Knight Shift (26 page)

Although Jax could feel her need and wanted to take her into his arms, he wasn’t sure how to handle the situation either so he remained silently on his side staring out the window. As the night went on, he felt Penny’s need to be held grow steadily more desperate.

When Jax couldn’t take it any longer, he rolled over and cleared his throat to get her attention. Once she looked at him, he patted his chest and offered himself to her. Relief washed through her and, seconds later, she was snuggled against him. She let out a deep sigh as she settled into her now favorite sleeping position with her cheek pressed against his chest. Focusing on the sound that instantly calmed her, he began to caress her back, causing her to melt into his cool touch.

She whispered, “I’m sorry for being such a pain. I’m having a hard time.”

“Do you want to talk to me about it?”

“When I close my eyes, I can’t stop seeing my family. In my mind, they keep calling to me, begging me to save them, but I’m trapped and can’t get to them. They burn up right in front of me.” Her body shook as the images entered her mind.

“It was just a dream. I don’t know why this all happened, but you know there was nothing you could have done to stop this.”

“I know, but I should’ve been there and burned up with them. If I had wanted to, I could have gotten time off work. I didn’t even ask.”

When her voice broke and she looked away, Jax lifted her chin so that she was forced to look at him. Once their eyes locked, he said, “Please don’t hide from me. Tell me what you’re thinking.”

With tears again welling in her eyes she said with a quaver in her voice, “The real reason I didn’t go with my family was because I didn’t want to leave you and the rest of my Changeling family. Your world is so new to me and I didn’t want to miss a minute. I feel like I turned my back on my Human side and fate decided that I’m to be forever punished by living on without my Human family.”

Without thinking, his mouth shared a piece of himself. “For some stupid ass reason, fate decided that I’m supposed to be a killer Changeling.” After a moment of silence, he added thoughtfully, “I don’t know why I am the way I am or why this happened to you, but maybe you were destined to meet my world so that we could help you through this.”

After a pause she said seriously while recalling her time at the hanger, “What I do know is that I wouldn’t have survived without you at my side.”

Jax replied, “I wish I could make this easier on you. If you haven’t noticed, I’m not very good with people—Human or Changeling.”

“You might not believe me, but I enjoy your company and words alone can’t express my gratitude to you for staying with me.” She kissed his chest, wrapped her arm tightly around him, and whispered, “Thank you.”

His arms tightened around her and, as they lay quietly together, they both fell asleep.

Penny blinked open her eyes and squinted into the sunbeams coming into the room through a crack in the curtains. When she found herself still in Jax’s arms listening to his heartbeat she wiggled against him contentedly. Jax had watched her sleep in her bedroom at home for many months and always wondered what it would be like if he was her pillow. Now that he had played that role several times, he couldn’t imagine a night without the sensation.

When he felt his bedmate stir, he pushed his feelings to the side and asked, “Are you hungry?”

She shook her head. “I’m not ready to get up yet.” In reality, she didn’t want to give the security of his body back. Knowing she couldn’t keep him forever, a few minutes later she reluctantly loosened her grip. She actually had to stretch out her fingers and arms since they had been in a tensed position all night.

When he noticed the marks her fingers had made in his skin, he said, “You have quite a strong grip when you sleep.”

“I’m so sorry. My rock climbing training does make my arms and fingers stronger than you would expect from someone my size. I’ll try to be less clingy tonight.” When he didn’t react to her hope that he would be continuing his new bed time role, she sighed in relief. She wasn’t sure that she could get through a night without hearing his slow, but very strong, heartbeat.

Before he could reply to her words, she sat up next to him and announced, “It’s morning.”

“Yes, and…?”

“I slept through another night without getting up. You have no idea what this means to me.”

He replied, “Well you’re mentally and physically exhausted and needed to sleep.”

“You may be right.” She actually hoped he was wrong and that there was more to it. She would do just about anything to continue sleeping through the night like a normal person.

Seeing dark circles below her eyes, he said, “You still look tired. Why don’t you lie back down for a while longer?” He shocked her when he opened his arms and offered himself again. Before he changed his mind, she quickly pressed herself back against him with her cheek on his cool chest.

When he started to rub her back, she shifted position so that she could look up at his face. Knowing how uncomfortable he was being around Humans, she assumed that he must have felt like he was in prison being trapped with her pinned at his side for so many days. She wanted to properly thank him for what she had put him through and for what she knew was yet to come.

While she pondered on the right words to say, she caught sight of the many scars on his body. She couldn’t stop a fingertip from caressing the outline of the largest of the scars. Sadness filled her heart when she realized how rough his life had been. She gently kissed the old wound and whispered, “I’m sorry.”

