L.A. Fire (30 page)

 
We pulled up in front of
The Bohemian
at a quarter to four. It was a
gorgeous day. The sunlight in the parking lot was strong, and filtered down
through the palm trees, warming our skin. Ocean Front Walk was just a few
blocks away, and we could hear the crashing waves, and smell the ocean. We were
both dressed hipster casual, which meant, for starters, tight frayed jeans, and
leather jackets. I was big on mixing high and low fashion, so I’d coupled my
artfully aged skinny jeans with a funky, floral Neiman Marcus tank top. Lisa
had opted for what she called ‘in-your-face euro-trash,’ a vintage green velour
top with a faux-fur collar that only she could pull off. She’d paired the
outfit with black bitch boots that had a dramatic four inch heel. I, on the other
hand, had chosen silver ballet flats.

 
Lisa pulled down the sunshade to apply bright red lipstick and check herself
out one last time. “Okay,” she said. “I look alive again. We’re good to go.”

 
The Bohemian
was a popular dive in the heart of Venice Beach. The locals loved the place,
and several bands who made names for themselves in Los Angeles and abroad had
first gigged here. This was, in fact, the bar where I first met Rob. As we
approach the wooden building, with the scrawling purple neon sign flashing
‘Bohemian,’ I felt a shiver of both dread and anticipation run through me. I
had so many memories associated with this place. I’d come here countless times
to watch Rob perform, until
The Bare Essentials
made it big. The
managers, the owners, and the bartenders treated his band like family. They’d
treated me like family too. I took a deep breath, and told myself if I could
make it through this afternoon, I’d officially be able to make peace with my
past.

 
The bar inside was dark as usual. Some light filtered through the dirty
windows, and there were white Christmas lights strung over the bar and along
the walls, but still, it took a while for our eyes to adjust. The place was
already packed with the coolest of the cool. One girl was dressed in a vintage
60s floral halter dress, paired with dark framed glasses I’d bet any money she
didn’t need. Most people had on torn jeans, and were sipping craft beer out of
mason jars. Two guys in frayed logo t-shirts, one featuring a tape cassette,
and the other exclaiming ‘Beatniks rule,’ looked to be in an intense
conversation. When we passed by them, I heard the words ‘Kafka’ and
‘existentialism’ in the same sentence and rolled my eyes.  

 
We finally found a free table, and settled into the torn leather chairs.
Krissy, a waitress with a blond pixie cut, and the biggest blue eyes I’d ever
seen came over to our table. “Sarah! Lisa! Oh my god, you guys, it’s been
ages!” I examined her face closely for some trace of smugness or embarrassment
for me about the video, but there was none. She looked genuinely happy to see
me.

 
I smiled at her widely. “Good to see you too, Krissy. You look stunning, as
always.”

 
She beamed at both of us, and said “Right back at you! Now, what can I get
you?”

 
Lisa looked at me conspiratorially and nodded her head in the direction of the
table beside us. There was a couple, both wearing bell bottoms, and drinking
craft beers out of the mason jugs. “When in Rome,” she said, and winked at me.

 
I crossed my arms, showing her I clearly wasn’t impressed. “What about what we
talked about earlier?” I asked.

 
She shrugged her shoulders in exasperation. “It’s just one drink. To help me
get over my hangover. I promise.”

 
I took a deep breath and nodded. “We’ll have what they’re having,” I said.
Krissy beamed at us again and said, “Coming right up,” then sashayed off toward
the bar.

 
All at once, the door behind the stage opened, and the lead singer of  
The
Maltese Falcons
, followed by the bassist, drummer, and guitar player,
appeared on stage. They started setting up, doing sound checks, and joking
around with each other. A moment later, the backstage door opened again, and
out came Rob with Ziggy. Rob was dressed in baggy black jeans, a freyed black
t-shirt, and motorcycle boots. He had a big smile on his face, and I had to
admit he looked gorgeous in a rugged kind of way. And he still made my heart
beat a little faster than it should. That was an understatement. My heart was
literally drumming in my throat. I took a deep breath, and tore my eyes away
from him. I felt shocked. I wasn’t expecting to still have such a strong,
visceral reaction to him.

 
When I looked back at Lisa, I could see she was concerned. “Don’t freak out,
okay?” she said. “Just chill. It’ll all be good.” Then her face tensed up and
she jerked her head slightly to the left. “He’s coming over,” she said.

 
I heard him shuffle up beside our table. “Hi Ladybug,” he said in a husky tone.
I visibly flinched. I couldn’t believe he had the nerve to use his pet name for
me. A few weeks after we’d met, we were hanging out at the beach and a ladybug
landed on my hand. I got so excited, and he laughed at my enthusiasm. I told
him how when I was a kid, I’d spent hours in the backyard letting the bugs
crawl over my hands, and be delighted when I saw them spread their wings and
take off. He had leaned over, kissed me gently, and said that I was as
exquisitely beautiful and fascinating as those speckled little bugs, and that
from then on, he was going to call me ladybug. And he did. And always at the
most tender moments. Whenever he had called me that, I’d felt special; the
nickname was like an intimate secret that was just ours. No one else knew where
it came from. But our past was dead. And I hated how he was trying to use a
nickname that was so tangled up with our best memories to pull at my
heartstrings.

 
I tensed up and shot him an icy look. “It’s Sarah,” I said pointedly.

 
He stared at me for a long moment, taking me in. Then shook his head. “No,
babe,” he said. “You’ll always be ladybug to me.”

 
I looked up into his deep blue eyes. They were full of remorse and longing, and
I felt my heart constrict painfully. “What do you want, Rob?” I asked, a slight
tremble in my voice.

