Just Breathe (Blue #1) (9 page)

“I think I might need a little convincing.” I barely recognize my own voice as the words flow outward. It makes me want to look around and see who is in the room. If it’s true that every person has a theoretical devil and an angel perched on their shoulders persuading them to make decisions, it’s safe to assume my angel is on vacation, and the subconscious devil is open for business.

“Oh, really now? I think I might be the man for the job,” he confidently suggests in a smooth voice and releases my chin. He grazes my cheek, the trail of his fingers leaving behind a line of heat while then cupping my face, making me look at him again. His eyes slightly squint, and his mouth turns up into a mischievous smirk. He removes his hand swiftly from my face, and then his mouth is placed on mine. His lips are soft and full of compassion and then gone. “I,” he whispers, bringing his mouth to mine again, but just as the previous time, only lingering there for a second. “Am.” He places another quick kiss onto my lips, leaving me wanting more. “Truly sorry.” He kisses me again briefly. “Cassandra.” He leaves his mouth against me this time, as he continues, “Blair Anderson. Please, forgive me.” He lightly kisses me one final time, but this time, he rests his lips on mine. He crookedly smiles and then playfully bites my lower lip, releasing it with another smile.

I’m unable to move my body. Well, that’s not true. I refuse to move. I’m afraid I’ll attack him. I open my eyes slowly and catch him biting his lower lip. I definitely can’t move now; that little gesture made my entire body burst into flames.

“I know I’m good, but damn, Cricket.” Lucas snaps two fingers in front of my face.

I shut my eyes, trying to regain control of my body before I speak again. I take a few deep breaths for good measure. I have too much pride to agree with him. Damn, he is that good. “Lucas, I forgive you. I don’t know if I was ever mad. I’m sorry I got so upset,” I ramble, shaking my head and trying to clear my thoughts. “It was stupid of me to act the way I did. I just have a lot of things happening. Not only do I have night terrors, but I also have anxiety as well as…” I decide since I am unzipping my emotional baggage, that I may as well let all the contents fall out. “Trust issues and who knows what else.” I wave my hand dismissively in the air. “I’m messed up beyond repair. I’m broken. You may as well leave now, because I don’t think I can take much more. I’ve already started to care for you, which is surprising enough on its own.” The longer my rant continues, it seems I’m talking to myself more than him. “Oh, and now, apparently when I get nervous, I ramble, which is new. What are you doing to me?” The uncertainty is clear in my voice. The last few words sound shaky. I wipe my face with my hands as I sigh.

I wait for him to speak, but nothing. Absolutely not a word. I accept defeat and start climbing off his lap, but he stops me, stilling me with his hands around my shoulders. His mouth collides with mine hard and full of dominance, as he guides me back down to him. He lets his mouth open, slightly freeing a throaty moan to break the silence between us. Wanting more, I slip my tongue into his mouth and taste the most amazing cinnamon flavor along the tip of his tongue. He traces my neckline up into my hair and pulls the strands, causing me to moan from the pleasure the pain is causing. His mouth feels like it was made for me. Mimicking what he had done before, I playfully bit his lower lip and then release it. Afterward, I lick and bite my lower lip.

“Cassandra, if you keep biting your lip, I am about to go fucking insane. You wouldn’t want that, now would you?” he moans between breaths.

“I don’t know?” I smile as I think about biting my lip again, just to see what he will do.

“This just in. Man is driven mad by his girlfriend’s insatiable urge to bite her lip. He claims he was pushed over the edge due to sexual frustration.” He tries to mimic the dialect of a newscaster.

My mouth drops, “Did you just call me your ‘girlfriend,’ Lucas?” My voice is weak. I don’t even recognize how it sounds. I’m shocked he called me that. It’s not that I don’t want him; I do. I’m just not sure I can be everything he needs or if I’m ready to have a boyfriend, if I’m being honest with myself.

“Well, saying a man is driven mad by the woman he is stalking wouldn’t make headlines, would it?” Lucas sounds like he is amused. He taps the end of my nose with his finger and then smiles at me.

“I guess you have a point.” I think he missed his calling. With the ability to turn anything around, he would have been a great lawyer.

The door flies open. “Really? I can’t even come back to my own apartment when I forget my phone without seeing the mauling of you two continuing!” Dar says, coming into the room. No wonder she didn’t return my call or text. “You two are worse than teenagers!” she says, throwing her hands up into the air and walking through the dining room toward us. If I didn’t know Dar as well as I do, I would think she is intentionally interrupting us, but knowing her as long as I have, I know it’s purely coincidence.

