Just Breathe (Blue #1) (10 page)

“I asked Dartanya to drag Cassandra out of the house tonight. I don’t know what she told her to get her to come, but she is, and that’s all that matters to me.” I laugh as soon as I realize what I have said. I’ve known him long enough to know he’s about to be a smart ass, so I decide to beat him to it. “Yes, JD, her coming is all that matters to me!” I shamelessly announce, thinking of her standing naked in her shower. I wet my lips with my tongue, wishing it was her body I’m licking, not something that is part of me.

“Getting a chick to do that is all that any of us think about, Brother.” He sticks out his lips and nods his head. He laughs and then shakes the flask. “We’re outta scotch. I’m going to get us some beer.” When he gets out of sight, I take out my phone to text Cassandra. I guess all it takes is a little alcohol, and I don’t care that she’s been ignoring me.

Me: With each second you’re away, I miss you more.

She replies before my phone lets me know my message has sent.

Cassandra: I guess it’s your lucky day. We’ll be there soon! I’ll be the girl wearing the boots.

She hasn’t worn boots before. I bet she looks gorgeous. The thought of her wearing boots has me on the edge of my seat. I imagine her standing over me with her flowing red hair hiding her nipples as it cascades down her body, and she is wearing a pair of thigh high black stilettos and nothing else. Fuck, at this rate, I might as well buy stock in tissues and lotion. The only things I seem to be able to think about anymore are vivid images of her, and it’s killing me.

Me: I’m the one wearing pants without a shirt...BUT...I’m not partial to them. I could lose them if you want. P.S. I thought you were tired?

I wish I could see her face as she reads my reply. I know it’s turning a brilliant shade of red as it does so often.

Cassandra: You better not lose them before I get there, or I’ll be a little bit upset. Dar has filled me in on what goes on at Jace’s parties. If it is anything near as bad as she says, then you need them on to keep from catching something! I was tired, still am, but Dar threatened to burn all my books if I didn’t come! Thanks for that btw…

Me: Aw, love, I’m sorry. I had no idea she would threaten you, but if I am being honest, if I had known it would have worked...I may have done it myself. ;) See you in a few. Hope you are wearing your hair down.

Cassandra: I am. Why?

Me: I want something to pull later. ;)

“You’re as bad as all the tail walking around here. I was gone for five minutes, and here you are on your phone.” JD hands me a beer as he points out how pitiful I am while he lights a cigarette. “I saw your brother the other day...” He is aware that my brother and I haven’t gotten along very well since Lilla, and I don’t talk to him all that often. If I could get by without speaking to him at all, I would. Yet, for Amelia’s sake, I try being civil with him in front of her.

“Whose woman was he in bed with this time?” I fume, stealing his cigarette and taking a drag. Even though my older brother and former best friend screwed Lilla, he is still my brother. He hadn’t pressed charges when I beat the shit out of him, which I think he let me do. He’s in much better shape than I am on a good day, and I work out daily. In fact, he didn’t call the cops. Lilla did. I slashed holes in both of their tires after I left the apartment. She had me arrested for destruction of property. The cop also tried charging me for resisting arrest because one of the cuffs came off. It wasn’t my fault the dipshit didn’t lock them.

“Luca, he is your brother, so you should cut him some slack.” He takes his cigarette from me and blows the ashes off the end. He is perhaps the only person who still calls me that. I can’t help but grin when I hear it now, and it’s all because of her. Dartanya told me that Cassandra was convinced I was a murderer or something when she found out it was my nickname.

*****

The sun is beginning to set on the horizon between two mountains. Instinctively, I shield my eyes with my hand, and I feel a hand wrap around it lightly. I blink my eyes, wanting to get a better view of the person, but all I can see is a pair of black boots. I hear her laugh and attempt to turn my body to see better, but she jumps behind me to block my view.

JD stands and clears his throat. “You must be Cassandra. Name’s Jace Dugan.” Cassandra tries to remove her hand from mine, but I grab it and hold it tighter, needing to know she’s actually here and not another one of my vivid dreams. Regardless if she was blackmailed into coming, she is here. That’s really all that matters, since I intend to keep her as close to me as she will allow.