He wasn’t sure what exactly she was apologizing for so he asked, “For what?”

“For everything. For how poorly Humans have treated you, for having to face my hysterics the other night, my invasion of your family and, right at this second, for being trapped in a hotel room with a Human leech. I need to feel someone against me so that I know that I’m not alone and your cool body feels nice.”

“I wish I knew how I could help you more than freeze you.”

She sat up a little farther and said, “But you’ve done so much for me. I wish I wasn’t so…”

“So what?”

“Human. I know this hasn’t been easy for you—being stuck taking care of someone like me.”

He caressed up her arm and said, “It’s true that Humans and I don’t mix, but you’re different.”

She looked down at his chest and nervously drew paths from scar to scar while saying, “It’s okay. You don’t have to lie to me. There’s no need for secrets between us.”

He placed his hand on top of hers to get her attention and, when she finally looked up at him, he said, “I’m not lying.” He added teasingly, “Don’t tell anyone, but I’m getting used to having you around.”

She laughed and recalled a joke he had made just before she went to visit her family. “Yeah, I remember you referring to me as fungus, but I think I’m worse than that. I’m like a bad rash that no matter how much you scratch just keeps itching.” She squirmed and seconds later exclaimed, “Oh crap!”

“What’s wrong now?” he asked.

“I said the word scratch and now I have an itch in the middle of my back.” While attempting to contort her body, she added, “…and I can’t quite reach it.”

“Let me.” He snaked his hand under her nightshirt and said, “Tell me where.”

She directed his fingers until he reached the right spot. “Ahhh,” she said as she arched into his fingernails.

When she let out a feeble sounding growl, his movements stopped abruptly. He scrunched up his face and asked, “What the hell was that?”

“A growl. I have an inner animal too.”

He let out a laugh. “Maybe of a wounded kitten.”

She sat up on her knees and asked, “And you think you can do better?”

He placed her palm flat on top of his chest and his face went very serious. Penny felt the vibration under her hand before she ever heard a sound. The effect made her body tremble. She leaned down and pressed her cheek on his chest as a low growl filled the room. As soon as she wiggled into the sensation, his growl stopped abruptly.

She looked up and exclaimed, “Don’t stop. I like the way if feels.”

He chuckled at her child-like expression of wonder. As she felt the vibration return, she couldn’t help letting out a long sigh and melted into him.

Jax said, “You’re supposed to fear that sound, by the way.”

She shook her head. “I could never fear this.” The sensation made her bold and she found herself unconsciously crawling on top of him so that she could press her entire body on his. The effect caused her to vibrate from head to toe. When she realized what she was doing, she shot back up and said apologetically, “I’m so sorry. I just can’t stop mauling you.”

She started to move away, but he didn’t want her to leave. He grabbed onto her hips to stop her and said, “I don’t have the right words to say but, if touching me makes you feel better, them by all means.” He pulled her back down on top of him and started to growl again.

She was so taken by the sensation, she tucked her face into his neck and gave him a kiss in gratitude. She instantly tensed, mentally preparing for him to throw her off. When he didn’t protest, she cautiously did it again just because she liked the way his cool skin felt against her lips. When she felt him arch slightly into her, his action gave her permission to continue. He wasn’t only aware of what she had done, but was silently telling her he wanted more. She began to kiss him up and down the line of his neck, adding the tip of her tongue to the mix.

While her mouth focused on him, he let his fingers snake under her shirt and slowly move up and down her back. As his fingertips memorized her curves, he enjoyed the sensation of her tongue’s touch, which felt like fire across his cool skin. His mouth started to water as he thought about what that particular body part would feel like inside of his mouth.

She was shocked to find herself reacting to their combined actions. It was the first time since learning that her family died that her body offered any kind of genuine feelings other than mental pain. It made her agonizingly aware that she had let herself become completely numb. She suddenly was desperate to do anything to increase these new and pleasant sensations.

Recalling the night that Jax nipped her neck and how it made her feel, she sat up enough to be able to look into his eyes. Once in position, she tilted her head to expose the line of her neck and said, “Bite me.”

“What?” he asked in alarm.

She stared down at him and explained, “You haven’t left my side in days. I know you must be craving blood and I want to offer you mine.” When he shook his head, she added, “Your touch has awakened my senses for the first time in what feels like forever and my body is screaming for more.”

His mouth instantly watered at the thought and he felt his need to taste her starting to overwhelm him. To break his train of thought, he flipped her onto her back and stared down at her, saying “You don’t know what you’re offering.”

