Killian: A West Bend Saints Romance (42 page)

"
L
ook
, I know it sounds crazy," Silas said.

"Yeah, Silas, it does," I said. "Are you high or something?" Silas had a history of goddamned problems, and I knew he'd done his fair share of boozing and drugging. It was one of the reasons he'd lost everything in college- his whole damn scholarship. I thought that part of things was past, that he was far gone from that bullshit.

But, hell, I'd never seen him paranoid, ranting like some crazy person with fucking conspiracy theories and shit.

"I'm just saying, I got curious, is all," he said. "It just didn't make any sense he would be blasting away at the hill anymore. That mine hasn't been used in years. Why the hell would he go out there blasting it?"

I sighed. "Who the hell cares, Silas? Who knows what the asshole was doing?" I was willing to cut Silas some slack, but this bullshit about our fucking father's death not being an accident - it was over the line.

"You going to do something or just stand there and look pretty?" Silas' boss, Roger, yelled from across the room.

"The hell do you want from me, Roger?" Silas called, letting out a heavy sigh. "I'm a bouncer, not one of your big titty bartenders."

"Christ on a cracker, cut me some fucking slack with the lip," Roger said, throwing a rag across the room. "Just wipe something down while you're standing around. I'm short-staffed and we open in a couple hours. Unless your brother over there's too good for that shit now, screwing a movie star and all."

I shot him a look and he turned around, laughing. "Yeah, yeah," Roger said, picking up a bucket. "I'll mind my own fucking business. I've got to go get ice."

Silas turned to me. "Look, it just doesn't make any sense. That's all I'm saying."

"And all I'm saying to you is, why the hell is it relevant to my life?" I asked. "I don't give a shit how he died, if he got accidentally killed by a rock landing on his head because his drunk ass thought it would be fun to blast off the side of that hill. I don't give a shit if he died because a fucking UFO flew overhead and knocked him on the skull. I'm glad he's dead."

"I'm sure mom is, too," Silas said.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that maybe mom did something," he said.

I shrugged. "Like whacked him on the top of the head with a rock?" I asked. "Can you really see her doing something like that - our mother? The same one who gets headaches at the slightest mention of something that might raise her blood pressure? She practically has fainting spells, Silas. She can barely handle life. If you think she killed our father, maybe you're the one who's delusional."

"She could have," Silas said. "Why is Old Man Easton visiting her?"

"I don't know," I said. "Why does anything in this town happen? What, do you think the goddamned mayor killed our father now?"

Silas shook his head. "No. Maybe. I don't know, is the point. I'm just saying that the way it supposedly happened doesn't make any sense. Not when you go out and look at the scene."

"Yeah," I said. "You're a real goddamned crime scene investigator or some shit now, huh?"

"Fuck," he said. "I
knew
you wouldn't take it seriously."

"No, I'm not going to take it seriously, some wild hair you've got up your ass about him being murdered. Someone could have bashed his skull in with a rock. Hell, I
hope
it was our mother who finally got fed up and beat him to death. I'd have some damned respect for her for once. It would show us she's got a little backbone in there. But he's dead. It's all that matters."

"But don't you want to know
why
someone would be interested in him being out of the picture?" Silas' blue eyes were wide. I watched him, ranting about his theory, half-thinking he might really be on drugs or something.

"I'm not going to talk about this anymore," I said. "I have to take a leak."

"Going to go grab a smoke," Silas said.

"Thought you quit that shit," I said, over my shoulder.

"Hey, gimme one of those, will you?" Silas' boss yelled across the room as he walked outside with him.

Fuck Silas and his crazy bullshit theories. What the hell would anyone want with murdering my father? Sure, plenty of people hated the asshole - I couldn't fucking think of a single person, other than my lunatic mother, who liked him, other than his drinking buddies at the bar. But people who hated him would cop to it. Covering something up implied there was something to cover up.

My father had nothing in his life worth murdering over.

On the other hand, my mother and the mayor... She
had
been cagey when I'd asked about that.

M
y head was spinning
. I would have to come clean with Elias about the movie. I needed to tell him. He would understand. I was contractually obligated.

I would have to go back to Hollywood.

It wouldn't be that long.

It was the only reasonable thing,
I told myself as I drove to the address he'd given me.

I needed to do what was practical.

What did I really know about me and Elias, anyway? I knew how I felt when he touched me, how he made me feel when he held me. But that didn't tell me shit about shit, right?

It wasn't enough to make a decision about someone, was it? Two weeks of knowing a person did not count for anything.

It didn't mean this was something.

It could just as easily be nothing.
A fling.

