Kelly Hill (15 page)

Agoura Hills, California

June 11th, 2010

Rachel

Rachel had sequestered herself in her room for the better part of the last two days hoping people would just go away.

She didn’t want to have to deal with everything that was happening, especially now that she had kissed Kelly. Or Kelly had kissed her. Whichever it was, they had crossed a line. Together, at the same time. They had crossed the line that she had so carefully created and now she didn’t know what to do about it.

The clock on her sewing table read 3:32 p.m. and Rachel wondered if she could go an entire three days without food. If it meant never having to speak to anyone ever again she thought she could manage it.

But before she could really finalize her plans of never moving again there was a knock at her bedroom door. A timid knock, one that told her someone was worried about getting her.

Slowly, Rachel unfolded herself from her sitting position on the floor and opened the door.

Kelly stood there looking guiltier than ever before. But not really guilty. No, it was something else. Shame? Was that shame on his face?

“
Kelly, I don’t want to talk about it.” Rachel’s small voice showed the emotional strain on her body.

“
It’s not about us, Rachel.” Kelly’s voice was equally quiet, “Something’s happened.”

Rachel felt herself squint, what could have possibly happened in the last two days?

“You should come down stairs.” Kelly held out his hand for her to hold and Rachel took it because something told her to. Something said it would be better if she did.

Kelly led her down the stairs slowly and into the living room where everyone was standing around the TV, watching the screen, saying nothing.

Peter Gunn sized up Kelly Hill, his hands on his hips, his white button up dress shirt a little wrinkled from the day’s wear. He rubbed his chin and took a deep inhale of air before he continued, all parties now unsure of how this was going to play out.

“
What’s wrong?” Rachel asked, her timid voice giving away her fear laced emotions. She always knew everything would come falling down sooner or later.

No matter how long she had tried to deny it she knew. It was just a matter of if and when. And now Ethan was looking at her with those eyes. The same ones he had used when he told their parents she had dropped the crystal bowl that had been in the family for three generations. Three generations shattered on the floor just like that.

Peter gave Kelly another look and then centered his attention back on Rachel, “Honey, you might want to sit down.”

Rachel nodded, her nerves threatened to freeze her entire body, but she willed it forward, feeling the uncontrollable shaking of her arms, hearing the buzzing of anxiety in the back of her skull, knowing there was possibly no going back now.

Slowly, she sat on the couch because there was nothing else she could do.

Rachel focused in on the voices of news anchors discussing something they deemed as a ‘terrible tragedy.’

Rachel frowned and turned to look back at Kelly. His expression wasn’t the same as before, it was still guilty, but it wasn’t his own guilt he was projecting now. It was more like… empathy? Rachel wanted to ask but she was drawn into what was happening on the television.

Peter was quiet while Rachel sat there, her eyes focusing on the images on the screen. Was that Phillips? Why was Phillips on the news?

She leaned forward, the blood rushing past her ears, making it hard to hear anything. But there was something there. Something she couldn’t quite understand.

After everything Jefferson had done she had chosen the course of keeping silent. Because that would protect Phillips right? That would protect her home. That would keep everything and everyone safe.

Isn’t that what she had talked herself into believing?

Action versus inaction.

Rachel took a deep breath in and exhaled, feeling her fear fill the air around her.

What was it that Melody had said to her? Covered in dirt and blood, shrouded in the darkness of the back of the car. ‘
Thank you.’

She had said thank you.

Rachel blinked slowly, but her mind was frozen on the screen, staring at the looping video of police roping off the lacrosse field.

Apparently there had been a storm, the rain had washed away just enough dirt that the next morning a portion of the body was exposed to the sunlight and a grounds’ keeper had found her.

Rachel put her hands to her mouth, covering the lower portion of her face in cold clammy hands. It seemed all thought had drained out of her body.

Action versus Inaction. Those were her options. Those were her choices and now, she could see she had chosen wrong. So wrong.