“N-nice to meet you,” she stammers as she looks up at him. JD affects most women with his charms and good looks, but I thought she would be the exception. I am wrong.

Her face flushes as he kisses the back of her hand and says, “On-shon-tee,” trying to say, “Enchanté.”

I stand, brushing my hair out of my eyes with my free hand and soaking in the outfit Cassandra is wearing. She reminds me of a sexy cowgirl in her knee-high lacy dress that clings to her body. I’m not sure Dartanya told her the theme of the party, but this outfit is better than anything I’ve ever seen come from the ‘80s. Cassandra could wear a paper bag and still look better than anyone in my opinion.

JD smiles and announces he is going inside to look for Dartanya. He normally isn’t a gentleman around a woman unless he actually likes them. I hate to tell him, but Cassandra is mine, and even if she wasn’t, she is still too good for him. She watches him as he leaves us and then shyly drops her gaze to the ground. She shuffles dirt around with the tip of her boot and clears her throat, trying to hide how he made her feel.

I would be a liar if I didn’t admit this makes me jealous, and it actually hurts a bit. Maybe I’ve spent too much time thinking about how I feel and not showing her. She looks up from the ground and lets her lingering eyes focus on my face as she studies my expression. “Lucas, can we go somewhere and talk?” Her voice is unsure and shaky. The words you never want to hear from someone who has been dodging you. This can’t be good.

“Anything for you, Cricket.” Leading her by the hand, I pull her through the field off to the left of JD’s house. As we pass the pond, I let her walk in front of me and enjoy the view of the white fabric swishing over her ass.

She pauses shortly at the end of the pond and bends down to retrieve a flat rock. “You know, my parents used to take me fishing when I was little.” She giggles as she tosses the pebble up into the air and catches it. “We rarely caught any damn fish.” She glances up at me through her lashes, and the heartbreak is apparent. She misses them. She pulls her hand from mine. This time I let her. “Usually I scared away all the fish from skipping rocks. I remember as the sun set I would listen to them sing and play the guitar.” She flings the rock as hard as she can, and it skips three times before falling into the depth of the water. A single tear falls from her eye, displaying the pain of the memory.

I reach out my hand to wipe it away, but she shakes her head, making me feel helpless. The woman who awakens every nerve in my body is breaking before me, and there is nothing I can do. Seeing her like this has nearly shattered my world, but I won’t let it show. I need to be strong enough for the both of us. She hangs her head momentarily and then runs her fingers beneath her eye, capturing the lone tear.

Since this is the most she has talked about her family, I choose to let her continue. “That was before Dad left us. I don’t know why he left or where he went. I blamed myself for the longest time. I remember asking Mom if he left because of something I did. She was trying to stay strong for me, but even I could see she was dying inside. First, it was a drink here and there, but by the time I reached middle school, there was rarely a day she wasn’t drunk. The drinking I could deal with. She was trying to get help, but she wasn’t strong enough. I guess the reason I’m telling you all of this is because I’m trying to explain why I am the way I am.” She sits by the shore of the pond and pulls her legs underneath her.

Kneeling beside her, I pick a marsh marigold from the ground and twirl it between my fingers. “Love, you are sublime in every way. The angels wept the day you left them, and the heavens flooded the earth with their tears. I bet it was the only day in history that people welcomed the rain with open arms.” I grit my teeth and hope she doesn’t think I sound like some philosophical writer.

She rolls her eyes, and I flick the flower into the pond, trying to hide my embarrassment. “What card did you steal that from?”

“Too much?” I ask, not really wanting to know the answer. There goes my hope in not sounding like an idiot.

