Just Make Him Beautiful (5 page)

“Yeah,” I
lied.  I took
off
M
other’s dress as quickly as I could.

“Yeah
,
I bet
.
” Ray
stared at me kinda funny
,
standing there in his boxers.

“She do
.
H
onest
,
” I stated
,
trying to sound convincing
as I stood
there butt naked.

“Yo
,
b
aby
boy
.
W
ow
!
Y
ou shaped like a honey
.
D
ayum
!
” he said
,
walking over to me and looking me up and down in my birthday suit
, especially
at
my ass
.

I knew my brother liked what he saw
.
L
ike I said
,
I had a really nice shape. However, I
wasn’t
sure how I
really felt about that
.
A
fter all, we were brothers. But what could I say? He was right
.

What really caught me off guard was that he began feeling me on my ass
and sliding his middle finger up and down the crack of my ass as he began pulling at himself
. I mean
,
he didn’t even ask
.
N
o one ha
d
ever
do
ne
that
to me
,
but
for some reason, it felt good, really good
,
even
to the point where my knees began to shake.

Suddenly, we heard our mother and Keshia come through the door
.
Ray stopped and started putting on the rest of his clothes
,
and I did the same.

For the rest of that evening, we acted as though nothing ever happened. Ray did help me get my
mother’s
dress and shoes back into her closet without her noticing
,
and then
he
went out.

I l
ay
in the bed toss
ing
and turn
ing,
waiting for him to come home
,
to see if things would pick up where we left off
.
 

I d
id
n’t know what time it was
,
but Ray finally made it home and had awakened me from
my
sleep.
“Yo
,
b
aby
boy, wake up,” he said
,
lying on the bunk beneath me.

The room
Ray and I shared together was too small for
two
separate beds
,
so my mom
had
bought us bunk beds
.
  I slept on top
,
and Ray slept on the bottom bunk.

“Yo
,
b
aby
boy,” he whisper
ed
again.

“Yeah,” I replied
,
wiping the sleep out of my eyes.

“
You awake?”

“Yeah.”

“Come down here
.
I wanna talk to you.”

I climbed down from my top bunk and sat alongside his bunk as he slid over
,
making room
on his bed
for me.

“What’s wrong?” I whispered.

“I just wanted you to know that I know you’re gay. You know I know that
,
right?”
H
e began to take his wifebeater and boxers off while under the covers.

“Yeah,” I said
,
feeling somewhat ashamed.

“Well
,
look here
,
b
aby
boy
.
D
on’t be
ashamed
of what you are
.
B
ut do me one favor. Would you do that for me?”
Ray looked
like he was high on something
,
because his eyes were rolling around in his head
.
A
nd
he
looked as though he was playing with himself under the covers.

“What’s that?”

“I
don’t
want any of my friends
,
or anybody for that matter,
coming up to me
,
telling me they done fucked my little brother in da ass, a’ight? I don’t think I could handle that, a’ight? Promise me
.
”
H
e grabbed on to my arm tightly.

I squealed as I began to feel the pain in my arm.
“Ok
ay
, I promise
.
”

“A’ight
,
cool
.
A
nd I want you to make me another promise.”

“Ok
ay
,”
wa
s all I could say
.

“If you ever feel the need to want some dick, you come to me
.
Y
ou understand? I’d rather you get it from me th
a
n one of my home boys
and they throw that shit up in my face. You hear me
,
b
aby
boy?” he asked
,
tightening his grip on my arm.

“Yeah
,
Ray, I hear you,” I stated nervously.

“A’ight
,
cool
.
”
Then
he asked, “Have you ever seen a naked dude before?”

“I’ve seen the other boys in my class while taking gym
,
but that’s about it.”

“Well, I think you’re old enough to see what a man looks like
.
” Ray threw the covers off himself.

Now, I’
d
never seen my brother totally naked before
,
but wow, he had a big dick
.
O
r at least
a
bigger
dick
than
any I’
d
ever seen. All I could do
wa
s
stare at it
,
my mouth hung open. My brother knew he had it going on
,
and he knew I liked what he was showing me.

“Go ahead
,
b
aby
boy
.
T
ouch it
;
it won’t bite,” he whispered
,
all the
while licking his lips and stroking himself.

I knew there was something wrong with this picture
,
but truth is, I wanted to touch it. I’
d
never touched a hard dick before
,
and there was something fascinating about it as
Ray
continued to stroke himself. Nervously, I reach
ed
out and held
his
hard dick in the palm of my hand. The sensation that travel
ed
through my hand, up my arm
,
and down my body put a smile on my face that I still carry with me today
.
A
nd
i
f I didn’t know I was gay before th
en
,
c
hile,
I knew now. 

My brother placed his hand over top of mine
and guided my strokes, educating me as to how he liked to be masturbated. Once I caught on to his rhythm
,
he let go and laid back and began to enjoy the thrill of his little brother bringing him to ecstasy. His moans and groans excited me as I listened and watch
ed
his naked masculine body
squirm under my control. 
I
’
d
never seen anybody c
ome
before
,
so when my brother began jerking his body and
taking short breaths,
and
this milky substance shot out from the head of his penis, I thought I had done something wrong and somehow broke his dick. I later found out that a man would do almost anything you want him to do to have that milky substance
escape from his manhood. I
was
glad I
had
found that out at an early age
,
and to think
that
I have my brother to thank for that
.
 
 

Chapter
3

Since that night with Ray
,
he ha
d
been treating me a lot better. It’s not like he treated me badly before or anything, it’s just
that
he ha
d
been spending more time with me and talking with me, you know
.

My little sister
,
however
,
w
as
getting on my last nerve. Like I said, every time she d
id
n’t get her way, she
went
running to
M
other.

“Cameron, why do you keep messing with her?”
M
other
yelled
.

“M
other
,
I’m not messing with her,” I
lied
. Truth is, I was teasing her by constantly pinching her on the arm as we sat and tried to watch
The Cosby Show
.

“Go to your room,”
M
other demanded. “And stay in there
before I knock the
‘
cowboy shit
’
outta you
. You’re punish
ed
until I tell you you can come out.”

“
Bitch
,” I whispered under my breath as I stomped to my room.

I closed my door,
lay
across my bed
,
and ba
w
led my eyes out. I kn
o
w it was my fault
,
that
I should have just left Keshia alone
,
but like I said, she just g
ot
on my nerves to the point
where
I really want
ed
to hurt her.
Not
to the point of causing her to go to the hospital or anything,
but
just enough to make her cry. I think deep down I was jealous because I used to be the baby of the family and
used to get
all the love
she
wa
s now getting.

After I cried all the tears I could, I turned on Ray’s stereo and played my Patti Labelle CD. I don’t know why
,
but every time I fe
lt
down, I would play Patti and I would feel so much better
,
standing
in front of the mirror and
ma
king
up dances as I lip
-
s
ynched
the words of the song. Of course my mother had to bang on the wall to tell me to turn the music down
,
but I didn’t care,
because
c
hile,
I was on stage singing to a standing room
-
only crowd.

*

The next morning
,
I woke up
early
,
ate my breakfast
,
and gathered my book bag for school. I was looking forward
to
going to school lately because our
seventh
grade class had gotten a new math teacher
,
Mr.
Jamison
.
A
nd
,
h
oney,
was
he
fine
. I would sit at the front of the class just so I could get a better look at him
and
check out
the
huge
print
in
his pants.
I often had to catch myself from staring too long
,
being afraid that someone would catch me.