Last Days of Summer (26 page)

Dear Joey,

Your eyes are greener than Jefferson's face on a $2 bill.

Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Do you mean it?

Joey

Dear Joey,

Maybe.

Rachel

Dear Charlie,

Here's one you can use whenever you want. GAPITA. Girls Are Pains In The Ass. These are only some of the things I've done for her since you left.

1. Got her Barbara Stanwyck's autograph the week she decided she liked Myrna Loy better.
   
2. Put a rubber band around 25 dandelions and left them on her chair. She sat on them.
   
3. Stood under her window at 9:30 in the P.M. and played “Moonlight Serenade” for her on our sax. The landlady threw water on me.
   
4. Went through every color in the damned rainbow trying to tell her how pretty she is and all she said was “You spelled ‘ocher' wrong.”
   
5. Invited her to the Stage Door Canteen, which only made her call me a bum.
   
6. But now she says she likes my eyes. Smokes, do they do this to us on purpose?????
   

We heard about what the Japanese did to our guys on Bataan and how some of them tried to fight back but got marched to death instead. Didn't you say this was practically over? And that reminds me, Big Shot. I don't know what they're teaching you in the Corps, but this isn't some game with Cincy or the Cubs or etc., where all you have to do is slug P. Derringer if he gets you sore. Stuke said he was going to keep an eye on you, and if I find out that you did anything dumb-ass like jump out of a foxhole to pop Tojo on the chin
just because he called you a Yankee Doodle Son-of-a-Bitch or whatever, you'd better hit the ground running because you won't get much of a head start. I mean it, Charlie. Don't let anything happen to you. And remember to let me know where you are when you get there.

Joey

P.S. Craig said to tell you that Earl Warren bit a corporal and then peed on his foot.

P.S.2. If you told the Marine Corps that my birthday is on Monday, would they let you stay back and take a different ship later? Maybe one that left in 2 years? It's just a thought.

P.S.3. I need to come up with a new way to sneak into the Navy Yard. Ever since they took away my shoe-shine box, they're wise to all of my disguises.

Dear Joey,

Right before we got on the boat we found out how bad our boys shellacked Yamamito at Midway. That's the end of the ball game for Japan. Let's see how they like it when the shoe is on the other oar.

Deke Marantz got a letter from one of his buddies who just came back from Australia all
browned off at the Army. (Who
wouldn't
be???) He says he wrote home asking his Mom to send him some India nuts but the damn sensors cut out the “India” part because it is the name of a place where some of our boys are stationed, and what if Hirohoto or somebody shoots down our mail plane and finds out. (Like they do not already know. We have been there for 4 mos. already.) Then he wrote to his girl in Penna. by starting it off with “Dear Pearl” due to it being her name and such, and they cut out “Pearl” on account of the Harbor with the same moniker and Dec. 7 and so forth. We think he is making it up on account of even the Army could not be that dumb. But what if they are? And what if the USMC is dumber? Part of the deal is that I want to make sure you know where I am all the time, just so you will not worry without a reason. And in case there is a reason, such as reading in the paper that our boys are getting their ass shot off in Singapore and that's where you know I am, you can tell Hazel I am on a beach at Tahiti drinking Slow Gin Fizzes instead. (I know I told you that you are never suppose to lie, but you are old enough to learn that lying to girls is a whole other catagory if you think the truth will make them cry.) So me and Stuke cooked up a plan. Whenever you get a letter from me, keep a glim on the second sentance. The first letters of the words there will spell out the name of the place they sent us to.

Dear Joey,

I can't tell you where we are but they think we are heroes here.
W
e
a
re
k
nown
e
verywhere.

That's if we get sent to Wake. And this is the rest of our list so far.

GUAM Getting up at midnight.

NEW GUINEA Nobody ever wanted Germany until it nailed England's ass.

TARAWA Those Aussies really are wicked artillerymen.

BATAAN Bees are too angry at night. (This is one of Stuke's. Ever hear anything more boneheaded in your life? For my money it might as well have a big arrow pointing to it that says THIS IS A SECRET CODE.)

TOKYO Turn over Kaiser, your out. (This is my favorite.)