“Yes I do and I want it.” After a pause she whispered, “Actually I need it.”

Seeing the desperation in her eyes, he shifted his attention to the veins that were now pulsating in her neck. When she tilted her head to give him a clearer target, she closed her eyes and waited.

He could now hear her elevated heartbeat calling to him, but he remained motionless.

When she felt his continued hesitation, she begged, “Please.” When silence was her only response, tears welled in her eyes and she tried to crawl out from under him.

He quickly pinned her body and refused to let her go. Sensing her genuine need, he leaned down and wrapped his mouth over the skin on her neck. When he felt her pulse point on his tongue, he called on his inner animal to bring out his fangs and he bit her gently. As she felt his teeth penetrate, she let out a loud gasp. He feared that he may have hurt her but, when he started to release his hold, she grabbed onto his head in a panic and pulled him in even tighter, demanding “Don’t stop!”

He did what she asked and latched on. He had taken small amounts of blood from her before, but this was the first time that he actually filled his mouth. The sensation of the fiery liquid going down his throat overwhelmed him. The heat of it spread throughout his body like a wildfire, making him feel truly warm inside for the first time in his adult life. He moaned loudly with the sensation.

She felt lower body parts on Jax begin to respond and she was suddenly hit by a new urge quickly growing inside her. She now wanted so much more than just his bite.

When he released her neck and licked the remaining blood away, she knew her window of opportunity was closing fast. She slammed her inhibitions into a mental corner, pressed herself hard against his arousal, and whispered, “I want you.” To show that she was embracing his animal side, she bit down hard enough on his shoulder to leave an imprint of her teeth.

It was as if all time stopped and his whole body froze. She wasn’t sure if he was even breathing. Although she knew that she probably had gone too far, at that moment she didn’t care.

To her complete dismay, he rolled off of her. Although he wanted to do exactly what she asked, he replied, “We can’t do this, and we need to stop before we go any further.”

She wasn’t about to give up the fight that easy. She crawled over to him and, seeing an expression she couldn’t read, she said, “If it’s because I bit you, I’m sorry. I thought you would like it.”

“That isn’t the problem. I loved it.”

“Then why did you push me away?”

He decided to be honest with her. “Because I can’t control my reactions to you.”

Sensing his inner battle, she said, “Then don’t. I want this.” She leaned down to kiss him.

He took control of the situation by flipping her over so that she was, once again, lying on the bed below him. Forcing his emotions to the back of his mind, he said, “Penny, this can’t happen. We’re from two different worlds that weren’t meant to mix.”

Feeling his rejection, she replied with her voice breaking, “I understand; you don’t want me.” She looked away in a feeble attempt to stop the tears that were now spilling out of her eyes. She added, “It’s okay. I’m Human so I’m quite aware that I’m everything you don’t want.”

“You’re so wrong. That isn’t the issue at all. You really know so little about me. I’m a killer and have been all of my life. If you knew what I’ve done, you would run screaming from this room.”

Her head snapped back and she replied, “I’m not blind to what you are and what you’re capable of doing. And, as you can see, I’m not running. I’m not asking for a life commitment. All I know is that I need you right here, right now.”

Seeing his continued inner battle raging on, she relaxed her body under his grip and said, “I’m numb and need to feel again, even if only for a few minutes. You’re under no obligation of any kind and, when we’re done, you never have to touch me again or even acknowledge that this happened. It can be our secret and no one will ever know.” As other reasons why he would reject her popped into her mind, she added, “It’s okay if you need to close your eyes and imagine that I’m someone else, like Chloe. You can even call me by her name if you need to.”

He hoped she was kidding but, seeing the look in her eyes, he knew she was being totally honest. Although he wanted her so badly it hurt, he wasn’t sure if he could go through with it.

She reached out to his chest and, with pure pain in her eyes, she whispered a final plea, “Please.”

When a beam of morning light reflected off a tear running down her cheek, the wall he had built up around his heart crumbled. As she went to wipe the wetness away, the same light flashed in his eyes as it hit a diamond in her engagement ring. Although the ring represented a fake union, he knew it meant so much more to him. If he was to be totally honest with himself, he loved seeing her marked as his.

Instantly the battle within his mind was over. He took her hands and intertwined his fingers with hers, pinning them to the bed next to her head. Her pulse sped with hope as she gripped his hands tightly. He leaned down so that they were just a breath apart and he said, “I’ve never wanted anyone more than I want you right now. And, by the way, I plan to keep my eyes wide open so that I never forget who’s beneath me.” He closed the distance and kissed her.