Just The Way You Are (5 page)

"Pretty much. So do you and Alli ever get out of this town?"

"We went to Los Angeles for a car show a few years back. That's about it."

"I remember when you wanted to hunt for shipwrecks in the Caribbean."

"I think I wanted to a professional race car driver, too, but I grew up."

"I also remember a time when you swore you'd never work for your father, but Grams tells me you've taken over his business completely."

"I like it better than I thought I would."

"Really? Or have you gotten good at making the best of things?"

He shot her an annoyed look. "You
know, there was a time when you wanted to get married and have kids. What happened to
that?"

Her body tightened at his question. She knew he was only getting a little back at her, but he had no idea how much his words hurt. Of course she'd wanted to get married. She'd wanted to marry him, have
his
children. She'd never found anyone else with whom she wanted to spend the rest of her life.

"I can still have all that. I have plenty of time. And I think it's smart to follow a plan, to make things happen when they're meant to happen."

"Bull's-eye," Sam said, putting a hand on his heart. "We're almost at the hospital. Any other darts you want to throw before we get there?"

She hated the fact that she'd said anything. It had been her intention to stay calm, in control, to never let him think she had spent one second of one day upset about what he had done to her.

"I don't want to talk about it," she said quickly.

"That makes two of us."

A few minutes later, Sam turned off the highway and entered the hospital parking lot. He pulled the key out of the ignition. "Ready?"

Tessa hesitated. "Sam…" She didn't know what she wanted him to say, but something.

"You can do this," he replied, in answer to her silent plea.

"Grams is the strong one, not me. I won't be any use to her."

"She needs you, Tessa."

"I'm not good with sick people. I never know what to say, what to do. I feel helpless."

"You'll be fine. Phoebe isn't expecting a tap dance. In fact, the doctor said it might take time for her to recover enough to speak or move."

"Oh, God! She's paralyzed. You didn't tell me she was paralyzed." A dozen horrible thoughts ran through her mind. Grams in a wheelchair. Grams unable to speak. It was too awful to contemplate, but she couldn't stop her imagination from running wild.

"Hang on a second," Sam said hastily. "They don't know the full extent of her condition, Tessa. She could recover completely. Don't jump off that cliff yet."

Tessa put a hand to her mouth, feeling suddenly nauseous.

"Come with me. Grams always liked you. I'll feel better if you're there."

"I can only stay for a few minutes. I have to get things settled at work."

"Thank you." Tessa opened the car door and stepped onto the pavement. Sam joined her a second later, locking the car doors with his remote control. She smiled at him and shook her head in amazement.

"What?" he asked curiously.

"You, me. I can't believe I'm here. After all these years."

"I can't quite believe it either."

"Grams says Tucker's Landing is turning into a tourist mecca," she said as they began to walk toward the hospital.

"That's right."

"So your business is doing well?"

"Yes, in fact … I haven't told anyone this, but I got an offer to sell out to a Japanese outfit."

"Really? Are you going to sell?"

"I don't know. It's an interesting offer, but completely impractical. What I
should
do is buy myself another boat and make it impossible for any outside operation to come in and take over my business."

"But if you sell, you could do something else with your life." She paused. "I know you had to go to work, Sam, that it was the most logical move to make, but surely you've wanted something more, something else over the years. I don't remember you ever dreaming about growing up to be your father."

"I'm not my father." He shrugged. "I'm a Tucker and I belong in Tucker's Landing. It's where my home is, my business is, and most importantly, where my daughter is."

"Alli works at a gift shop, doesn't she?" Tessa asked as they moved toward the hospital entrance.

"The Alley Cat. She doesn't just work it. She owns it with your grandmother."

"Alli as a businesswoman; that seems strange, too."

"She's actually very good at it."

Tessa raised an eyebrow. "Defending the woman you're about to divorce?"

"The divorce doesn't have anything to do with Alli's business capabilities. You know, you might find it hard to believe, but away from you, Alli actually acts like a grown-up most of the time."

"You're right, I find it hard to believe."

Chapter 5

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"
F
ive minutes around Tessa and I go from being a mature adult to acting like the nasty, jealous little sister I used to be." Alli tossed her purse down on the front counter of her store, thankful that the shop was still empty, because she needed to talk to someone before she exploded.

Mary Ann Whitman was not only Alli's assistant, but in the past year she had become a dear friend. At thirty-five, the slightly pregnant, brown-haired Mary Ann was eight years older than Alli. Where Alli was emotional, Mary Ann was cool as a cucumber. Where Alli was spontaneous, Mary Ann had a day planner that was detailed to the last minute. And when Alli took chances, Mary Ann usually had a backup plan just in case things didn't work out.

With such complementary strengths, they had developed a strong friendship and a good working relationship. And with daughters the same age, they also had the added advantage of sharing babysitting.

"You have to stop reacting," Mary Ann said as she finished straightening a display of shell jewelry. "Tessa knows how to push your buttons, and I bet you're good at pushing hers."

