Just The Way You Are (4 page)

"You have to be all right," Alli said more strongly. "I don't want you to die."

"I can't die yet, honey. I haven't finished counting the stars. And don't you know, my darling girl, that you will never be alone, because there is always love, and love lives forever."

Alli could hear the familiar words as clearly as if her grandmother had said them out loud. But in truth the words had come from memories of those dark nights when the fears took hold and the only one who could soothe them away was her grandmother.

"You have to wake up. You have to say the words, Grams. Otherwise, I can't believe them. Please," Alli begged.

The hospital room door opened and William Beckett walked into the room. He was an imposing man, tall, with a strong square face, sharp dark brown eyes, and thick brows that matched the pepper-gray color of his hair. He wore an expression that told everyone he usually got what he wanted. And he wanted Phoebe.

Losing her more than fifty years ago to John MacGuire, a man picked out for Phoebe by her parents, William had returned from Chicago after John's death, determined to win Phoebe back. He'd become a frequent visitor to Tucker's Landing, spending weeks at a time in a rented cottage, all the while wooing Phoebe. And while Phoebe seemed to care deeply for William, she had yet to commit to any sort of future with him.

Alli had no idea what their real relationship was, but anyone could see that William, despite his austere demeanor, was in agony. He had dark shadows under his eyes and wrinkles in his usually crisp tan slacks.

"You're back?" he said gruffly. "I thought you might sleep in this morning."

"I couldn't sleep at all. How about you?"

"There will be time to sleep later."

Alli looked over at her grandmother, then back at William. "Do you think…"

"I hope," he answered quickly. "And I pray."

It wasn't what she wanted to hear. "The doctors?"

"Haven't come in yet this morning."

"I guess I'll wait, then."

"What about work?"

"I can't leave."

"Your grandmother owns a stake in that shop of yours, doesn't she?"

William knew that the Alley Cat, a gift shop specializing in hometown treasures, was more than a business for Alli, it was a lifeline her grandmother had thrown her last year when she'd started to flounder in a sea of self-doubt. And it had been the lifeline that kept her going through her separation from Sam. It wasn't just a gift shop, it was her life, her future, her daughter's future. But Grams was more important.

"You can't do anything for your grandmother, Allison," William said. "Except to continue on with your life."

"I wish I could do something, though."

"We all do. But it will be as it was meant to be."

"I can't accept that. I was never very good at accepting things I didn't like."

For a moment there was a glint of a smile in his eyes. "So I've noticed. I actually understand the inability to accept something that seems completely wrong." He glanced over at Phoebe and smiled. "Your grandmother would tell you I've been bullheaded for longer than you've been alive. Unfortunately, it still hasn't gotten me what I want." His voice drifted away and he moved toward the bed, sitting down in the chair next to Phoebe. He picked up her hand and squeezed it. "But I'm not done trying," he said softly. "So you better wake up, Phoebe, if for no other reason than to tell me to go away."

"She wouldn't do that," Alli said, deeply touched by the despair in his voice.

"She hasn't yet, but I'm not sure she won't." He shook his head. "But there will be time for that later. Now we have to concentrate on getting your grandmother well. Giving her whatever she needs." He focused his piercing dark eyes on her face. "You will do that, won't you?"

"Yes."

"Even if that means accepting your sister's presence here at the hospital?"

Alli stiffened. "I would do anything to make Grams feel better, but Tessa turned her back on Grams years ago."

"That isn't true and you know it. They've seen each other many times over the years."

"On exotic vacations that only Tessa could afford," Alli acknowledged bitterly. It was just one more area in which she couldn't compete with her older sister. "But where was Tessa when Grams sprained her ankle last year? And where was Tessa when Grams turned seventy or during any of the last nine Christmas holidays? I'm actually surprised she's coming now. Tessa swore she'd never set foot in Tucker's Landing again."

"Never is a long time. I expect Tessa will do what she needs to do, same as you will."

Alli just wished whatever Tessa needed to do could be done in another country, miles away from here, from her, from Sam. How could she deal with her sister on top of everything else?

Alli paced restlessly around the cramped hospital room, feeling angry and scared, more scared than she'd ever been in her life. "I can't lose Grams." She paused, looking into William's compassionate eyes. "I have to do something. I'm going to call her doctor and tell him to get over here. She needs … she needs something," Alli finished, feeling helpless despite her brave words.

