L8r, G8r (19 page)

SnowAngel:

zoegirl:

what?

SnowAngel:

jana left a DEAD BIRD in the passenger seat of my jeep!!! (and i'm so not kidding, much as i wish i was.)

zoegirl:

noooooo!

SnowAngel:

yessssss!

zoegirl:

but we thought she wasn't going to do the evil revenge thing! we thought she'd forgotten!

SnowAngel:

well, she didn't. and you know what's weird? i almost put a dead rat on her pillow, except i didn't have a spare dead rat. where in the world do you think she found a dead bird?

zoegirl:

angela, whoa. you've got to give me a minute to process this.

zoegirl:

a DEAD BIRD? i don't understand!

SnowAngel:

have you not yet grasped the fact that when it comes to jana, there IS no understanding? maybe it was a voodoo thing. or maybe she's jealous of my beautiful cherry-themed jeep, since her station wagon is such a heap. maybe the bird actually died in her backseat, i wouldn't be surprised!

zoegirl:

how did she put the bird in there? did you leave the jeep unlocked?

SnowAngel:

what is this, blame-the-victim time? it's got zip-up windows. it's not that hard to break into.

zoegirl:

then you should get the window fingerprinted!

SnowAngel:

*hedges just a teeny bit* except that i SUPPOSE it's possible i left the window open myself. *eensyweensy niggle*

zoegirl:

did you or didn't you?

SnowAngel:

i was in a hurry to get to homeroom! i can't always be leaning over and zipping up windows when i'm late to homeroom, can i?

SnowAngel:

anyway, i doubt there's any law against leaving dead birds in someone's car.

zoegirl:

you're *sure* it was jana who did it?

SnowAngel:

yr NOT? who else would it be? who else would have such a psychotic brain as to scoop up a dead bird and deposit it in someone's open window?

zoegirl:

point taken

zoegirl:

so what did you do?

SnowAngel:

i made logan remove the bird with his jacket, and
i gave it a proper burial. it wasn't its fault it was the pawn of the evil jana.

zoegirl:

but you don't think she actually “killed” it. that's creepy, the idea of jana killing a living creature.

SnowAngel:

no, it wasn't mauled or anything. it was just dead.

zoegirl:

freshly dead?

SnowAngel:

ewww! how am i supposed to know?

zoegirl:

what are you going to do? are you going to say anything to jana?

SnowAngel:

hmm, lemme think. “nice bird, thanks for the memories”?

zoegirl:

i think that once and for all you should just let it go. let her have her moment of triumph, pathetic as it is, and move on.

SnowAngel:

yr saying do NOTHING? just sit here and take it like a … dead-bird-taking person?

zoegirl:

yes, because you're bigger than this. you're a bigger person than jana.

SnowAngel:

*rolls eyes and fails to feel noble*

SnowAngel:

i'm gonna go lysol the heck out of the place where the bird was. i could get bird flu, you know. and perish.

zoegirl:

you're being very brave. i'm proud of you for not retaliating.

SnowAngel:

hmmph!!!

mad maddie:

angela! newsflash! newsflash!

mad maddie:

it came to me in a sparkling moment of clarity: jana was GIVING YOU THE BIRD. as in stick up middle finger, fold down others? jana gave you the frickin bird.

mad maddie:

you've gotta give her points for cleverness, actually. or not.

mad maddie:

i'm feeling smug for figuring it out, that's all!

mad maddie:

um, mary kate said she spotted you in study hall.

mad maddie:

shall i repeat myself? in. study. hall. all by yourself. care to explain?

SnowAngel:

study hall is sexy, don't you know? plus I needed a nice lonely computer to use, with no busybodies peeking over my shoulder.

mad maddie:

how come?

SnowAngel:

*grins evilly* i'm ordering a crate of baby chicks to be delivered to jana's house. bwahaha!

mad maddie:

wtf???