She shakes her head. Looking up at me and smiling, she replies, “Lucas, I’m sorry I’ve been avoiding you for the past couple of weeks. It’s just hard for me to let people in. After the way I acted when you two left, I was convinced you wouldn’t want to see me again. Yet, every day you ask to see me, and every time I make excuses. I was hoping you would come to your senses.” A nearby bullfrog croaks, causing me to jump and lose my balance, falling flat on my ass, inches away from where she is sitting. She giggles and covers her mouth. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, you think that’s funny, do you?” My pride may have just taken a blow, but to hear her laugh was worth all the embarrassment.

“Mmm…hmm. You got a problem with that?” Playfully, she nudges my arm. Scooting closer, I intertwine my fingers in her hair and tug lightly. “What the hell, Lucas?” she asks with an edge to her voice.

“I told you I wanted to pull your hair.” I wink and pull her face inches from mine. She closes her eyes as I place a light kiss on her forehead. “Cassandra, can I show you something?”

She catches my bottom lip between her teeth as I’m trying to stand. “If you must,” she purrs, as her blue eyes ignite with mischief.

“Give me a minute?” I ask after she releases my lip. She arches an inquisitive brow at me, but I’m not going to tell her my dick is too stiff to walk. I spend a few seconds willing down my erection and then help her to her feet.

Hand in hand, we walk half of a mile to the train tracks. Once we’re on the rail ties, I straighten my posture and crack my neck to mentally prepare myself to talk about them. “Cassandra, I know it was hard for you to talk about your parents earlier. Mine died in a head-on collision when I was sixteen.” She squeezes my hand and mouths, “I’m sorry.” I nod my head in appreciation. “When my parents died, I went out of control. My older brother came home to take care of me. I don’t deal well with loss. I used alcohol to drown out the world. One night I was just so out of it, they said I killed a handle of booze. My brother and Jace found me here, walking, with a train coming straight at me.” She gasps at my admission, but I continue, “Thankfully, they pushed me off the tracks and saved my life.” I run my hand through my hair and look down at the tracks. “I don’t remember, but ever since then, I’ve come here when I’m frustrated.” I pause to look up at her. The expression on her face is unreadable. “The reason may be that it reminds me that in an instant everything can disappear.” She shudders and closes her eyes.

“Cricket, what exactly are you doing?” I calmly ask her, and despite my curiosity, I notice how breathtakingly gorgeous she really is right now. Her auburn hair swirls around her face in the soft summer breeze, and she seems to be at peace with whatever constantly haunts her thoughts. There is no sorrow to be seen behind her eyes when they are shut. I see her how she is always supposed to be. Perfect.

“I’m counting,” she says in a soothing tone, and then her eyelids jolt open abruptly, and she looks at me as if I’ve just asked her to lick the bullfrog that was at the pond.

“Are you counting the ways you love me?” I croak dryly, needing to say something to stop her from looking at me like she is doing. She never ceases to amaze me. Just when I think I’ve started to figure her out, she proves me wrong. She snorts and begins to laugh. Even I can’t keep a straight face after that line. I nudge her with my shoulders. “Okay, fine, that was cheesy, I know. You can’t blame a guy for having hope.”

“Maybe someday, Lucas.” She yawns. “We should head back.” Well, at least she didn’t say no this time. I can’t stop the smile that pulls at my mouth when I consider that someday she may love me.

I can tell she wishes to say more, but something stops her, and she quietly laces our fingers together.

Watching her as we walk back to JD’s leaves me speechless. The moonlight shines on her dark-red hair as the lightening bugs flit around her, and I’m in awe of her beauty. Tonight is truly surreal. I can’t wait to see what tomorrow will bring. A genuine smile pulls at the corners of my mouth, and I’m thankful no one can hear my thoughts. I sound like one of those chick flicks, and I really don’t give a damn. For her, it’s worth sounding like those sappy movies.

When I first saw her, I knew there was something about her in which I felt drawn, but I had no clue what it was. I still can’t figure it out. The only thing that convinced me is, she is everything I didn’t know I needed.

Chapt
er 7

Balance can be found in all things…

Good, bad, sunshine, rain, birthdays, and death

It is finding the in-between that complicates things

If you’re not careful, the darkness will drown you.