And let's just hope that we do not get on a place like Einwetok or Ioribaiwa on account of I may miss the whole fuckin war. Meanwhile I will make sure that I put a little star at the top of the letter (
^*
Dear Joey) in case one of these is in it, just so you do not waste your time looking on the map for a place called GISWOERP (though I would not be surprised if you found one there).

Smokes, are you a sucker. Rachel has got you on a string like you were a yo-yo. You should never of left the dandy lions on her chair on account of you might as well give her a dog coller and tell her where to buckle it on your neck. Do you want to set us back 50 yrs.???? Remember one thing—just because you have a dick does not automatically mean you deserve one. You need to earn it. The next time she gives you a rough time such as spelling the wrong colors or calling you a bum, take a sad breath and look into her face and say “Well I guess you do not want to see me anymore”. Then turn around and walk away slow with your head down as far as it can go. And whatever you do,
don't look back
. This will scare the heck out of her due to making her think “The jig is over” or “It is put up or shut up time” or whatever in Hell goes through their head whenever they have just gummed up the rest of their life by letting the right boy fly out the window. Between you and me, I have heard the scuttlebutt and found out she is crazy about you. So turn the tables and do not chicken out. I know you Bucko. You will wait 15 mins. and if she has not called yet you will write her a letter that starts “Dear Rachel, I cannot
stop thinking about you” and boom, your behind the same 8-Ball again. Don't do it.

We have been on the
Farragut
for 3 days and my stomach is still in San Diego, but Stuke is doing the barfing for the both of us. (This is part of his job now on account of he is a Pfc. and etc.) Everybody is jealous of him because at least he is not hungry. With 2500 men on board and a mess hall that fits 300 of them (as long as they are skinny ones) we only get to eat one time a day. Yesterday Sgt. Block pointed to Shiloh's leg and said to Marantz “I wonder how that would taste with pickle relish on it.” So Shiloh said back “Taint funny McGee” and hid until Taps behind the poopdeck or fantail or hornpipe or whatever in Hell the Navy calls that long fat gizmo on top. But I am cleaning up. Right now my pointy coconut things are going for 25¢ per.

They also only turn on the water for ½ hr. a day on account of not having alot of it, though you would think with a whole damn ocean outside they would figure out a way. Ever watch 2500 guys try to shave at 40 sinks in 30 mins.? Well I one time went to Macys with Hazel when they were having a sale of dresses, and women were lined up at the door like they were running the K. Derby and just waiting for the bell to go off. It is the same kind of thing.

We are stopping first at one of our bases in the S. Pacific to hook up with divisions coming in from Norfoke and other places. I will write again when we get there.

Charlie

P.S. You need to polish the sax one time a week to keep it in good shape. I used Thursdays but you can pick whatever one you want.

P.S.2. During the day, they are drilling us on passwords we will need in the jungle in case we run into a Japanese spy dressed like a USMC. One of them was “Who lost Game 4 of the 1941 W. Series?” Half the guys said “Brooklyn” and the other half said “Mickey Owen” and the third half said “Tommy Henrich”. Then some fist fights happened so they scrapped the question. But I told you so.

P.S.3. Hazel wrote to me about your birthday and “Andy Hardy” at the Radio City and etc. I wish I could of been there. You know that, right? Just think about it. When I first met you, you were a 12 yr. old Big-Mouth. Now your a 14 yr. old Big-Mouth except a little taller (but only a little). Can you believe it has been almost a whole year since we went on the road together?????

Dear Mrs. Toots,

I'm sorry I have not written to you in almost 2 hrs. but I got tied up on a long one to Joey. I told him not to send Rachel a love letter no matter what. That should do it. I figure he will probably have one in the mail to her as soon as he hears me say don't. Do I know this kid or what?

They are playing Taps so I need to make this short. I will write again at 11:30 after they think we are all asleep in our bunks.

Love,
Mr. Toots

I
NTERVIEWER:
Donald M. Weston, Ph.D.

S
UBJECT:
Joseph Charles Margolis

Q:
You sure about that?

A:
Heck, yes. Anytime he wants me to do something, he always tells me not to. Then he pretends to get sore so I won't figure out he snaked me.

Q:
What happens when you do what he says?

A:
I get what I want.

Q:
What happens when you don't?

