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Authors: Steve Kluger

Tags: #Humour, #Adult, #Historical, #Young Adult

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Manzanar Free Press

VOL
. 1. No.32
MANZANAR. CALIFORNIA APRIL
8, 1942

CHARLIE BANKS GUEST OF HONOR AT BALL FIELD

New York Giants slugger Charlie Banks was the surprise guest at this morning's American League game between the San Pedro Gophers and the Manzanar Pioneers, arriving just in time for the second inning. The acclaimed third baseman told the Free Press. “I heard that my buddy Craig Nakamura was playing third for the Gophers and I didn't want to miss it. This guy is going to be an All-Star someday.” Nakamura, 13, was a temporary replacement in the Gophers' lineup but has since been made a permanent member of the team due in large part to the pair of doubles he smacked to deep center in the fourth and

LEAGUE STANDINGS

Ramblers

W.: 5

L.: 0

Pct.: 1.000

Giants

W.: 3

L.: 0

Pct.: 1.000

Wonders

W.: 2

L.: 1

Pct.: .667

Gophers

W.: 2

L.: 1

Pct.: .667

Pioneers

W.: 2

L.: 3

Pct.: .400

Mayors

W.: 1

L.: 3

Pct.: .250

Yankees

W.: 1

L.: 4

Pct.: .125

Senors

W.: 0

L.: 4

Pct.: .000

TOP SECRET

The Green Hornet

C/O Craig Nakamura

Craigy, I still can't see Earl Warren.

TOP SECRET

The Shadow

C/O Joey Margolis

That's because he hates people. Ever since Mrs. Fukuda started chasing him with a broom. So stay under the bed and keep looking at the wall behind the oil burner.

Guess what? We think Kenji sunk the Arizona but we don't have any proof yet. Want to stay here and help me find some?

TOP SECRET

The Green Hornet

C/O Craig Nakamura

Smokes,
can
I?

TOP SECRET

The Shadow

C/O Joey Margolis

Nah. You're not dangerous enough for the Army, Joey-San. You need to have pointy teeth and tails like we do.

By the way, thanks for the new code book. They've improved it since the old days.

TOP SECRET

The Green Hornet

C/O Craig Nakamura

Did they let you keep your crystal set?

Dear Hazel,

Charlie's right. The Army can kiss our ass and so can FDR. It turned out that they were holding Craig's father and uncle prisoners at some damned camp in Tule Lake while they decided whether or not to ship them back to Japan. Then those G.I. chunkheads found out that neither one of them had ever been to Japan in their lives, so they had to let them go and send them to Manzanar instead. At least they'll all be together now.

Toots, you should of seen this kid in action. Go on. Tell what happened.

You
tell.

First I went to see the Major by myself on account of (1) being a Marine and (2) playing 3d Base for the NY Giants. But that didn't work on him due to (1) hating Marines and (2) hating the NY Giants.

Get to the secret weapon part.

I am. So I told him about some of the stunts Craig has pulled such as thinking he is the Green Hornet and selling tickets to Joey's Bar Mitzvah and saying “God Bless L. Durocher” before he goes to sleep and etc., just to prove that he is normal and not some Pearl Harbor sneak with big teeth and black glasses and TNT in his ear. But that didn't work either.

Don't forget the secret weapon part.

Would you keep your shirt on?????? Instead, the only thing the Major said back was “These people are a threat to our security” like Craig was going to chase Eisenhower across Germany with a pop gun or something. So when I saw that I was not getting anywhere, it hit me that I had a secret weapon.

And it was me!

Remember when he hoodwinked the Rabby into letting me stand up for him? And conned me into making him a bat-boy? Well at least me and the Rabby were a challenge on account of having brains. This Major was a whole other ball game. I figured Joey could use him for target practice just to stay limber. So I yanked him out of the barracks where him and Craig were lying under some beds and watching a rat.

Earl Warren was chewing his tail and taking a shit at the same time. It was festive.

Then I booted his ass into the CO's office and let him go to work by saying to him on the way in “Just start your usual riot.” Well they did not know what hit them. First he took them to the mat about the father's tomato plants pointing to Lockheed by saying that they were also pointing to Brazil and so what? Then he said the whole Constitution out loud by heart just to prove that there was nothing
in it about vegetables. And when it didn't look like that was going to do the job either, he started making up amendments.

Only the 19th. That one's about voting rights for women, which wasn't going to do us much good anyway.

What did you call it?

“Unlawful Detention. The right of the citizens of the United States to life and liberty cannot be taken away or restricted because of a person's national origin.” If you didn't know it was me, wouldn't you think that James Madison wrote it?

It was like being in a train wreck when all you can do is watch it happen. I was never so scared stiff in my whole life. Joey wasn't. He just kept going. By the time he got to the part about Clarence Darrow being his uncle and taking him and Craig to baseball games, the Major was on the horn with Tule Lake and Craig had his family back. Isn't C. Darrow dead?

Who cares? Know what else, Hazel? Charlie got the Gophers to keep Craig in the lineup by telling the newspaper that he was going to be an All Star someday.

Just between us he could not hit a barn with a 40-ft. pumpkin, but how many knocks is one kid sup
pose to take????? And when you play 3b for the NY Giants they always think you know what your talking about.

Even Bogart.

Oh yeah. We were eating dinner at Romanoffs and we saw him at another table, so we flipped a coin to see who'd get to ask him for his autograph.

I won.

My ass you did. You were using Stuke's nickle with the 2 heads on it. But before we could do anything, Bogart came over himself and said “Say. Aren't you Charlie Banks?” Bogey knew who I was.
Bogey
.

He's making a picture with Ingrid Bergman about the war in North Africa, but he says we shouldn't waste our money and the only reason they made him do it was because George Raft said No.

But guess who said Yes? Veronica Lake. To Stuke. I would of thought he was snowing me but I answered the phone myself and heard her voice. He almost broke a leg running out of the shower with soap in his eyes.

We worked on the letter with him for two hours before we let him send it. Up until then she thought I was his son.

So did Lana Turner and Hedy Lamar and half of the other movie stars at the H. Canteen. Every time it looked like Stuke was going to click with one of them I would send Joey over there to say such things as “Pop it is past my bed-time” or “Can I have my allowance now?” or etc. It is a good thing Stuke did not have his K-Bar knife with him or else they would of been finding pieces of us all over Calif. for the next 7 yrs. But V. Lake let him take her to Mocambo.

Hazel, if he marries her we'll have two stars in the family—you and Veronica.

What about
me
?

Are you going to let me ship out with you?

Nope.

Then you don't count.

Chiseler.

Fake.

That does it. Sack time Bucko. We need to get you to the train early.

Stuke paid for the ticket. That's part of his job now since he's a Pfc. and Charlie's not.

Your stalling. Tell Hazel you love her.

I love you, Hazel.

Me too.

Joey
and Charlie

P.S. Craig is going to be OK up there until all of this is over. I even told him I would be checking up on him once in a while just to make sure he is dotting his P's and Q's. But one of these days somebody is going to have to tell me how McArthur and DeWitt and etc. can get away with it. This stinks even for the Army.

P.S.2. Boy, when Joey decides to grow up he does not waste any time, does he? I sure hope I had something to do with it. But it got me thinking about not knowing what is going to happen in the S. Pacific or how long before they let us come home or etc., and what if he loses his way while I am gone? So I am inclosing something for you to give to him only if you have to (though I will probably be older than Noah by the time they ship us out).

P.S.3. Stuke just got in. She let him kiss her. You can tell because (1) he has a funny look on his face and (2) he just went into the closet to take a piss.

BOOK: Last Days of Summer
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