“Dartanya,” Lucas dryly addresses her and sighs. I giggle at his disappointment and push off his lap. Lucas gets to his feet and wraps his arms around my waist. “To be continued,” he purrs in a low tone so only I can hear.

With all the words Lucas just whispered into my ear, clouding my thoughts, I’m unable to think of anything witty to tell her. I swallow hard and say the first thing that crosses my mind. “Dar, look, we were just getting ready to leave and…”

She turns on her feet and glares at me. “Cass, really? Is this going to be one of those stories where you just slipped and fell onto his lap, and his mouth braced you and the fall?” She actually isn’t too far from the truth. I didn’t slip and fall; I was pulled, but the rest was accurate for the most part.

“Actually that’s...” I feel Lucas begin to shake his head behind me, and his body begins to move with silent laughter. “Never mind. Dar, we’ll see you later. I love you.” I pull her in for a quick hug after walking out of Lucas’ embrace. I am thrilled she really is okay, and I was overacting, again.

“I love you, too, Cass, even if you are the worst liar I’ve ever met.” She sticks out her tongue, so I do the same. Lucas takes my hand, and I walk to the door, needing to get some fresh air.

Chap
ter 6

You make me weak with the spell that you’ve created

Time stands still

Everything is outdated

Dust gathers and settles, falling in place

Sitting along the windowsill, taking up space

I watch and wait

I swirl and I spin

My heart still keeps beating

Singing within.

Lucas

When I returned to Cassandra’s apartment unannounced, and she was in the shower, I had no clue what line of bullshit I was going to make up for the reason I was there. Any way I looked at it, I was there because I couldn’t stand to be apart from her, and there was no way to tell her that without sounding creepy. Thankfully, she didn’t ask, so I didn’t tell. She’s my kind of girl.

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I would actually see her naked so soon. Sure, I had dreamed about her hot little body, especially after I changed her clothes, but even my imagination couldn’t fathom its perfection. I only saw a glimpse of it, but just those few seconds were long enough. Now every outline from her flowing curves was forever etched in my mind. I was more than lucky she stayed in the shower for a few minutes after I got there because she would have seen how hard I was from looking at her. I never wanted to lick the water from someone’s skin so badly, but she was in grave danger of me lapping each individual droplet from her exposed skin. Fuck, she was hot!

After she had practically dragged me from her apartment, we ended up walking around town to pass the time. I was trying to get her to go to dinner with me, but she said she needed to get back home after an hour or so. She was trying to push me away, but that wasn’t an option that was going to happen. When I was with her, I felt as if I could just live and not be so worried about the things I had no control over.

I missed the meeting with Amelia’s doctor, but I managed to sneak away from Cassandra to call him and reschedule. There will be hell to pay for missing that appointment. ‘Pay’ being the key word. It’ll cost me due to some bullshit about a pre-approved cancellation policy. Of course, I’ll take care of it; I just lost track of the time. It’s hard not to when I’m around Cassandra.

Generally, I wouldn’t put this much effort into getting to know anyone, much less a woman. However, Cassandra is different. Although the fact she has one hell of a right hook does scare me a little, it’s a good thing she had fallen asleep in the cab after clocking me. I needed to be able to lick my wounds without her giving me a hard time. As soon as she closed her eyes, I tried to soothe the area she hit by rubbing the reddened spot. I am amazed it didn’t leave a bruise. It kind of freaks me out that she throws punches in her sleep, but then again, it proves my theory that she is a fighter.

She intrigued me when I saw her shopping with Dartanya two months ago. There was something I was drawn to about her. It could have been something as simple as I liked watching her ass when she walked, or it could have been the look she gave Dartanya when she pulled her into another store. It appeared as if going shopping was causing her agony, and she hated every minute of the trip. Most women love going shopping, yet as I’m finding out, she isn’t most women. That fact alone makes me want to learn more about her. I’m so tired of the chicks around here.

It had taken two months of me convincing Dartanya that it would be a great idea for Cassandra and me to meet and then for her to set it up for me. According to Dartanya, if I hurt Cassandra, she was going to chop off my balls and feed them to me on a platter. Begging is just not my forte. It never has been and never will be, but for Cassandra, I made an exception. I figured out at a young age that if you convince a woman it was her idea to start with, she will do all the work, so that is exactly how I handled Dartanya. She thinks our meeting each other was her elaborate plan, but in reality, all along it was my idea.

