Leap of Faith (La Flor #1) (5 page)

I finally hear Rylee run down the stairs, bringing me out of my thoughts.

“Do we have any granola bars?” she asks hurriedly. “I’m gonna be late if I sit and eat breakfast.”

“Yes, there’re some in the pantry. Hurry, unless you want Mommy to take you to school,” I tease.

She gives me a horrified look, grabs a granola bar, throws me a goodbye kiss, and runs out the door. But not before yelling over her shoulder at us. “Good luck, Peanut! I love y’all always and forever.”

I watch her climb into the used midnight-blue Jeep Wrangler I bought for her sixteenth birthday and drive away. I turn to Skylar. “Alright, Peanut, let’s get you to school.”

Arriving to the elementary school is easy, but finding a parking spot, not so much. Everyone, and I mean
everyone,
decided to bring their kid to school on the first day, causing a massive traffic jam and a shortage of parking spots. I drive around for a few minutes until I see a spot come available and rush to beat all the other parents.

I won’t give this parking spot up! Especially since it’s located in the parking lot of the school and I don’t have to walk a mile to take Skylar to class. With some amazing driving skills, I make it and slide right in.

Yes—I got it! I do a small victory dance in my seat.

“You’re so silly, Momma,” I hear from Skylar.

“I know, Peanut. Don’t ever be afraid to dance and be silly,” I tell her. “But you still love me, right?”

“I do, Momma,” she assures me. “Very much.”

I park and walk around to Skylar’s side to open the child-proof locked door and get my little girl out. She takes a deep breath and looks up at me. She looks so adorable in her little white tank top with a pink sparkly flower in the center, her color-block pink and purple flared skort, and her pink-sequined Sperry’s. Her long brown hair is divided into two pigtails with matching pink bows. She’s my little princess—the fashionista.

“I’m nervous, Momma,” she tells me. “I’m a little bit scared. Do you think my teacher is gonna be nice?”

“It’s okay to be nervous and scared, Skylar, this is a whole new experience. Just don’t let those feeling overtake you. Take a couple more deep breaths and let’s go start your new adventure,” I reply.

I really hope her teacher is nice.

She grabs her brand-new Tangled backpack from the Jeep, steps aside so I can close the door, and waits for me. As I’m closing the door, I hear her squeal.

“Rylee! You’re here!”

I turn and see my eldest waiting next to our black Cherokee SRT. “What’s goin’ on, Rylee? Is everything okay? What are you doin’ here?” I ask. Last I remember, she was rushing out of the house and heading to school.

“It’s the peanut’s first day of school. There’s no way I’m missin’ that. Daddy can’t be here but I can. I made this at the last minute, so don’t laugh.” She gives Skylar a sign. “Hold it up and get together with Momma. Smile for the camera.”

She takes the picture and then switches places with me. After all the pictures are taken and we take a selfie of the three of us together, we each grab ahold of Skylar’s hands and march towards the school.

We arrive to the classroom where Skylar is assigned and meet her teacher. Skylar and Rylee head toward the backpack hooks and cubbies while I speak with Skylar’s new teacher, Ms. Jones. She explains the rules of the classroom and hands me several papers that need to be filled out, signed, and returned the following day, since we were unable to attend the meet-the-teacher conference held earlier in the month. I ask her about lunch and receive a menu and form to fill out so Skylar is able to eat at school when I don’t send her with a school lunch. I thank the teacher and excuse myself, allowing another parent to take my place.

I walk toward my girls. Skylar is showing her big sister her desk, introducing her new desk mate, and showing Rylee how she’s going to organize her supplies. I stand back and listen to my little girl adjust to her surroundings. I look at her and know that no matter how scared or nervous she is, Skylar is going to love school. A sense of peace fills me just as a small gust of wind passes through the room. I know Jake is watching over our little girls from heaven. I bend down and give my little peanut a big hug and goodbye kiss and tell her, “I love you.” I step back and let Rylee have her turn.

Rylee does the same but adds, “Good luck, Peanut, and don’t forget, take care of yourself in the playground. Don’t let the big kids be mean to you. If you have to slip and ‘accidentally’ have your foot meet their shin or your fist meet their face, then do so.”

Here we go.

I should probably expect a call from the principal later today. Thanks, Rylee, I say to myself, but I’m glad she said what I wanted to say. Finally, Rylee and I head out the door. As I step out of the classroom, I take a couple deep breaths and look at Rylee.

“Our little baby is growin’ up so fast. Thank you for being here with your little sister on her big day.”

She smiles.

“We’re all we have, Momma. I wouldn’t miss this for the world. Daddy would’ve wanted me here and so here I am,” she tells me.

We hug and then start walking toward our Jeeps.

“Now let’s get you to school. Hopefully, the school doesn’t have a problem because you’re late,” I say.

