Just a Little Crush (Crush #1) (3 page)

I’d been so distracted it took me a moment to notice that everyone in the circle had shifted and stared at where we sat tucked into a corner.

Two guys craned their heads back and one gestured toward me. “It’s pointing at her.”

“No, he needs a re-spin,” Ava demanded.

“No way. Rules are: Where it lands it stays,” the first guy said.

“If we change the rules for him, we have to change them for everyone,” the other added.

“This is stupid.” Ava crossed her arms and scowled.

“It’s fine,” said Ryder. “It’s where it landed. Whatever.” He shrugged, stood and nodded toward me. “Come on.”

He moved with the kind of confidence I could only dream of having. And it was, hands down, the most attractive
and
intimidating thing about him. Which said a lot, considering he was crazy good-looking, with every inch of him built to perfection.

He glanced back to see if I’d followed.

“Look at her. She’s too scared to even go,” Ava laughed.

“Shut up, Ava,” Mason barked. He turned to me. “You don’t have to do this.”

Every gaze turned to me and I knew I’d hit a pivotal moment. If I said no, I’d be deemed the girl too scared to kiss the hottest guy in school. If I went, I’d be the girl who kissed the hottest guy in school.

I sucked up a ton of courage, then stood, adjusted my skirt and shrugged. “It’s fine. I just didn’t realize I was playing.” I followed Ryder to the bathroom while Ava shot daggers at me.

Girls like her probably always got chances like this. As Mason had said, she was the trifecta of popular: pretty, blond, cheerleader. But girls like me could only rely on luck, and now that it had struck, I’d be an idiot not to jump on this opportunity.

Once in the bathroom, the door clicked as he locked it. I stared at the tile floor. Trapped in this tiny space with Ryder sent my blood rushing and heart pounding. I took several even breaths, praying I wouldn’t hyperventilate.

He leaned against the sink and said, “We don’t actually have to kiss. It’s a dumb game. So don’t worry, I’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to.” He put his hand out as if to reassure me.

But I wanted it. Really wanted it.

Though butterflies filled my stomach and I was terrified I’d make some horrible mistake, I wanted to kiss him. Or, more accurately, I wanted
him
to kiss
me.

“We just need to let seven minutes pass and then we can go out. Not a big deal.”

But clearly, that wasn’t what he wanted. All the tingling nervousness settled into a cold lump in the pit of my stomach. “Oh. Okay.”

“So we have Biology together, right?”

I nodded, shocked he knew that, but, of course, I was the only freshman in the class, so maybe that had a little to do with it.

“Mr. B’s a pretty cool teacher, huh?”

“Yeah.”

A few moments of awkward silence passed before he finally asked, “So what should our story be?”

“Huh?”

“When we go out. Do you want me to tell everyone we kissed or we didn’t?”

I briefly met his gaze then stared at the toilet, having the sudden urge to hang my head in it. “Um, I don’t care. Whatever you want to say.”

“It won’t affect me. So it’s your choice.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Well, if I say we did, it could be nothing. They may think nothing of it and drop it, or they may turn it on you and say you kissed a guy you don’t even know in the bathroom. I’ve seen it go both ways.”

What went on at these parties? “Um, and if we say we didn’t?”

“They’ll probably laugh at you, claim you’re scared or say things like I didn’t want to kiss you.”

“So either way you walk out of this on top?” I shook my head, incredulous that no matter what we said, I’d still be the outcast and he’d still be the cool kid.

“I’m sorry. It’s not like that’s what I want.”

“So you knew this, the moment you chose to come in here? You knew that if I followed you through that door, I’d probably come back out worse off than when I went in?”

He looked down. “Had I not come in here with you, it would have been worse. I did it for you. I did it so you wouldn’t be embarrassed out there.”

Sweet and insulting all in one breath. Wow.

“I figured once we came in here we could figure out how you wanted it to go. Look, I’m trying. I’m giving you the choice now. The one you didn’t have when the bottle landed on you.”

There had been one other choice. Never even coming to this party. I didn’t belong. I’d never be accepted as part of this crowd. One way or another, they’d find a way to ostracize me. My eyes stung with impending tears.

“I’m sorry,” he said.

I looked into his eyes and saw genuine regret. “It’s fine.”

“I can tell everyone I wanted to kiss you, but you wouldn’t let me.”