"Dr. Price was here until late last night," William reminded her. "He's a good man and he cares about your grandmother. His credentials are excellent. I wouldn't entrust your grandmother to just anyone. But if Dr. Price doesn't give us the answers we require, I have no qualms about finding another specialist, even if it means flying someone in from across the country."

Alli felt better knowing that William was prepared to do anything to save her grandmother. She just hoped there was something that could be done. Tears pushed at Alli's eyes as she stared down at her grandmother's beautiful but cold face. "I feel like she's already gone. I can't reach her. I can't make her wake up. And I want her to wake up."

"She's a strong woman, your grandmother," William said, his eyes fixed on Phoebe's face. "She does what she has to do without complaining. And she doesn't give up. You must have gotten that from her." He paused. "At least that's what she always says."

"Grams said I was like her?" Alli asked in amazement. "She never told me that. Everyone says Grams looked just like Tessa when she was young."

William stood up and came around the bed. He puts a hand on Alli's shoulder. "Phoebe was blond and beautiful when she was young, same as Tessa. But she had fire in her heart, too, same as you."

Alli smiled back at him. "Thank you."

"Now, why don't you go home or go to work? I'll call you when Phoebe wakes up or if the doctor has any news."

Alli hesitated. "If you're sure. I can pick up Megan and take her to school, then come back."

"I'm sure. And Alli … whatever you may think, I know your grandmother loves both you and Tessa. That's why I called your sister. Because Phoebe needs all the support she can get."

"I know. And I can handle seeing Tessa again," Alli said, wishing she felt as confident as she sounded.

Chapter 4

«
^
»

T
essa. Alli felt the word reverberate through her brain as she stopped and stared at the scene in her husband's living room.

It was Tessa, all right. Tessa of the long, glorious blond hair and the bombshell body and the seductive blue eyes. Her sister hadn't changed at all. If anything, she was more beautiful than ever. And Alli was nowhere near ready to see her.

Alli glanced at Sam. His jaw was set in granite, his eyes dark and unreadable. She wondered what had gone on between them before she'd arrived. Had they talked? Had they run into each other's arms like long-lost lovers? An old intense jealousy grabbed hold of her heart and squeezed.

"Mommy?" Megan asked in confusion.

The one word pulled her together like nothing else could. "Megan," Alli said quickly, trying to catch her breath. She'd known this moment was coming. She'd anticipated Tessa's arrival. But not like this. She'd thought to meet Tessa at the hospital, in cold, clinical surroundings, not here in the Tuckers' old house, and most definitely not with Megan in attendance, listening to every word.

Seeing the three of them together tore at Alli's heart. They looked like a family—the mother, the father, the child. It struck her that this was the way it would have been, maybe should have been.

Alli wondered if Sam was thinking the same thing, the way he was looking at Tessa, the way Tessa was standing with Megan's brush in her hand. Megan's brush? Tessa was doing Megan's hair. Oh, God!

Alli struggled to hang on. She didn't know how she felt—angry, sad, ashamed, embarrassed, left out? The emotions flew through her so fast she couldn't keep track of them. She knew she had to say something, but she was almost afraid to open her mouth, completely uncertain of what words would come out.

"Aunt Tessa is making a French braid," Megan said uncertainly, picking up on the tension in the room.

"Maybe your mother should do it," Tessa said.

"Mommy doesn't know how to do it very well." Megan sent her mother an apologetic glance.

Alli's first inclination was to grab the brush out of Tessa's hand and take Megan as far away from her sister as she possibly could. Because Megan was
hers!
And Alli couldn't take a chance on Tessa's stealing Megan's affection the way she'd taken everyone else's.

Despite the childish emotions swamping her, there was a part of Alli that remembered she was an adult, a mother, and she couldn't lose control with Megan in the room.

"Alli, can I talk to you for a minute—in the kitchen?" Sam asked.

She looked at him in confusion and saw something in his eyes she hadn't expected—understanding. He knew she was about to blow, and he was offering her a way out. For Megan's sake, she had to take it. Mumbling something, she headed to the kitchen. She sat down at the table and desperately counted to ten. "When did
she
arrive?" Alli asked finally.

"A while ago," Sam said warily.

"I didn't expect her until later."

