Kelly Hill (12 page)

His hand snaked around her waist and pulled her close to him. Rachel could smell his soft cologne mixed with the lingering cigarette smoke clinging to his clothes and she had to admit, it wasn’t an unpleasant thing. Their bodies were almost touching now and a part of Rachel felt a pull towards a distant memory.

“
No matter what happens, Rachel,” Kelly whispered in her ear, “I’ll be here.”

His breath on her skin set her nerves humming across her body and she tried to wrap his words around her brain. She knew he meant it. He always did, even from the very beginning; he was very good at keeping his promises.

She took a step back, separating them. She wanted to say something, but what? What could she say that would make everything right again? When their entire world was already so broken, how could she fix any of it?

“
Kelly,” She began, whispering, her eyes closed, trying to find just the right words.

Gently, Kelly’s lips stopped the movement of her own, pulling her closer to himself and Rachel returned in kind, stepping into the kiss, feeling it feed the truth she was desperately trying to hide from everyone.

She put her hands on either side of his face and felt her fear melt away in the strength of his embrace.

But then the facts of their situation took hold in her gut and she pushed him away, separating their bodies as well as their souls.

“This isn’t right,” She looked down at the ground, “You know this isn’t.”

Kelly was glaring at her then, “Since when do you get to decide my fate?”

Rachel glared back with just as much anger; he knew what was at stake. He knew what she was going through. Why did he have to make it harder on her?

As if to save her, the screen door swung open and Logan and Ethan emerged, allowing Rachel an escape as she made for the house, refusing to look back at Kelly.

Chapter Eight

Phillips Academy

Charleston, West Virginia

October 1st, 2008

Rachel

Rachel didn’t want to look behind her, but at the same time she felt the pull to. Just to look over her shoulder and to see if he was still there, or if he was a figment of her imagination. If she had dreamed up the entire encounter.

She wanted to keep her promise to Jefferson, she really did, but there was just something about Kelly that Rachel couldn’t put her finger on. It made her curious and that was something that had always gotten Rachel into trouble. Her curiosity was insatiable, which was probably why she did so well with her studies. She found subjects that interested her and she would become so enraptured by them nothing could pry her away.

Now, Rachel felt that same hunger towards the enigmatic Kelly Hill. What was it that he and Jefferson seemed to disagree on? And not just disagree, but it had come to violence now. What in the world could have happened that they hated one another so much?

Rachel rolled her head along her shoulders, cracking her neck and sighed. She couldn’t start this, not now. There was so much else that she had to be doing. But still. Her mind lingered on what Kelly had said. He promised that there would always be a place where she could go where none of it mattered.

Maybe that was the idea that was so appealing to her. Not Kelly himself, but the fact that there could be an escape. A place where she could go and she could just
be
without having to work for the love of everyone around her. Rachel felt an emotional stab as her thoughts lead her down that path.

She always tried to close it, but it never seemed to work. The door always worked its way back open and she was left thinking about the fact that she was nothing if she wasn’t earning something. Everything had to be worked for. In Rachel’s world love was not unconditional and she had gotten used to those terms fairly quickly, but every once in a while, the door would inch open and she would be left staring at the empty space. The nothingness that she was without being able to meet those conditions.

As Rachel reached her dorm she inhaled and pushed the terrible feelings away, knowing they would come back later, but still hoping they would stay hidden deeper this time around.

Entering her room she saw Melody was lying in her own bed, reading a romance novel.

Rachel rolled her eyes and set her book bag on her desk, “I see you’re really expanding your mind.”

“
Shhh.” Melody didn’t look away, “I’m getting to the good part.”

“
Ugh.” Rachel sat down at her desk and took out the assignments she had already completed, “Gag me.”

Melody set down the book and sat up, “You’re telling me hot pirates aren’t your thing?”

Rachel turned around to look at her roommate and tried to seem as serious as possible, “No, Melody, I’m not interested in a book called ‘The Captain’s Captive.’ I’m sorry, but that just doesn’t sound like something I would like.”

“
Honey, pirates are hot.” Melody playfully scolded, laughing.

Rachel rolled her eyes again and decided it was time to change the subject. She still hadn’t gotten Kelly off her mind yet, so she figured, what was the harm in investigating?

“I thought you were supposed to be hanging out with Jefferson today?” She asked as innocently as possible, hoping  Melody wouldn’t notice she had ulterior motives.

“
Ugh no.” Melody tucked her legs up underneath her body, “He ditched me for a bro date with Ryan.”

Rachel frowned, “Did he say why?”

“Something to do with that loser cousin of Ryan’s.” Melody sounded more annoyed than before.

