Keeping Your Cool…When Your Anger Is Hot!: Practical Steps to Temper Fiery Emotions (19 page)

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Authors: June Hunt

BOOK: Keeping Your Cool…When Your Anger Is Hot!: Practical Steps to Temper Fiery Emotions
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My “Go Directly to Jail” Card
I couldn’t believe it! We had no choice but to drive about 15 minutes to the police station. Upon arrival, the officer didn’t say a word. He just pointed with obvious disdain. I felt like I had just drawn the orange “Go Directly to Jail” card in the game of Monopoly.
With a hard stride, I marched in, paid the fine, and marched out. I opened the car door—with unusual strength—and uncharacteristically slammed the door shut. Barbara and Sandy fell silent.
During the entire time of our detour, my teeth were clenched and beads of perspiration formed on my forehead even though the temperature outside was an icy 20 degrees Fahrenheit. When we finally resumed our northward trek, I noticed my knuckles were white from clutching the steering wheel so tightly.
Discerning our own anger cues can help us avoid trouble.
After my encounter with that haughty, arrogant officer, I kept replaying the incident over and over in my mind, and each time I did so, my pulse would quicken and my stomach would tighten.
What I learned (besides the need to reduce my speed in snowy conditions if I don’t want a ticket!) was just how much my angry feelings impacted me physically. For a person who thought she didn’t have any anger issues, I exhibited
all
the symptoms of someone who had them! (Well, almost.)
What Are “Anger Cues”?
At those times when we really are angry but won’t admit it, everyone else around us knows it! That’s because we give off “anger cues.” Our anger may be
internal
, but its expression is
external
.
Anger and volcanoes have similar symptoms. Before an eruption, there’s a gurgling beneath the surface, a swirling series of events that creates pressure. In fact, scientists look for cues that a volcano is about to erupt, including the release of steam and gases, small earthquakes and tremors, and the swelling of a volcano’s slopes.
Similarly, the human body has physical reactions when it experiences anger. These anger cues alert us to when we begin to feel angry.
Discerning our own anger cues can help us avoid trouble. Likewise, being aware of the signs of anger in others can alert us to avoid an angry response—allowing us to “don fire-retardant clothing,” if necessary.
A biblical example of an anger cue is Jonathan’s loss of appetite when he was hurt and grieved over his father’s unjust, shameful treatment toward his close friend David: “Jonathan got up from the table in fierce anger…he did not eat, because he was grieved at his father’s shameful treatment of David.”
1
We may not all experience the same feelings, but once we have identified our anger cues, we will be in a better position to quickly identify anger in ourselves as well as in others. Then we can take the steps necessary to prevent an explosion of anger we would undeniably regret.

 

