Keeping the Tarnished (19 page)

Chapter Thirty-Three

To Hate

The boys embarked on their night of innocent antics by first cooking a frozen pepperoni pizza and retreating to the basement to play video games. The entire pizza and the majority of a large bag of potato chips were both devoured in a matter of minutes as the boys frequently paused their game to enjoy ridiculously large bites of greasy pepperoni and melted cheese.

“Dude, we’re totally gonna raid Pops’ whiskey cabinet tonight,” Jared said, smiling as he virtually assassinated a fictional terrorist on the large flat screen television. Johnny, looking quite confused, had no idea why they would do such a thing. His father kept a liquor stash and money for booze in the kitchen cabinet by the refrigerator, but the only thing Johnny had ever taken from it was the stash of money on the night he left.

“What d’you mean, raid it?” Johnny asked innocently. Jared paused his game, and looked at his friend.

“I mean, we’re gonna get a little bit tipsy this evening, my good sir.” Johnny looked at the boy with a look that could arguably be that of disgust.

“Well, you have fun with that. I’ve never touched that stuff, and I don’t plan to start anytime soon,” Johnny said as he looked at the empty porcelain plate in his lap.

Jared paused his game, glancing toward Johnny, “Yea, man. It was just a suggestion,” he said with a disappointed look on his face as he turned his attention back to the game.

Johnny continued to stare at his plate. The excess pizza sauce and tiny pieces of potato chips briefly offered a captivating escape as Johnny thought they resembled tiny pieces of eggshell. Johnny remembered gathering the eggs from his father’s chicken coop. Some days the boy would gather an egg or two from the coop, scramble them in a plastic bowl and cook them in the disgustingly filthy microwave. He could never seem to get all the pieces of shell out of the mixture.

“My dad drinks,” Johnny said solemnly as he continued to look at the greasy plate. This comment seemed to catch his friend off guard. “He drinks every night. As soon as he gets home from work he sits at the table and drinks. Glass after glass of ice and this Wild Turkey bullshit,” the boy continued as Jared looked at him with concern.

“Is that why your mom and brother left?” Jared asked quietly as Johnny looked at him.

“Partly,” Johnny said as he broke eye contact.

“She shouldn’t have left you there if your dad drank every night,” Jared proclaimed.

As he said this, Johnny realized that Jared had no idea of the extent of the turmoil that Johnny had been subjected to. Johnny’s idea of normality had been drastically transformed in a very short time. However, his grasp on how desperate his pathetic situation actually was had yet to fully sink in.

“Well, Pops has a stash of licorice too, we can always hit that up,” Jared said playfully.

“I don’t wanna ever be like that. I don’t wanna be him. I can’t be like him because I fuckin’ hate him. I hate everything about him and I wish he’d just die and burn in hell,” Johnny said in a vengeful, tortured tone.

Jared stared at Johnny with his mouth open in shock. “Johnny, man did your dad beat you?” As Jared asked the question, Johnny found himself feeling increasingly uneasy. He sat silent for a few seconds, staring at the large television.

“We got this whole night to chill and have fun. Let’s talk about something else,” Johnny replied without eye movement or change in tone. Johnny knew his father had a heavy hand, yet he was unsure of the line between discipline and torturous, violent abuse. It had never been clearly defined for the boy. Part of him felt he was deserving of his father’s rage, but he hated the man just the same.

“Sure thing, man, I hate the taste of whiskey anyways,” Jared said softly as Johnny looked at him in a peculiar manner.

“So, rocky road or plain vanilla?” Johnny asked with a smirk, totally changing the stale mood.

“Dude, rocky road for sure,” Jared replied as he jumped up from his chair.

Johnny’s mind was still a collage of commotion, yet he was realizing he was gaining ground in this healthy environment. He was even more optimistic about talking to Brian, as he was certainly making progress by slowly opening up to his friend, Jared.

Johnny arose from his recliner with plate in hand, and the boys made their way up the stairs and into the immaculate kitchen.