“Eh . . .” she says with a shrug. “I’ll tell them today was my little sister’s first day as well and if they have a problem, then that’s on them. Family always comes first. Love you!”

Instead of heading to work, I call the office to let them know I won’t be coming in today, and they need to forward any urgent calls. And
only
urgent calls—I don’t want to be notified unless it’s an emergency and we’re going to war.

Today is one of those days for me—the ones where I hurt and I get emotional.

This will be the first day I don’t have Skylar with me. She’ll be at school the whole day and won’t be in my office coloring or trying to do flips over my chairs and couch. I’m really going to miss my baby.

This milestone makes me miss Jake more than normal. People say time heals all wounds, but mine don’t seem to be healing. I’ve learned to live my days for my girls, but the nights—those are the hardest. They’re lonely and long. I only have our memories to keep me warm and my tears to soak my pillow.

Jake and I were always cuddling, always touching in some way. He always held me after our lovemaking and would tell me he loved me more every day. Now, I don’t have that—I’m alone in my bed and almost five years later, I still miss his body next to mine. I had to sell our old bed because I couldn’t bring myself to lie there alone. It held so many memories—memories of our love, our antics, our fights.

Memories of our time together and what was robbed from us.

10 April 2008

“I love you so much, Faith, more than you can ever imagine. I thank God every day you were brave enough to approach me, making me the luckiest man in the world. I must’ve done something right because I have you beside me,” he says to me as we lie in our bed.

We had just experimented with some toys I bought at a neighbor’s Passion Party. Jake was extremely pleased when he came home late from work due to a lockdown. I met him at the door dressed in a sexy purple negligee and told him I had a surprise downstairs. He ran upstairs to give a sleeping Rylee a goodnight kiss, and then rushed downstairs to me. We had TONS of fun with those toys.

“I know, baby, I love you too,” I reply with a satisfied sigh.

“No, Faith, you don’t understand what a saving grace you are. Before you, I was a shell of a man. I’ve done my best from the very beginnin’ to raise and provide for Rylee, but that was it. Rylee’s biological mother hurt me when she left, and I never thought I’d be able to trust another woman after she abandoned us. She left my newborn baby girl like she was nothin’ to her and she walked away from me. What did I know about raisin’ a baby? I could barely take care of myself.”

Lately, he’s been acting strange—coming home early as much as possible, declaring his love more often, and doing things he normally doesn’t do, like take pictures without me asking. It’s almost as if he knows something . . . something he’s not sharing with me.

“Faith, you’ve shown me what a good woman really is and you’ve made me into a better man. You gave up your youth to marry me—never getting’ the chance to go out and drink or party all night like the other people your age. Instead, you took it upon yourself to make my daughter your own and make us a family. You are the glue that keeps us together—a stronger person I’ve never known. I’m gone more often than not for work but you never complain, and when I come home, you meet me at the door with a kiss every time. You even help take off my boots and my uniform. It’s you who keeps me in line when I become a hard man to love—when I bring the stress of work home. You encourage me to do my best and hold me when I feel like a failure. You’ve made this place a home and us into a strong and lovin’ family. Thank you, for everything you do, but mainly for lovin’ me.”

After those beautiful and heartfelt words, I’m sniffling and tears are starting to fall. I’ve been so emotional lately and his words just push me over the edge. The sobbing starts. I push my face into his neck and really let loose. Oh man, do they come. I can barely catch my breath, and all Jake can do is hold me.

Not only have I been an emotional wreck, but I’ve had this pain—a heaviness in my chest. I catch myself rubbing my heart at times. I don’t know what this feeling is, but I know I don’t like it and hope it goes away soon. Jake is here with me and not in Afghanistan or a war zone, so I know he’s safe. Thank goodness I don’t have to worry about getting that knock on my door—having my friends call or text before every visit or getting scared every time I see a soldier in dress blues in the neighborhood. My husband is here with me and he’s safe.

“It’s okay, baby. Don’t cry,” he tells me as he rubs my back gently.

“How can I not cry, Jake, when you say such beautiful words to me? You always let me know how much I’m loved and you do your best to provide for us. You respect me and treat me like a queen,” I reply. “I love you, my lover. You are my forever and I’m blessed to have found you. I’m the lucky one—I have you and Rylee. My world is perfect.”

He moves on top of me and starts to kiss me tenderly—my lips, my cheeks, my eyes, and moves to my neck. He bites that one spot that always makes me shiver and laughs softly. He knows what it does to me and he loves it. His hands move from my face, slowly trailing to my breasts. He caresses them—playing with my nipples, making me breathe faster. He suckles one nipple and continues to play with the other. His hands leave my breasts and make their way down my body until he reaches between my legs.

He gently spreads my legs, moving his fingers back and forth along my most sensitive part. They gently massage my clit until I’m begging him for more.

“Patience, my love,” he says. “We have all night . . .”