Authors: Clem Chambers
Jim sat at the front with his numbered paddle. It said â9'. Nine was a good number, he thought. It was three squared, and three was the basic number of sides for a two dimensional object. Nine was solidity squared and anything solid, squared, had to be his friend. The room was filling and he looked at his watch. He was early as usual.
He took out the catalogue of ancient objects. He had marked each lot with a note. There was a mummy, a Spartan helmet, a spectacular Roman gold necklace, a mysterious glass Anglo-Saxon drinking horn. It was all so insanely cheap. How could a Roman's surgeon's kit be worth less than a thousand pounds? How could a Roman gold signet ring with a fabulously engraved stone be worth little more than that? A Bronze Age axe head for a few hundred quid? Absurd. It seemed like a hoax.
Even the most expensive item, a head of Emperor Hadrian, was only a hundred and twenty thousand â he could flip that out of a dollar-yen trade in a few minutes â yet the statue had been buried in the ground for two thousand years, a unique masterpiece, now apparently little appreciated. The catalogue was like a treasure chest. The prices reminded him of some obvious Internet fraud, yet this was one of the most prestigious auction houses in the world. The objects were real and so were those prices. He thumbed through the catalogue. It all looked so appealing.
His side was throbbing under his arm and, when he pressed it, felt swollen, firm to his touch. He fiddled with his phone as if something on it might interest him. How sad was it that he had no one to call? He SMSed Jane. âMorning,' he wrote. She would be fast asleep and he wondered whether a beep thousands of miles away would wake her. He felt guilty at the possibility but it would be nice to hear her. Would he tell her he'd had the tracker removed or hold his tongue until they met again and she took off his shirt? Would it make her angry, put her off sex? What would she say?
The thoughts buzzed around his head.
The room was almost full. Would he have to battle with some other rich antiquities addict? Had Stafford clued the auction house in sufficiently for him to buy what he liked without suddenly hitting some kind of credit limit? He fancied the Hercules statue at the beginning of the auction. The hero was bronze and leant against a big knobbly club. It was meant to cost around a hundred thousand pounds and would look good on a shelf in the lounge. In fact, he fancied it all. If he wasn't careful, home would soon look like some dusty museum. He gazed around. The auction was going to start shortly. He was getting rather excited â he could buy the auction house, let alone the contents of the sale. There was something rather wonderful about that feeling of power.
He took a deep breath. Whatever he bought, it wouldn't beat how he felt when he found something on the foreshore. Money couldn't buy that buzz.
Danny watched the young man at the front. He was snapping up the whole freakin' auction. Old guys in nice jackets were frowning and puffing as he bid them out of their league. Was he some kind of joker or some super-rich dude on a roll? A dealer tried to match him on a broken marble foot. The catalogue said it was worth two thousand pounds, but they were soon bidding close to fifty thousand. The dealer looked very serious but the young guy was taking him on. The price hit a hundred thousand, then two hundred thousand. The room had gone very quiet.
Two hundred and ten, went the young guy.
Two hundred and twenty, went the dealer.
Two hundred and thirty.
Two hundred and forty. The dealer was apparently intent on winning.
The young guy didn't bid back.
The dealer smiled.
The young guy nodded and motioned with his hand to admit defeat.
The dealer looked suddenly horrified. The gavel went down. The dealer coughed, got up and walked out of the room.
What was that about? wondered Danny.
The young guy carried on his remorseless pursuit, the crowd now apparently accepting that he was going to buy pretty much every lot.
Danny had no idea what he was watching, but he knew what he had to do.
There was a break in the proceedings and the young guy got up and headed down the aisle in Danny's direction.
Danny got up. âHey,' he said, as Jim passed him.
Jim knew immediately that he was looking at a GI. âHey, soldier,' he said.
The American double-took, then grinned. âYou got a second?'
Jim had been thinking about getting a coffee and going back for the second session, but he said, âSure, mate.'
âSit down,' said the American. âLet me show you something.' He moved back two seats and pulled up the duffel bag.
