Keeping the Tarnished (17 page)

“I am going to call a dear friend of mine. She deals exclusively with patients that are afflicted with post-traumatic stress disorder associated with sexual trauma. I will convene with you at the gathering this Friday. I would highly recommend Johnny not be present at this party.”

“We already said he isn’t going anywhere,” Graye heard her husband say as she turned to return to Johnny.

Chapter T
hirty

Vile

Johnny

He was alone on his mother and father’s bed, waiting. He knew it wouldn’t be long. His mother was gone; she always left on these days. She hated these days. His father was talking to Uncle Doug in the kitchen. The sound of Doug’s voice was disgusting. He was disgusting. Johnny absolutely hated the man. His breath was hideous, his mustache was nauseating, and there was nothing about the man that was even remotely desirable.

Johnny often wished a horrible death on him.

He hated his father for allowing this to happen. He was disgusted with his mother for leaving the house and not protecting him. He knew the woman had protested the night before, he heard her begging his father to stop hitting her in retaliation of her resistance.

One hundred dollars. It was always a one-hundred-dollar bill, folded nicely in Uncle Doug’s pocket. Doug was short, balding, and had dirty blond hair. His mustache was a dirty blond as well. He was portly, and always wore very tight t-shirts and very short shorts. He was vile in every sense of the word. As Johnny lay on the bed, he wanted to run through the kitchen and out the door. He wanted to escape the clutches of Doug. He hated when Doug touched him, and he hated it even more when Doug made Johnny touch him back.

The bedroom door opened. “Well, there is my little buddy!” the flamboyant man said as he happily walked to the bed with a tin Batman lunch box in his hand. “It has just been too long!” the man exclaimed happily. Uncle Doug used to visit Johnny once a week, sometimes more, but he hadn’t been to see Johnny in nearly six months, as he was out of state.

“Tell your Uncle Doug hi, Johnny,” Johnny’s father demanded politely.

“Hello,” Johnny said as he turned and looked at the wall.

“Thomas, his voice is cracking. Is he going through the change? You know the arrangement,” Doug said as he put his hands on his hips and turned to Thomas, looking panicked.

“He ain’t got no hair on his nuts,” Johnny’s father said reassuringly as he looked anxiously at Doug.

“Well, then how about you leave us to our little play date. Now,” Doug said in an irritated voice. “I brought our little box of fun!” the man said with a squeaking voice, smiling largely as he looked down at Johnny.

As Thomas left the room, Doug made his way to the bed and happily held up the tin lunch box. Doug sat down on the bed and ran his fingers through Johnny’s hair. “I need you to take these off. Now, Johnny,” Doug said as he pulled on the bottom of Johnny’s shorts.

Johnny offered no resistance. He knew it was pointless. Doug’s face was bright red with anticipation as Johnny unbuttoned his corduroy shorts and began to pull them down.

“Wait. What the fuck is this?” Doug asked angrily. He slapped the boy’s hands away from his shorts and grabbed the top of them, yanking them violently further down, exposing the top of Johnny’s pubic area. “That lying motherfucker!” Doug screeched as he reached down and open handedly slapped Johnny across the face extremely hard. “Put your goddamned shorts back on, I refuse to touch that nasty shit!” Doug said as he stood from the bed with his hands on his hips. He began nervously pacing the room. “Thomas! Thomas Tregalis, get your fucking ass back here, now!” Doug screamed in a heated fit of rage. Within seconds, Thomas opened the door.

“What the fuck are you screaming about?” Thomas asked as he entered the room.

“He has hair! He’s already changing!” Doug screamed as tears began to stream down his face. “You know our arrangement! And now my erection is gone! I have looked forward to this day for a very long time, and you have betrayed me!” Doug screamed dramatically, pointing at Thomas as he began to shake.

“He ain’t but twelve or thirteen. We can shave ’em,” Thomas suggested as he put his hands out, attempting to calm the belligerent molester.

“Fuck you!” Doug screamed as he began crying violently, and ran from the room.

Thomas followed the crying man from the room and out the kitchen door.

Johnny began to button his pants back as he heard Doug and his father in the front yard.