I stared at the ceiling. “How in the world would that help? And anyway, no one would buy it.”

“Why not?”

“No one would believe you’d
want
to kiss me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?” He’d scrunched his face but somehow still managed to look gorgeous. “You’re pretty, you’re smart, I see no reason not to.”

“Because I’m not one of you.”

“One of who?”

“Forget it. It doesn’t matter. No one will believe anything. Whether you say you wanted to or said we did, no one will believe it. Guys like you don’t kiss girls li—”

He pushed off the sink and pressed his mouth to mine. His lips were soft as they brushed over me, moving gently against my mouth.

Having no experience kissing boys, my brain went into overdrive trying to remember everything from the magazines I kept hidden under my bed.

Step one: Relax your mouth. Step two: Part lips. Step thr—

He slipped his tongue past my parted lips. It swept over mine, bypassing steps three through five. I was out of steps. What now?

With his forefinger, he tilted my chin and slanted his mouth. His tongue twirled with mine and I did my best to mimic his every move in reverse. It only made logical sense. When his tongue ran over and under, I countered with under and over. When his lips nipped at my bottom lip, I nipped at his top. When his head moved left, mine moved right. The kiss was in perfect balance as I focused on applying the basic Unity of Opposites theory.

Ryder moved his hand to my waist. His grip tightened and the magnitude of the kiss hit.

I was kissing Ryder.

He was kissing me.

My hand slipped behind his neck as I pushed my fingers into his hair. The proverbial falling in love made no sense, since I was certainly in love, yet felt as if I could float right out of the room.

His fingers dug into my waist and he pushed his body against mine.

But what was th—Oh my God.

My feet landed firmly back in reality and I panicked. Shoving him away, I stared down at his swim trunks which, instead of concealing, only confirmed what I’d felt. How did we go from first kiss to…to that? I glanced at his face.

Pink crept into his cheeks almost matching the reddening of his lips.

But nothing in my magazines had prepared me for this, so I did the only thing I could think of. I bolted. I clawed at the door, flung it open and raced out. Everyone stared as I attempted to escape, but the pool-house door wouldn’t open. Trapped, I yanked again. Laughter surrounded me and I jerked the door harder.

“Um, try pushing,” said Ava.

With a push, I flew out the door, stumbled and glanced back just as Ryder made his way out of the bathroom, looking as horrified as I felt. I spun, caught my ankle on a chair and went toppling, headfirst, into the pool.

I wanted to just drown, but my head popped out of the water and I was forced to swim to the steps. Laughter echoed around me. Thankful the water hid my tears, I pushed my hair out of my face and stepped onto the stairs. A hand reached out to me and I looked into Mason’s dark eyes.

Someone spoke from within the forming crowd. “Man, Ryder, what did you do to her?”

Against every ounce of my better judgment, I glanced back.

Ryder stepped through the crowd, his expression a mixture of embarrassment and confusion. He seemed to be making a decision and something sparked inside of me. Like a tiny bit of hope that he’d defend me. He’d tell them he kissed me. He wanted me.

Another guy said, “Whatever it was, she needed to nose-dive into the pool to cool off.”

Ryder muttered, “More like bellyflop.”

He’d mumbled it like some random thought he didn’t really plan to share and I’d almost wondered if I heard him right.

But then, with a laugh, his friend raised his hand in the air and said, “Good one.”

Ryder glanced between his friend’s raised hand and me. His confused expression slipped into a cocky grin, as he high-fived his friend and winked at me. “Not my problem if she can’t handle the heat.”

And in the seven seconds it took for him to make that decision—the one where he threw me under the bus—I made one of my own. I hated Ryder Briggs. My lip trembled and I clamped it with my teeth as my throat tightened.

“Nice training bra.” Ava snickered, staring at my transparent white top.

“Shut up, Ava. Just because you stuff a box of tissues down your shirt—”

“Get out,” she screamed at Mason.

He grabbed my hand and led me away. Dumbfounded, horrified, humiliated—the trifecta of loser.

I’d gained three things from that party. A new best friend—Mason. A new nickname—Bellyflop Brinley. And a new opinion of Ryder Briggs—he was scum. I swore to hate him from that day forth, and I did. And that hatred traveled with me all the way through high school.

