Keep Her (18 page)

“You want me to fuck you, hard, and rough, and dirty like that first night.” He reached around, grabbing my ass with force. It would leave a mark. Was it sick that I’d fondly think of the bruise as a token of our night together?

Pressing my body against his, I leaned down and sucked his lower lip into my mouth, biting softly. “That’s exactly what I want,” I whispered.

In a fast movement that left me nearly dizzy, he flipped us over so he was now on top of me, caging my body in his strong limbs. “Too bad. Not tonight. I told you, we’re going slow.” He kissed my neck right below my ear and whispered, “Gentle.” Bringing his lips to mine, he teased me with a soft kiss and brought his mouth to my other ear where he whispered again, “Inch by inch. I want to come together. I want to make this last.”

I allowed Beck to take over control and set the pace. His fingers kneaded my shoulders from behind, as we got lost in another spine-tingling kiss. When I felt his thick stiffness prodding against my thighs, I sucked his tongue into my mouth, trying to show him just how badly I wanted him. My obvious need for him did not make him hasty. If anything, he took his sweet time even more.

With our bodies fused together, he kissed the tip of my nose, sweeping strands of unruly hair out of my eyes. He kissed each of my eyes, humming in enjoyment. The look on his face as he feathered my skin with these sweet kisses made me even needier for his touch.

His musky scent invaded my senses and I dug my fingers into the wavy tufts at the back of his head, as his lips continued praising my neck. “Beck, please.”

“Baby, I waited too long to just get this over with. Let me savor you.” It was a simple request, but it didn’t relieve the ache that was growing more and more intense each moment he deprived me of what I wanted most.

“You’re killing me, B. I want you. I
need
you! Just… please…” I sounded desperate, and maybe in that moment I was actually desperate for him. All those texts and phone calls, and the memory of our one night together—they made me frantic for the real thing.

Collapsing on top of my body, he lifted his head from where he was nibbling my collarbone, and arched an eyebrow. “So, you want me to fuck you, huh?”

“Yes.” I stopped myself from nodding my head up and down like a panting puppy, waiting for a treat. “That’s what I want. Right now.” Clear and to the point. I couldn’t wait any longer.

Jolting upright and settling between my legs, he spread them wide, watching me. I arched my hips, indicating my eagerness and with one slow thrust, he guided himself inside me.

“Ahhh,” I moaned in pure delight. I almost wanted to thank him for finally satisfying the emptiness begging to be filled… by him. So I did. “Thank you. Jesus Christ, thank you.” I sighed as he slid in and out of me, picking up his unhurried pace.

He cupped my face in his hands, prompting me to open my eyes. “Look at me, Riles,” he said, fixing his warm brown eyes on mine. Plunging deeper and causing me to writhe underneath him again, he then looked down to where our bodies were joined. “Look at how perfectly we fit together. How beautifully your body reacts to my touch.”

My body certainly loved his touch. It was magical, and I never wanted it to end. I never wanted
this
to end. And the more I thought about what was happening, the more I realized that as badly as I wanted Beck to fuck me over and over again, I craved the effortlessness in our lovemaking too.

That’s what we were doing. There was a definite difference between the reckless wildness of the other night compared to the tenderness and warmth between us tonight.

As our bodies moved together in a passionate dance, I felt the need for him to be even closer. I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him tighter. I never wanted to let go. I had no idea it could feel this good. I guess it was all about being with the right person.

Was Beck that right person? God, it certainly seemed that way. I wanted to tell him, to let him know that these moments of intimacy between us were some of the best of my life. And I wasn’t just talking about sex. It was the connection—feeling for the first time that I was totally in sync with someone who knew me on so many levels. “So good,” I hummed, not wanting to make any confessions just yet. He didn’t need to know what I was thinking—that I wanted to be with him, really be with him, all the time, more than I’d ever wanted anything.

“It’s perfect. Not just good, baby.
Perfect
.” It came out in a throaty whisper that caused my insides to contract. He felt it too. His words were my validation that I wasn’t on this crazy ride of emotions alone.

The idea of us being perfect together swam through my brain and traveled through my veins as the friction between us grew more and more intense. I allowed the powerful combination of internal emotions and physical sensations to flood my body. It was unbelievably liberating, yet astonishingly terrifying. I wanted to give myself fully to this man whom I’d only been with twice. To a man I’d once known as a boy, as a lifelong friend, as someone else’s boyfriend. Did any of that matter anymore? Did it matter who Beck was in the past? Or was it about who he could be in my future?

“Look at me, baby,” he demanded softly, breaking me from my internal analyzing. Even during amazing sex I couldn’t shut off my brain.
Stupid brain! Stupid heart! Let me enjoy the moment!

I shook off the thousands of thoughts ruining my focus on the incredibly skillful man anchored to me. Bringing my eyes to his, I smiled, realizing that all those thoughts had a rightful place in my head. I was staring into the eyes of someone who had the ability to make me happier than I’d ever been. He could fill the void by being mine. I just wanted him to be mine.

He smiled back at me; his warm chocolate eyes had turned darker and coal-like. Gliding in and out of me so that I could feel every solid inch of him as he did, he dug his hands into my thighs and closed his eyes. “I never want to stop, Riles, but…” I didn’t want to hear a reason for him to stop. Ever. My mind jumped to silly conclusions, but catapulted back to my happy place when he continued. “Oh, God… I’m gonna come, baby. Are you close?”

I wasn’t—not that his performance was at fault. It was my damn head, making me think instead of feel.
Stop thinking, damn it!
I wanted to do this together.