“I can’t deal with this, Thomas! You know how fragile I am right now! You can take this shitty hundred-dollar bill and shove it up your white trash ass! Don’t you dare call me ever again!” Doug screamed as Johnny heard a car door slam. He then heard the car start and the sound of tires spinning wildly in the front yard.

Johnny was thankful to know that Uncle Doug’s visits wouldn’t be happening anymore. He was also pleased that Doug gave his father the money anyways, he knew they needed groceries. He felt horrible that he let his family down. He felt like it was his fault that they wouldn’t be getting the extra grocery money in the future.

He heard his father come back in the house; his boots pounded the tattered floor as he the man made his way to the bedroom at a quick pace. Johnny looked at his father as the man flew through the door in a wild rage.

“I’m sorry, Dad,” Johnny said in a pathetic voice as he looked at his father.

“Don’t you fuckin’ apologize to me. You wanna be a motherfuckin’ man? Well it’s about time you start gettin’ treated like a man!” Johnny was horrified, he had seen his father beat his mother relentlessly, but he had not beaten him before.

Thomas grabbed a large belt from the floor.

Johnny looked at the enraged man and the large belt as he began to tremble. He moved backward on the bed and began to cry.

“Please don’t! I’m sorry. Please don’t hurt me!”

“Johnny! Johnny, wake up!” Johnny awoke to a yelling Jared shaking him. Johnny had made a pallet in Jared’s room and decided to sleep in there after the incident in the laundry room. As Johnny opened his eyes, he looked about the room, completely horrified.

“Dude, wake up. It’s just a bad dream! It’s me, Jared!” Johnny sprang from the floor and backed up against the wall.

Jared quickly jumped up and turned the light on.

Johnny touched his shorts, assuring himself he was fully clothed. He found he had wet himself in his sleep.

“Johnny, dude. It’s Jared. You were just havin’ another nightmare. You’re good, dude.” Johnny watched his friend as Jared slowly made his way to where Johnny was standing, holding his hand out and slightly crouching.

“I was asleep? I’ve been here and asleep?” Johnny asked, shaking and attempting to make sense of what had just happened.

“Yea, man. It’s five in the morning and you been in here since we crashed around ten. You’re totally fine, dude.”

Johnny knew there was no way Jared could understand what was going on in Johnny’s mind, but every time Johnny suffered an episode, it seemed to upset his friend. As Johnny stared at the floor in confusion, he felt Jared’s hand on his shoulder.

“Dude, you’re fine,” Jared said again as he looked at Johnny square in the eyes. “I’m gonna get you some dry boxers and some new blankets while you go get cleaned up in the bathroom. And don’t sweat it, dude. I’ve pissed the bed a few times too.” Jared headed to his drawer to get Johnny some new boxers and a shirt to sleep in.

Johnny continued to stand with his back to the wall. As his fears began to subside, his humiliation and disheartenment began to increase tenfold. The events that continued to take place, the uncontrollable breakdowns and secrets disclosed during sleep, Johnny just knew they must be weighing heavily against his future at the at the Everett place. As Jared handed Johnny the dry clothing, the boy simply exited the room and went directly to the bathroom.

As he changed from his wet clothes, he imagined what the Everetts thought of his actions. He wondered what that poor man, Tracy, thought of his outburst. He had an overwhelming sense that his time on the Everett farm with the family would soon be coming to an end. He felt the need to run, to leave this place and seek lower life. He felt the need to seek out his own kind, damaged and ruined souls that find comfort in each other’s damaged lives and minds.

Looking at the wet clothes on the floor, Johnny felt disgusted with himself. He knew Jared was a patient and kind person, but he also imagined the boy was growing tired of the constant antics and unexplainable actions that Johnny continuously subjected him to. Johnny decided he was going to slip down the hall to his own room with his wet clothing, hopefully undetected. He picked up his wet clothing and headed for the door.

As soon as he opened the bathroom door and stepped into the hall, Jared stuck his head out of his bedroom door. “Hey man, I got you some new blankets in here,” Jared said in a light tone as he stepped into the hall. Johnny kept his gaze toward the floor, holding his clothes far enough away that he wouldn’t get his new clothes damp. “Man, just throw that in my hamper.” Jared pointed to his clothes hamper inside the bedroom door.