Cassandra and I haven’t seen each other for almost a month. Our schedules couldn’t be any more inconvenient. She works the day shift at ‘some office downtown,’ as she puts it, and I work nights at the bar. We text each other every day and occasionally talk on the phone. Those are my favorite times because I get to hear her sexy voice. I’d much rather see her instead, but I’ll take what I can get. She is constantly cryptic with her information, and at times it annoys me, because I’m always open to her. I hope one day she’ll see that she can trust me.

I sleep during the day and stay up all night. It comes naturally to me, which is one of the reasons why the owl tattoo on my right arm is so fitting to me. Cassandra however, seems to have trouble staying up past 3 AM. She fell asleep talking to me last night. Well, I guess it was the morning hours, but the morning feels like evening to me. Until she didn’t answer my question, I wasn’t even aware she had passed out. We were discussing our pasts and what had brought each of us to West Virginia. I’ve lived here my entire life, but apparently, she moved here from Pittsburgh, and shortly after that she met Dartanya. She didn’t tell me how they met, which is odd, because Dartanya won’t tell me either. Fucking women and their secrets. It’s as if anyone with a vagina belongs to a secret society that has the sole purpose to mess with a man’s head. I’m not a dick by any means; I just want to know everything about Cassandra, and I’m impatient.

I want to know what makes her tick and what causes the sorrow behind her beautiful blue eyes. Each time I look into them, the heartbreak is apparent. Even when she laughs, it still remains. I can tell she’s been hurt in the past. How anyone could ever hurt her eludes me. I find it endearing she tries to act like she doesn’t care, but I can tell it is a front. Just like me, she’s jaded, and I’m determined to find out the reason.

My cell phone begins to buzz from my nightstand, and my heart races at the thought it could be a text from her. Usually after she gets home from work, she sends me a quick message. I pick up the phone and see a pretty nice set of boobs, but definitely not Cassandra’s. They are too small and too much of a desperate cry for attention to have come from her. Although, if she would send a picture of anything belonging to her, I think I would lose all control and find a release at the expense of my hand.

I read the sender’s name and find out the message is from Lacey. I have asked her to leave me alone, but she refuses. If I could fire her, I would, but I know she is the vindictive type. She would sue my rocks off if I didn’t have a legitimate reason to let her go. I can’t really blame her. We’ve taken care of each other’s needs for years with the understanding I don’t date. However, as far as anyone else knows, she and I only hooked up once. What takes place in my sex life isn’t anyone’s business but my own. I tap out a prompt reply to her, reminding her that our arrangement is long over. It’s the same thing I’ve told her for some time now, since I saw Cassandra. I have to hand it to Lacey. She is persistent. I only wish her persistence would lie with someone else. Lilla was the last person I dated, and that was a disaster. I gave her my heart, and in return, she gave me a rap sheet. I came home early from work one night to surprise her, only to find her in bed with my supposed best friend. I’ll never forget that shattering sound of the vase as it crashed to the floor, sending hundreds of tiny shards and chunks of tattered roses across the ground. Nor will I forget the awful smell of rust I continuously tried to wash from my hands after stupidly trying to clean up the mess I had made. After all, it couldn’t stay there after she left. The house belonged to my brother and me. After she used me for everything I had to offer, I decided to use women the same as she had done to me. That was two years ago.

In hopes of forgetting all these things, I tilt my head backward and close my eyes. There are reasons I’ve avoided relationships, but Cassandra makes me want to change. I do not even know what it is about that woman, but I’m lost in her. I’ve never been so captivated by anyone. Being around her brings me to life. My intuition tells me to run, but I can’t bring myself. My heart won’t let me. In the end, I fear she may be my weakness. She feels so right. I’ve thrown out the word “girlfriend” casually in conversation with Cassandra, but the shock in her voice was clear the last time I did. The most recent question she interrupted me with when I called her that was why I sometimes refer to her as Cricket. I told her I thought it was a cute name, but that isn’t the entire reason. A guillotine chopping off my pinkie is more appealing than telling her I knew her name long before we met, so I called her the first thing that came to mind, which was Cricket.

My phone vibrating wakes me. I must have drifted off. Rather than looking at it, I ignore it completely and go wash my face. If I have to read another text from Lacey, I need to be more awake to cope with her. The water feels so nice on my face. I opt for a shower.

