Just for Now (36 page)

“Nyree doesn’t
understand
like Jenna. She doesn’t
discuss
like Jenna.”

“You’ll hurt her feelings, if you tell her that,” Finn
warned. “You don’t want to do that.”

Harry sniffed, ran his arm under his nose to wipe it. “OK. I
won’t say.”

“Here we are,” Finn said, trying to be cheerful as he pulled
into the holiday park’s big carpark, nearly full now. “Let’s see what that
pressie’s all about, and then we’ll be off to the beach.”

He grabbed Harry’s hand and kept Sophie close to him for the
walk across the carpark, leaving the summer heat as they stepped into the
air-conditioned office. Sarah looked up and smiled briefly at them, then turned
back to the French couple she was checking in at the long counter.

“Can you fix my strap, Dad?” Sophie asked, trying to reach
the twisted neck tie of her sundress. “It’s gone wonky.”

Finn crouched down, began to work at the knot, feeling
clumsy and awkward.

“Jenna!”
Harry shrieked. Finn looked up fast to see
Jenna coming out of the back office. His eyes met hers in mutual shock. He
registered Harry rushing forward toward the counter separating them even as he
watched Jenna sway, her face going white, a hand reaching out and finding only
air.

“Shit.” In the next instant, he was vaulting the wooden
counter, grabbing her as she fell. Looking around for a chair and pushing her
into it, a hand at the back of her head.

“Put your head between your knees,” he ordered. “Breathe.”

He dropped to a knee in front of her, his hand still on the
back of her head. Glared up at his sister. She and the French couple were
staring at him, mouths open, while his children jumped up and down in front of
the high counter, trying to see across it.

“What were you thinking, giving her a shock like that?” Finn
demanded angrily. “You know she’s pregnant!”

“Sorry,” Sarah told him with a satisfied smile. “Reckon she
needs someone to look after her better than I have been.”

“Are you all right?” he asked belatedly, realizing his hand
was still on the back of Jenna’s head. He removed it hastily. “Jenna. Talk to
me. Are you all right?”

She sat up, swayed again. “Oh. Maybe . . .”

His hand went back to her head again, pushed it gently down.
“Another minute,” he told her. “Hang on. Glass of water.” He looked around at
Sarah again. She obligingly pulled a water bottle out of a small fridge under
the counter, handed it to him.

“Dad! Dad!” Harry called. “We want to see Jenna!”

“Dad,” Sophie chimed in. “Let us come back there. Auntie
Sarah, please. We want to see Jenna.”

“Excuse me,” one of the French tourists said with
exasperation. “May we check in now?”

“Hang on a tick,” Sarah told them absently. “Half a mo,
kids. I think your dad has a few things to say to Jenna first.” She made an
urgent motion with her head at Finn.

“Jenna,” he said, still kneeling, handing her the water
bottle and watching her lift her head to take a careful sip. “You’ve been here,
all this time?”

She nodded, and he exhaled in relief. “I’ve been miserable
as a shag, worrying about you. How’re you feeling? Has that been happening? The
fainting?”

“Lightheaded sometimes, that’s all. I’m all right, really. It
was just . . . the shock. I didn’t know you were here. Sarah didn’t say.”

“Sarah didn’t say a fair few things,” he said grimly, shooting
his sister a glare. “Might have saved us both some misery if she had.”

“Oi,” Sarah objected. “Got you here today, didn’t I?” She jerked
her head at him again. “Go,” she mouthed.

He took a deep breath, took Jenna’s hand. “Now that I’ve
found you, I need to tell you. I need to ask you to come back to me. Please. I
know I did everything wrong when you told me. I didn’t mean what I said. Please
come back. Please give me the chance to make it up to you.”

She was already shaking her head. “No, Finn. I startled the
truth out of you, that’s all. I needed to know how you really felt about me.
Now I do.”

“But that isn’t how I feel! I need you, Jenna. You have to
believe me.”  

“Too right,” Sarah pointed out helpfully. “I’ve never seen a
man look more pathetic. Please, put him out of his misery. It’s more than a
sister can bear.”

“D’you mind?” Finn scowled at her. “Trying to propose here.”

