Keeping Katie (A Mother's Heart #1) (28 page)

“What are you then?” His voice remained deceptively quiet. “Or maybe I should ask,
who
are you?”

She heard the undercurrent of rage in his voice, but it was too late to avoid his anger and contempt. She’d crossed that line months ago.

“My name is Maura, not Maureen, and I’m a nurse.”

“Maura?” The name sounded so familiar, yet so foreign on his lips.

“Yes.” She poured water into the coffeemaker and flipped the switch. Turning to face him, she shoved trembling hands into the pockets of her jeans. “Maura Anderson.”

He stood and looked at her, his expression demanding that she continue.

“I was born and raised in Chicago, like I said.”

She shrugged, a gesture of nonchalance, trying to convince him—or maybe herself—that this was nothing, that it meant nothing, this small lie she’d told. “But David and I moved to Miami about ten years ago.” Again, she paused, the sickness in her stomach becoming fear. “I was a trauma nurse at Miami General until …” Her voice broke, and for a moment she wasn’t sure she could continue. But she had no choice. Bracing herself, she pushed on. “Until seven months ago.”

He remained silent, unnerving her more than a dozen direct questions would have. Her fear grew. She wanted him to say something, do something. When he didn’t, she continued to speak, needing to fill the emptiness between them.

“Everything else I told you was true. David’s death, my father’s—” She stopped herself, realizing that she rambled.

“Why?” he asked. The single word, spoken without expression, echoed through the room. She preferred his silence.

She shook her head, not yet ready to answer this biggest of all questions. She could see his pain, and it almost broke her. She’d never meant to hurt him. She’d never meant to hurt anyone. She’d only wanted to protect her daughter.

He took a step toward her. “Why the lies?”

She closed her eyes briefly, and then opened them to meet his. “I had no choice.”

His eyes were dark and accusing. “Why? What are you running from?”

She turned away from him, afraid to see the disdain in his eyes when she told him. “I’m …” The words stuck in her throat. She didn’t know if she could say them aloud.

“Maureen … Maura?” There was a plea in his voice she couldn’t ignore.

“I’m wanted for kidnapping.”

Silence. Never had she known such devastating stillness. She could hear her heart beating too rapidly in her chest and the blood pounding behind her eyes. The silence forced her to turn around, to see for herself the effect of her words.

He looked as if he didn’t believe her. “Katie?”

Nodding, she bit her bottom lip to hold back the tears.

“Katie’s not yours? You kidnapped her?” He took a step back, away from her.

“No. It’s not what you think.” She started to move toward him, hand extended, but stopped herself when he took another step away from her. “She
is
my daughter. My adopted daughter.”

Alan shook his head, and she rushed on.

“David and I adopted her three years ago, when she was only two weeks old.” The tears flowed now. There was no way she could stop them. “She was the answer to our prayers. We’d wanted children for years, but I couldn’t …” She paused, pulling herself together, reining in the emotions threatening to make her words and thoughts incoherent.

When she spoke again, she’d regained some control, although her voice remained shaky. “Last fall, Katie’s birth mother sued for custody. She was only sixteen when Katie was born.” She spread her hands, a gesture of frustration. “Now she wants Katie back.”

Again the silence.

“Alan, please.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” There was anger in his voice, but there was also pain. Pain she’d caused.

She shook her head again, no longer making any attempt to stop the tears, and turned away. “I couldn’t.”

He moved up behind her, close, but not touching. “Damn it, Maureen, you’re wanted for kidnapping. That’s a federal offense.”

Maura closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
Courage,
she told herself,
he’ll understand. He won’t turn you in. He can’t.
Opening her eyes, she turned back to face him. That’s when she saw the danger in his eyes. She had to make him understand. “I was afraid you wouldn’t understand.”

“Damn right I don’t.”

“They were going to take her away from me. They were going to give her to a stranger.”

He flinched, and she hurried on, feeling time closing in on her. “I’m her mother, Alan. Surely you can understand that I couldn’t lose her, that I just couldn’t hand her back to them.”

“You’re not her mother—”

“Yes, I am. I’m the only mother she’s ever known. I may not have given birth to her, but she’s mine. We belong to each other. I raised her, loved her …”

Alan shook his head. “How could you do this?”

“How could they take her from me? How could I let them?” She moved toward him and placed a hand on his arm. “Please. Try to understand?”

“No!” he said, pulling his arm from her grasp.

Maura fell back as if he’d hit her. Her mind raced, wondering if she had time—time to gather Katie, time to run, time to get away before he turned them over to the authorities.

Alan backed farther away, a lone hand wandering to his head. “I need to think about this.”

“Alan, please …”

“No.” Instantly he lifted both hands in a defensive gesture. “Don’t say anything more. I … I’ve got to go.”

For long moments after the door slammed behind him, Maura couldn’t move. She stood rooted to the floor, feeling as though her life were over. It had ended the moment he turned his back on her. As she’d always feared, he hated her for what she’d done. How could she go on? Why would she even want to?

The grandfather clock in the front hall struck the hour, snapping her back to the present. There was still Katie. She had to protect Katie, and she had no time to lose. Katie and Rita would be home anytime now, and she needed to be ready. There was an eight o’clock bus out of Wyattville, and she and Katie would be on it.

Alan couldn’t go back to his office—not with the anger and pain surging through his blood. The temptation to pick up the phone and turn Maureen in would be too great. He needed time alone. Time to try to understand. Time to figure out what he was going to do.