Anger Cues
• churning stomach
• clenched fists
• clenched teeth
• decreased appetite
• dry mouth
• fast/hard breathing
• fast/hard walking
• flushed face
• inappropriate language
• harsh/coarse/sarcastic language
• increased perspiration
• loud sighing/groaning
• racing heart
• rapid/high-pitched speech
• shutting down verbally
• tearful eyes
• tense muscles
• twitches/anxious behaviors (such as tapping a pencil, shaking a foot)
• becoming unusually hot or cold
Of course, there is nothing wrong with a desire for order and structure in our lives. For example, I’m grateful for refrigeration that preserves food and systems of hygiene that control disease.
Letting go of control doesn’t mean we have to take a debilitating step back into the Dark Ages. But with such immense power at our disposal, it’s easy to see how we learn to take for granted our ability to master just about every aspect of our lives. When control is curtailed, it can be
catastrophic
—for those who struggle with anger, and for those all around them. Control, it turns out, is a dangerously addictive commodity.
The Bible says,
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come
from your desires that battle within you? You want something but
don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want.
You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask
God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong
motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures…
But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says:
‘God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble’”
(JAMES 4:1-3,6).
Problems break out like scattered brush fires in our lives. Trying to contain and control them on our own only leaves us ultimately sitting in an ash heap, smoldering in angry frustration and sometimes giving God the silent treatment.
Why does that happen? There’s no one better qualified than Jonah to answer that question.
An Ill-Advised Power Struggle
Poor Jonah. He’s held up to Sunday school children everywhere as an example of how
not
to behave. It’s true he tried to defy God’s will and got a couple of painful object lessons for his rebellion—time spent in the belly of a fish and time under a blistering sun.
Indeed, he was a stubborn, angry man.
But I think we, of all people, shouldn’t be so quick to judge Jonah. What he wanted in life, after all, was something we are conditioned to expect from earliest childhood: to have things our way, to call the shots, to be in the driver’s seat, to determine our own fate.
In other words, Jonah just wanted
control
of his life, the right to decide for himself what was best. When he couldn’t have it, he grew angry, stalking off to stock his anger bowl. Then when he tried to deal with his indignation, he did something that probably sounds familiar to most of us: He grabbed for
more
control and wound up
more
angry when that didn’t work.
In the Bible, the story ends before we find out whether Jonah ever caught on that his solution didn’t work so well. Maybe we can pick up where he left off and connect the dots for ourselves. Here’s his story:
I’m Not God’s Man for the Job
In those days, there was an important city called Nineveh. It was full of wickedness, and God decided it was time to give the people there an ultimatum: “Repent within forty days, or watch as your city is overthrown.”
We tend to focus on the thundering threat of wrathful destruction in these words, but there is amazing grace here as well.
Clearly, God didn’t want punishment for the people, no matter what they had done. He wanted redemption and reconciliation. Forty days is ample time to reflect on a life of sin and turn to righteousness.
To convey this message, God selected His servant Jonah. All we know about this prophet comes from his description of himself: “I am a Hebrew and I worship the LORD, the God of heaven, who made the sea and the land.”
2
He sounds like the perfect man for what God had in mind, except for one detail: Jonah didn’t want the job.
Unlike the Lord, Jonah
did
want punishment for the inhabitants of Nineveh, because they were considered enemies of Israel. In his view, they didn’t deserve the opportunity to escape the harshest possible judgment.
The last thing Jonah wanted was for God to let them off the hook. After all, these were a people known for their excessive cruelty to prisoners of war and for idolatrous worship. Jonah was fully aware of the graciousness of his God, and the thought of forgiving the Ninevites made his blood boil.
I’m Outta Here!
So when Jonah got the call from God to pack up and head for Nineveh, Jonah decided to take matters into his own hands. He ran away—in the opposite direction!
I imagine he thought,
If God wants to go easy on those heathens, He can use someone else to do it. I have a right to choose what I will and won’t do
. To prove it, he bought a ticket on the first boat out of town. Bad idea.
“Then the LORD sent a great wind on the sea, and such a violent storm arose that the ship threatened to break up. All the sailors were afraid and each cried out to his own god. And they threw the cargo into the sea to lighten the ship. But Jonah had gone below deck, where he lay down and fell into a deep sleep. The captain went to him and said, ‘How can you sleep? Get up and call on your god! Maybe he will take notice of us, and we will not perish’ ”
(JONAH 1:4-6).

 

Jonah told his fellow travelers that he was running away from God, which terrified them even more. Even they seemed to understand what Jonah had evidently forgotten: You can’t run, nor hide, from God.
Jonah convinced the sailors that to save themselves, they must throw him overboard. As the storm intensified, the sailors reluctantly agreed.
They begged God to forgive them, then threw Jonah into the water. It worked—the wind and waves immediately began to calm.
A Frightening Fish Encounter
What happened next is the part everyone knows: “The LORD provided a great fish to swallow Jonah, and Jonah was inside the fish three days and three nights.”
3
Apparently, that was just enough time for Jonah to think things over.
In the terrifying dark and stench of the great fish’s belly, he cried out to God:
“When my life was ebbing away, I remembered you, LORD,
and my prayer rose to you, to your holy temple.
Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed I will make good. Salvation comes from the LORD.”
(JONAH 2:7-9).
That sounds pretty good, but it needs a bit of translating to get Jonah’s true meaning: “Those Ninevites still don’t deserve Your love, but if you’ll let me out of here, I’ll go tell them what You said.”
That’s a long way from sincere surrender to the wisdom of God’s will, but it was enough for the Lord to cause the fish to spit Jonah out upon dry land. In spite of the fact that his heart wasn’t fully in the mission, he went straight to Nineveh and delivered God’s message.
Then, from Jonah’s perspective, things went from bad to worse. The people of Nineveh actually believed God and repented. They fasted and prayed. They put on sackcloth and sat in the dust, both signs of humbled and repentant hearts.
And yes, God had mercy on them. “When God saw what they did and how they turned from their evil ways, he had compassion and did not bring upon them the destruction he had threatened” (Jonah 3:10).

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