“
Kelly?” Rachel wanted to clarify, knowing full well that  was his name. She had been paying very close attention from the beginning.

“
That’s the one.” Melody sighed, “I wish he would just go away.”

“
That’s a little harsh.” Rachel forced laughter she didn’t feel. She wanted to get to the bottom of this and it seemed like Melody knew more than she was letting on.

“
It’s really not if you knew him.” Melody made a sour face, “I mean, really Rachel, if there were any non-hot pirates out there, you know just the ones that burned and plundered, that would be Kelly.”

That time Rachel really did laugh, Melody sure had a way with words sometimes. “But, like, what’s wrong with him?” She was pushing too far and she knew it, but she had to know, it was in her nature.

“You talked to him, didn’t you?” Melody’s eyes were wide as she put two and two together.

“
Maybe.” Rachel raised her eyebrows, trying to avoid directly answering, “What if I did?”

“
Rachel.” Melody’s voice was serious, “Stay away from him. He’s a creep. Seriously, he starts off all charming and wonderful and the next thing you know, you’re being booked for possession of Mexican black tar heroin and you didn’t even know that was a thing.”

“
That sounds very specific.” Rachel replied, almost smiling, wondering if there was a story there or if it was just a joke.

“
Yeah, well, Kelly’s a pretty specific dude.” Melody crossed her arms and looked away, “But really, Rach, if I were you, I wouldn’t have anything to do with him. Anyone who hangs out with him either winds up in jail or dead.”

“
Have people really died?” Rachel asked, disbelieving, knowing now Melody had to be pulling her leg.

But Melody was still as serious as ever, “Yes Rachel, people have died. He’s not a good person to be hanging around unless you want to get into some messed up shit.”

“Like what?” Rachel was more than mildly curious now. People had died? Why hadn’t she heard about it? Why hadn’t Ryan told her? And Kelly was staying with Ryan’s parents indefinitely, was that really so safe?

“
Listen, you don’t want to know.” Melody picked her book back up, “And you’re not going to hear it from me.”

“
Come on, Mel, just tell me.” Rachel implored, wanting to know more about Kelly, needing to know more.

“
Nope. If you really need to know, you can ask Ryan. He’s the one who probably knows the most.” Melody had opened her book back up and was no longer looking at Rachel. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll leave Kelly Hill alone.”

Rachel stared at Melody for a little while longer before turning back to her homework. If Melody wasn’t going to tell her she was just going to have to find out from a different source.

Ryan seemed like the next logical step, but she knew he would be less forthcoming than Melody had been and then she would be left with nothing.

There of course was Jefferson, but they hadn’t really spoken since he had kissed her and she wasn’t sure how to approach that subject. No one had ever kissed her before and all she could think about was the fact that his lip had still been bleeding when it happened. Plus she knew she would just get a biased version of the tale. One that would make Jefferson look like the hero.

Rachel had been paying enough attention to know that was how Jefferson liked to play things off. He was always the benevolent hero and others were the crafty, sneaky bad guys.

If she wanted to get the straight story she’d have to play everything very close to her chest and which meant maybe, just maybe, she’d be able to speak to Kelly again.

A thought that excited her more than anything else.

He was an intriguing mystery and she was intent on uncovering his secrets.

Later, Rachel would look back on this moment as the one in which she should just have walked away. Everything could go on as it always had and people would be fine. No one would get hurt and she would have been able to finish her education at Phillips rather than run home and hide in Agoura Hills.

But that’s not the way things worked out and so, all she was ever left with was a memory hanging with regret.

How did a person live with all the things Rachel put in her head? How did they sleep at night?

Always, without fail, at that last thought, Rachel would smile. The answer was simple. They
didn’t
sleep at night. They couldn’t. Guilt would twist around them and force them to stay awake, shaking from their own fears of everything they had done. Of everything they knew. Because sleep was a kind of forgiveness they didn’t merit and so it evaded them, breaking them, forcing them to look upon their past indiscretions.

Agoura Hills, California

June 9th 2010

Ethan

As Rachel passed Ethan on her way into the house it looked as if she were about to cry. An interesting fact to add to the growing pile of why they had come to California for the summer.

All three of them knew they had come for Rachel. It was Kelly who couldn’t live with the guilt of what had happened at Phillips, but it was Ethan and Logan who wanted to do something about it.

Still, Ethan knew there was more Kelly wasn’t telling them- there was more to the story and he wasn’t sure he wanted to find out.

Kelly stared at Logan and Ethan as they approached him and Ethan wondered what was going on behind that slate of a facial expression. Just what was it about Rachel that made Kelly care?

Kelly didn’t care about anyone, or anything. He kept his thoughts and feelings locked up tight and refused to let anything in, so what made Rachel so special? Just what had happened at Phillips?