“And you’re making dog tucker of it,” Sarah said. “What did
I tell you to say?”

“Maybe if I could get a bit of privacy, I could do better,”
he said in exasperation.

“All this is very affecting,” the Frenchman complained. “But
we’d like to check in. We’ve been waiting long enough.”

“Here.” Sarah thrust the key at them, together with a map of
the park. “Cabin 18. Sorry. I’ll come see you in a bit, make sure you’re sorted.
But we have a . . . family emergency here, as you can see.”

She ushered them to the door, flipped the sign to
Closed.
“Come on, kids. Let’s go get an ice cream.”

“Then can we see Jenna?” Harry pleaded.

“First ice cream, then Jenna,” Sarah promised. “Let’s go.”
She turned back to Finn, gave him a thumbs-up, closed the door firmly behind
her and turned the key in the lock.

“Jenna,” Finn said as he heard the door shut at last behind
the others. “I’m trying to ask you to marry me here. Trying to tell you I love
you, and I need you with me.”

“No,” she told him sadly. “I can’t. I married somebody once
who didn’t really love me. Not in the right way, the way it should be. I’m not
going to make that mistake again. If I ever get married again, it’ll be to
somebody who wants me and needs me for myself. You don’t have to marry me to
see your baby. I won’t keep that from you. I’ll stay in Auckland, and we’ll
work it out. I promise.”

“Damn it, I’m not asking you for the baby!” he exploded. “I
want the baby,” he went on hastily. “But I need you. I’m so selfish, I don’t
want you for the baby, or my kids, or anything else, even though all those
things matter too. I want you because you make my life so much better. Because
I can’t imagine living the rest of it without you. And because ever since you
left, I’ve been wandering round thinking about you, worrying about you. Because
even when I was on tour, I wanted you with me. Why d’you think I rang you every
night? Because I missed you so much.”

“I don’t know what else to say,” he ran down at last.
“That’s everything I have. I love you, and I’m asking you to marry me. If I had
a ring, I’d be pulling it out now. I don’t even have that. All I have is my
heart. But that’s yours.”

She looked at him, her doubts showing clearly on her face.
“Do you mean this? Please, Finn, please don’t say it if you don’t mean it. I
can handle the truth. But I can’t handle a lie.”

“I mean it. I don’t know how to convince you. But I
’
ll
spend the rest of my life proving it.”

He took a deep breath, decided to try again. “Jenna.” He
took both her hands in his. “Will you marry me? Because I love you more than I
can say.”

“Maybe,” she said cautiously. “I have a few things to tell
you, though. And some things I need to know.”

“Tell me,” he begged, relief beginning to take hold now.

“I’m not going to change. I don’t want a big career. I don’t
want to run any companies or anything. Or any schools, even. I’m good at
teaching little kids. And I’m good at taking care of people. That’s what I want
to do. What I plan to do.”

“Then I’d be the luckiest man in the world if you were
taking care of me and our kids, wouldn’t I?”

“And I don’t even want to teach while the kids are little,”
she went on, eyes searching his face. “I want to stay home and be a mum and a
wife, if I can. Are you going to be OK with that?”

He laughed in relief. “Is that your condition? Yes, Jenna. I
promise. I’ll make the living. But I need you to make the home.”

“It means you’re going to have to find a new job for Nyree,”
she said. “I’m not sharing my kitchen.”

“Done. So many of the boys are having babies now, that’ll be
easy as. We’re keeping the housecleaners, though. You’re not doing everything.”

She nodded. “And if you go someplace else to play in the
future. Japan, Europe, all those places you guys end up. It’s not all right
with me for you to go alone. We’re coming too. All of us.”

“All of you,” he promised.

“And one more thing,” she told him. “This might not be the
last baby. Are you OK with four?”

“I’m OK with six,” he assured her. “Whatever you want.”

She smiled. “I think four will do it. But we’ll see.”

“Is that it?” he asked. “All the conditions?”

She nodded. “I think that’s it. Do you have any for me?”

“Just one. I need to know that you’ll love me. Even when I
say the wrong thing and hurt your feelings. That you’ll put me right when I
cross the line, trust me enough to stay with me and work it out. Because I’m
going to need you forever. Will you be able to put up with me that long?”