I hated the way Ryder’s hair fell over his eyes, begging me to brush it away. I hated the way his T-shirt hugged his biceps when he slung his backpack over his shoulder. I hated the way he’d run his tongue over his bottom lip when he was lost in thought. I hated the way he sprawled in his chair, his jeans always reminding me of that day. But most of all, I hated the way he grew, right before my eyes, from a boy into a man. Yep, I hated every freaking thing about him.

A knock at the door woke me. I groaned and rolled over. What time was it? The knock repeated. I glanced at Fallon’s bed. My roommate was gone. Her bed left unmade and her keycard on the nightstand. Dammit. She’d locked herself out again.

One day I wouldn’t be here to let her back in. I kicked off the covers and stumbled to the door.

“Seriously, Fallon.” I swung the door open. “Can you never remem—”

Ryder’s gaze dropped in a slow appraisal of my body. His silver lip ring momentarily vanished as he sucked it into his mouth. He looked back up and smirked. “Morning.”

I slammed the door in his face and stared down at my black boy shorts and cami. I was practically naked in front of Ryder Briggs. Shit.

I grabbed my pajama pants and danced into them. Losing my balance, I stumbled into my nightstand. “Ow.”

“Everything okay in there?” Humor filled his tone.

“Um, yeah. What are you doing here?” I yelled through the closed door. I slipped on my hoodie and zipped it closed.

“I have your phone.”

I threw the door open. “You do?”

He glanced at my outfit and frowned. “Yeah.” He held it out.

“Thanks. I thought I’d lost it for good. Where did you find it?”

Something like anger or annoyance flashed in his eyes. “Outside.”

“Thanks.”

“Hey.” Fallon appeared behind Ryder. She wore tiny white shorts and a dark green Sutton University tank top. Her blond hair was still damp from the shower.

He moved so she could slide by.

My hands balled into fists as she leered at him and he gave her a once-over. She grinned over her shoulder then bent down to pick up her makeup bag, making certain her ass stayed in the air.

Ryder raised an eyebrow and looked at me.

I was ready to get him far away from my slutty roommate. “Well, thanks again.”

“No problem. Quick question, do you always answer the door dressed like that?”

Fallon snorted. “Yeah. She lives in those sweats.”

My face heated.

Ryder watched my reaction, then pushed off the door frame he’d leaned against. He glanced at Fallon. “Little mystery never hurt.” He locked his eyes on mine and his mouth quirked up. “But a sneak peek goes a long way. See you around, Brinley.” He took off down the hall.

“What was that about?” Fallon poked her head into the hall, watching him walk away.

I shrugged. “He found my phone.”

“I’m going to fuck that boy.”

My jaw dropped. Like hell she was. She’d already pulled that crap with my Biology lab partner last semester. While I was busy making flash cards, the two of them disappeared for a good twenty minutes then returned looking flushed, disheveled and way too relaxed for two people at risk of flunking the midterm. Needless to say, that was the last time I attempted to study with her, and, thankfully, it was the only class we’d had together. That situation had been frustrating, but if she had sex with Ryder…No way could I handle that.

“What?” she asked innocently. “You heard him. He enjoyed his sneak peek.” She laughed and turned back into our room. “You should take note. Guys like this.” She motioned to her body.

Wait,
that
was the sneak peek? I was such an idiot.

That evening, I studied in my room. Fallon was out, as usual, and Mason had a date with some girl from his English Lit class. I couldn’t decide if he actually liked her, or just wanted her help with his Chaucer paper.

My phone chimed with a text.

Mom:
Get bread on your way home.

Texts from Mom were rare; phone calls even rarer. But when she’d been drinking, I never knew what to expect. Considering it was seven on a Saturday night, it was safe to assume she was plastered, but this sort of text only confirmed it.

I chose my words with care, knowing how easy it was to set her off when she was like this.

Me:
Sorry, I can’t because I’m away at school.

My phone rang and I took a deep breath before answering.

“Well, I know you’re at school, that’s why I said on your way home.” Her tone implied I was the one who sounded like an idiot.

“Mom, I’m away at college. Remember? I won’t be home tonight.”

“College,” she mumbled. “Where are you really? What are you hiding from me?” Her words were laced with suspicion. “You’re with him, aren’t you?”

My shoulders sank. Out of all her drunken rants, I hated this one the most. The one where she couldn’t let go of the past, and accused me of things I hadn’t done.

There was a bang, like something had been dropped. Mom cursed to herself then I made out Grandma’s voice in the background.