“
How was your date?” Kelly was sporting his signature smirk as he crossed his arms over his chest.

Logan cleared his throat and chuckled, “It wasn’t a date, man. You know that.”

“Dude, I know you’re curious, but you just need to leave it alone.” Ethan admonished Logan, knowing full well the only reason he hung out with Rachel was because he wanted to talk about Phillips. He had been hoping Rachel would open up to him and spill all of her secrets. And although that plan would make all their lives easier, Ethan knew it was never going to work.

Their best chance at getting Rachel talking was Kelly and he wasn’t doing anything so far.

“Hey! Fine, make me the bad guy!” Logan threw his hands up in the air in mock surrender and took two steps back, “Just completely forget about the fact that she asked me to the movie, not the other way around.”

“
Yeah, but you didn’t have to go, did you?” Ethan scolded now, it was weird enough having Kelly admit he liked Rachel, but now Logan was being Logan and hitting on everything that moved. He was covering it up with his noble quest of wanting Rachel to tell him something, but they had all seen this before. This was Logan’s nature. He was a nice guy, but a slightly simple creature at heart.

“
Are you mad that I was with Rachel today?” Logan wasn’t looking at Kelly, but Ethan knew he was asking Kelly more than he was asking Ethan. From the look on Kelly’s face, he knew it too.

“
No, it’s cool.” Kelly responded, “Just wish she wouldn’t push me away so much. It makes the rest of this a lot harder.”

“
You said they had reopened the case this summer.” Ethan started, unsure of where the rest of his sentence was going. “You still think the anonymous tip was sent in by Rachel?”

“
Or Ryan. Or Melody.” Kelly shrugged, “Any of those three, really, they could have done it, they were all there when it happened.”

“
But you think it was Rachel.” Ethan pushed, knowing  Kelly didn’t want to have this conversation. He wanted to chase Rachel down and talk to her some more, not anyone else. He could see it plainly in Kelly’s eyes, every moment spent away from Rachel was breaking him apart and he needed to fix whatever was broken between them.

“
Yeah.” Kelly met Ethan’s gaze head on, “Yeah, I really do.”

“
But she’s pretending like she doesn’t even know who you are, why would she do that?” Ethan asked the next logical question, “If she doesn’t even want to acknowledge that any of it happened, why would she contact anyone about it?”

Ethan saw Kelly’s eyes flicker between frustration and grief, “Because Rachel’s a better person than the rest of them. Even if she doesn’t want to openly talk about it, do you think there’s a day that doesn’t go by that she doesn’t think about it? I can guarantee you if she was being honest she’d tell you how it made her feel.”

“I hate to break it to you, Kell, but Rachel only cares about one thing and those are her achievements, if something were to threaten that, she wouldn’t bat an eye.” Ethan’s tone had turned sour. He hated hearing how Kelly had put Rachel on a pedestal. Rachel, the golden child. The one that could do no wrong in the eyes of their father. She had thrown him under the bus enough times for him to realize that she was very much out for herself, damn everyone else.

“
That’s so not true.” Kelly shook his head, “You couldn’t be further from it.”

“
Kelly, just because you like my sister, doesn’t mean that makes her some magical creature that can do no wrong. She’s really messed up in the head. I know because she’s my sister.” Ethan was getting angry now, he never liked the fact that Kelly was into Rachel, and now Kelly was parading around the same idea he had been for a few months now. Apparently, in Kelly’s eyes, Rachel was a saint. He clearly did not grow up with her.

“
You haven’t even lived in the same house together for ten years!” Kelly bit back, unafraid of the consequences his defense would mean, “She’s not the same eight year old girl you remember. You expect children to understand adults? Or to reason like them? Rachel grew up thinking she had to act a certain way to be loved. You didn’t. That doesn’t make her a bad person. That just makes you different.”

Ethan had no response for Kelly, deep down he knew Kelly was probably right, but it still didn’t sit well with him. Kelly didn’t know Rachel like he did. He didn’t understand that she was very aggressive in her pursuits. That she would stop at nothing to get what she wanted.

But then again, she had been kicked out of Phillips. Had endured the fall out of that and refused to go back. Refused to say anything that would probably prove her innocence. She had allowed them to villainize her in order to protect other people. That was something, wasn’t it?

“
Why do you care so much?” Ethan’s face was screwed up in a scowl now. He didn’t want someone to tell him to change his mind. This was the way things had always been, why would they be so different now? Why in the world would Rachel change?

“
Because someone has to care about Rachel,” Kelly responded, his tone softening. “Because, when it all boils down to it, she’s completely alone in this mess and someone has to have her back.”