"She flew all night to get here as fast as she could."

"But she didn't go to the hospital. No, she came here instead. I wonder why."

Hearing the words fly out of her mouth, Alli knew they sounded like an accusation, but she couldn't help it. Why was Tessa here—brushing Megan's hair, chatting it up with Sam—when Grams was in the hospital fighting for her life?

"She thought it was too early to go to the hospital. She didn't realize they'd let family in at any time." Sam took the seat across from her. "Alli, you knew she was coming. Why are you so surprised she's here?"

"I thought I was ready. But it turns out I wasn't. She's still beautiful, isn't she?" Sam didn't look away, but he also didn't give anything away. "Isn't she?" Alli persisted.

"If I say yes, will that make you happy? If I say no, will it be the right answer? Come on, Alli. Tessa's looks aren't the question, and you know it."

"So she just fits right back in, like she never left."

"Maybe that's just the way it is with family."

"Tessa is not family—not anymore. She said it herself when she left. She said she didn't want a sister. And since I feel the same way, I guess we agree on one thing."

"Tessa was hurt.
We
hurt her," he said, reaching out to cup her chin with his fingers. "You know we did."

She hated that he was right, but he was. And she could even admit it now, although it had taken her years to come to grips with what she'd done. There had always been ways to rationalize it. Tessa could have come home that Christmas. Sam could have said no.

"If anyone has a right to be angry, it's Tessa," Sam added. "I was her boyfriend. You are her sister."

She shook his hand off her face. "Tessa made mistakes, too, Sam. She broke your heart when she didn't come home with you. Yet you blame her for nothing."

"That's not entirely true. And that doesn't excuse what we did."

"I know that. But Tessa wasn't perfect, and I hate that no one else can see that."

He uttered a short, bitter laugh. "No one else can see it? Hell, Alli, you're the only one who ever thought she was perfect. You couldn't see past Tessa's pretty face. You were so consumed with jealousy, you never saw Tessa for who she really was."

"Because everyone treated her like she was a goddess visiting us from the top of the universe. And it doesn't look like anything has changed. Before she only had Tucker's Landing to rule, now she has practically the whole damn world at her beck and call. Even Megan…" Alli stood up, too restless to stay seated. "Even Megan has joined the ranks of the adoring."

"Megan is excited to meet her aunt. I don't think it would matter if Tessa had warts and a long nose. Megan would still want to meet her, because she's family."

"But she doesn't have warts and a long nose. And Megan wants Tessa to do her hair. How could you let Tessa do her hair?" she asked, her voice catching in her throat.

"I—" He shrugged. "I don't know. I can't make a French braid. And that's what Megan wanted."

His answer was so damn logical she wanted to scream.

"You're making too much of this," he added quietly. "You always make too much of things where Tessa is concerned. You've been doing it since you were nine years old. Can't you let anything slide?"

"It's not that easy. You don't know what she does to me."

"I have a pretty good idea," Sam said dryly. "I've refereed more battles between the two of you than I care to remember. But what you have to remember is that Tessa is here because of Phoebe. And that's all that's important."

"I know. I know." Alli pushed her hair out of her eyes. "I just wish Grams was all right and Tessa was on the other side of the world where she belongs."

Frustrated, she picked up the cereal bowl and carried it to the sink. She set it down more forcefully than she should have and it clashed with a glass, shattering it into several pieces. It was suddenly all too much, her grandmother, Sam, Tessa… Tears flooded Alli's eyes as she leaned against the counter.

A moment later, she felt Sam's hands on her shoulders, rubbing the tight muscles the way he'd done so many times before. It was familiar and loving and painful.

Still, Alli couldn't help leaning back against him. He felt so good, strong, safe. And she needed to feel him with her, behind her, supporting her, even if it was only for a minute.

"So, what now?" she asked with a sigh.

"I think I should take Tessa to the hospital, and you can take Megan to school."

Again, the green-eyed monster raised its ugly head. Of course he wanted to take Tessa, more time alone with his long-lost love.

She jerked away from him. "Fine. That's probably the way you want it."

"Yeah, I figure we can make out on the way to the hospital." Sam caught her by the arm, and this time his grip was not reassuring, it was angry. "What the hell kind of man do you think I am anyway?"

"I don't know."