So he drove.

For some time, though, he couldn’t think clearly. Thoughts tumbled through his mind like wayward children. He tried to concentrate on the crime, on a woman stealing a child and running.

Instead, he heard laughter, Maureen’s light, sexy laughter—the way it had been the day they stopped at Cliff’s—and Katie’s giggles as her mother bounced and tickled her all the way down the stairs. He remembered the two of them together the day they’d picnicked in the mountains, the sounds of their love mingling with the chatter of summer birds.

Frustrated, he wrenched his thoughts back to the present. She’d taken the law into her own hands. She had lied to him. For a second, he wasn’t sure which angered him more. Certainly, the crime was the bigger offense. Yet, deep inside, he knew it was the lies that really hurt.

What would he have done in her situation?

The thought struck him unawares, and he tried to turn it aside. This wasn’t about him. This was about Maureen. Still, the question nagged at him. What would he have done in her place? There must have been an alternative to taking Katie and running. But what if there hadn’t been another way? What if his only other choice had been to lose her? What would he have done?

He pulled the Jeep off to the side of the road and killed the engine. Leaning his head back against the seat, he shut his eyes. He thought of Katie, with her eyes the color of dark chocolate and just as sweet, always smiling, always laughing. He’d known her only a few months, yet she had captured his heart. What if she had been his since birth? What if he’d changed her diapers and walked with her at night when she couldn’t sleep? Could he have handed her back to an indifferent legal system? To a stranger she didn’t even know?

His thoughts shifted back to Maureen … Maura. He forced himself to say her real name aloud. “Maura.” And then again. “Maura.” A delicate, melancholy name. It fell from his lips softly but settled like a weight around his heart.

She loved Katie as deeply as any woman who had given birth. How had she felt, all alone, when they’d come to take her child away?

Suddenly, he realized he’d been harboring secret dreams these past months. Making plans. He wanted them both, Maura and her bright-eyed little girl, as his own.

Now it looked as if he couldn’t have either. And the pain of his loss tore at his gut.

In the bedroom she shared with Katie, Maura glanced around, trying to decide what to take. They had come here with so little, but over the last few months they’d accumulated so much. Her gaze fell on the big pink elephant Alan had won for Katie at the festival, and she almost lost control. Digging her nails into the palms of her hands, she forced the tears aside. This was no time to give in to hysterics.

Moving to the closet, she pulled out the small suitcase she’d found in the consignment shop. It wouldn’t allow her to take everything, but it would hold more than the backpack they had arrived with. Of course, there was no room for the stuffed elephant, but Maura promised herself she would get Katie another one.

“Mommy!” Katie’s excited voice, followed by the slamming of the front door, stopped Maura cold. She didn’t want Katie to find her packing, so she headed out to intercept her.

They met in the front hallway. Maura swept her daughter into her arms and held her tight.

“Hi, sweetie,” she said, suddenly desperate to hold this child. “I missed you.” She showered kisses on Katie’s soft cheeks, loving the scent of little girl mixed with the smell of sweets.

“Stop, Mommy.” Katie squirmed out of her mother’s tight embrace. “I went to a birthday party!”

Maura choked back her emotions and forced herself to smile. “I know. Did you have a good time?”

Katie nodded vigorously. “Uh-huh.”

“Tell me about it.” Maura set her down, then sat on the stairs so she would be at the child’s eye level.

Katie leaned against her mother’s knees, her eyes shining. “We had cake. And pink ice cream. Tod got lots of presents.”

“He did?”

“He certainly did,” Rita agreed, laughing, as she appeared in the hall. “Lots.”

“Lots of presents!” repeated Katie. “Can I have a birthday party?”

The innocent question struck Maura square in the chest. She opened her mouth to answer, but no words escaped.

Katie didn’t seem to notice. “I can even play ‘Happy Birthday.’” Grabbing her mother’s hand, she said, “Come see.”

Maura tossed a quick glance at Rita as she let Katie lead her into the living room. Climbing up onto the piano bench, Katie patted the seat next to her. “Sit, Mommy.”

Maura sat, and Katie turned her attention to the keyboard. The next thing Maura knew, her daughter was playing a one-fingered version of “Happy Birthday.” When she was done, Maura once again choked back tears and smiled.

“Why, that was wonderful, sweetheart. Where did you learn it?”

“Aunt Rita taught me.”

Maura threw another glance at Rita and saw the concern on the other woman’s face. Evidently, Rita wasn’t as oblivious to her emotional state as Katie.

“Mommy.” Katie’s voice brought her attention back to the child. “Can I have a birthday party, with pink ice cream and lots of presents? Can I?”

Maura reached out with trembling fingers and touched her daughter’s dark curls. What could she say? Yes, sweetie, we’ll have a party, just you and I. We’ll have cake and pink ice cream if you want. But there won’t be any laughing children or piles of presents. It will just be the two of us, because we’re leaving tonight. You’ll never see Grandma Rita or Tod or Uncle Alan again. They’ll no longer be a part of our lives.

What was she thinking?

With sudden, blinding clarity, Maura saw what she was doing to Katie’s life. It hit her like a physical blow, and, reeling from the impact, she dropped her hand away from Katie. All along she’d been thinking of herself, only herself, and how she couldn’t lose Katie. Now she could see their lives as a series of places, temporary places, where they could be safe only for a while. She’d been telling herself she was saving Katie from an unstable home, when all the time she was creating just such an environment.