Jim was on a high from all the bidding. âWhat have you got?' he said. He saw a flash of gold. He bent down and saw a box inside a green cloth bag, a gold-decorated fabulous jewel flashing up at him like an old coin lying in the mud. âThat's amazing,' he murmured.
âIt is,' said the American.
âBrilliant,' said Jim, as if he'd met a lucky bridegroom with his newly-wed wife.
âI'm selling,' said the soldier.
âAre you?'
âSure.'
âBut it's beautiful,' Jim said, as if that meant anything in a saleroom to a seller.
âIsn't it just.'
Jim knew he had to have it. âHow much do you want for it?'
âA million.'
âOK.'
âOr two.'
âOK,' said Jim.
âCan we go somewhere private?' said the American, glancing around.
âOK,' said Jim, standing up. âI'm Jim.' He held out his hand.
The soldier took it in his giant paw. âDanny.'
âGood to meet you.'
In the cab, Jim gawped at the article in his lap. It was a heavy lump of gold engraved in the most delicate and refined way he could imagine. âWhere did you get this?' he said.
âCan't say,' said Danny.
âIt's not stolen, is it?'
âNo,' said Danny.
âI can Google stolen Japanese treasure, you know,' he said, not taking his eyes of the tableau.
âBe my guest.'
âIt's amazing,' Jim said again.
Danny just grinned. âThere's at least half a million dollars of raw gold in it.'
Jim didn't reply. What was gold to him? It was just a metal that scared people bought. Gold was only good for Mexican teeth and jewellery. The slab was another matter. It was a masterpiece, carved by a genius. He wasn't a connoisseur of the arts but he had handled enough bits and bobs to know when he was in the presence of majesty.
The cab drew up outside Jim's house and the two men got out. Jim paid off the driver, then went up to his front door. He knocked, and Stafford answered. The butler looked questioningly at Danny. âPlease come in.'
âDanny's got an amazing thing he wants to sell,' said Jim, ushering his guest through to the lounge.
Danny went to the window. The panoramic view of the Thames was impressive and he turned to compliment his host. Before he could speak, he caught a glimpse of a computer on a desk by the far wall. That looked like General Jane⦠The screen flashed out.
Jim led him to a table in the middle of the room, a rickety old wooden piece. âLay it down here,' he said. âLook at this, Stafford.'
Danny put the GI duffel on the floor, unzipped it and heaved the slab out. He put it on the table.
Stafford bent over it, adjusting his glasses. He looked at Jim silently, in the opaque way he did when he meant something important. Jim could never guess
what
he meant until it was too late for the answer to be useful. âOK, Danny, what do you want for it?' he asked.
Danny laughed. The little boy with his hand on the levers thought they looked friendly. âA million.'
âDollars?' asked Jim.
The little boy pulled the lever that operated his brain. âEurosâ¦' He hesitated. âPounds.'
âWhich?' asked Stafford.
âWhich is more?' asked Danny, cheekily.
âDollars,' said Jim.
Danny shifted uncomfortably. He sure as hell knew that wasn't true. âAre you kidding me?'
âYes,' said Jim. âThe pound is the heaviest. A million pounds is three million dollars.'
âOK,' said Danny, nervously, âthat will do just fine.'
âRight,' said Jim, âbut I need to make a call.'
âYou know, I'm kind of scared of people getting to know about it.'
âIs it stolen?' Jim asked, for the second time.
âNo,' interjected Stafford.
Jim and Danny looked at him in mutual surprise.
âI'm sure Danny is an honest man.' Stafford coughed a little. âAren't you, Danny?'
âYes,' he said.
âJust one call, no one sinister,' said Jim.
Max Davas not sinister? He certainly was, as far as many were concerned.
Davas was quietly happy, his Rolex Milgauss ticking quietly away next to the giant superconductive magnets that drove the accelerator. âAre you sure you aren't going to create a black hole?' he enquired.
âNo,' said Professor Eigen. âTo the contrary. I hope we will create many. I'm sure you know they will simply evaporate.'
Davas raised his eyebrows. âAs long as your equation is not upside down.'
Eigen gesticulated. âWe are sure we are right.'