A:
I lose. 'Member how Pinocchio had a conscience and it was Jiminy Cricket?

Q:
Uh-huh.

A:
Well, I have one too. Know what? Craig was right. Charlie's a lot smarter than me after all.

Q:
So what are you going to do about it?

A:
What do I look—stupid to you? I'm gunna fall for it.

Dear Rachel,

There are a couple of things I think you'd better know:

Barbara Stanwyck didn't kiss me goodnight. The only time I ever met her was in the parking lot when I asked her to sign the menu for you.

I wouldn't know Gypsy or Gertrude Lawrence or Noel Coward from a hole in my head.

The only reason I told you about dancing with Dorothy Walker of the G. Miller Orchestra was to get you jealous.

I don't have any wild oats and I wouldn't know how to sew them even if I did.

If there was one thing in my whole life I would erase if I could, it would be the yellow snowball. I'm
really
sorry I did that.

There's no drinking allowed at the Stage Door Canteen except juice and Nehi and other soda pop, so don't worry.

I still want you to go there with me so you can sit at the ring side and watch me and Hazel sing our song, and everybody will think you're my girl.

I can't stop thinking about you, and not just because of brown hair and blue eyes and etc.

I love you.

I hope you don't get sore at me for writing this, but I can't even tell whether you like me or not. So this is my last try. Please, please?

Love,
Joey

WAR BULLETIN:

Rommel Gains in Africa;
Giants Gain in Hub

B
OSTON
, Wednesday. With the news that Field Marshal Erwin Rommel has seized the port city of Tobruk and pushed his Panzer divisions 60 miles into Egypt, the unstoppable New York Giants have managed a similar feat in Boston, sweeping an improbable four-game series from the formidable Braves. Previously crippled by the departure of Banks and Stuker to the war in the Pacific, the Gotham Nine appeared to be headed for the cellar. But with Johnny Mize and Billy Werber settling in at first and third, respectively, the Big Boys' early season shakes seem to have vanished as quickly as fifth place turned into second place last night at Braves Field.

Dear Charlie,

Boy, are you lucky that you're in the S. Pacific and not at the Polo Grounds. The Giants just lost nine straight and they're only in last place because there's nowhere lower for them to go. I don't know whose idea it was to get Billy Werber at third base after you left, but they would have had better luck if they'd hired Aunt Carrie instead. Yesterday he let three balls fall on his head and four more go through his legs, and when he swung on a 2 and 2 (which even a rock-head knows you don't do off a puffin like H. Gumbert), he let go of his bat and almost brained Mickey Witek who was standing on first. I'll bet that when you and Stuke come back they give you a big fat raise before you even do anything. Smokes, will they be glad to see you.

I know you told me not to, and you're probably gunna get cheesed off at me again, but I tried really hard not to send an “I Love You” letter to Rachel, and for awhile I even didn't. Almost an hour. But then I started thinking about the way her eyes smile even when her mouth doesn't and the sound her laugh makes whenever Kathy Fine says something funny to her, and I couldn't help it. How come
I
can't make her laugh like that? But I'm sending you what I wrote to her anyway so you can chew me out.

Hazel has a surprise for you, but I'm going to let her tell you what it is.

Your buddy,
Joey

Dear Goodlookin',

It wasn't my idea to land on the cover of
Life
magazine, especially in coveralls and a welding iron. However, our little shyster decided he was going to help build dive bombers at the Navy Yard no matter what, and you know what happens when his mind is made up—air raid sirens go off all over Brooklyn. Apparently they caught him sneaking in through a drain pipe, so he cornered some Admiral Whozis and promised he could deliver “Hazel MacKay, the World-Famous Singer” if they'd let him on the assembly line. Well, what was I supposed to do?! You can't open a damned newspaper any more without reading about some little Tillie from Tallahassee who threw away her egg beater and picked up a rivet gun instead. “Woman Ordnance Workers—The Girl He Left Behind Is a WOW!” So the boys from
Life
unpacked their cameras and I managed to whip up a fuselage. Don't ask me how. I have enough trouble with omelettes.

I wonder where you are tonight. I hope it's someplace safe and snug.

I love you.

-Mrs. H-

P.S. And I promise—my pinup days are over.