 
He obviously heard the tremble, because his expression immediately became
hopeful. “Another chance,” he said, matter-of-factly.

 
I let out a long, sharp laugh. “No way in hell,” I said, then turned my
attention back to Lisa. Just then Krissy arrived with our beers. She looked
back and forth between me and Rob, then ducked her head, put our beers on the
table, and quickly disappeared.

 
I heard Rob sigh. “Then at least give me coffee,” he said. “A chance to talk.”

 
I took a swig of my beer. “There’s nothing left to say,” I said, avoiding his
eyes.

 
“Listen,” he said, leaning his hands on the table. “I fucked up, okay? I know
that now. At least give me a chance to apologize.”

 
I flicked my angry eyes back to his. “Then go ahead. Apologize. But it won’t
mean anything to me, okay? It won’t make any difference. Actions speak louder
than words. And your actions showed me you never cared about me. Not really.”

 
Rob’s eyes became hard and intense. “I did care about you, Ladybug. And I still
do. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me.”

 
I could feel the sting of tears in my eyes, and I dug my fingers into the palm
of my hands to keep them from overflowing. I hated that he still had this
effect on me. And I hated that he was making me realize I still wasn’t
completely over him. He put his hand on my shoulder and crouched down to eye
level. “Ser, I know you still have feelings for me too. At least give us a
chance to talk things out.”

 
I shrugged his hand away, and quickly wiped the corners of my eyes. “I’m seeing
someone else,” I said. “None of this matters anymore.”

 
Rob smirked, and then looked disgusted. “Oh yeah, Ziggy told me. Mr. Corporate
Money Bags. He’s so not your type, Ladybug. Anyway, he’ll never understand you
the way I do.”

 
I smiled dryly and said, “Actually, Rob, he gets me more than you ever did. Now
leave me alone, okay? I’d like to enjoy the show.”

 
Rob looked pissed for a moment, then shrugged his shoulders. “This isn’t over
yet, Ladybug. Not by a long shot. I’ll be calling you soon about coffee,” he
said, getting to his feet. He ran his eyes slowly up and down my body. “You
still look hot as hell,” he said, the corner of his mouth quirking up into a
crooked smile. I felt my heart flutter slightly. That smile got me every time.
He must have seen my reaction, because his eyes filled with triumph again
before he turned away and headed back over to a table right in front of the
stage. Ziggy was sitting there waiting for him. He met my eye for a moment,
smirked, then gave me a slight wave.

 
I tore my eyes away and took a big, long gulp of my beer. My nerves were
completely rattled, and I felt like bolting out of there. But I wasn’t going to
give Rob the satisfaction of knowing that he’d turned me into an emotional
basket case.

 
“Oh, Ser,” Lisa said, reaching across the table and grabbing my hand. Her eyes
were once again full of concern. “You’ve got to deal with this,” she said.
“He’s so not out of your system yet. If there’s any chance of things working
with Julian, you’ve got to sort out this thing with Rob.”

 
I bit my lip and nodded. “You’re right,” I said. “You’re so right.” We locked
eyes for a long moment, and then Lisa simply echoed my nod. She
was
right, and there was nothing more to say.

 
A few moments later,
The Maltese Falcons
started playing one of their
most popular songs, and the whole bar got into it. The band had a commanding
stage presence, and everyone responded to it. Everyone but me. Lisa tried to
pull me up to dance, but I couldn’t get into it. All I could think about was
that it was now undeniable that I still had feelings for Rob, and that those
feelings seriously jeopardized any future with Julian.

***

 
“Oh my god, I love this song. Crank. It. Up!” Lisa yelled as we cruised along
the freeway on our way to the airport. The sun was just starting to set, turning
the sky an intense, magnetic pink. We were blasting Florence + The Machine, and
the song ‘Cosmic Love’ just came on. Lisa had the window down all the way, and
she was letting the wind stream through her hair as she belted the words to the
song at the top of her lungs.

 
I started laughing, then reached over to squeeze her hand. “I’m gonna miss you,
bitch,” I said.

 
She returned my squeeze, then turned down the volume of the stereo. “Come to
visit soon, okay? I need a good dose of you once in a while to keep me sane.”

 
I looked at her seriously. “You’re going to look after yourself, right? Go see
a doctor?”

 
Lisa let out a long sigh, and nodded slightly. “Yeah. Yeah I am.” Then her
expression became stern, and she shot me a pointed look. “And you, missy, are
going to sort this shit out with Rob so it doesn’t fuck up things with Julian,
right?”

 
I bit my lip. “Maybe I just need to let time take care of it. You know, let the
feelings fade.”

 
Lisa shook her head. “No and no,” she said. “You’ve given it enough time. Now
you have to get proactive.”

 
I let out a little laugh. “What the hell does that mean?”

 
“It means,” she said, pulling a cigarette out of her purse, “that you should probably
take him up on coffee. Hear what he has to say. And say what you have to say.”
She lit her cigarette and took a long drag. “Sometimes talking things out,
laying everything out on the table, lets you end it for real. You need closure,
Ser. And I think the easiest way to get it is to have it out with him.”

 
I shook my head. “That’s giving him too much power. I should be able to sort
this out on my own.”

 
Lisa took another drag of her cigarette. “You’ve already given him too much
power. You’ve turned him into this boogieman. He constantly lurks in the
background of your life, Ser. He’s like this lingering ghost of hurt and
betrayal that you can’t shake. If you meet up with him, talk things through,
you might be able to accept that he’s just a guy. Just a run-of-the-mill dick
who broke your heart, and nothing else. And then you move on.”