Logan shrugged. “We do, don’t we?”

Kelly looked from Logan back to Ethan, “Do we?”

Ethan rubbed the back of his neck. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was afraid. If he followed this and it turned into a witch hunt, if it turned out that Caleb Bronen’s death was just an accident and not a murder then he would be right about everything right now. Then it would have just been a waste of time. He would have spent time in California surrounded by the two people that couldn’t stand him the most for nothing.

He knew Logan and Kelly were looking for an answer, wanting him to say that of course he would have his sister’s back. Because that’s what family was all about, wasn’t it? But he couldn’t find the words to say any of that. His family had never been that simple. To him, family didn’t mean anything except the people you were obligated to talk to sometimes. There were no warm fuzzy feelings, no sense of camaraderie. They were just people he happened to share a last name with.

“
I don’t know.” Ethan shook his head. “I don’t know.”

The conversation fell silent as both Kelly and Logan waited for Ethan to say something else. When it looked like he wasn’t going to Kelly cleared his throat.

“You know, she’s a lot like you, Ethan.” Kelly’s voice was softer. “You’re both hung up on what the right thing is, and every situation being black and white. Right and wrong. You believe the good in people rather than the terrible. Which is why you both became friends with me.” Kelly forced a chuckle. “If you would just stop seeing each other as the enemy, you’d be able to understand that.”

Ethan looked down at the hot pavement and tried to remember why he was so bitter towards Rachel. It was just always the way things had been between them.

She would get everything and he would get in trouble. Story of his life. So why would Kelly think they were similar?

Where in the world could Kelly make those connections?

Ethan shook his head and turned away from his friends, “I can’t do this right now, okay?”

“
Okay.” Logan was the first to allow Ethan to avoid his own dysfunction.

But when Ethan looked back up at Kelly, Kelly was frowning. He didn’t want Ethan to back away. Not now, not when everything was about to implode and Rachel would need all the friends she could get to see her through this.

There would be an investigation and Rachel would be questioned. She would stand alone and have no one on her side and all Kelly was asking from him was to act like a brother.

But he couldn’t. There was too much standing in the way for him to admit that Rachel needed him, to admit that he needed to get over his hurt feelings.

“Can’t we just… tell my dad or something?” Ethan wanted to shove off the responsibility onto someone else.

“
You know what that would do to her.” Kelly stared at Ethan, “She would never forgive you.”

“
She already hates me.” Ethan glared at Kelly. “Trust me, there’s not much else I can do that would make it worse.”

“
She doesn’t hate you.” Kelly shook his head, “God, you’re so bent. Can you for just one second get over yourself? She doesn’t hate you. She’s probably the only person in your entire screwed up family that still believes in what family means. Or what it’s supposed to mean.”

“
You don’t know Rachel!” Ethan was shouting now, pushed to his breaking point. Pushed as far as he could go in that conversation.

“
And neither do you!” Kelly shouted back. “I was there, Ethan! I know what happened! You’re not the victim here right now so get the fuck over it!”

“
Stop pretending like you understand! Your sister is dead, remember? You don’t even know what it’s like having to deal with this!” Ethan knew bringing up Anna was a low blow, but it was all he had left. It just tumbled out his mouth before he had time to think about it.

“
I think-” Logan’s calm, quieting voice started but was interrupted by Kelly’s malicious tone.

“
You’re right, my sister is dead, so I would have no idea how it feels.” Kelly was nodding, his jaw clenched, eyes set with rage. “Grow up, Ethan.”

Ethan was just glad that Kelly didn’t hit him. He knew he deserved a good slug for that one. Anna was a subject they weren’t allowed to touch, and for good reason.

Kelly was the first to walk away from the group. He walked off down the street and disappeared around the corner of the block.

Ethan tried to tell himself he was just cooling off and when he came back everything would go back to being okay again, but he knew he had crossed a line and he would have to apologize.

Kelly didn’t have a family like Ethan did. Kelly had been raised in a household that loved one another, and he still carried that love with him even if it meant having a hole in his chest where Anna had left the world.

Ethan had only met Anna a handful of times, but he remembered her well enough to know why her death bothered Kelly so much. Anna was just looking for a place to belong and she really ended up getting the short end of the stick.

“You should probably say you’re sorry.” Logan was quiet, afraid of setting off another shouting match.

“
Yeah,” Ethan conceded, “I know.”

“
I’ll always be here for you man, but you need to stop being so stubborn. You’re really only hurting yourself.” Logan tried the sentence out in a shaky voice.

Ethan nodded, “I know.”

Logan gave him a sad smile and clapped one hand on his shoulder, “Don’t worry, we’ll work on this together. And Kelly will come around. He always does.”