Inching myself up on my elbows, Beck helped to pull me upright and I draped my legs over his in a sitting position. Gazing into his eyes, I wrapped my arms around his neck as I lifted my body up and down over his, forcing him deeper and deeper.

He groaned and his head fell back as I sped up the pace. I leaned down to kiss his neck, lingering over his Adam’s apple and feeling the gentle vibrations of his growls beneath my tongue.

Rocking faster and faster over him, I felt him stiffen and pulsate inside me. Feeling the incredible signal of his impending rupture was all I needed to fall over the edge myself. I tangled my fingers into the hair at the base of his neck and pulled him to me. Our mouths crashed together and our tongues tangled wildly as we rode out the explosions our bodies created together.

“So fucking good, Riley,” he sighed against my lips.

“So fucking
perfect,
” I corrected him, resting my forehead against his and trying to catch my breath.

It was in that heated moment, damp with sweat and clinging to each other, spiraling back down to reality, that I knew he was the one for me. I didn’t want to admit my feelings, but it was impossible to hold them back. “Beck?” I finally spoke, my voice still shaky.

“Mmmmhmmm?” he hummed against my neck, still embracing me in his warmth.

“I want to be with you.”

Lifting his head, he looked at me with a sly grin. “You’ll have to give me a few minutes, sweet thing. That was intense.”

Moving off his lap and lying beside him on the bed, I rolled my eyes. Such a guy. “That’s not what I meant, silly.”

“Oh, no?” he asked playfully, spooning me and tracing his fingers along my neck.

“I meant outside of the bedroom, B. I want to
be
with you. As in, be your girl.” I was starting to get nervous. I was glad I couldn’t see his face. I didn’t want to know what he was thinking before he said it. Trying to calm my nerves and lighten things up before I got my heart stomped on, I blurted out, “Is it too soon? Am I acting like a crazy clinger thinking that we could be more than just great sex?”

“Just great? I thought that was fan-fucking-tastic!”

Swiveling around to face him, I smacked him on the shoulder and he laughed, rubbing the spot I’d hit. “Focus here, Beck. Unless of course, you don’t want to. I’m sorry I’m letting it all flow like some verbal brain vomit, but I just felt… I don’t know… that was so different… special, almost.”

His eyes went wide and I was afraid he’d think I’d gone postal with my impulsive confessions. “Almost? You really are crazy if you’re going to classify what we just did as
almost special
.” His words brought on a relief that washed over me and calmed my frazzled nerves. I smiled, bringing my hand up to his cheek. He cupped his hand over mine and kissed me on the tip of the nose. It was so intimate and heartwarming, I felt a tingle spread across my entire body.

“Riles, with you everything feels special. And not
almost
special.
Definitely
special. I know it’s all happening fast and furious and without thinking, but sometimes—sometimes the best decisions are made without thinking everything through. Without pie charts, and spreadsheets, and deep conversations about pros and cons. I’m going to sound so cheesy for saying this, and you better never repeat it because I’ll deny it for as long as I live.”

I smiled so big that it actually hurt. I loved that he was comfortable like this with me. It made me feel powerful, like he had this draw to me that he’d had to no one else. “Shoot. I won’t judge.”

He held my hand at our sides, rubbing his thumb along my skin. I relaxed, readying myself for what he was about to say. He swallowed audibly as if he was nervous, but the look on his face was confident and sure as he spoke. “We don’t get to choose who we fall for. Sure, we can
try
to pick based on appearance, or personality, or compatibility. But sometimes, like in our case, it’s right under your nose and you don’t even know it. Yeah, it’s all crazy and complicated, but who gives a fuck about all that? It’ll take time to work around some things, but I think it will be worth it. What I’m trying to say is, sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants and right now… my heart wants you, Riley.”

Without giving my brain time to think, I blurted, “Oh, B. You have no idea how happy that makes me!” I kissed him hard, reveling in the moment.

I never imagined Beck to be such a romantic. He was full of wonderful surprises at every turn. Surprises that had my heart doing somersaults and jumping into my throat. He was right in saying we’d have a lot to work around—my brother and his judgment, Marissa and the unfinished nature of Beck’s relationship with her, the almost irrational speed at which this was all unfolding. But it was worth hurdling those obstacles if it meant Beck was the prize.

It took everything in my power to sneak out of her bed and leave her side. We’d made love another time, spoken more about what we wanted for our futures, tried to figure out how to work around the things that would hinder our growth as a couple. But it was getting late and we were still mindful of the sleeping, drunk, angry giant sharing our quarters. If he woke up to find us together he wouldn’t understand, and I didn’t want to have to explain it to him while he was still in a heartbroken-drunken stupor.

After kissing Riley goodnight and wishing her sweet dreams (this girl was melting me and turning me into the ultimate pussy—I kinda loved it!) I headed downstairs for a glass of water and to check on Marcus. I tried to tiptoe past him, as gracefully as a clumsy man can tiptoe, without waking him, but when I stubbed my toe on the clunky coffee table, it shifted and I muffled an “
ow
”, causing Marcus to stir.

Waking from his coma, he grumbled, “Fuck!” He brought his bandaged hand to his head, confused. “Shit, what the fuck… Oh, no! Tessa!” He darted up and off the couch, obviously remembering everything from the night before. “What time is it, bro? I gotta get to her.”

I walked over to him, clapping my hands on his shoulders. “You’re not going anywhere. It’s the middle of the night. You’re still half-drunk and half-asleep. I told you I’ll help you in the morning.”