“I think I’m just gonna go to my room and hang out until everyone gets up and around,” Johnny said with a defeated tone to his voice while he avoided eye contact with his friend.

“Well, dude. I’m wide awake now. You wanna go chill in the basement?”

“Nah, man. Thanks anyways. I think I’m just gonna go hang out by myself for a bit,” Johnny replied as he slowly walked past Jared.

“Man, you’re seriously not the only person on Earth that has a few issues. Don’t sweat it, man. Just let it go,” Johnny heard Jared say behind him.

Johnny stood still a moment with his back to Jared.

“Dude. I know you’re just being nice to me cause you feel bad for me. Thanks for the clothes, man.” Johnny reached for his doorknob as he heard Jared respond in with a defensive tone.

“And just what’s that supposed to mean? Why the hell would I feel sorry for you?” Jared asked. His sharp tone caught Johnny off guard as the boy turned and faced him.

“I know you gotta be sick of havin’ me around, dude. I’m sick of myself,” Johnny replied.

“Sick of having you around? I’ve actually been pretty pumped about having you around to hang out with,” Jared said as his feet occasionally moved somewhat nervously in place. “Yea, I don’t have many friends, none really. I don’t really try to text anyone because I’m afraid I’m gonna send a fucked up, misspelled, bullshit message. Yea, it’s awesome having a…a mom that’s an English teacher, and to not be able to read out loud in class. Most people just think I’m a fuckin’ idiot, and don’t take the time to get to know me. Then when I do make a friend, he goes and puts all my shit up on the blackboard for everyone to see, like they didn’t already know,” Jared exclaimed with his arms still crossed, and his face red with obvious anger and hurt feelings. “The only person I’ve had to talk to, or hang out, with has been my mom, or Pops, or a four-year-old, even when school was going. And then you got here. Why the hell would I feel sorry for you? I don’t feel sorry for myself, so why feel sorry for you? I’m nice to you because you’re my bro and that’s how friends treat each other,” Jared’s voice was shaky as he started stepping backward to his room.

Johnny was completely shocked that this had transpired. This moment offered a small epiphany as he realized everyone had their own discouragements and hardships in life. Jared came from a wealthy, loving family, and had just about every material possession a seventeen-year-old boy could want, yet he had no friends, no one to confide in, and there was nothing that could mend his learning disability. Johnny knew Jared must have been miserable without anyone his age to talk to. He also realized that Jared wouldn’t have confided in him if he didn’t trust him. As Johnny entered his room and closed the door, the teen felt ungrateful because of his comments.

Johnny tossed the clothes into the laundry hamper and walked to his bed to sit down. Other than Bobby, Johnny had never had a friend like Jared. He didn’t understand what was going on with his inability to maintain mental clarity, but he did understand that true friends were hard to come by, and Jared had been an awesome friend thus far. Johnny looked at his bed and contemplated another attempt at sleep, but the sickening feeling of guilt brewing in his gut prompted him to stand. He didn’t want his friend to be upset with him, he wanted to make things right.

The boy rose from his bed and walked to his bedroom door. As he opened it and entered the hall, he noticed Jared’s bedroom light was shining under the door. He walked slowly to Jared’s bedroom door and stood in front of it for a few seconds. He wasn’t quite sure how he would go about apologizing, and he was hoping Jared wouldn’t tell him to get lost. Nervously, he knocked lightly.

“Yea,” he heard from the other side, almost instantaneously. As he opened the door and walked in, he kept his gaze on the floor.

“Man, I’m…I didn’t mean. I didn’t mean to piss you off—” Johnny fumbled for the words to say.

Jared stood from his bed and lightly hit Johnny in the arm.

“No worries, man. My bad for getting all dramatic.”

“Dude, you’ve been awesome. Your whole family has been awesome,” Johnny said as he continued to look downward. This was basically the best apology the boy could formulate. Johnny finally looked to his friend studying his expression.

“You’re good, dude. The whole thing was seriously fuckin’ stupid.”