"To be honest, Tessa barely said a word. It was just her presence. God! She's so disgustingly beautiful. Megan already adores her. And Sam, well, Sam is probably thrilled she's back."

"What do you think?" Mary Ann asked, motioning toward the display. "Kathleen really outdid herself with these necklaces," she added, noting the fine detail work of one of their local artisans.

"It looks great," Alli said without much enthusiasm.

"How is Phoebe?" Mary Ann pushed her constantly slipping glasses back up her nose and stared at Alli with concerned brown eyes. "Was she any better this morning?"

"No. In fact, William just called me to say that the doctor said it's a matter of time now to see how much damage has been done. They've run several tests, but they'll have to see what happens in the next few days before they can determine the full extent of the stroke." Alli sat down on the stool behind the counter. "I've never seen Grams so still."

"She's just getting her strength back."

"I hope so. William is staying with her."

"He's a good friend. Or it is more than that?"

Alli tipped her head. "Maybe. Grams is cagey when it comes to him. I do believe he has a thing for her, but I have a hunch that Grams is still in love with my grandfather."

"What are you doing here anyway? I thought you were spending the day at the hospital."

"Tessa and Sam are there now."

"And you don't want to keep an eye on them?" Mary Ann raised a questioning eyebrow.

"I don't want to upset Grams. And I'm not sure I can keep my mouth shut when Tessa is in the room."

"You know, I'm sure Tessa has all kinds of men dancing to her tune these days. She's a supermodel, for heaven's sake. Sam's just a small-town guy to her now. You have nothing to worry about."

"But she never married. Don't you think that's odd?"

"Tessa is living the jet set life. And she's not even thirty. There is plenty of time for her to settle down."

"I know. You're right. Tessa is free as a bird." Alli's mouth trembled. "And in a short while Sam will be free, too."

"Oh, honey," Mary Ann said with a compassionate shake of her head. "Why don't you call the whole thing off?"

"I can't."

"Sure you can."

"No. Tessa is back now. It's fate. Sam has to find out."

"Find out what?"

"Whether or not he still loves her."

Mary Ann looked at Alli with sharp, knowing eyes. "Are you sure you want him to find out? Because you could pull it in right now, take it all back, and I think Sam would go along with you. He loves Megan."

"But does he love me?"

Mary Ann sighed. "Maybe it's just enough that he likes you a lot. Come on, Alli. You're not a kid anymore. You have a child, a job, a mortgage, bills to pay. That's the reality of your life—mine, too. Some days I'm not even sure I like my husband anymore, much less love him. And as for sex, well, jeez, the one good thing about pregnancy is that I can plead a headache as often as I want."

"You don't mean that. You're madly in love with Ron."

"I'm not 'mad' about anything or anyone. Passion is for teenagers. Something for them to do with all their energy. It doesn't last in any marriage."

"It's different for you. You know why Ron married you, and it wasn't because you were pregnant. Sam did the right thing by me. And I appreciate that. But we didn't marry for love."

"Maybe you didn't start off right, but you and Sam have made a life together. Why throw it all away?"

"Because this is the right thing for me to do—for Sam. When I saw that box of photographs and magazine covers, I felt like I'd stumbled on Sam and Tessa having sex together. It was awful." Alli shook her head, still feeling the pain of that moment.

"So he kept some mementos. Big deal. It's his past. You're his present, his future."

"They weren't from the past; the pictures were of Tessa today. Sam has been following her career, keeping his eye on her, probably counting the days until Megan turns eighteen," she said bitterly. "That's why he hasn't wanted to have any more children. He knows once Megan is an adult he can walk away, having done his duty. And you know what, he won't even be forty. He can start over, have another family—with Tessa."

"Whoa, slow down," Mary Ann said sharply. "You are way out there."

"I can't help it. I forced Sam to be a husband, a father, a provider. I thought I could make it work. I pretended for a long time that he would fall in love with me by the sheer force of my will, but I know now that Sam hasn't forgotten Tessa, and I don't think he's given up on her either. She still has his heart. And if she has his heart, she might as well have him. Because I can't go on living like this. I want my husband to be in love with me. I want to have more children."

"Then don't give up on your marriage." Mary Ann walked up to the counter and looked Alli straight in the eye. "You're not a quitter, Allison Tucker. Everyone in this town knows you fight for what you want. Why don't you make Sam see that you are still the best thing that ever happened to him?"

"Because I want Sam to fight for me this time."

Mary Ann sent her a sad smile. "Sometimes you have to be happy with what you have."

"I want more," Alli said simply. "I always have."

"And somehow you usually find a way to get it. For what it's worth, my money's on you."

"Even with Tessa in town?"

"Absolutely. It's much easier to fight a real person than a memory."

"I disagree. No one can diminish the memory of a first love. It's too strong. No matter what I do for Sam, he'll always think that he lost out on the love of his life."

"But he didn't. He just doesn't know it yet."

Alli smiled at Mary Ann. "You're a good friend."