Someone came up behind Rachel and put their hands on her shoulders; she smelled Kelly’s aftershave and tried to fight the urge to shrug the comforting feeling from her body. She didn’t need comfort. She needed a good strong slap to the face. But no one was willing to give her that. No one was ever going to see that it was her fault, completely and wholly her fault.

Action versus inaction.

She had made the decision two years ago when she was sixteen, had cut all ties to the people that bound her to Phillips and had moved on. Now… now if she had just paid attention.

If she had just picked up a phone.

She would have known.

Now she sat there, surrounded by four people that just didn’t understand what she had done. They would try to comfort her. Try to get her to talk about it, but they just didn’t know. They would never know. And if they did. Rachel swallowed, unable to take her eyes off the screen, unable to think about what to do next.

The audio clip replayed, “The body of Melody Jeffords was discovered this morning after a heavy rain earlier in the week. Melody Jeffords, of course, was the sixteen year old girl who had gone missing two years ago after the scandal at her preparatory school, Phillips Academy, which involved several students. Investigators on site have yet to comment on the tragedy, and the school hasn’t released an official statement regarding the matter.”

Rachel watched the video loop click away to the morning talk show hosts as they shifted their papers holding the unsettling news, each one trading quips with the other, each one sharing their own opinion on what had happened to Melody.

But Rachel knew.

She knew exactly what had happened to Melody and she could feel the guilt wrapping around her spine like a serpent, threatening to drag her down to a level she wasn’t ready to face yet.

This wasn’t her fault, was it?

All the lies she had told, all the half-truths she had let slip through her lips, they didn’t amount to much once she was looking at the cold dead face of reality.

Was Melody afraid when it happened? Had she gone back to him after it all? Is that why she was being slowly excavated from the earth on the lacrosse field?

“
This isn’t your fault.” Kelly whispered, as if he knew what Rachel was thinking, “I know you want to believe it is, but it’s not. You couldn’t have stopped Jefferson even if you wanted to.”

But that was the thing, Rachel had wanted to stop him, had tried with all her might to stop him, had even left Phillips to stop him, and it was to no avail. Everything she had done was a waste of time.

A bitter hopeless waste of time.

And now Melody was dead.

“I’m sorry, Rachel.” Her dad’s comforting voice sounded so far away, drowned out by the noisy hum of her own thoughts.

He was sorry? Why was he sorry? She shook her head slowly back and forth, trying to understand just what was happening.

Melody had been dead for two years? And no one had said anything? What did that mean for Phillips now? What did that mean for Jefferson?

Angry hot bile roiled in her stomach making Rachel feel ill, hoping she didn’t lose it right here and now, knowing she probably would if she didn’t get some control over herself. Control.

Rachel swallowed and closed her eyes, allowing her mind to block out the commentators.

Then, when everything was dull to her concentration a familiar voice came through the speakers. Slowly, Rachel opened her eyes and saw Jefferson standing in front of the main office of Phillips, his face was older, but still contained the same hawk features that threatened to ravage everything around them.

“It’s so hard to think about now.” He said to an interviewer who was holding a microphone in his face, “I mean, it’s really terrible for the family, but I’m just glad we have some closure now, you know?”

The image cut away, back to a blond anchor woman, “That of course was Jefferson Williams; he was the deceased’s boyfriend and couldn’t be found for commenting at the time of her disappearance.”

At the time of her disappearance. Two years ago. Two years of silence and she had been there all along.

Rachel couldn’t handle everyone looking at her now, like she was supposed to say something. What could she say? How could she make this better? There was no simple answer. There was no reset button. This wasn’t one of her sewing projects where she could just grab a pair of seam rippers and start over.

Her choice had cost someone their life and there was nothing she could do to make it better.

Rachel stood and turned on her heel to leave the room, to run and hide somewhere safe, but instead she came face to face with Kelly’s flannel shirt. Had he really been standing that close to her?