“Man, we gotta make sure we leave this place spotless, Mom busted her ass cleaning this place today,” Jared said as he made his way to the refrigerator.

“Yea, for sure, dude,” Johnny replied has he grabbed two bowls from the cabinet.

“Dude, let’s forget the bowls and just eat it out of the container,” Jared suggested as he peeled the flimsy plastic lid from the half-eaten gallon of rocky road ice cream. Johnny shot the boy a look as he sat the bowls on the kitchen countertop. “Just grab spoons,” Jared said with a mouth full of ice cream that he had scooped out with two fingers.

The intrusively loud ring of the landline phone rang from the kitchen. Jared swallowed what he had in his mouth and went for the phone, which was a 1960s rotary dial that was more for show and telemarketers than anything.

“Hello,” Jared said as he picked up the black receiver. “Oh hey, Pops. Everything is great, just about to load up some syringes.”

Johnny looked curiously at the sarcastic Jared. He found no humor in drug abuse and wondered why Jared and Jackson joked about it so randomly, especially after what Jackson had told him about his mother.

“Yea, yea. Love you too, Pops,” Jared said to his father as he hung up the phone and returned to the table.

Johnny walked to the table and stood next to Jared, handing him a spoon. Johnny watched Jared curiously as the boy began eating the ice cream in a ravenous fashion, as if he hadn’t eaten in days. He decided to make at least some effort to keep up with him, dipping his spoon into the container. The two were moving through the remainder of the ice cream at an impressive speed.

“Dude, you wanna go walk the dirt road when we’re done?” Jared asked as squinted his eyes, seemingly due to the frigid cold of the ice cream.

Johnny sat his spoon down and swallowed the last bite he was able to stomach.

“Sure, dude, if I can freakin’ walk,” Johnny replied as he patted his belly.

“Pick that damn spoon up, we gotta bit more to go,” Jared brought a heaping spoonful to his open mouth.

“That’s all you, man. I’m stuffed,” Johnny replied, looking at Jared and thinking he was crazy for attempting to eat even more. Johnny wasn’t used to having a full stomach and regular, nutritiously prepared meals. The pain of hunger was certainly something he didn’t miss, however, he was now realizing there was another end of the spectrum as well. Gluttony could be painful too.

As Jared polished off the container, Johnny made his way to the living room, staring out the front door. The night seemed peaceful. All that seemed to be stirring were the hundreds of tiny flying insects and moths drawn to the porch light. Johnny thought a walk sounded settling, and was happy to be going on one.

“Man, I’m gonna run upstairs to the bathroom, then we can catch them fireflies,” Jared said as he passed through the living room to the stairs.

Johnny gave the boy an affirming nod, and then returned his attention to the determination of the relentless mob of insects patronizing the glass fixture.

Turning the doorknob, Johnny opened the front door and exited the house. As he stepped on the front porch, he walked passively to the porch swing and carefully sat down. The white-painted chains supporting the swing made a creaking sound with every slight movement Johnny made. The boy leaned his head back and rested it on the back of the seat, staring at the ceiling of the porch. He heard his stomach rumbling and was beginning to wonder if pizza, ice cream, and potato chips were a good combination.

As he looked to the right, he noticed the pillar closest to him had tiny marks on it, with a year next to each mark and Jared’s name. They were displaying the growth of the boy throughout the years. Johnny began to wonder if Bryce had her own until he noticed small markings on the next pillar down.

Johnny began to imagine how tall his brother was, if he was in preschool, and most importantly, if he was happy. Johnny tried to imagine his mother, brother, and him living in a house like this. For some reason or another it didn’t fit, and something about it didn’t make sense. He hoped his mother had found another husband, and that he was taking care of her and Jacob. He wondered if she ever thought of him, or if she was forgetting his face the way he thought he was forgetting hers. He knew, at best, the woman was in a nicer house, with a decent man, and free of bruises, both from fists and needles alike. Johnny remembered the way she would always attempt to hide her mouth when she smiled, he wondered if she was ever able to get her teeth fixed.

