Knight for a Day (7 page)

“No, it isn’t, sir,” said Erica. “We caught the thieves before they left the castle.” She pointed to the sack leaning against Mordred’s desk. “Here is your gold.”

“Oh, joy!” cried Mordred as he sprang over to it. He wrapped his arms tightly around his hoard. “My golden coins,” he crooned, patting the sack gently. “Daddy’s here. No one’s going to take you again.”

“Um, sir?” said Erica after Mordred had spent a few tender moments with his gold. “That knight is not Sir Lancelot. It’s his evil twin, Leon. And Knuckle and Squint are not squires.”

“You know,” said Mordred, “I was beginning to suspect that.”

“The real Sir Lancelot is under a terrible curse,” Wiglaf added.

Erica fell to her knees. “I beg of you, sir! Send us on a quest to rescue Sir Lancelot! We must save the world’s most perfect knight!”

“Hmmmm.” Mordred sifted through his coins thoughtfully. “If you boys rescued him, it would look very good for the school.”

“That is true, sir!” said Wiglaf.

“And surely Sir Lancelot would pay a big reward,” Mordred went on.

“No doubt,” said Angus.

“Well, what are you waiting for?” Mordred boomed. “Get packing! Don’t loaf about here in my office. Go on your quest. Shoo!”

They all hurried out of his office.

“If you catch the green plague, don’t come back!” Mordred called after them. “And don’t take an I.O.U. for the reward. Make Lancelot give it to you in cash, boys! Solid gold!”

A quest!
thought Wiglaf as they ran to the dorm to pack. Surely this would be the most exciting thing that had ever happened to him. Heroes went on quests. So perhaps he, Wiglaf of Pinwick, might finally become a hero.

Sir Herbert and Sir Ichabod founded Dragon Slayers’ Academy on a simple principle still held dear today: Any lad—no matter how weak, yellow-bellied, lazy, pigeon-toed, smelly, or unwilling—can be transformed into a fearless dragon slayer who goes for the gold. After four years at DSA, lads will finally be of some worth to their parents, as well as a source of great wealth to this distinguished academy.
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Mordred graduated from Dragon Bludgeon High, second in his class. The other student, Lionel Flyzwattar, went on to become headmaster of Dragon Stabbers’ Prep. Mordred spent years as part-time, semi-substitute student teacher at Dragon Whackers’ Alternative School, all the while pursuing his passion for mud wrestling. Inspired by how filthy rich Flyzwattar had become by running a school, Mordred founded Dragon Slayers’ Academy in CMLXXIV, and has served as headmaster ever since.

Known to the Boys as:
Mordred de Miser

Dream: Piles and piles of dragon gold

Reality:
Yet to see a single gold coin

Best-Kept
Secret: Mud wrestled under the name Macho-Man Mordie

Plans for the Future:
Will retire to the Bahamas ... as soon as he gets his hands on a hoard

Lobelia de Marvelous is Mordred’s sister and a graduate of the exclusive If-You-Can-Read-This-You-Can-Design-Clothes Fashion School. Lobelia has offered fashion advice to the likes of King Felix the Husky and Eric the Terrible Dresser. In CMLXXIX, Lobelia married the oldest living knight, Sir Jeffrey Scabpicker III. That’s when she gained the title of Lady Lobelia, but—alas!—only a very small fortune, which she wiped out in a single wild shopping spree. Lady Lobelia has graced Dragon Slayers’ Academy with many visits, and can be heard around campus saying, “Just because I live in the Middle Ages doesn’t mean I have to look middle-aged.”

Known to the Boys as:
Lady Lo Lo

Dream:
Frightfully fashionable

Reality:
Frightful

Best-Kept Secret:
Shops at Dark-Age Discount Dress Dungeon

Plans for the Future:
New uniforms for the boys with mesh tights and lace tunics

Sir Mort is our well-loved professor of Dragon Slaying for Beginners as well as Intermediate and Advanced Dragon Slaying. Sir Mort says that, in his youth, he was known as the Scourge of Dragons. (We’re not sure what it means, but it sounds scary.) His last encounter was with the most dangerous dragon of them all: Knight-shredder. Early in the battle, Sir Mort took a nasty blow to his helmet and has never been the same since.