SnowAngel:

just click on the “submit” button and … wala! order #2453 completed and paid for. YES.

mad maddie:

dude, explain

SnowAngel:

well, it's obvious that zoe wasn't gonna do anything, even tho in a perfect universe she would have. but no. she thought we should “let it go,” as if that was an option.

mad maddie:

see? now you know how i felt!

SnowAngel:

i never said i didn't!

SnowAngel:

you stepped in to defend her when jana started those rumors, and then I stepped in to defend YOU after the craigslist nightmare. it is soooo her turn!

mad maddie:

if zoe were an eye-for-an-eye girl. but she's not. she's a pacifist.

SnowAngel:

there is time for peace and there is time for war. and a dead bird in my jeep means war.

mad maddie:

and war means … a crate of baby chickens?

SnowAngel:

it was aunt sadie's idea. she and her sorority sisters sent a crate of chicks to some girl in college. you can buy them from
farmresource.com
.

mad maddie:

um, sweetie? jana left a dead bird—i repeat, a DEAD bird—in your jeep. and now, as a way of thanking her, yr sending her a crate of fresh victims?

SnowAngel:

omg

mad maddie:

uh huh

SnowAngel:

omg, OMG, OMG!

SnowAngel:

what have i done? *bashes in head with keyboard*

mad maddie:

just go back and cancel the order, you doof!

SnowAngel:

right. gotta run!!!!

zoegirl:

did angela hear back from the farm supply place? were they able to stop her order?

mad maddie:

nope, by the time she got a human being on the phone, the order was already processed. however, the nice man did offer her a discount on fertilizer.

zoegirl:

angela is insane. what was she thinking?

mad maddie:

she was thinking that jana needed to be put in her place, and since it was obvious YOU weren't gonna do anything …

zoegirl:

*me*? why would i do anything?

zoegirl:

did angela *want* me to do something?

mad maddie:

???

mad maddie:

of course she did. she wanted you to rush in like her knight in shining armor, just like i rushed in for you and she rushed in for me.

zoegirl:

well … but …

zoegirl:

it was a dead bird, maddie. not a mortal wound to her soul.

mad maddie:

dead bird, mortal wound to soul …

mad maddie:

i'm just sayin

zoegirl:

great. so you and angela think i'm a sucky friend,
and i've basically murdered a crate of baby chicks. that's just great.

mad maddie:

the chicks r scheduled to arrive tomorrow—they haven't been murdered YET.

zoegirl:

hey, angela! sorry i didn't call you back—i went to R.E.I. with doug.

zoegirl:

but just to be clear, it's not that i didn't *want* to call you back, i was just busy. and i just happened to be with doug. but that doesn't mean i was picking him over you. you know that, right?

zoegirl:

where r you? r you intercepting the chick delivery???

zoegirl:

call me!!!!

mad maddie:

dude, i heard back from angela, and it's not good. the UPS guy was a tool and refused to give her the package, even after she explained the situation.

zoegirl:

so where are the chicks now? and where is she?

mad maddie:

well. i had my boy vincent do some detective work, and jana DID receive the crate. angela can be happy about one thing: jana's stepmonster was LIVID. i guess the chicks messed up her newly refinished floor.

mad maddie:

she told jana to get rid of the chicks or else, so jana took them to tony marcus's house, who's gonna use them to teach his doberman how to attack.

zoegirl:

WHAT?!!!

mad maddie:

so that's where angela is, racing over to tony's to rescue the chicks from the jaws of death. i would have gone with her, but i'm at starbucks waiting for ian. vincent calls it “starfucks,” btw.

zoegirl:

that's so sick that tony marcus would torture baby chicks. why would anybody do that?

zoegirl:

wait a sec, did you say *ian*?!

mad maddie:

but i like starbucks. i like their frappuccinos.

zoegirl:

i like starbucks too, and i'm proud of you for not calling it starf***s. i'm even more proud of you for having a date with ian. but now i'm going to try calling angela again!!!