Keep Her (41 page)

“Marissa, I’m sorry it didn’t work out. I’m sorry you failed the bar. You’re going through a difficult time and I feel for you, I do, but you can’t take it out on me. What we had is in the past. It’s not Riley’s fault we didn’t work out—it’s
our
fault. We spent two years pretending we had all the qualities we wanted in a spouse. We were fooling each other.”

“How can you say that? You loved me. I know you did.” Her voice cracked as she said it. She sniffled and without looking I knew the tears had started.

“I did love you, Ris. But it wasn’t enough. I love Riley now. We’re starting a family and I need you to respect that.” It was blunt, but it was the truth. There was no reason to make her think we had a shot at anything again. She needed to know where my heart lay. It was with Riley and my baby.

She cried silently, except for a few snivels.

Realizing I’d driven further and further from her home in my aimless journey, I turned to face her at a red stoplight. “You’re gonna be okay. Everything will be okay. But this shit needs to stop, Marissa. You can’t keep lying to people. It won’t win me back.”

The traffic light remained a steady red for what seemed like an unending eternity. Her soft cries became sobs as her head fell in her hands. “Everything’s falling apart. I can’t believe I’ve lost everything.”

Back to that tune again.
I was sure she was more upset over failing the bar than losing me, but I wasn’t about to weigh her losses against each other. That was for her to do. Those were her obstacles to overcome—without me. “Marissa, you’ll take the bar again and pass. You’ll do everything you’ve set out to do since as long as I’ve known you. I was holding you back. Your beliefs and dreams are different than mine, and that’s okay. You’ll get over me and realize that letting go of what you
thought
we had will only make you feel that much freer. Please believe me. Please listen to me. And if you can’t listen to me, think about what Griffin said the other night—this too shall pass. We’ve all had shit to deal with in our lives, but we can’t let it break us.” I was confident in my little pep-talk. I’d gotten my point across without being insincere.

Her sobs calmed as she wiped the tears from her face and the light finally changed from the intense red to a thank-you-God-Almighty green.

I lifted my foot from the brake pedal to the gas and started to make a U-turn. Marissa’s arm flew across the dashboard, clutching the steering wheel.

“What are you doing? Let go,” I yelled.

“No. You’re not taking me home. You think you know it all. You think you can just tell me how
you
think it is and all will be right with the world. How could you do this to me?” Her cheeks were soaked and stained with her tears, her grip on the wheel becoming tighter. It was becoming hard to drive the car straight. I’d managed to only swerve over the double yellow lines once, but it was taking a lot of control.

“Marissa!” I yelled, making her jump. “Get off the wheel! I’ll take you home and come upstairs. We’ll talk it through.” Like hell I would. This chick was going crazy right before my eyes. I’d drop her off and speed the fuck away. I’d give her mother a call to make sure she knew her daughter was acting out and becoming unstable. I couldn’t have this shit on my hands.

“No you won’t. You’re patronizing me. I remember how you work, Beck. I’m not a stranger, even though you wish I was. I know things about you she can’t possibly know. I helped you better yourself. It was because of me you got through the academy and it was because of me you turned your useless life around. Otherwise, you’d still be sitting home, waiting for the next bartending gig, spending your nights drinking and whoring with that winner of a friend of yours. And now that I’ve done all that for you, she gets to reap the rewards? The Graysons are nothing but garbage. Lucky you, you’ll be bringing another one into this world.”

Her grip on the wheel had slackened and her arms returned to her sides but the tension in her features made up for it. I’d never heard her speak this way. She was pretentious at times because of her upbringing and it was no surprise that she hated Marcus.

Before Tessa, he was
that
friend. The one your girlfriend forbid you to hang out with because trouble followed him. Or rather, he caused the trouble. But he wasn’t that guy anymore.

Regardless of how Marissa thought she
molded
me into who I was today—she was fucking wrong. She helped me see things in a better light, but I’d made the changes for myself and no one else. I wouldn’t take one more minute of her delusions. And I wouldn’t stand for her badmouthing my unborn child.

It only made me angrier that I’d tried to reason with her, but I was done with that and done with arguing. Without even looking in her direction, I flipped my right signal to make the turn. “This conversation is over. I’m taking you home.”

As I rounded the corner and accelerated, Marissa’s arm shielded my vision and her hand held tight to the wheel again. This time, she succeeded in swerving the car. An oncoming vehicle blasted its horn and all I could see were glaring headlights.

“Get the fuck off!” I yelled, blinded. Thankfully, the other driver veered into the other lane and we avoided a head-on collision. “Are you fucking crazy? Let go of the wheel!”

“I’m not going home! I’m not letting go!” Even in my panic her double meaning bled through.

“Are you trying to get us killed?” The Marissa I’d once known wasn’t the one struggling with me now.

“Maybe I am,” she admitted through gritted teeth. “Maybe I’m tired of pretending to be perfect. Maybe I don’t want to be a lawyer and pass the bar and be some doctor’s wife. Maybe I want you
to knock
me
up, and give everything up for
me,
and love
me
the way you say you love her.”