“It’s Brinley.” Mom paused. “No, I just asked her to get us some bread.”

Grandma spoke again but I couldn’t make out what she’d said.

“Why? Brinley’s already out. She’s just being difficult,” Mom said. “She’s refusing to come home, acting like a goddamned…” She was yelling now. “No. I won’t calm down. She’s lying to me,” Mom screamed. “Why are you defending her? She’s a no-good…”

Muffled sounds buried Mom’s words, then Grandma came on. “Hi, sweetie. I’m sorry we disturbed you. I’m sure you’re busy so we will let you get back to enjoying your Saturday night.” Grandma’s tone was chipper, though I could sense her remorse for what I’d heard. She always tried to protect me from Mom’s outbursts. I appreciated her attempts, and was glad she had no idea how many times she hadn’t been there to intervene. It was better that way.

“Are you sure everything’s okay?” This little reminder of what life at home was like had me worried about Grandma. Dealing with Mom was an overwhelming job. “I can come visit tomorrow if you’d like, or you know, if you need a break you could come meet me for lunch or something.”

“Don’t you worry. I’m fine. You have school to think about and I’ve been so busy with work lately, I’m just going to enjoy a quiet weekend at home.”

For Grandma’s sake, I hoped Mom passed out soon and slept it off most of tomorrow.

Mom yelled something in the background and Grandma cleared her throat. “How about I call you back another day and we can catch up a bit?”

“Sure, Grandma. If you need anything, call me, okay?”

“Of course, honey. We love you. Take care. Bye.”

“Love you too. Bye.” I stared at my phone, trying not to think about what Grandma would have to deal with. I hadn’t left home to escape the drinking and unpleasant aftereffects—I was surrounded by plenty of reminders here. I’d left Mom and her vodka infatuation behind because I thought life would be easier for Grandma if I wasn’t there reminding Mom of everything she’d lost. But maybe I was wrong.

My stomach rolled with worry over Grandma, but she’d been handling Mom for years and knew what she was doing. Of course, I feared it would eventually take its toll on her. I shook my head clear and stared at my calculus book. I’d found focusing on school to be the most effective way to handle the stress. I couldn’t change what was happening in the present, but as long as I remained driven, one day I’d have complete control of my future.

In class on Monday I pretended to take notes. It was better than acknowledging Noah. His gaze had burned into me for the last fifteen minutes. When I’d reached into my bag for my water bottle, I’d made the mistake of looking in his general direction. He smiled and I forced one in return.

I faced forward, engrossed in the lecture. Dali paintings flashed across the screen. Melting watches, naked women, elephants on stilts. I should have paid attention to the lecture. It’d be nice to make sense of the images. Then again, maybe the point wasn’t to make sense.

When class ended, Mason turned to me. “I have a study group after work tonight. It might run late.”

“Okay.”

“Do you have any plans tonight?” He shoved his laptop in his bag then slipped the straps over his shoulders.

“No. I’ll probably study in my room.”

Mason watched me. “Do you want me to come over?”

“You just said you have a study group.” I stood and pulled my backpack on. “Look, Mason, I’m not sure what happened but you’ve been acting weird since the other night.”

“You’re right. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

I started walking and he followed.

He sighed. “That’s not completely the truth.”

“What?” I glanced at him.

“It occurred to me something could have happened to you while I was being stupid and chasing that girl. I promised not to bail on you and I did. It was wrong. I’m sorry. Next time we go to a party I’m not letting you out of my sight. Okay?”

“Um, okay. But I won’t be going to any more parties. I don’t belong there, remember?” He gave me a questioning look. “Like Ryder said, girls like me…”

“You think he meant you don’t belong?” He chuckled. “Oh, Brinley, you have it all wr—”

“Hey, Brinley.”

I turned to Noah. “Hi.”

“Can we talk?” He glanced at Mason.

“Um, yeah, sure,” I answered.

“If you need anything, call me.” Mason gave Noah a once-over and walked away. Weird. When did Noah become public enemy number one?

“You sure do have a lot of guys worried about you.” Noah adjusted his messenger bag strap across his chest.

“Mason has always been there for me. I think sometimes he has trouble figuring out when to take it easy.”

“You know I’m one of those guys, right?”

Ah, crap. He was? I didn’t want him thinking about me…at all. “You don’t need to worry about me. No one does.”