The bark of one of the quarantined dogs startled Johnny as he turned his attention to the barn. The dog continued barking, so Johnny thought he would investigate the situation. As he rose to his feet, the barking got louder, and it sounded like the other two dogs had joined in too. Johnny walked down the stairs and started heading toward the barn. He got about fifteen feet from the house when he felt a cold chill of fear run up and down his spine. He envisioned the coyote, maddened and charging, and instantly turned and ran back the safety of the lit front porch. As Johnny walked cautiously back to his seat, the barking seemed to gradually subside. As he sat down again, waiting patiently for Jared, he rested his head once more. He then heard the whimpering of Bethany and wondered if taking the pup on the walk with them would be a good idea.

He imagined what the house and yard would look like the next night with large serving tables, nice music, and several conversing guests. The thought of crawfish, or any food for that matter, made the boy want to gag. He was hopefully going to sleep well tonight, but he was hoping this walk would settle his grumbling belly.

As the front door opened, Jared exited. “Bout ready, man?” the boy asked as he closed the door behind him.

“Just waiting on you, sir,” Johnny replied as he stood from the swing.

Jared jumped from the front porch in his typical fashion as Johnny calmly followed down the stairs. Both boys instinctively walked toward the dirt road at the end of the driveway.

“The dogs were barking their heads off a minute ago,” Johnny said as he casually kicked loose rocks from the driveway.

“Dude, they bark nonstop all night.” Jared placed his hands behind his head and walked with his elbows in the air.

“Do you think we should take the pup?” Johnny asked.

“Nah, man. It’s at the sitter’s with Bryce.”

“But I…she’s really not here?”

“Nope.”

“Why did they take Bethany to the sitter too? She’s probably gonna shit all over that lady’s house,” Johnny asked as they came closer to the dirt road. He instantly knew the whining puppy he’d heard on the porch was merely his mind playing yet another cruel trick on him.

“Well, hell, I guess they just wanted us to have a carefree night, no Barbies, and no puppy piles,” Jared replied.

The night was still, the air was lifeless and absent of even the slightest breeze as the boys reached the dirt road at the end of the drive. Going east would have put them walking next to the cornfield, going west would put them walking down a road lined with trees and other vegetation.

“So, left or right?” Jared asked as he stretched his arms out and let out a loud sleepy yawn.

“Let’s go left,” Johnny said as he turned in that direction, kicking more rocks from the road. “There was a big cornfield where I used to live too,” Johnny said as he stared at the stalks of corn, glistening in the moonlight.

Jared merely looked at him, acknowledging that he heard what the boy had said, but asking no further details.

The two boys began walking side by side, looking at the clear, bright sky completely full of millions of stars. The two were somewhat silent as they slowly walked, admiring the calm, hot night. The moon was just bright enough that it illuminated the only visible cloud in the sky, scattered and nearly transparent.

“How far out is your house from town?” Johnny asked. The question was an attempt to start a conversation.

“Um, from city limits I think we’re technically only about five miles out, but to actually get into town—”

“Do you hear that?” Johnny interrupted Jared as he held the back of his hand to his friend’s chest, gesturing him to stop. The grumbling sound of a very familiar motor could be heard from a mile or two away. Jared looked at Johnny, somewhat confused, as two dim headlights appeared at the end of the dirt road, heading for the two teens.

“Fuck! Get in the corn, now!” Johnny yelled out as he grabbed his friend’s forearm and began pulling him in the direction of the cornfield.

“Dude, what the hell?” Jared asked in an irritated and confused tone as Johnny pulled him to the ditch.

“Jared! Dammit, we need to get hidden, now!” Johnny yelled sternly at Jared. Johnny understood that Jared was unsure what was going on, but Johnny felt he hadn’t the time to explain before they took cover.