There was a lot of desperation in her confession, but the only thing that stood out to me was her answer to my question. She was aiming to hurt us both. I wasn’t too scared to admit that in that moment I did fear for my life. I worried I’d lose total control by showing my rage and going back at her. I worried that if I dropped her off she’d do something stupid. Either way, I’d feel responsible. How the hell would I be able to live with that? There was
no
way to live with that.

With one hand on the wheel, fighting against Marissa’s strong hold, I shouted out to the Bluetooth, “Call Marissa’s mom.”

Her eyes darted to mine as the phone started ringing, echoing throughout the car. “Hang it up now.” She warned with tears in her eyes. “Hang it the fuck up, Beck or I will—”

“You’ll what? You’re acting crazy. I can’t trust you.” I held my hand over hers, stopping at another red light and putting the car in park.

She jerked the wheel, but it was no use. For good measure, I turned off the ignition. The phone continued to ring, and finally Marissa’s mom’s voice came through the device. “Hello? Beck? Is everything okay?”

“Hi, Mrs. Denni—”

“Mom, don’t listen to him. He’s lying! Don’t listen to anything he says.”

“Marissa? Honey? What’s going on? Where are you?”

“He made me believe he was taking me out to get back together. He got me in his car and started going crazy, driving recklessly. He might even be drunk, Mom. I’m scared. I don’t know what he’ll do next.”

“Oh my god!” Her mother screamed through the phone. “Where are you?”

I stared at her in disbelief. “You’ve lost your fucking mind.” It came out in a whisper. I had no reaction, no defense. Her mother would believe her over me. I was the man who broke her daughter’s heart. That’s all she needed to form her opinion. “Mrs. Dennison, I would never do anything to hurt her. I haven’t been drinking; she’s the one acting irrational, but I’ll let you see for yourself. We’re at the corner of Eightieth and Elm. I pulled the car over and I’ll stay here until someone comes to get her.”

“Don’t you go anywhere! Don’t you dare move! We’ll be there as soon as we can!” Her mother’s voice was shaky, but determined. I had no doubt she’d be coming to rescue her daughter, and in turn rescuing us both.

As soon as I ended the call with Marissa’s mom, I stepped out of the car—with the keys. I couldn’t be in that tight space with her anymore. I had nothing left to say. There was no redeeming herself from this. She’d somehow lost all integrity and become a habitual liar all in the matter of a few months.

After twenty minutes of waiting and pacing, not so much as peering through the window to check on Marissa, I saw the lights. Bright, white headlights speeding toward me followed by blue and red spiraling lights and a deafening siren.

Fuck!
They called the cops. Like everyone else—like me—they believed her lies. Now I would have to find a way to work myself out of them. Again.

“I made him leave and now I can’t get in touch with him. Where could he be, Tess? Has Marcus spoken to him?” Monstrous mistake. Big. Huge. What was I thinking? As soon as I realized what I’d done, I called Tessa in a tizzy. I didn’t want to be without him for one second—let alone a lifetime—and now I couldn’t find him!

“No. Marcus hasn’t spoken to him, but calm down. I’m sure he’s just blowing off steam. Send him a text and tell him to come home. When he’s done sulking he’ll come back, Ry. I know he will.”

Maybe she was right. She was more rational than I was right now—pregnancy hormones were the fucking pits. It was as if someone else had invaded my body between the mood swings, the hot flashes, the cravings—and I still had a ways to go. Maybe one kid was enough. “Okay. Good idea. But if either of you hear from him, will you please let me know?”

“Of course. Now, get off your feet and stay calm. That baby is going to be high strung because of you.”

I rubbed my tiny bump, worrying even more. “Shit! Do you really think I’m fucking her up? God, I’m a terrible parent already and she isn’t even here yet!” I wasn’t doing the best job when it came to prenatal care. I mean, I hadn’t exactly known I was pregnant for a good portion of my first trimester and now I was stressing myself out every second of the day.

“Would you just relax already? You’re worrying for no—” she paused mid-sentence as Marcus mumbled something in the background. When she came back her tone was anything but soothing. “Uh, Ry?”

“Uh, yeah? What?”

“Be ready in ten minutes. We’re going down to the precinct. Beck’s been arrested. Marissa’s pressing charges.”

“
What?!
Are you freaking kidding me?” Could this night get any worse?

“Calm down, Ry. Please. Think of the baby.”

How could I calm down at a time like this? What the hell was going on? Why was he with her? Why was she pressing charges against him? If he’d gotten physical with her—why? “Oh my god. Fuck my life, Tessa. When did it become a bad daytime talk show?”

“Just stay put and take deep breaths. Marcus and I will be there soon.”

“What about Luca?” I couldn’t expect her to drop everything for my drama.

“Your dad will come and stay with him. Marcus is already on the phone with him. We’ve got it covered, babe. Just sit tight.” She tried her best to sound reassuring but I was anything but comforted.

My life was one sick, crazy joke right now. I was pregnant with a baby that my boyfriend didn’t believe was his and he was about to be carted off to jail because of his psychopath ex.
Wonder-fucking-ful!