She looked up into his eyes and tried to think of something to say but there were no words. She had nothing for him, just like she never had before.

His arms wrapped around her frame and he pulled her closer to his chest, as if to extract her pain from her body but nothing worked.

Rachel’s brain remained in the state of action versus inaction, and what her choice had done.

The closeness of their bodies, the smell of his cologne filling her body, awoke another memory in her mind, something she had managed to bury so deep she had actually started to believe it was over. The residual memory made her ribs ache a little but she pushed past it. There was nothing that could be done.

She again looked up at Kelly and felt the odd pull she always had towards him. They were closer than she wanted to admit, mind and body. Only he had never forgotten, had never let it go.

Rachel braced her hands and pushed away from him, breaking the fragile hug he was attempting and she covered her mouth, her shaking nerves getting the better of her.

Everything was falling apart in one afternoon and she couldn’t stop it. This was no storm she could squelch with manners and proper attire, this was a monster she had helped create and now it was devouring everything.

She felt tears, treacherous and vile, threaten to boil up out of her eyes and she swallowed them back down, helplessly hoping they wouldn’t produce themselves here, not in front of these people.

Kelly opened his mouth to say something but she took a step back and shook her head, trying to keep him at bay, trying to keep him out.

This wasn’t the way things were supposed to be.

Then her legs, separate from her body, moved her from the living room to her bedroom in a quickened pace that mirrored the rapid beats of her heart.

By the time she had reached the third floor landing she was running, but where was she planning on going? It wasn’t like her room was anything that could save her.

Nothing could save her now.

She had chosen inaction and it had gotten her friend killed. Murdered by the very same man that had tried to do her in, not once, but twice.

And if Rachel had been smart, if she had been thinking, she would have done something. She would have done anything.

Rachel slammed the door shut to her room and heard the picture frames on the walls rattling.

What was she supposed to do now? What could she do now? And what about Kelly? Could her promise still hold for him? Nothing protected Melody. So what about Kelly?

Her door creaked open and Rachel reeled around, facing the intruder with lost eyes, hoping this was all just a very bad dream.

Kelly stood there for only a minute, one hand on the knob, the other on the door frame. He looked just as guilty as she did and she finally felt the tears leaving trails on her powdered face, dropping off her jaw and onto whatever dared catch them.

“
Kelly.” Rachel managed to choke out as the guilt and grief finally consumed her, “I-”

Her words were muffled by Kelly striding towards her, enveloping her whole self in an embrace that was stronger than the one before. “I know.” He whispered, kissing the top of her head, “I know.”

Chapter Eleven

Phillips Academy

Charleston, West Virginia

October 10th, 2008

Rachel

Rachel had met Melody at Phillips, when they were both still incredibly young. Not just in age, but there was a certain amount of childish naivety that held them both so captivated by the simple pleasures the atmosphere of Phillips had to offer.

Melody had blond hair, which once thin and lacking any amount of vitality was now fuller, brighter even. Her amber eyes sparkled and her perfect heart-shaped face always held a warm smile. She was at the peak of her beauty.

Melody had just turned sixteen and as such was just beginning to turn several heads at Phillips. One of them being a certain Jefferson William, a senior at Phillips, on his last leg at the school in more ways than one.

Ready to graduate and move to bigger and better things, eighteen year old Jefferson had also established for himself quite the reputation. A reputation both admired and frowned upon by his peers as well as his several graduate advisors.

But Jefferson had a softness about him Melody was drawn towards, and being Melody’s friend, Rachel was drug along for the ride.

Jefferson, in traditional prep school style, was on the award winning lacrosse team, and along with his teammate, Ryan Prescott, had led the team to victory again and again.

Celebrated and loved, Jefferson was in what he had planned as referring to as the good ‘ol days when he looked back on them.

He was more than ready to propel into super stardom of some sort and for some reason he wanted to take Melody with him.