She laid a gentle hand on either side of his face. Held him
there a moment, then kissed him with all the love she had in her heart.

“I promise.” She pulled back again, her tears spilling over,
running down her cheeks unheeded. “I’m sorry I gave up on you. I didn’t know. I
didn’t believe. But if you’ll really need me forever, I promise I’ll be there
for you just that long. Because I love you too. And I always will.”

“Ready for bed?” Finn got up from the couch as Sophie and
Harry approached, dressed in nightgown and pajamas.

“In a minute.” Sophie reached for the remote and clicked off
the cricket match that was playing on the big screen. “We have something very
important to say first.”

“Do you want to talk to your dad alone?” Jenna asked. She
lifted a sleepy Lily from her breast, putting her against her shoulder and
beginning to pat her tiny back.

“Nah. We want to talk to both of you,” Sophie assured her.

“Go on, then,” Finn urged with a smile, settling back onto
the couch as he saw Sophie flip open her notebook. “I can see you have a list.
Better read it to us.”

“We want to call you Mum,” Sophie told Jenna. “For these
reasons. Reason One: We don’t have a mum anymore.” She looked at Finn. “I know
we
did,
” she clarified. “But we don’t now. And the other kids do, Dad.”

“I know,” he told her soberly. “I know you don’t. And I know
that’s been hard.”

“Your mum must have loved you both so much, though,” Jenna
put in. “She must have been so sad to leave you. And she’ll always be your mum,
even though she’s not here anymore.”

“We don’t
remember,
though,” Harry said. “We want a
mum we
remember.”

“Harry.
I’m still
saying
,” Sophie told him
impatiently. “Reason Two,” she went on. “You’re Lily’s mum. And we want you to
be ours too.”

“Oh, Sophie.” Jenna’s eyes were filling with tears now. “I’d
be so proud to be your mum. Your
other
mum. If it’s OK with your dad.”
She looked at Finn, eyes questioning.

“Course it is,” he said. He reached for Sophie and Harry,
drew them close. “Is that the list, then? Because I reckon we’re done here.”

“But Sophie didn’t say the most important thing!” Harry
objected. “We want Jenna to be our mum because we
love
her. Don’t we,
Sophie?” He looked at his sister, got a firm nod in reply.

 “D’you want us to be your kids?” he demanded of Jenna.
“Your
real
kids, I mean? Like Lily?”

Jenna’s tears were falling in earnest now. She looked at
Finn, saw the moisture in his own eyes as he lifted Sophie and Harry onto the
couch to join them.

“You already are my real kids,” she promised as she settled
Lily in one arm, reached out with the other to hug them both. “And I want to be
your mum more than anything in the world. You’re my family, and I love you so
much.”

Finn looked down at her, holding their children so close.
The day she’d walked into this room, wet and bedraggled, had been the luckiest
of his life. He didn’t know what he’d done to deserve her, but his heart filled
with gratitude for his beautiful wife, and all the love and happiness she’d
brought him.

He stood up and took Lily from her, settled the sleepy baby in
one big arm.

“Well, now that Sophie’s read us her list and we’ve got that
sorted, I reckon
it’s bedtime at last,” he announced. 

“And I’m thinking,” he decided, smiling down at Sophie and
Harry, “that we may need a bit of a change from the normal routine. So I’m going
to go on and get Lily settled in her cot. Because I have a feeling your Mum
wants to put you both to bed tonight.”

MULLIGATAWNY SOUP

4-6
servings

1 cup diced onion

2 cloves garlic,
minced

2 tsp. fresh ginger,
minced

2 carrots, diced

4 ribs celery, diced

3-4 Tbsp. butter

3 Tbsp. flour

4 tsp. curry powder

8 cups chicken broth

2 bay leaves

½ cup diced tart apple
(Granny Smith is good)

1 cup cooked rice

1 cup diced cooked
chicken

2 tsp. salt or to
taste

½ tsp. pepper or to
taste

¼ tsp. thyme

1 tsp. grated lemon
zest (yellow part only)

1 cup half & half
or milk (can use everything down to 1% milk, depending how rich a soup you
prefer)