The reasonable part of me said it was a fling. By definition, it was a rebound.

Don't make life-altering decisions in the middle of stressful situations,
my therapist had advised me.

Picking someone up and deciding it was a relationship when you were on the run from your wedding...that was probably one of those things I wasn't supposed to do.

It wasn't healthy.

What Elias and I had...it wasn't real, then.

The smart thing to do would be to head back to Hollywood, alone, and do my movie.

On the other hand...Elias
could
come with me.

I could ask him to come. I could tell him how I felt, being with him here. I could tell him I wanted more.

I could take the risk, tell him that it was crazy, that I'd never felt like this about anyone before, that the thought of leaving here without him was just...bleak.

When I saw his Mustang in the parking lot of the bar, my heart skipped a beat. I steeled myself, taking a deep breath.

I was going to do it.

He might completely laugh at me, say I was crazy.

I smoothed my hair on the edges, the stray pieces that kept flying out over my ears, wondering why the hell I didn't get a proper haircut while I was here instead of this hack job. My hands trembled.

I walked down the sidewalk toward the entrance, and almost turned in, until I saw Elias talking to some guy around the corner. They were...smoking.

Elias didn't smoke.

Or, he didn't
tell me
he smoked.

I stopped, mid-motion in a wave, and dropped my hand. They were laughing and joking, hadn't seen me, and I stood, out of view, but within earshot, paralyzed when I heard my name and "movie star."

The guy he was with was asking about me.

"Just a fucking fling," I heard Elias say. "A girl like that, are you kidding? Shit's got an expiration date written all over it."

The other guy laughed. "Yeah, man," he said, shaking his head. "No fucking way."

I could feel the blood drain from my face, my hands suddenly cold. I backed up a few steps, then turned and jogged back to the car, pulling away as quickly as I could before I felt tears well up in my eyes.

Just a fucking fling.

Expiration date written all over it.

I drove back to the bed and breakfast, over the speed limit, flying around the curves in the road, just trying to get as far away from there as quickly as possible.

Trying to get away from him.

I brushed the tears from my cheeks.

What the hell was wrong with me? First Viper, and now Elias? There had to be something about me, something fundamentally fucked.

Did you think there was something between you other than a quick roll in the hay? Did you think you were something special?

I could hear her words in my head.

You'll always be River Gilstead, no matter how far you run. You'll always be my daughter. Poor white trash, spreading her legs for anyone who'll have her.

No, no, no.

I had to get the hell out of here.

Back at the bed and breakfast, I called my travel manager, booking the next flight back to Los Angeles. "No," I said. "Not out of West Bend. Out of Denver or something. I know it's four hours away. I'll drive. I just want the hell out of this town."

At the same time, I stuffed the few things I wanted to keep into my bag, leaving June a neat pile of the stuff I'd bought here. I wasn't bringing anything with me except what was in my purse. I didn't want any reminders of this place.

Or of Elias.

I left a note for June on the pile, thanking her for her hospitality.

Pen in hand, I hovered over the piece of paper, trying to sort out what I wanted to say to Elias. That was the problem - there was too much I wanted to say.

Screw it,
I thought. I was going to say what I wanted to say.

I closed the door behind me when I left, shutting this chapter of my life.
This was just a blip,
I thought. In the big scheme of things, it meant nothing.

"
W
hat are
you two shitheads laughing about?" I asked, waving away the smoke in the air that wafted between him and Roger.

"You," Silas said.

"What do you mean?"

Silas shook his head. "You, and a girl like River Andrews," he said. "Can't believe that shit. You leave her over at June's place? Why didn't you bring her here?"

"Fuck you, man," I said. "And yes, she's at June's."

"Better get back to her, then," Silas said. "Before she comes to her senses and realizes she's been slumming it with you. Girl like that, it's only a matter of time before she realizes she doesn't want a fling with one of the Saint brothers."

"Speak for yourself," I said. "I'm the good looking one."

"We're twins, asshole."

"Don't mean I'm not the better looking of the two of us." I turned to leave. He had a point about River, though. What the hell
was
she thinking? We'd been hanging out in the house, like we were goddamned honeymooners or something. Someone like her wasn't going to stay in West Bend indefinitely.

I'd been treating this like it was going somewhere, hanging around and talking to her like she was my girlfriend or something.

Shit, I'd found myself wanting it to go somewhere. I found myself wanting her to stay indefinitely.

* * *

"
R
iver
," I called. Her rental car wasn't in the driveway, and the place was empty. I slid open the screen on the cell phone and dialed, but it just rang.

She'd probably gone into town for something,
I thought.
Maybe picking up something for dinner.

