Laugh Lines: Conversations With Comedians (42 page)

Margaret: Probably the ‘Live on Sunset Strip’ concert where he talks about getting set on fire and all that stuff. It’s amazing and a great show. It’s incredible what comedians can do when they’re at the peak of their power and their ability that they can really create something beautiful out of nothing, because they don’t have anything onstage with them. It’s just them, which is pretty remarkable. I saw that really young—maybe 10—so I was really blown away by that.

Corey: Are you going to send out any of these letters you wrote to people in the book?

Margaret: I don’t know; I hadn’t thought about that. Hopefully, they’ll read them because they hear about them.

Corey: You’re not getting hate mail still, are you?

Margaret: I get some all the time, but I don’t really care. It’s just something that exists because I do what I do and am very vocal about certain issues that are offensive to certain people.

Corey: What did you say during that first 10 minutes of that benefit performance where they turned your mic off?

Margaret: I was talking about the Iraqi prison scandal, which was just too much for people, that people didn’t want to talk about or think about—and they still don’t. Conservatives just ignore it. Bringing up that topic, there wasn’t something offensive said about it, it was just the offense of bringing it up.

Corey: Would you have felt better if they would have been like the Apollo and they brought out the ‘Sandman’ to sweep you off the stage?

Margaret: That would have been good.

Corey: Speaking of the Iraq thing, how is Al-Gayda going?

Margaret: It’s great. I think that it’s amazing the way that people got together and got angry about this attack on me. I didn’t even realize that there were people out there who cared about stuff like that and get vocal about it.

Corey: You’ve always talked about issues to a certain degree and have become known for that. How do you balance between what’s funny and what’s serious?

Margaret: I think that I always try to go for what’s funny and interesting to me.

Corey: The book comes across as mini-speeches to me. How would you feel if a high school student took one of your passages and presented it as their own in a paper?

Margaret: I think that would be great. I’m all for it.

Corey: You mentioned in your first book that you weren’t the best student. Did you ever plagiarize?

Margaret: I don’t even know. I’m sure that I had written a book report from the back of a book. That’s just so classic to do.

Corey: You use the word ‘ignant’ to describe a lot of people in your book. What’s the difference between ignorant and ignant to you?

Margaret: It’s kind of like a contraction. To me it’s a simpler way of stating that someone’s ignorant, even more ignorant because you can’t even say the whole word.

Corey: If you were asked to define what you do in one word, what would it be?

Margaret: I guess I’m a comedian. That’s ultimately what I do.

Corey: If you had to fill out a job application, what would you list as your special skills?

Margaret: Let’s see, belly dance, sewing, dog training—these are my big ones.

Corey: When was the last time you noticed yourself being prejudiced toward someone?

Margaret: I don’t know, because I don’t even notice it, which is probably really bad. I’m sure that I have been, but not noticing is the scary part. Most of us probably don’t even notice.

Corey: A lot of the photos in the book are taken from the live shows, and you have a lot of wild faces and your mouth is open. Are those the photos of yourself that you prefer?

Margaret: No, but I didn’t pick those photos. I don’t even care what I look like there. I don’t really even look at photos of myself, so I don’t care.

Corey: What do you see when you look in the mirror?

Margaret: I just see somebody very familiar.

Corey: Do you like looking at yourself in the mirror?

Margaret: I do.

Corey: What are some of the essentials you have to have in front of the mirror while you’re on tour?

Margaret: Actually, nothing really. I go through phases where I don’t wear make up and I do wear make up, or I don’t do my hair or I do. But I just got a perm, so I’m so excited I don’t have to do my hair.

Corey: It’s not like a tight, Estelle Ghetty perm, is it?

Margaret: No, no, no, just a little bounce.

Corey: How often do you say, ‘I love you?’

Margaret: All the time. I say it to my husband. I say it to my dogs constantly. I say it to my friends, family. I say it all the time.

Corey: Do you think it means less by saying it so frequently?

Margaret: No, because I really do love them. I never say it to people I don’t love.

Corey: You refer to your husband in the book as your best friend. Are you the kind of person who has more than one best friend?

Margaret: I think I have best friends in different concepts. He would be the best overall friend, and then your best friend in comedy, best friend in dance, best friends in different situations.

Corey: How many people think that you are their best friend?

Margaret: About five, and they would all be right.

Corey: You have been friends with comedian Bruce Daniels for a long time. How would you describe your friendship with him?

Margaret: He’s great. He’s somebody that I like to write for, and I like to count on him for stuff, so he’s very important to me.

Corey: How much of your ‘reality show’ is reality, and how much is not?

Margaret: Most of it is not.

Corey: So it’s kind of your life, but …

Margaret: Not really, but real people playing themselves in all scripted situations.

