Last Heartbeat (26 page)

I looked around my room and decide that I need to head out to my favorite beach spot for my beach therapy. I load up my backpack with my books and take my food with me. Once I am at the beach, I will do something I’ve wanted to do for a while-- read, and relax, forget about my world, and visit another place. I am strong and need to heal myself my way. This is how I will do it.

Chapter Thirty

Phillip

I go back to the hospital after I showered and rested for about an hour. Alexia is sound asleep. I decide not to wake her. Kristen stops by for a few minutes and we talk a little while. I tell her that I am staying the night and she tells me she be back early in the morning before classes start. I end up fixing my reclining chair bed and fall asleep soon after. I am awakened when the nurse comes in to check on Alexia. The nurse tells me that she is doing really good and looks like she probably will get to go home today.

After the nurse leaves, I can’t go back to sleep. The sun has barely started to rise. I decide to go find coffee and something to eat. The cafeteria should be about to open soon. I stretch my arms and legs out a bit. Sleeping in the chair for the past few days has been rough on my body and it is sore. I really hope that Alexia does gets out today. I look forward to sleeping in our bed tonight. I heard Alexia’s parents have scheduled their plans to fly out today if she leaves the hospital. I told them to go ahead and plan to leave, because even if she doesn’t, I will stay by her side. I look at my watch and notice that it is time for the cafeteria to open, so I head on down.

Most people hate the food hospitals fix, but if you have stayed in one for a while, you get use to it. They fix it healthy foods for most part. You have to choose the best foods. The smell of food hits me and I decide to stay down here to eat. I don’t want to wake my sleeping beauty with the smell of food and coffee. I pay and find a seat by the window. Looks like the sun has risen farther and Alexia will be up soon. I eat fast so I can hurry back up to her room. I think about yesterday and still wonder what Julie had to talk about privately to Alexia. I decide to let Alexia tell me when she is ready.

As I get back to Alexia’s room, I hear Kristen talking to her. I open the door a little, but not to spy. I stop because of the question Kristen just asked her. Kristen asked the question that I am wondering about. I really plan on closing the door and then let them know I am there. Alexia starts talking about everything so fast that I have to stop and listen. What I hear floors me, and now I am to shocked too move. My mom and Alexia’s mom Julie, both knew who had Gabe’s heart. Alexia has Gabe’s heart! He not only saved me, but the girl I am in love with. I didn’t even know Alexia had been in the same hospital and at the same time as me. I am grateful for Gabe’s gift to both of us- yes I am- but since I barely have accepted this gift for myself, how do I process this for Alexia too?

I hear Alexia say something to Kristen that I never would have thought about. She wonders if Gabe’s heart is the reason that she loves me so much. She l
oves
me? She has never told me this. She knows I love her. What if that is true, that Gabe’s heart loves me and not, Alexia herself? That has to be crazy. I mean, we both have Gabe’s organs. Gabe isn’t alive or has feelings anymore.

Then it hits me. What if our organs have drawn us together? I knew as soon as I met Alexia that there was this pull to her. Does she feel that same pull? My head has so much going on right now that I can’t think straight. Alexia even tells Kristen that she forgot to take her medicine when she thought she’d figured this out and that she cried herself to sleep. That is the reason she forgot. How could she do that to my brother? He gave her this gift, and then she didn’t take care of it. This upsets me too much and that I shouldn’t be here right now. I feel like she has betrayed my brother

I hear the door open, and Kristen is standing in front of me. She is leaving and looks over to Alexia with concern on her face. She moves over so I can come in. I hesitate for a few seconds, but then I go in. I look at Alexia. She has lost all of her color on her face and tears are coming down because she knows I heard everything. I think my heart just shattered when I saw how upset Alexia was. I should turn around and leave before I say something I shouldn’t because I am angry. I don’t even know why I am so angry. This is all confusing and I don’t know how to think straight right now.