Cassandra

“Where are we going?” My voice cracks two pitches higher than normal with anticipation as I question Lucas. After locking the apartment door and stuffing my keys into my pocket, I turn to face him.

“You’ll see. Good things come to those who wait.” Lucas rubs his hands together and smiles. Playfulness sparks behind his warm brown eyes. When I look into them, my heartbeat is three times faster than normal and I have to remind myself to breathe.

“Who are you? Confucius?” I joke and purposely bite my lower lip, flirting with him. I hope I can mess with him. I can barely contain myself when I see his skin flush. It’s fucking hot!

“I’ll show you Confucius.” He closes the distance between us and unexpectedly hoists my body over his shoulder with ease. He recklessly takes the stairs two at a time, and when my head comes dangerously close to the edge of the third, I start to slip from his grasp. After cussing under his breath, he tightens his grip and slides me back away from the stair. His broad hand swats my ass, causing an excited squeal to bubble out of my throat. I don’t remember the last time I felt so alive, and it’s all because of this man.

When he takes us across the door’s threshold, I expect him to release me, but he doesn’t. Instead, he briskly jogs across the parking lot, panting a bit when he readjusts me a little higher on his shoulder. I ball up my fists and jokingly hit his back repeatedly and kick my legs into the air. “Put me down, you jackass!” I say between giggles. Tears stream down my face from laughing so hard at his energetic behavior.

After a few more steps, he abruptly stops and confidently flips me to a sitting position onto something hard with ease. He backs away with a devious smirk on his face and catches his breath. “Oh, hell no!” I shriek wryly and stare at the chrome and leather that surround me. “You have got to be kidding me. This is a death trap. I am not riding a motorcycle!” I squirm around on the leather seat of the Harley.

His eyes glaze over, and he licks his lips. “Good, because I’m not either.”

“You’re not?” I raise an eyebrow. “Well, whose bike am I sitting on?” I look around for a guy dressed in leather from head-to-toe and sporting a teardrop tattoo beside his eye while nervously grabbing the handlebars and kicking a leg over the bike. I close my eyes once both of my feet are on the pavement and wait for the crashing sound to come, but I don’t hear anything. Apprehensively, I open one eye and find the motorcycle is still upright and in one piece. Thank God, I didn’t knock it over.

“I have no fucking idea.” He explodes into laughter and bends over to hold his stomach as I creep a few feet away from him.

“What the hell, Lucas? Are you trying to get me arrested for trespassing or destruction of property?” I throw my hands up into the air before I turn to face him. “I don’t know all of the laws, but I’m sure I just broke a few!” Standing, he shakes his head as he bites the skin on his lip. “What?” I squeak, suddenly realizing he’s doing the same gesture as he had when I almost lost all control. When he bites his lip, it absolutely drives me crazy, but I love it.

“Shit, Cricket, you kill me. You don’t have any idea what you do to men. Do you?” Other than the usual pushing them away, I have no idea what he is talking about. Instead of answering him, I awkwardly glare at him, waiting for him to enlighten me. “No man in his right mind would get pissed if you were sitting on his ride. You can hop on my ride anytime.” He shakes his hips from side to side.

I roll my eyes and then flip him off. “Phfft! Are we in Wonderland?” I question with a disciplined smile. He raises an eyebrow while tilting his head to one side. “Because you must be dreaming, Alice.” Although the thought of seeing him naked sends pulses of electricity zapping through my body, I make this situation out to be a joke, even though I’m almost ninety percent sure he is being serious. I lightheartedly wiggle my chest in his general direction and change the subject. “So, what then are we taking?” I scan my eyes across the wide variety of vehicles surrounding us for one I think fits his personality. I consider pointing out an old clunker for fun, but a sleek black car with chrome trim catches my attention. I think it’s a Cadillac, but I’m not sure. I squint my eyes, trying to see the hood ornament, but it’s too far away.

Lucas steps in front of me, letting our eyes meet. He turns his head to the opposite side like a confused animal. “Should I even ask?”