That's what I thought until I walked upstairs, into the bedroom, and looked around at her pile of clothes stacked neatly on top of the bureau, a note to June resting on the surface. All of my things were untouched, tossed haphazardly around the room where they'd been discarded when we'd stripped, too consumed with lust to give a shit about everything being neat.

I stood there in disbelief. She hadn't just left.

She didn't.

She wouldn't have.

She didn't even leave a note. Just one for June.

Then I saw the piece of paper on the bed, folded in half, my name written on one side. I opened it, feeling numb.

I
crumpled
the note into a ball, tight in my fist, and threw it across the room.

What the hell?

A fling is just a fling?

Everything has an expiration date?

It was like the note had been written by someone else.

"Fuck!" I yelled in the empty room. "Goddamn shit fuck motherfucker."

It took some fucking balls to just walk out like that.

"Hello?" I heard June's voice downstairs. "Elias, is that you?"

I stomped down the stairs, still so pissed off I could barely see straight.

June stood downstairs in the entry to the house, her hand wrapped tightly around little Stan's.

"Hey, Elias," she said. "Is River here? I wanted to see if she wouldn't mind doing me a favor."

I let out my breath. "No, I guess she didn't tell you either," I said, my voice bitter.

"Tell me what?"

"She's fu-" I stopped, aware of little Stan beside June. "She's gone."

"What do you mean, gone?"

"Gone, gone," I said. "Packed up and got out of here."

"Oh, crap," June said, her hand over her mouth. "Oh no. It's my fault."

"What do you mean?"

"Mama," Stan said, gesturing toward his mouth.

"Here, sweetie." June handed him a sippy cup.

"Oh God," she said. "I shouldn't have shown her the article online."

"What article?"

"It's all over the news," she said. "I thought she would want to know, so she wasn't just blindsided by it."

"What article, June?"

"Her fiancé. Ex-fiancé, I mean. He's engaged to her sister."

I felt sick.

"I don't understand," I said. "She wouldn't care about what happened to Viper. Or I thought she wouldn't. Why would she just up and leave?"

June shook her head, her forehead scrunched up. "It doesn't make sense," she said. "She was upset, though. She sent me away, said she had to make a call. Oh my God, she probably wanted to book a flight or something, right?"

"I...guess." I was still reeling. The River I knew wouldn't have just up and left, walked out of this like it was nothing.

Did I really know her?

It was nothing.

A fling.

With a larger than life actress. Someone famous.

There was no way River Andrews was falling for you. A has-been EOD guy. A fucking freak show. Yeah, River Andrews and an amputee.

Forget about her.

"Did she leave a note?" June asked.

"Not one that mattered," I said.

June was silent.

"What favor did you need?" I asked.

She shook her head. "It's Cade," she said. "He has to leave for a while. I wanted to see if River would help me out with Stan while I went to my doctor's appointment tomorrow."

"Is everything okay?" I asked, mentally preoccupied with River, until I saw the tears gathering in June's eyes. She didn't seem like the type to be a crier.

"It has to do with his club," she said.

"His club?"

"He used to be a member of a bike club in LA," she said. "Someone - one of his brothers - Crunch. He's...had a rough time." Her voice cracked. "He - some bad stuff happened when he was out here. Crunch is in trouble now. Cade would do anything for him, especially after everything that went down. It was horrific. He's headed out to LA tonight." She paused, blinking. "I'm sorry. I'm not a crying kind of girl. The pregnancy, it's making me emotional. He'll be all right."

"Cade seems like the kind of guy who can take care of himself," I said.

"He can," she said. "But the last time he was involved in club business, it nearly destroyed him."

"Well, I don't know about biker clubs," I said. "But I do know a bit about brotherhood. And loyalty."

"You're close to your brothers," June said.

I laughed, the sound bitter. "I was talking about my unit," I said. "EOD. Explosive -"

"I know what it is," she said. "Explosive Ordnance Disposal. You were in the Navy."

"Yep."

"I was too, once upon a time," she said. "Cade was in the Marines." She paused. "Funny how the people who aren't even your blood become family, huh?"

And how the people who should be the closest in the world to you were the furthest away,
I thought.

"Are you going to go after her?" June asked. It took me a minute to switch gears, to even register she was talking about River.

"Why should I?" I asked. "She made it clear what she thought of me in her note."

"Thought you said the note was nothing important," June said.

"Nothing that matters," I said. "She said what she thought. Said there was an expiration date on us."

June looked thoughtful. "Huh," she said. "She seemed so sincere."

"Guess she's a really good actress," I said.