Instead, I go over to Alexia and tell her that I can’t do this right now. That is all I really meant to say. My mouth had its own agenda though. I tell her that I am staying at Tyler and Jacob’s until her parents leave and to leave the key at security. I hear her saying that she is sorry and to forgive her. She didn’t know anything about whose heart she had. I hear all this, but I need to leave and think for a while to clear my head with all my confusion. I have to kiss her bye and I do it on her forehead. If I kissed her on her lips, I might have broken down. This is hardest thing I have ever done, walking out of Alexia’s hospital room with tears running down her eyes.

Once I am out of the hospital, I sit in my car for a few minutes. I didn’t realize that tears are running down my face. I wipe them off and decide to do what I normally do to think. I head to the beach so I can run. I think about going surfing. Then I remembered that I have guests at my place and I can’t change into my swimming trunks. Running will help me just as much as surfing.

The drive to the beach is extremely hard. Once I finally get there, my phone rings. I look to see who it was before I answered. I really don’t want to talk to anyone.

“Hi, Mom.” I try to sound like I am fine. I don’t want to get into this with her until I clear my head.

“Hello, Phillip. How is that wonderful girl you keep telling me about? Is she getting out of the hospital today?” Why did she have to ask about Alexia? Another tear slips from my eye.

I take a deep breath and quickly wipe the tear away. “Yeah, she is getting out today.”

“Phillip, what is the matter? You sound like you’re sad about something. Did something bad happen to her?” Mom asked, and I realize that I never told her Alexia’s name. Now I will see how she reacts to it.

“Mom, I realize that I never told you my girlfriend’s name. She is from Cleveland and you may know her family.”

“What is her name Phillip?” she asks.

“Her name is Alexia Morgan.” I hear my mom gasp.

Once she got her voice, she whispers. “Phillip, I do know her and her family. She is a beautiful girl. What is she in the hospital for? I can’t remember if you told me.”

“Well she forgot to take her heart transplant medicine and her body started to shut down.” I don’t know why I am being hateful to my mom. I can’t help it. I’m hurting.

“Sweetheart, did that do any damage to her donor heart?” She had to ask that question. Is she even worried about Alexia at all or just whose heart she has?

“No she didn’t damage her heart, and it is strong as the day she received it.” Mom takes a breath like she was holding it until I answered. The more I talk about it, the angrier I am getting. The next words that come out of my mouth are hateful. “You should be glad about that, Mom. She didn’t damage Gabe’s heart. How could you keep something like this from me? When she found out by accident, she was so upset that she cried herself to sleep and forgot her medicine. I found about that about thirty minutes ago. I don’t know what to do about this information and it is driving me crazy. Should I be mad? What if the connection we have is because of Gabe? I left her in tears because I was afraid I would hurt her. I was more afraid that our connection is because of Gabe and not because we love each other on our own.” I realize by the time I’ve said all that to my mom that I am yelling.

“Calm down, Phillip. You are overreacting to this situation. Gabe is gone and he has nothing to do with the feelings you have for this girl. That is all you or you wouldn’t be yelling at me. I did research after giving away Gabe’s organs, and what I found out is that it isn’t possible. You need to think about leaving the girl you love and go apologize to her. If you left her in tears, then you made a big mistake. What if she did you that way while you were still in the hospital? You would hate her for that and maybe you already messed up with her.” Mom had a point. I did mess up with Alexia.

“You’re right, Mom and I am sorry for yelling. I am hurt and confused about everything. I probably lost her for good. Mom, I have to go. I need to go run and think for awhile.”

“Phillip, do that, but remember that everyday you put off telling Alexia you’re sorry, the harder it will be for you to get her back. I know you love her. Don’t blow it over something like this. You have never talked about a girl before. Please don’t mess it up over your stubbornness. You need to talk to her soon.” She is right. I am stubborn. I will clear my head and then talk to her.

“Thanks, Mom. I will clear my head and talk to her. I do love Alexia and want to make it work. I am going now and I will call later.”

“Okay, Phillip. Have a good run and clear that stubborn head of yours. I love you, son. Take care of yourself. Bye.” She hangs up, and I realize how much better I feel.