"And you're just going through a bad patch. Every marriage hits rocks. How many times can you pick up smelly socks and still want to suck on your husband's toes? We're talking about real life here."

Alli put a hand to her head. "You're giving me a headache. It's too early in the morning for toe sucking."

"Well, think about it."

"Thanks, but I'd rather not."

Mary Ann laughed as the bell over the door rang in a customer. "Saved by the bell."

"Can you keep an eye on things out here? I want to do some computer work in the office, check out the Internet and see what I can find out about strokes."

"No problem. Is Sam staying at the hospital with Tessa?"

Alli sent her a dark look. "I have no idea. Like I said, Sam is a mystery to me."

Mary Ann patted her on the shoulder. "You always did like a good mystery, honey. Just keep turning those pages, because I have a feeling this story isn't nearly done."

* * *

The late afternoon shadows danced off Sam's office wall, reminding him of the way Alli's wedding ring used to catch the light as she waved her hand around, each word she spoke accompanied by some rapid movement of her fingers.

Shit! Why was she back in his mind again? He rested his elbows on the desk, wondering if Alli still wore her wedding ring. He couldn't remember seeing it on her hand this morning. Had she taken it off? Why couldn't he remember? Why did he care?

Slamming his hand down on the desk in frustration, Sam got to his feet and walked over to the window that overlooked the harbor. By the Fourth of July there would be no empty slips, no quiet mornings. While a part of him missed the solitude of winter, the other part of him reveled in the chance to make some summer money. The next three months would determine the success of the rest of the year.

As Tucker's Landing and the towns to the north and the south began to spread closer to each other there would be more long-term business as well, which was exactly why the opportunity to sell his charter boat service had arisen. But how could he leave behind what had become a part of him?

Saying it out loud to Tessa had only confirmed what he had instinctively known—that this was his life now, and he needed to start living it. Not just managing it, not just keeping his head above water, not just surviving, but taking charge, making changes. He'd invested his time in his business but not his heart.

Maybe that's what he'd done with his marriage, too. Maybe it had been easier to live the life that had happened to him instead of making it his own. But, hell, when had he had time to think about any of it; he'd been too busy growing up, being a father, running a business.

Well, it was time now. In fact, it was past time.

The door opened behind him, and he didn't have to turn around to know that Alli had entered the room. He could smell her. He could feel her. Maybe it was because they hadn't had sex in months. Maybe that was why he was so attuned to her. He couldn't possibly miss her.

"Grams hasn't changed," she said.

He turned around and saw the shadows under her eyes, the tight lines around her mouth, the worry in her expression. Her hair drifted loose from its clip, and her black pants and matching sweater only emphasized her aura of gloom.

"The doctors said it was normal for Phoebe's body to shut down for a while," he reminded her. "She's suffered a trauma."

"It's been twenty-four hours since it happened. I think that's long enough to sleep, especially for Grams. She never sleeps. I talked to her, trying to get her interested enough to open her eyes and look at me, but she just wouldn't. It's so frustrating."

Sam looked at the clock on the wall, suddenly realizing it was after five. He'd meant to get back to the hospital but he'd let the work take over his mind, relieved to have something constructive to focus on. "When did you see your grandmother?"

"About an hour ago. William was still there. I don't think he's left her side all day." Alli cleared her throat and looked down at her shoes. "Apparently, he lent Tessa his car so she could go back to the house and rest."

Sam nodded, wary of Tessa's entrance into the conversation.

"I'd like to go back tonight, but I don't want to take Megan there again," Alli said. "She needs to be at home, watching television, playing, being normal. I don't want her worrying about Grams."

"I'll stay with her."

Alli hesitated. "At the house?"

"At
our
house," he said pointedly. "Of course."

"I didn't know if it would be uncomfortable for you to be there."

"It's uncomfortable for me to
not
be there," he said shortly.

"I told you I would leave and you could stay, Sam."

"And I told you it was better for Megan to be with her mother in her own house, her own bedroom. I still feel that way."

"Well, thank you,"

"Would you stop being so fucking polite?" he shouted, fed up with their conversation.

"Polite? You're angry with me for being polite?" she asked in amazement. "That's a switch. Didn't you call me selfish, childish? Now I'm in trouble for acting like a polite adult? I can't win, can I?"

For some reason he was relieved to see the sparkle come back into her eyes, the color sweep across her cheeks. She looked alive again. She looked like Alli.

"I'm the one who can't win," he said. "You get pregnant, so I marry you. But that's not enough. I work like a dog to make a life for us, but I don't spend enough time with you. I take care of you and watch over you, but because I don't send you love letters, I'm a bastard."

"I never asked for love letters. I asked for love," she cried, stepping forward as she shook her finger in his face. "Not once, Sam Tucker—not once have you ever said
I love you."

Her wedding ring caught in the fading sunlight and sent sparks dancing off the wall, blinding him with memories. So she
hadn't
taken it off. He couldn't hear what she was saying. He couldn't remember what he was going to say, because her face was too close and her breath came in gasps that reminded him of the way she breathed when they made love.