his room.

“Ryder, what the fuck are you doing?” Noah stood and gaped at us.

I glanced between them. What the hell
was
he doing? Not only was this situation awkward, he still hadn’t spoken to me. He seemed pissed, yet dragged me to his room.

“I’ll deal with you later,” he grumbled to Noah.

“Bullshit. We’ll talk now.”

“No. We won’t.”

“Always have to win, don’t you? Think you can just haul her off and force yourself on her? Is that how you plan to win?”

“This isn’t a fucking competition!” Ryder banged his fist against the wall and let go of my hand.

I stepped back and stared at him.

Noah raised an eyebrow, “Since wh—”

“If you don’t shut the fuck up, I’ll shut you up,” Ryder growled.

“You won’t do shit.” Noah crossed his arms. “So what did he tell you, huh? What did he say to get you in his bed?”

Ryder grabbed Noah by the shirt. “So help me God, if you don’t shut your fucking mouth I’ll beat the sh—”

“Ryder,” I gasped, and covered my mouth with my hand.

He glanced at me. His eyes had gone dark.

I took a step back.

He blinked and released Noah with a shove.

Noah righted himself and said, “So she sees your true colors after all.” He snatched his pack of cigarettes off the table and stomped out the front door.

Ryder stormed in the opposite direction, brushing past me and into his room. He was about to slam his door when he saw me standing there. The hard lines of his face softened and he paused. He plopped onto his bed and buried his face in his hands.

I stepped into his room and shut the door behind me. Closing myself in the room with him might not be the smartest idea, but I still didn’t believe he really could hurt anyone. There was more between him and Noah. There had to be.

“You should go.” His voice sounded strained.