Corey: More like ‘Seinfeld’ than like ‘My Life on the D-List.’

Margaret: Exactly.

Corey: Because you’re working with people that aren’t traditional actors, like your parents, how did that work out?

Margaret: They’re funny. They’re naturally interesting and funny, so it works out fine.

Corey: Were they able to recreate dialogue for different takes?

Margaret: Yes.

Corey: It seems like there are some serious moments; there’s a discussion of you having kids.

Margaret: That’s something that my parents brought up. That was actually something I was really not prepared to talk about. They always want to, so that’s something they brought up.

Corey: So you kept it in for a taste of reality?

Margaret: Yes.

Corey: The tattoos have become a bigger part of your life. Do we see you getting new tattoos?

Margaret: I do have a wonderful consultation with Kat Von D in one episode, and we plan out a tattoo, but I didn’t actually get another one. We’ll see. I do want to get another one.

Corey: How do you determine what’s the right kind of art?

Margaret: You just kind of know. You figure out what your thing is and what you want. It’s all personal preference.

Corey: What’s the decision process like when you go from like a cutesy Tweetie Bird on the ankle to large parts of the body?

Margaret: To me that’s much more aesthetically pleasing. I think the really big Japanese-style tattoos are so cool, and it’s the style of tattooing that I like the most.

Corey: Is it all art for you, because for some tattoos have a deeper, spiritual meaning?

Margaret: For me, it’s art. It’s definitely something like the symbolic meaning for me.

My partner, Kendall, and I saw Margaret Cho on her latest tour, outside, under the Bay Area stars.

Corey: With this new CD of songs and ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ you’re like the new Liza. It’s ‘Cho with a C.’

Margaret: (laughs) Ooh, ‘Cho with a C,’ I like that. Liza’s a lot more glamorous than me. I’m sitting in the rehearsal space for ‘Dancing with the Stars,’ and I smell like pee. You know like when you have sweated so much and it doesn’t smell like sweat anymore, it smells like pee. It’s disgusting. I feel bad for my partner, because I just stink.

Corey: I had heard dancers perspire a lot so I imagine there could be a whole lot of aromas going on.

Margaret: It’s disgusting. Yeah, whatever. I’m rock ’n’ roll.

Corey: How do you feel about what you’ve learned so far?

Margaret: It’s really hard. No joke. I can move, but I’m not a trained dancer in this regard. I have belly danced in the past, and I know quite a few stripper moves. This is a totally unusual thing. Ballroom dance is such an intense discipline.

Corey: Will there be any opportunities for you to pop and lock on the show?

Margaret: I hope so. I haven’t done any of that either so we’ll see how it goes.

Corey: It is quite an eclectic cast of people on the show. I would imagine it would make for some good material at some point in time.

Margaret: Yeah. It’s very interesting. I met almost everybody yesterday, except for Michael Bolton and ‘The Situation.’ I saw the back of his head in his car. I could tell he had good, fine abs from the back of his head. That’s the thing, everybody on this show has such a fantastic body, and I’m like a regular Joe.

Corey: Who do you think your main competition is gonna be?

Margaret: Everybody. I don’t know what I’m doing. There’s athletes on here. I’m a stand-up comedian. Even though my hobby is dance, and I’ve done a lot of burlesque, it’s not physically demanding. Not like this. It’s gonna be amazing to see. I’m looking forward to watching everyone.

Corey: Maybe you accidentally spill a Diet Coke and Florence Henderson slips and breaks a hip. Then you’re one step ahead of the game.

Margaret: I think it would good to just break out the bat, Tonya Harding-style. Just retire some people. It could really go very wrong. I wish I had a mean side like that.

Corey: Did you have any favorite dances growing up, going out to the clubs?

Margaret: I could do the Running Man. I can kind of shake it, I guess.

Corey: Congratulations on the CD. I didn’t know you had this voice. When did you realize you could pull this off?

Margaret: Cyndi Lauper really turned it out when I toured with her. She was so encouraging about me developing my singing voice and doing a record like this. I knew I could sing, but I didn’t know I had this kind of ability. That’s something I’ve been training for. I have the help of all these fantastic musicians and producers and artists who could find a way to frame my voice with instruments and really make it shine. There is a little Auto-tune in there, but it’s mainly me. The Auto-tune is there for effect. I’m really proud of what I was able to accomplish. I couldn’t do it without the amazing artists backing me.

Corey: It’s a great hodgepodge of people you put together.

Margaret: Some are my friends and some who I am a rabid fan of. And some people I just wouldn’t leave alone. A couple people asked to be on it who I was a fan of, too. It’s really magical. The person who had the most to do with it was Jon Brion. I had been going to see him for years.