Beautiful happy Melody who never wanted anything more than to be loved for who she was. Melody, who was forced to go to Phillips by her overachieving parents. Melody, the day dreamer and whisperer of holy secrets.

She floated on a cloud of optimism and allowed everyone and everything to see and touch her hopes and dreams, unaware that any moment someone could sully them. Tarnish them and make them less than what they were.

Rachel had always prided herself as being the one more grounded in reality out of the two, but looking back on it now, she realized they were more the same than she had once given Melody credit for.

She just kept her hopes and dreams more tight-lipped than Melody had. So close to the chest no one even knew half the things that Rachel wanted to happen with her life.

Now, with the new school year beginning and Melody busy with what she described as an epic love, Rachel was left to dream alone. Tagging along in the shadows; included, but never really noticed.

But it was alright, she preferred it this way. With everything falling into place she was able to get completely lost in her education, in her own version of happiness.

That was until Ryan Prescott noticed her.

Until he gave her that lopsided grin that made her feel weak in the knees.

After that she was sold on the idea that there was more to life than just what she had worked for. And then she met Kelly Hill and she realized how closed off she truly had been.

With these realizations Rachel was able to understand something about Jefferson Williams she probably would have never seen before. But by that time it was too late. Even after all the sacrifices Rachel made, she was too late.

With her silence she hoped he would be just an outcast. An embarrassment. A black spot on the history of Phillips. Nothing more.

In just a few short months, Rachel would be closing the door to her room at Phillips for good. All of her things would be neatly tucked away in cardboard boxes, ready to be shipped. Waiting for her last sign-off. Waiting for her to open them back up in a new place. In a new home.

But at the beginning of October, none of that had happened yet.

Melody still laughed like there was nothing in the world to hold her back and Rachel could join her.

Rachel jogged up to Melody eating on the side of the large white fountain and apologized, out of breath.

“
I lost track of the time!” Rachel explained, trying to steady her breathing.

“
That doesn’t sound like you.” Melody gave her a quizzical look. “What were you doing that had you so engrossed?”

Rachel sat next to Melody and started to unpack her own lunch. Melody had purchased hers through the school’s kitchen, but Rachel had prepared her own ahead of time. She liked to keep things organized and balanced, including her lunch which was separated by calories and nutrients.

“I ran into someone on my way back from the library.” Rachel opened her yellow tiffin box and slowly began to remove the contents, each one wrapped in deli paper to keep them clean and fresh.

The wind picked up and pushed the water falling from the fountain onto their laps and Melody squealed in surprise while Rachel merely moved from the annoyance.

They relocated a little bit away from the fountain and Rachel watched the wind stir Melody’s blond locks. In her memories, she knew there was something special about this moment, something hidden.

After everything was settled Melody turned back to the conversation at hand, “And who might that be?”

Rachel tried not to smile, but every time she thought about Kelly she couldn’t help herself. He made her feel… important. Like she mattered just because she was there. Not because of who she was, or what she could offer him, but just because she existed. “Don’t be mad.”

Melody squinted, “Rachel Gunn, I told you to stay away from him.” She tried to sound angry, but Rachel could tell that she wasn’t. Not really. Not in so many words. “Kelly Hill is a creep.”

Rachel sighed, “Yeah, you said that. But I think he just might be sad, you know his sister died, right?”

“
Yeah, everyone and their mom knows that Anna Hill died with a heroin needle in her arm. Do you not read the newspaper?” Melody sounded more callous about the subject than before.

“
So how does that make Kelly a creep?” Rachel asked, wondering if Melody had more information for her or if she was just being bitter.

“
You don’t know him, Rachel. Trust me.” Melody was scolding her now. “He’s not the type of person you want on your side, and if you value any of your friendships right now, you’ll stay out of it.”

Rachel stared at Melody, she had never been this closed off before. Usually she was always up for some salacious gossip, ready to spill anything that might have come her way. Why was she keeping so tight lipped now?