“I’m trying to figure out which car belongs to you.” I point out and peek around him. I will figure it out, even if it means breaking my neck to do so. A vision of my neck cracking in two flashes through my mind, and a candid smirk touches my lips.

“Any luck?” Lucas asks, mirroring my smirk, obviously fighting back laughter that is about to explode from him.

“I think you drive that car over there.” I point in the direction of the black car. “It looks like a Cadillac, but I can’t get a decent look. Someone is in my way.” I lightly shove his muscular chest and let my hands rest there for balance as I stand on my tiptoes just trying to look over his shoulders.

“Bzzt! Wrong. Oh, you are so wrong, love. I drive the vehicle that goes to these keys.” Lucas reaches into his pocket and gets out a set of keys with an automatic remote and jingles them in front of my nose. I snatch them from his hand, hitting the panic button and causing distant headlights to flash and a horn to make an annoying beep. I quickly clutch the keys and take off running toward the direction of the alarm with Lucas hot on my heels.

Completely stunned, I stop about two feet in front of the vehicle responsible for all the commotion and study every detail. Its appearance is nothing like what I would have envisioned for his car. In comparison, everything about it contrasts the Cadillac I had thought belonged to him. My mouth falls open in surprise at the lustrous orange paint job, and it’s all over a wow factor. It suits Lucas. It’s beautiful, bold, and sexy, just like him.

Lucas runs into my back, nearly causing me to lose my balance and fall onto the hood. He then reaches around my body, taking the remote from my hand and turning off the alarm in an exaggerated manner. He leans against my back, and out of reflex, my body jets forward from the added weight. I catch myself with my hands against the hood.

He wraps his strong arms around the small of my waist and nuzzles my ear with his nose. “She’s a 2012 Camaro ZL1. Pretty nice, huh? She can do zero to sixty in three-point-eight seconds,” he whispers against my ear, sending shivers down my entire spine.

“Mmm…hmm. Pretty nice,” I murmur and blush when he pulls at the sensitive flesh on my earlobe with his teeth.

“Get into the car.” He presses a button, and the horn beeps. I watch the doors fly upward toward the sky. Since I have never flown in an airplane, I would imagine the car’s interior looking exactly like a cockpit of an airplane. There are so many gauges and knobs trimmed in silver. The seats are covered in orange and black leather. When Lucas starts the engine, the car becomes illuminated by a subtle orange glow from all the gauges, making his face appear devilish as he says with a smile, “This is your captain speaking, but you can call me Maverick. Please ensure your seat belt is fastened and enjoy the ride.”

I buckle my seat belt, and Lucas buckles himself and seems ready to go. “Did you really just reference
Top Gun
?” I ask sarcastically, knowing damn well he did. “Let’s just hope we get where we’re going in one piece. I think I may have been safer on that death trap of a motorcycle.” He grabs my hand and holds his chest, pretending he is shocked as he revs the engine and throws the car into gear.

He’s unusually quiet as he drives along the country road watching the passing cars. Without giving away any of his intentions, he boldly takes my hand in his broad palm. This gesture makes me look deeply at the hand that is holding mine. There are various cracks that make it rough, but not enough to be unattractive. I think his hands are the best hands I have ever seen, especially holding mine. We go through the town of Bluewood and get onto the interstate. Ahead of us is a perfect view of the sun shining high from the sky above. It is stunning with reds, oranges, and pinks racing across the light blue backdrop. To me, this is a typical morning in West Virginia. Yet, being with Lucas is anything but typical. He brings new excitement to my otherwise boring life, and I welcome that change. Lucas squeezes my hand and pulls my attention away from the sky.

“Cricket, I hope you don’t mind, but we have to go to a birthday party.”

“A what? For whom?” I ask in an admonished tone. He had kept where we’re going a secret, but I never imagined it would be a birthday party.

