Learning to Breathe (19 page)

“3 … 2 … 1!”

Suddenly I felt someone gently tilt my head up and then all I could feel was soft gentle lips on mine as shouts of “Happy New Year!” echoed around the room.

I opened my eyes to find Danny smiling sheepishly at me. I necked my champagne and stared at him, lost for words.

What the hell had just happened?

An hour later and I was starting to dread my ride home with Danny. Neither of us had spoken since the kiss and I had a feeling that things would be incredibly awkward in the car. After it had happened, I had walked away from him without saying a word and he hadn’t been very vocal either.

It’s not like it had been that big of a deal since it was just one little kiss. And it was for New Year’s – everybody knows that a New Year’s kiss means nothing … right?

Nevertheless, I was feeling very confused about it all but I figured that when Danny gave me a ride home, we could clear the air. Everything would be fine – I was sure of it.

Two seconds
later and Danny approached me. “Hey, you ready to go?” he asked me with a hint of uncertainty.

I nodded.
“Yeah, let me just grab my coat.” I quickly rushed off to find my jacket and then met Danny at his car.

“So,” I began as I sat in the passenger seat and tried to wa
rm up – it was freezing outside. “About earlier, things aren’t gonna get weird between us, are they?”

Danny frowned at me.
“No, why would they be?”

“Um, well it’s just – um, you kissed me and I dunno …” I trailed off, unsure of how to proceed since I had started to sound like a bumbling idiot.

Danny nodded in acknowledgement. “Ah right, the kiss. Look, you don’t have to worry – it’ll never happen again. It was New Year’s, everybody was kissing someone and I’m really sorry for overstepping the boundaries of our friendship. Friends?”

H
e glanced at me with a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

I nodded.
“Um sure – of course we’re still friends. As you said it was just a New Year’s kiss – it was nothing.” I said more to myself than Danny.

“Right.
” Danny agreed, as he pulled up outside my house. “Well then, I guess I’ll see you later. Goodnight.”

“Yeah,” I agreed distractedly
as I got out of the car. “Goodnight.”

And as I watched Danny drive off, I felt incredibly confused. I couldn’t forget the look Danny had given me when he had asked if we were still friends … it was almost as if he knew that my brain hadn’t been focusing since he’d kissed me … and I couldn’t help but think that that had been his plan all along.

“Oh my God, he totally kissed you and you’re not going to do anything about it?” Harriet asked me, slightly mystified.

I shrugged. “Like I keep telling you – it was nothing.”

It had been four days since ‘the kiss’ and after careful consideration, I had finally decided to put it behind me.
Harriet, on the other hand, kept trying to make a big deal out of it. We were currently sitting in her kitchen and she had insisted on grilling me about all the details.

“But how could it mean nothing? Are you trying to tell me that you didn’t even feel the tiniest bit of a spark?” Harriet looked at me sceptically.

“That’s right.” I nodded emphatically. “I didn’t feel a thing! Now can we please talk about something else?”

Harriet rolled
her eyes. “Yeah right – you just keep telling yourself that.”

I sighed heavily.
“Whatever, look I gotta go. I’m meeting Danny after lunch to do this go-karting thing.”

“Ooh!” Harriet exclaimed.
“For someone who’s not interested in him, you seem to be spending an awful lot of time with Danny.”

It was my turn to roll my eyes.
“We’re just friends. Protest all you want but it’s the truth.”

Harriet sighed.
“Fine, I’ll drop it. Go have fun.”

I nodded and left Harriet’s house to go and get ready.

After I had grabbed a quick lunch and changed into old clothes, I borrowed my mother’s car and drove to pick up Danny. He came out right on time, smiling widely at me.

“I’ve been looking forward to this all week.” He told me with a grin.

I nodded.
“Yeah, me too.”

I then quickly turned up the radio slightly as Leona Lewis’s ‘
Collide’ began to play and turned to Danny.

“I hope you don’t mind but I love this song!”

Danny shrugged but threw me a vaguely puzzled look which I decided to ignore. I knew he probably thought I was being weird but the truth was I just didn’t feel like talking.

A short while later and I pulled up outside of ‘Karl’s Karts’ and we both entered the building to get suited up. After giving our names and signing some paperwork, the owner – Karl – gave us our helmets and boiler suits. Mine was a rather fetching red number while Danny’s was blue.

We then went outside to get a quick demonstration of how the go-karts worked before trying out a practice lap. After a bad start and a few laps of the circuit, I started to get the hang of the whole go-karting thing and was actually starting to have fun. It also looked like Danny was enjoying himself too, judging by his triumphant fist-pumping when he beat me.

However, when the real race started, my competitive alter ego reared its ugly head. Danny and I traded smart remarks and silly insults before each race and I found that I was really starting to enjoy myself.

After four races, our time was up but since Danny and I were tied for first, Karl let us do one more lap to decide the winner. We both indulged in a little more fight talk before we took off around the circuit. Danny was leading by a hair but I quickly caught up to him so that we were neck and neck.

We b
oth tried to nudge each other off the track but neither of us lost control. It was then, when we were about three meters from the finish that a bug decided to slam into the visor on my helmet. It didn’t impair my vision but it did distract me for a second thus giving Danny a chance to take the lead and win.

We both drove into the pit and the got out of karts to get our time sheets. It turne
d out, even though Danny had won in the end, I had been the fastest out of the two of us and this pleased me immensely.