After spending forever under the water to the point my fingers shrivel up, I wrap a towel around my waist and check my phone. Lacey was not who called. It was my best friend, Jace Dugan, whom I call JD. We’ve been raising hell together for as long as I can remember. I don’t call him back. I know he wants to jam or drink, or a combination of the two. Either way I’m down. I’ll ride over there after I text Cassandra, even though I’m pretty sure she’s avoiding me. I tap out a quick message to her, asking her if she wants to hang. She tells me she’s tired. She’s definitely avoiding me. Next, I send one to Amelia, telling her I’ll be with Jace in case she needs me.

When I get to JD’s, there is no mistaking what he wanted by the display of mostly naked women in front of my car. He has always been known for his crazy parties, and since he has a pool, the chicks are in their bikinis. I chew on the corner of my lower lip while shaking my head as a blonde in a G-string walks past. It’s going to be hard to stay out of trouble tonight. Maybe if I call Dartanya, she’ll persuade Cassandra to come.

Before getting out of my car, I call her. Hopefully, the plan will work. She wouldn’t tell me the details of how she is going to get Cassandra here, but I have no doubt it is good. Dartanya has always been good at getting what she wants from people.

JD knocks on my window, glancing to the blonde standing beside him. “You getting out any time soon, jack-hole, or are you gonna stay in there touching yourself all night?” He jiggles the blonde’s tits with his hands causing her to giggle. At twenty-nine, he’s still bagging girls ten years younger than him. They flock to him as if he is some sort of gift to women. I’ll never possibly understand. I mean, yeah, he isn’t bad looking, but he treats women worse than I have ever.

I think I missed the memo because the party is an ‘80s theme. Not that I would have dressed up, so I guess it really doesn’t matter. Just as I grab a cup of beer from the keg, my phone vibrates in my pocket. I look at the text and find out Dartanya got her to come. Cassandra is coming here. I let her know the party’s theme and then slam my beer.

As I stare at my phone, smiling in disbelief, I hear, “Lucas Daniels, if I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were happy,” JD accuses and smacks me hard across the back. “C’mon, tell me. Who is she?” He pulls me toward the back deck for privacy. “It has to be a woman. We haven’t hung out for a while, so I can only assume it is a chick.”

He opens a flask, takes a swig, and then passes it to me. The taste of scotch is a welcomed friend. He knows this is my favorite. I pass the metal container back to him and pinch the bridge of my nose. “Man, she infuriates me. For two months, I all but begged Dartanya. You remember Johnny’s sister Dartanya?”

“Who doesn’t?” He wiggles his eyebrows up and down as he rubs his hands together, no doubt thinking of at least twenty different sexual positions he would put her in if he were given the chance.

“Anyway, it turns out Dartanya is Cassandra’s best friend, and I begged her to introduce us.” I sigh, thinking of how long it took me to finally receive my wish. “When we finally did meet, I couldn’t keep my eyes off her. Normally, I’m on my game, and chicks follow me around, but not Cricket. She has been dodging me for whatever reason. She will talk to me on the phone and text, but she won’t hang out with me. I know she can feel what I feel. You have no idea,” I confess, shaking my head and feeling a bit like a chick for spilling my feelings. “She isn’t like any woman I’ve ever met.”

JD coughs after taking a drag of his cigarette. “Shit, sounds like you’ve got it bad.”

A strand of hair falls in my eyes, and I brush it back with my hand. “Oh, I know that I do. You might cut off my balls after this, but I’m going to say it regardless. She has me absolutely lost in her. When she’s around, I’m a better person, or at least I want to be. I’ve replayed everything I’ve said to her in my head, looked through our texts.” I shake my head and try to think of anything that could have caused her to distance herself. “Fuck, man, I still can’t figure out why she won’t come around. I think she’s afraid of something.”

“Have you bounced in that funhouse yet? Maybe you scared her with that twig of yours.” He bounces his crotch up and down as he laughs. His analogies for sex always make me laugh.

I clear my throat after nearly choking on my drink. “No, Jace, we haven’t screwed. We have made out, and damn,” I whistle, “I thought I was going to lose it.” I bite my thumb. Just thinking of her makes my dick bounce to life. “I know she’s my end.”

“Look at you getting all romantic and shit. I have to meet this chick. If she’s got your fruits of labor twisted, then she’s gotta be something.” JD kisses his fingers and then spreads them open trying to imitate a French cook. “C’est magnifique,” is what he tries to say, but it sounds more like, “Say-man-you-feet,” instead. We had no choice but to take a French class in high school, and he never could get the slurs right. He was held back a year and was a senior when I was a freshman.