I head over to the beach to run. While I am running, I see flashes of Alexia and tears running down her eyes because of me. She even told Kristen that she loves me but was just as afraid as I felt. Yeah, I made a mess of things. I will try to fix them, but when? Maybe I will give Alexia a few days to not be upset with me anymore. She doesn’t need the stress today after getting out of the hospital.

Chapter Thirty-One

Alexia

Since I went to the beach over a week to ago, I still haven’t heard from Phillip. I guess it really is over for good. I emailed all my professors and they emailed me everything I need to work from that week, plus my make-up work. Maybe the reason I haven’t seen him is because I haven’t returned to class yet. He still could have come by my dorm room or texted me if he wanted to. I decide it is really over.

I focused on my schoolwork and take a break each day at the beach. Since I finally have my focus on school, my grades have been better. I even finish my part of the biology project I had with Phillip and I email it to him. Maybe he will finish his part and turn it in to the teacher. If not, I will turn in my part of the work.

Every day, Kristen tries to get me to go out with her, but I really need to be alone right now. I don’t go with her. I keep telling her that I will soon. I want to heal from my broken heart my way, and I need to do it by myself. I know I should be with people, but every day the beach keeps calling to me. Every day, I go and sit in my chair, not really doing anything. I read some books and try to stay away from the romance ones. Most of the time, I have my special beach area to myself. I am getting good with picking the time of day when no one is around.

Soon, I have to go back to my classes. Dread comes over me when I think about biology class. I have been out over two weeks from classes and still haven’t seen Phillip. I really don’t want to see him. Why should I? He has made it clear that he doesn’t want to be around me.

Forcing myself to go to biology takes a lot of courage I really didn’t know I had. I wonder if the professor would let me change my assigned seat if I ask. The closer I get the more strength I find within myself. I can do it and I will. Walking in, I had plan on changing my seat, but I notice Phillip sitting somewhere else. That makes it easier on me. He looks up at me when I walk past him, but says nothing. I won’t lie; it
hurts
really badly. Time for real to move on.

A few days later, Kristen begs me to go out with her and some of her other friends. Not wanting her to think I’m not a good friend, I say yes. We ended up at a party. It is at a house beside Megan’s and I hesitate about going inside. Kristen say that Megan won’t be here, but I am still worried a little bit. Megan has left me alone since I haven’t been around Phillip.

Finally relaxing when I don’t see her anywhere, I start enjoying myself. Hanging out with Kristen and her friends is better than I thought it would be. We danced, and I watch them play some Jell-O shooter games. Kristen knows I can’t drink so when some of the girls handed me shooters, she says that I have to be the driver tonight. True to her word, she never told anyone why I was in the hospital. This makes me believe we will always be best friends, and every day we are getting closer. Kristen is like a mother hen every morning, making sure I take my medicine. I promised myself that I’d never forget again either and set my alarm on my phone to remind me.

Close to the end of the party, I see some guys watching us. I wonder how long they have been watching. Having fun and not paying attention caused me not to notice them sooner. I shake off the look that one of them is giving me and tell Kristen that it is time to go. She asks me why and I whisper in her ear the reason. I say not to look up, which was a mistake because she does first thing. Kristen gives the guys a really mean discussed look and flips them off.

Grabbing me by the arm, she tells her friends that it is time to leave and we all go. We have to walk by them to get out the door and who do I see standing beside the one, who gave me chills? Megan. She stands close and puts her arm around him. Then she even smiles at me. Kristen pulls me out of the door in a hurry.

“Can you believe those two? They stood there looking like a couple. How is that possible? The other day, I walked by them having a conversation and it wasn’t looking like a good one. I guess that slut finally won him over. I am sorry you had to see that, Alexia. If I had known this would happen, I wouldn’t have brought you here.” Kristen is angry.

“You had no way of knowing who would be here tonight. If someone has a party, everyone has to go to it. I was hurt for a minute and decided it is time to move on. I need to focus mostly on my classes because I fell a little behind. Now is the time to focus and have fun. Let’s get out of here.” I smile at her and give her a hug.