“Ho ho,” I teased. “A
little bit slow there Danny-boy – were you trying to race me or were you just enjoying the scenery?”

Danny rolled his eyes.
“Laugh all you want but I still beat you in the end and I’ve got the trophy to prove it!”

I
wacked him playfully on the arm. “Yeah, only ‘cause a bug distracted me at the last second.”

“Y
eah yeah,” Danny teased. “Excuses, excuses.”

I rolled my eyes at him.
“Come on, let’s go before your head gets so big that you won’t fit in the car.”

Once we pulled up at Danny’s house, I turned to face him – there was something that I had wanted to say the whole journey home.

“Do you have any other plans for the rest of the day?” I rushed out rather quickly before I chickened out.

Danny looked at me curiously. “No … why?”

“Um, there’s someone I want you to meet.” I told him hastily.

“Okay …” he said slowly. “Who?”

I smiled at him.
“My mother.”

Danny looked surprised.
“Really?”

I nodded.
“Yeah, she’s been bugging me for ages about meeting the person who’s been helping me learn how to swim.”

“Okay then, let’s go.”

I grinned at him and then proceeded to drive over to my house. Once I’d pulled into our driveway, Danny got out and opened my door for me.

“Wow!” I exclaimed in surprise.
“What’s happened to you?”

Danny gave me a sly grin.
“Your mother’s looking out the window – I had to show her that I’m the perfect gentleman!”

I slapped his arm playfully.
“Sorry to disappoint you Danny-boy but she’ll see right through your little charm act … just like I did.”

“And you’re sure about that?” Danny asked with a smirk.

I nodded. “Yeah – why?”

“Oh nothing, I guess I’ll just have to resort to my winning smile then.” He flashed me a cheeky grin as I laughed and led him into the house.

It was then two hours later before my mother finally let Danny go home. She had been very taken with him – a fact that Danny proceeded to boast about on the entire journey back to his house.

“So,” Danny began,
after he had finished gloating. “When do you wanna start your lessons again?”

I shrugged.
“First day we go back to school?”

He n
odded. “Sounds good to me. See you Monday.”

I nodded.
“See you then.”

I then smiled and drove off, wondering how much my mother was going to gush about Danny when I arrived back home – I was guessing a lot.

When I returned home, my mother didn’t pester me too much about Danny which I found surprising. Although
, when she started to hint that our friendship just might be something more, I excused myself from the room, citing that I had to get an early night.

However, every time I tried to fall asleep, I found myself plagued with images from my nightmares. Eventually though, I managed to drift off sometime after 3am but it was far from restful.

My lungs felt like they were on fire. I could taste the salty water but there was nothing I could do to stop it from rushing into my lungs. I was choking while I screamed out for help and I could feel myself slipping in and out of consciousness. Suddenly, I could feel strong arms around me
and hear someone comforting me.

“Darcie, you’re going to be okay. I won’t let anything happen to you. I promise …”

I woke with a start.

It was Monday morning – the first day back to school and I just had to start it with haunting thoughts about my nightmare. I hadn’t been plagued by one in a while but now it seemed to have returned with a vengeance.

What a great start to the day!

I eventually managed to get up and saw that my mother had already left for work before I jumped in the shower in an attempt to wash away the last traces of the dream. It didn’t work as well as it normally would have since it was still playing in the back of mind when I arrived at school an hour later.

I was just grabbing the last of my books from my locker when Danny approached me, causing me to drop my copy of ‘Romeo and Juliet’. He quickly retrieved it and handed it to me with a concerned look on his face.

“Hey Gilmore, you okay? You look kinda tired.”

I nodded distractedly.
“Yeah, I’m fine – um … how are you? Are we still on for this afternoon?”

Danny nodded.
“Yeah, I’ll meet you in the pool after you’re done with the Youth Club.”

He
then threw me a curious look as I dropped another book and added, “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Huh? Oh
, I’m fine – really.” I told him firmly, plastering a fake smile on my face.

He frowned at me.
“Look, you know we can skip today’s lesson – if you’re not feeling up to it.”

I glanced up to find him giving me what I can only describe as a pitying look
. “What? No, don’t be ridiculous.”

He threw me another worried glance and I saw red. “Look, I told you I’m fine now can you please just drop it!”

Danny held up his hands in surrender. “Wow! Okay fine, I’ll see you later then.”

I felt remorse as soon as I watched him walk away. I didn’t know what was wrong with me – I just didn’t feel like myself for some reason. My nightmare had rattled me more than usual and I didn’t know
why but then it hit me. Today’s date was the 16th of January … it had been one year.

I stopped in my tracks as that thought sank in
… a year?
It didn’t feel like a year had passed. Heck, it didn’t even feel like one
day
had passed from that horrible day.

However, there it was – plain as day –
the cruel realisation that I had spent the last twelve months of my life wishing that I could change everything about that day … 365 days wishing that it had never happened … 8,760 hours asking one question – why?

I started to shake, feeling quite faint. Distantly, I heard the bell ring, signalling the start of first period but I knew I couldn’t go to class. No, today of all days, I needed to be alone. So instead, I found my feet carrying me right out the exit door, leaving school work and my silly, insignificant problems far behind.

I didn’t know where I was going but I did know one thing – wherever I was headed – it was going to be somewhere where I wouldn’t be disturbed.