Just Make Him Beautiful (3 page)

Mr. Sean Mathews was what I always prayed for
. Starting when I was a teen, every night I used to pray,
please God,
j
ust
m
ake
h
im
b
eautiful
.
A
nd
that
Sean
was.

I pulled some strings
,
so to speak
,
and had my orders changed to Fort George G. Meade,
Maryland
as well.

*

Wow, I remember it just like it was yesterday. I had gotten there before Sean and decided which side of the room I wanted. I had unpacked my belongings,
decorated the room with a white fur rug with matching comforter,
and
changed out of that tired army
-
green uniform
.
Then I
put on my
leopard Speedo
and
my fierce straw hat
and stood in my full
-
length mirror
singing
my girl Patti Labelle’s hit, “Lady Marmalade
.
” Thinking back, I really thought I was the shit.

But when Sean entered the room,
c
hile, he looked like a black Arnold Schwarzenegger
. I couldn’t wait to show him my skills.

Unfortunately, as time went on, I learned he was a married man with a family in
Baltimore
. Needless to say, this didn’t discourage me
.
I’
d
dealt with several
brothas
who were married or had girlfriend
s
.
So for me, t
his only meant it would just take a little longer.

But
,
truth be told, it took almost two years before Sean and I actually did the wild thing.
And can you believe it happened the night before I was to get married? Dayum straight, no pun intended
.
R
ight after the bachelor party he threw in my honor. After that, baby, his nose was wide open.

Sean and I had been through a lot
,
but if nothing else, we always maintained a
close
friendship.
But
since he won that “
sir
” contest and
started
initiating all these “
b
oys
,
”
and
relocat
ed
to
Hawaii
, our friendship
had
bec
o
me
strained.

Now, I kn
e
w deep down, he still love
d
me. Even though he became angry when he first saw me outside, I kn
e
w that
was
only because he was caught off guard and didn’t know I had transformed myself into this gorgeous creature.
 

*

Sitting
here thinking of the good times Sean and I ha
d
shared, I began to hear the loud music and the audience yelling and screaming with laughter coming from upstairs as Ms. Ineedaman began
introducing
a
few
of the performers
. Lucky for me, I wasn’t going on until close to the end.

Oh
,
by the way, did I mention that Sean confessed his love for me on my wedding day?
Chile
, yes
,
he did. And trust me when I say
,
that was a big mess
.
I
n front of God, his family, my family
,
and
our
friends, he announced, “Cameron, I love you and want to be with you.
Please don’t make the same mistake I did.” 

Well, what was a girl to do? I mean, here I
was
,
standing there with my not
-
too
-
bright bride, her father, the minister, and the guest
s
staring at me, waiting for a response from
li
’
l ol
’
me.

Just so you know, I’ve always been the type of girl who always wanted to be in a relationship. I
’ve never been one of those
hoes
that wanted to be with a different man every night
,
like some of us gay men do. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve done a lot of things in my past that I’m not proud of
,
and yes, I’ve had my share of one
-
night stands here and there
,
but it was with the hope that each of these men w
as
the right one.
But
then
I realized they were just saying what
ever it took
to get in my pants.

But
w
hen Sean Mathews came into my life
,
I knew God had answered my prayer
.

I
guess
I should try to
explain
how I c
hanged
from being the little,
skinny,
curly
-
haired,
country,
naïve
,
light-skin
ned
boy into this
beautiful, sexy, exotic-looking
female
impersonator.  Well
,
h
onies, don’t clutch the pearls to
o
tight
.
S
it back
and let me tell you
my
s
tory
.
  
 
   

Chapter 2

May
199
7

Fifteen
years ago

“
Aw
,
Cameron, I’ma tell Mommy on you,” Keshia said.

“I don’t care
.
G
o ahead and tell Mommy
.
Y
ou just jealous
’
cause you can’t fit it
.
”

“Fine,” she said
,
stomping out of my room.