“I want to.” He looked down, then peeked back up. His dark-rimmed frames slipped down his nose. He adjusted them back into place. “Do you have class right now?”

“No. I was headed to the library to study.”

“Can I join you? Just for a bit. I have class in an hour.”

“Um, yeah. Sure.”

We walked together toward the library.

“I’m sorry about the other night. I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable or lock you out. Whatever it was everyone else seemed to think. I wanted to talk. Honest. That’s all I’ve wanted to do and it seems I never can get the chance with you.”

“Oh. It’s okay. I’m not upset or anything. Things just got weird.”

“Yeah. They did…once the brigade came to your rescue,” he mumbled.

“I didn’t expect that.”

“Neither did I.” He looked up. His brown eyes were warm and soft. He smiled. “Can we start over? I feel like you have the wrong impression of me. I want you to get to know me. The real me, and then maybe one day, I dunno, I could take you to dinner?”

Dammit. He was trying. I had to give him that much credit. He seemed like a nice guy too, but the interest wasn’t there. He didn’t do anything for me. No heart palpitations, no pull in my stomach, no tingling in my palms. Nothing. Not like a certain someone who could make me go all sorts of crazy.

“Sure. We can start over. But I’m going to be honest, I’m not looking to date anyone. I…I want to stay focused on school this semester.” It wasn’t a complete lie.

“Okay. Friends then. But friends can go to dinner, you know.”

“Yeah.” I smiled. “I know.”

We walked into the library and sat at a small table in the corner. I pulled out my calculus book and groaned as I looked over the assignment.

“Not your favorite?” He smiled.

“That’s putting it nicely.”

“Maybe I can help.”

“Really?”

“Don’t look so surprised. I promise I’m smarter than I look.”

He actually looked very smart but I kind of thought calculus was a foreign language to everyone. Not just me. “I thought you were smart. I just didn’t think I was dumb,” I admitted.

“You’re not dumb.” He shook his head. “Let me guess, you have Professor Canner?”

“Yeah.”

“There you go. Worst calculus teacher ever. Guy’s brilliant, but has no clue how to teach. Let me see what you’re working on.”

I handed him my worksheet. It wasn’t long before he was breaking things down into simple, easy-to-follow directions. Suddenly, all the craziness began to make sense.

“Okay, so did I do it right?” I handed Noah my sheet of notebook paper.

He reviewed my calculations and smiled. “Perfect. You may even be better than me now.”

“Doubt that.” I smiled. “Thanks. For everything.”

“Don’t thank me. I’m happy to help.”

“I need to repay you. How about dinner, tomorrow night?”

“Seriously?” His incredulous expression made me laugh.

“Yeah, seriously. But it’s my treat, for all your help…and because it’s not a date.”

“Hmm. Okay. It’s not a date, but you can’t pay for me.”

“We’ll see.”

He smiled. “I need to get to class, but I’ll see you tomorrow, then?”

“Yeah. Tomorrow.”

After we parted ways I was in some serious need of caffeine so I made a stop at the campus coffee shop.

“Double skinny caramel latte for Brinley,” the girl behind the counter called out.

I grabbed my drink and my phone chimed. I stopped at a small round table, set my cup down and pulled out my phone.

Ryder:
Double, huh? Long night?

I stared at the screen, rereading the message. My brain didn’t seem to want to comprehend the words. For one, why was Ryder’s number programmed into my phone? And two, how did he know—

My head shot up and I looked around. Tucked into the corner was a delicious specimen of man. Ryder freaking Briggs. His overgrown hair fell over his forehead; he brushed it away, exposing gorgeous green eyes. His navy blue T-shirt clung to his chest and his legs were stretched out as he slouched back. He grinned, lifted one finger and motioned me over.

My body, on autopilot, obeyed. One part of me wanted to run the opposite way but the other part of me wanted to curl up in his lap. God, I was pathetic. With my bag slung over my shoulder, I made my way over.

Using his foot he pushed the chair out in front of him. “Sit.”

I dropped into it like a goddamn dog in obedience school.

Shaking my head, I started to stand. “I can’t stay. I have—”

“You don’t have class.”

I plopped back into the chair. “What? How do you know?”

“I have my sources.” He grinned. “I’m not asking for a life commitment here, Brinley. Just sit. Drink your coffee and talk with me. That’s all.”