"Don't you? Haven't we lived together for the past nine years? Haven't you folded my underwear and taken my temperature and seen me go to work every day and come home every night—to you, to my daughter?"

His eyes blazed with a fury she didn't begin to understand.

"I know what color your underwear is, Sam, but I don't know what you think, how you feel about me or Tessa or anyone for that matter. You don't talk to me."

"Maybe you don't listen. Maybe you don't want to hear me, because it would upset all your fantasies and illusions."

"I don't have any more fantasies. They died from lack of interest. So let me go, Sam, because we both know you've been trying to get away from me for most of your life."

Sam's hand fell from her arm. "Maybe you're right," he said. "Maybe it's time we both let go. Because I don't know what we're trying to hold on to."

Alli swallowed hard. She didn't really want him to let her go. But it was too late to take back her words. And it was better this way. Despite what Sam said, she knew his feelings for Tessa were unresolved. And now that Tessa was back, maybe it was time to resolve them.

"I'm out of here," Sam said, leaving her alone in the kitchen.

When she finally got up her nerve to return to the living room, she found Megan sitting all alone in the big armchair with her backpack on and her hair done up in a beautiful French braid.

"You look terrific," Alli said.

Megan's face blossomed into a smile as she moved her head from side to side. "Do you like it?"

"Like it? I love it. Are you ready for summer school?"

Megan nodded and got to her feet. "Are you going to take me, Mommy? I like it when you take me to school."

"You do?" Alli said.

"Yes, because Daddy always listens to the sports station and you listen to music."

It was the best compliment she'd gotten all morning. "You can listen to whatever you want, sweetie."

"Aunt Tessa is nice," Megan said.

Alli felt her body go tense. She couldn't come up with a response to save her life.

"How come you never talk about her? She's really pretty." Megan paused. "But you're way prettier, Mommy."

Alli swept Megan up into her arms and gave her a big hug. "I love you, baby."

"I love you, too, Mommy. But I'm not a baby anymore."

Alli gave her a teary smile. "I know, but you'll always be my baby."

* * *

Tessa tried to relax, but sitting next to Sam in the front seat of his Ford Explorer felt awkward and uncomfortable.

Sam had barely spoken to her, barely looked at her since they'd left the house.

She suspected he and Alli had had an argument in the kitchen, probably over her. No doubt Alli had not liked the fact that she was here, or that Megan wanted her aunt to do her hair. Well, big deal. Alli was acting like a child.

Tessa cleared her throat. Sam didn't even glance at her. "Sam," she said pointedly.

"What?" He didn't sound at all happy to be speaking to her.

"Do you still have the T-Bird?"

"Yeah."

"But you don't drive it?"

"Once in a while. It's not exactly a family car." And he was a family man. How strange to think of him that way.

"Are you and Alli really getting a divorce?" she asked.

"It looks that way."

"Mind if I ask why?"

"Alli wasn't happy."

"Were you?"

He didn't say anything for a long moment. "Maybe not every second of every day, but who is?"

"That's an evasive answer."

He shrugged. "What about you? Are you happy?"

"Me? Of course I'm happy. My career is great. I travel all over the world. I make a lot of money." She cleared her throat, wondering why it didn't sound that good. She had a fantastic life, everyone said so. "I have two apartments, one in L.A. and one in New York," she added.

"Can't decide which city you like better?"

"It's convenient to have a place on each coast."

"Life in the fast lane," he murmured.

"There's a lot to see and do," she said, feeling defensive. She couldn't tell if he was impressed or critical of her lifestyle. "It's a big world out there."

"You don't get tired of the traveling?"

"No. Well, sometimes." She let out a breath, feeling especially weary today. She turned her head to look at him and was reassured by the familiarity of his profile. This was Sam. Why was she pretending? "It's hard to stay ahead of the pack," she said. "There are so many pretty young girls chasing me, I'm beginning to feel hunted."

"I doubt anyone can catch you."

Then Sam sent her a smile that took her right back to where they'd once been, when his every look could make her palms sweat and her heart race. There were better looking men in the world. She'd posed with many of them. But there was something about Sam that stirred her. Even now, dressed in blue jeans and a T-shirt, he was far too appealing.

"I appreciate the vote of confidence," she said lightly.

"It sounds like you've got everything you wanted."

Except you. Except a husband and children.