Davas waved at the enclosure beside the magnets of the toroid at the terminal of the accelerator. âAnd this is where the field will be at its strongest?'
âRight here, just before the detector.'
âI want my server as close as possible. I don't want a millimetre wasted,' said Davas, pointing to a space that clearly blocked the alley that ran alongside the giant tube that was the particle accelerator.
âFor twenty million dollars a year in funding, we can dig out the wall a little more,' said Eigen, smiling.
âYou don't believe in my tachyons, do you?' said Davas, with a grin.
âAnd you don't believe in my benign black holes.'
âYou're right,' said Davas, âand I seem to be in partnership with both Doomsday scenarios.'
âWe are only using the energy of a tiny flying insect. Even though we are expending a teravolt of energy, we aren't at risk of creating an earth-gobbling-sized black hole.'
Davas wagged a finger. âYou forget, Hans, who you are talking to.'
Eigen chuckled as Davas pulled his BlackBerry from his pocket. At the accelerator, everywhere was connected, even deep underground.
Davas would only answer his phone for Jim.
âTell me if I should pay a million pounds for this,' said Jim. An image popped up on the screen as he downloaded it.
âYes,' said Davas.
âAnything else?' asked Jim.
âNo,' said Davas.
âCan't you say any more?' asked Jim, slightly irritated.
âNo,' said Davas. âGo to five if you need to, and if that's not enough call back.'
âA tachyon field will
not
pull your server into the future,' said Eigen, by way of attracting Davas's attention from the image on his little screen.
âWhat?' said Davas, looking up. âLet's forget the experiment, then.'
Professor Eigen merely cocked his head questioningly.
âAll right, I was only joking. It's worth an attempt, don't you think?'
âWhy not?' agreed Eigen.
Davas smiled. âI already have a tachyon device. I just need a back-up.'
âIs that so?' said Eigen, looking a little perturbed.
âReally,' said Davas, thinking of Jim reading the future of the markets in the blank space at the front of a stock chart.
Jim hung up and walked back into the room. Stafford was riveted to the gold artefact. âOK, Danny, a million pounds it is.'
âThree million dollars,' said Danny.
âNo problem.'
âIn cash.'
âCash?' said Jim.
âCash.'
âThat won't work.'
Danny looked at him with âWhy?' stamped all over his face.
âIn hundred-dollar bills?'
âTwenties.'
Jim's trader maths kicked in. âThat is a hundred and fifty kilos of banknotes,' he said.
âOh,' said Danny. âYou sure?'
âA dollar bill is a gram whatever denomination. Twenty into three million is one hundred and fifty thousand, that's a hundred and fifty kilos.'
âRight,' said Danny, shifting from his left foot to the right.
âAnyway, even if you could carry it, you can't move more than ten thousand dollars in cash over borders. Three million is going to be tricky unless you live here, which you don't.'
Danny seemed a little crestfallen, âWhat do you think I should do?'
âYou don't want a cheque, I suppose.'
Danny shook his head.
âI can do a transfer.'
âYou know the bank G D Marland?' interjected Stafford.
âSure,' said Danny. âEveryone's heard of them.'
âShow him the account,' said Stafford, mopping his brow with a handkerchief. âWe can do a wire to his account in the States.'
Jim and Danny's eyes met. âCool,' said Danny.
They walked to the computer and Jim wiggled his mouse. Jane's picture, his screen wallpaper, flashed onto the screen. She was smiling, crawling under barbed wire through mud. She was a few years younger but she hadn't changed much. Jim always smiled when he saw the shot. He opened the browser and covered the picture. He glanced at Danny. For some reason, the man was clearly mortified. âYou OK?'
âYes,' said Danny, after a moment's hesitation. âWhoâ¦' he said, before the âlittle guy' pulled the lever and his mouth snapped shut.
âWho?'
âNothing,' said Danny.
Jim opened the account on the summary page. There was a serial number where the balance should have been.
Danny read it. âHow many decimal places is that?' he asked.
âA lot,' said Jim, trying to stifle a smile. âLet's send you the money.'