He awkwardly pulls his hand through his long chestnut hair. I’m beginning to notice he does this a lot when he’s uncomfortable. “The thing is, I was so excited you decided to spend the day with me that I forgot I had plans for today. Not to mention I was a little tipsy, and I couldn’t cancel this. It’s my niece’s sixth birthday party. This isn’t exactly the first date I saw us going on, but at least you’re in my car, right? You’ll get to meet my sister and brother-in-law, too,” he adds with a cheerful voice and smiles over his shoulder.

I look in the backseat and notice several wrapped gifts I had not seen until now. I really should pay more attention to things. “I’m going to meet your family? Now? In this? I don’t have a gift.” My words come out so fast they are running into one another. I flip down the mirror and start untangling my auburn waves with my fingers. Nervously, I bounce my knee up and down, just trying to stay calm.

“Yes, now about that. You look breathtaking. Don’t worry about the present. I took care of that. Don’t be mad, okay?” he pleads, but I’m not mad at all. This is just a little overwhelming. I’ve never gone to meet someone’s family. A heads-up would have been nice. At least with a warning, I would have had a chance to prepare myself mentally and make myself presentable.

“You what?” Shock forces the words from my mouth, as heat pools into the highest peak of my cheeks. Not only are we going to meet his family, but he’s also bought a gift for me to give his niece. He probably did it with the best of intentions, but I wish he could have just said to me where we were going ahead of time. One thing I know for sure, I don’t want him to think he has to buy things for me. I have a decent job at Jacobs & Sons Printing Agency and could have found something nice for his niece if he would have given me the chance. I don’t want him to think I’m ungrateful for the thought, though, so I swallow my pride and thank him. He smiles and continues with his story. The compassion of his words surrounds my heart, and it makes me feel like an ass for being stressed.

“You’re giving her a green stuffed elephant, and she loves ‘eldolfants,’ as she used to call them. It’s the one wrapped in pink paper with a silver bow.” Hearing him say ‘eldofants’ makes me smile and eases my anxiety to some degree. It’s clear he adores this little girl I’m about to meet and is proud to be her uncle.

After a few minutes, Lucas pulls the car into a quaint, little parking lot that leads to a beautiful park and removes his keys from the ignition. I assume we have arrived at the birthday party. Pastel streamers curl around the nearest fence with balloons swaying to and fro from the light breeze, almost as if they are welcoming us. I can see a few children kicking a red ball amongst themselves, making me wonder which one is his niece.

Lucas starts to open his door, but hesitates when I begin shaking my head, letting every thought in my brain come tumbling out. I don’t think I can handle this. It’s just a little too much. What if they don’t like me? “Lucas, I don’t think I can do this. We’ve only known each other for a short time, and I’m already meeting your family? Stuff like this, it’s a lot to deal with. I mean, what do we call each other?”

He releases the car door, and his mouth turns up into a crooked smile before he speaks, “Well, you can call me Lucas, if you wish.” I glare at him through my lashes. He’s such a smart ass, but at least he’s just trying to lighten the mood. He moves his eyebrows up and down, and his eyes spark with mischief. “Do you mean this? What is going on between us?” He waves his hand in the space between us. “You can refer to me as your friend, or you could do me the pleasure of being my girlfriend.”

I tap my nose with a finger as I think and then open my mouth to speak several times. I can’t find any words to say. “I guess if I’m giving you pleasure, I’m okay with that. Oh, shit! That didn’t come out right. I was trying to be witty, and, oh, damn!” I rip my hand away from him and bury my face into my palms.

He laughs so hard the car begins to rock. I’m glad he finds this funny because I’m mortified. Once his laughter reduces to a mere occasional chuckle, he tries to remove my hand from my face. I shake my head no.

“Okay, fine, Cricket. I’m sorry, okay. That was just so fucking funny. I guess that settles it. You’re my girlfriend?” I move my head up and down, telling him yes while peeking through my fingers to look at him. “Do you want to start now with the pleasure?” He starts to jiggle his belt buckle, moving around the front of his jeans. I can’t break my eyes away from the site, and I instantly want to blow off the birthday party and give in to his empty proposition. However, I won’t let my hormones win me over.

“Don’t push it, Maverick, or I’m about to be your ex-girlfriend.”