Rachel shrugged, trying to drop the subject, but not completely forgetting about it, “I just thought he was an interesting guy.”

“
Interesting is not the word I would use to describe him.” Melody’s voice was low as she looked off past Rachel’s shoulder, “But the guys are coming, so I wouldn’t talk about it anymore.”

Jefferson and Ryan joined them in short time, each one smelling like dirt and sweat, having just come from some sort of skirmish out on the lacrosse field.

Primarily, Lacrosse season didn’t begin until spring, but most Phillips boys liked playing a few friendly games year round and so the field was kept open for them, exempting only the winter months, at which point in time the fields were closed down and the boys had to play indoors.

That of course didn’t stop the adventurous few who stomped through the layers of snow just to get a few hours of play in.

“Hey.” Ryan was out of breath, as sweat dripped down from the bridge of his nose, his face was red from exertion and he was beaming at Rachel as if she was the cause for his breathlessness.

“
Hi.” She smiled back, her affection for him tugging at the corners of her mouth.

Ryan had brilliant brown eyes that reflected back with bits of bronze and gold glittering in them. Large round orbs of thought and joy. His face was peppered with soft brown freckles and he had an easy gait about him, a nice sort of demeanor that made Rachel feel relaxed and comfortable.

“What are you girls up to?” Jefferson was less appealing looking, with his sharp chiseled features, his hawk-like black eyes and his bulky, yet thin, frame. He wrapped his toned arms around Melody’s small waist and pulled her backwards into himself.

He kissed her cheek as she laughed and pushed him away, “You’re gonna get my clothes dirty!” Melody scolded him, but Rachel knew it was all an act. She adored Jefferson and his attentions he afforded her; she wouldn’t trade them for the world.

Ryan bent down and snagged a sugar cookie from inside Rachel’s tiffin box and took a large bite before she could protest.

“
This is pretty good, Rach.” He nodded his approval. “You make this yourself?”

“
Of course I did.” Rachel smiled through her frown at him, “You’d think I’d feed myself prepackaged poison?”

“
Hey, I happen to like my poison!” Jefferson argued, laughing, producing a Twinkie from God knows where and taking a large bite, “Makes me feel alive.”

Rachel made a face, “If by alive you mean, slowly dying then sure- it makes me feel that way too.”

Ryan’s phone went off and he checked it.

His face darkened and Jefferson nudged him, “Something wrong?”

“Just my loser cousin.” Ryan shrugged, “Guess he’s visiting Grear or something.”

“
Didn’t he set fire to the admissions office?” Melody swallowed a bite of her sandwich, “I thought he was banned from school property?”

Ryan shrugged and shook his head, “Guess not.”

Rachel took a bite of her chicken salad and thought about that. She had heard so many things about Kelly; she didn’t know where he landed on her scale of likable people. In one moment he could be the most charming ever and in the next she was finding out that he was an arsonist.

“
Sometimes I miss ol’ Kell.” Jefferson laughed and looked at Ryan, “You know. Pre-Anna.”

Ryan remained despondent. “He’s an idiot, Jefferson.”

“Yeah, but remember how it used to be? After hours, sneaking into the pool, the wild parties. He was a legend.” Jefferson looked almost wistful, an expression that wasn’t lost on the rest of the group.

“
Geez, why don’t you get his number, Jefferson, sure sounds like you have a crush on him.” Melody teased.

“
Ah baby.” Jefferson kissed her cheek, “You know I could never live without you.”

Rachel tilted her head to the side. Something about the tone in Jefferson’s voice told her otherwise.

Later on, she would have wished she had paid more attention to that tone. She would hear it more frequently as the year went on, always on the last hint of his breath; he was hiding the truth from everyone till the end.

Jefferson was gifted with the idea he was invincible and that nothing could touch him, but when he put that idea to the test there were a few people who planned on standing in his way.

Rachel just wished they had tried a little harder.