I don’t know why my mother had to have another child. I was the baby up until
six
years ago,
which was
when my baby sister
Keshia
was born. Before then, it was my mom, my older brother
Ray
,
and me.

My mom never got married
.
I guess
,
looking back on how things turned out, that’s because she spent most of her time in a halfway house
,
but I’m getting
a
head of myself.

N
ow eleven years old, I
knew I was different since
the tender age of four
. When I started
P
re-
K
,
I found myself playing mostly with the little girls in my class instead of
with
the boys. I had no interest in playing with trucks, toy guns
,
or blocks
.
I preferred play
ing
with baby dolls, combing their hair and dressing them up in different outfits.
I was a li
’
l drag queen in the making.

When I turned
nine
, I was called a sissy for the very first time.
This
stupid boy
name
d
Tyrone, who was
in my class
,
got mad at me because our Math teacher
,
Mrs. Pender
,
asked him
what
the square root of 1,345 was
and
I raised my hand and got the answer right when
he didn’t know
it
. He got mad and called me a sissy out loud
,
and the rest of the kids in my class starting laughing. So
,
Ms. Pender sent him to the
p
rincipal’s
office. I really didn’t know how to feel
,
since I didn’t know what the word
sissy
meant
.
Believe it or not, that was the first time I had ever heard the term.

W
hen I got home
,
I
asked my mother what it meant
,
and she
informed me that that’s what people call other boys
who
a
ct like girls
.
I was devastated. I didn’t know how I w
as
ever
going to
be able to show my face in that school again.

*

The next day during lunchtime, Tyrone and his bull
y
in
g
ass came over to my table and asked me what time it was. At first, I didn’t want to tell him because I didn’t want him to see my new Mickey Mouse watch that Mother had just brought me for my birthday.
A
s I tried to cover it with my hand, he suddenly grabbed my arm and snatched it off my wrist and walked away with it.

The other kids started to point and laugh at me. I was so hurt and embarrass
ed
;
I wanted to crawl into a hole.

For the rest of the day, I sat in class thinking
,
How am I gonna get my watch back?
I couldn’t tell Mother I
’d
just lost it
.
S
he would
’ve
never believe
d
it because she knew how much I loved
that watch
and that I wasn’t that irresponsible. 

Honey, once that dreaded three o’clock school bell r
a
ng and kids began breaking their necks to get outside to go home
,
I thought that bully Tyrone would give it back.  I walked up to him as he stood outside in the schoolyard with his friends.

“Can I have my watch back, please?” I asked in a squeaky tone, holding my
trembling
hand out.

“What
?
Y
ou want your watch back?” Tyrone questioned, while he and his friends laughed hysterically. 

“Yeah,” I replied, softly and very pleadingly.

“Here
.
H
ere’s your watch.” And out of nowhere, Tyrone
hauled off and
punched me dead in my mouth. He hit me so hard
,
my little
yella
ass fell right on the ground. Then this muthafucka had the nerve to climb on top of me and began punching me like I stole something from him.

Chile
, I started biting him everywhere I could. At one point, I think I bit him in the crotch
,
because he stopped punching me and bent over and grabbed himself. Honey, this was my chance to get the hell outta there.

I got my little
yella
ass up and started running as fast as I could. I looked behind me
,
and there was Tyrone and his friends not too far behind. Let me tell you, I was so scared and frighten
ed
,
c
hile, I ran pas
t
my own house, twice. Darling, I know that shit might be funny now, but it wasn’t at the time
,
because I had to keep running just to tire them fools out.
Thank God, Mother never asked me about my watch.

*

F
or the next couple of months
, I used ever
y
excuse in the book not to go to school. I would play sick, or sometimes I would oversleep. My mom worked for the NT
S
(
Nebraska Transit System
)
and she worked from
three
a.m. to
twelve
p.m
.
Monday through Saturday. As a single parent she volunteer
ed
for that schedule because
of the
night differential.