Learning to Drown (20 page)

I snorted, tossing my head back. “Oh,
god! Now you’re calling me insane.”

“Both of us,” he said. “If you’re
crazy, I’m right there with you. Let’s go get you some clothes. You’ll need
some warm stuff for the cabin. No central heat there. Just woodstove, fireplace
and man heat.”

I shivered at the last, hearing the
joking tone but still instantly thinking of him entering me. Over me. Fucking
me. “Got it. Can I get some wool socks? I am a wool sock addict. Especially if
I’m going where it’s cold.”

“Sure thing, sister. It’s on me.”

“I can pay you back.” I said it fast
and anxious. I wanted him to know that I didn’t expect anything from him. I
could pay my own way.

Lucas glared at me, brown eyes
flashing almost topaz in the afternoon sun. “I said it’s on me.”

I swallowed, catching the tone and the
gaze and on some levels the need for him to do this for me. “Got it. Thanks. I
really appreciate it.”

“Of course,” he grinned and I felt a
small slide of warmth in the crotch of my panties. He was turning me on just
talking to me in the cab of his truck. I was dumbstruck, awestruck, love
struck. The last one scared me some. I wasn’t ready to love anyone. Maybe not
ever. “That does mean I have a say in your clothes. Especially the skivvies.”

I got out and he took my elbow as we
walked. Not guiding me or pulling me or even propelling me. Just touching me,
that was all. “Lucas?”

“Hmm?”

“Why is this different? You keep saying
this is different?” I held my breath, waiting, hoping, praying that he would
tell me. Even Matthew had said those words. Had told me I was different.

I didn’t believe it. I was too afraid
to believe it, truth be told.

“Come on. We can talk about that later.
I want to get you set up and get on the road. I’d like to be at the cabin
before dark. It’s been closed up for a while.”

* * * *

Lucas watched her walk, watched her
stroke the jeans around her like they were the finest garments. He had to
smile, the way her slender hands tickled over the varying shades of denim. She
finally settled on a medium wash. Not so dark they looked brand new, not so
pale they were out of date. The perfect distress worn-in and loved color of
blue. She held them up and he nodded.

“They’re kind of loose,” Ember
whispered, glancing down at the black jeans Matthew had bought for her. They
were the trouser equivalent of a tight leather glove. They fit her like a
second skin.

Lucas kept his voice even but he
really wanted to laugh. “Well, I do love the ones you have on, but I like to
know what’s in them without seeing every detail from the outside. A little
mystery. Plus, baby, I know what lies beneath.” An older woman by his shoulder
let out an amused little chuckle and Lucas fought a smile.

He watched Ember’s cheeks flood with a
rush of color and she nodded. “Okay, got it. These?” She held up three
identical thermals. Red, black and snow white.

“Hurry up,” he said. "Try them
on. You still need sweaters and underthings and your socks. And boots.”

“Boots!” Her face lit up and his dick
got hard. He loved that look she got when she was excited. Such an innocent and
endearing look of joy on her face. It made him want to hug her.
Just
hug
her. That scared him.

“Yes, but useful boots. Not froo-froo
boots. Boots that will keep your feet warm and be okay if they get wet or
snowy.”

“But cute,” she said, looking
concerned about the book protocol.

“But cute,” he agreed and watched her
hustle her lush, fine ass into a dressing room.

“How long have you two lovebirds been
together?” the woman whispered.

“Just a few days since I stole her.”

“From another man’s loving arms?” she
asked, looking wistful.

“From another man’s utility chest,” he
said and watched the lady blink.

“Oh, um…” she looked alarmed but not
enough to concern Lucas. He smiled at her, showing he was joking. Mostly. “Good
luck to you,” the woman said and hurried off.

Lucas blew out a big deep breath of
frustration and ran a hand through his hair. Be careful what you wish for is
what they say. “And they sure are right.”

Lucas wasn’t much of a praying man.
You can’t believe in some benevolent caretaker of life when your father drinks
too much, hits you, puts you in the care of yourself and another kid you don’t
even know when he first shows up. When you grow up wondering if you’re going to
be discovered by social services and taken away. Some days you daydream about
it and being discovered is more like being rescued. He wasn’t much of a
believer. Let’s leave it at that. But he did believe in something. Some great
unknown something. Something his great great grandfather who he’d only met
twice in his life called
Great Spirit.

Just two days before taking Damien
Rossi’s truck, Lucas had realized, he wanted a life. He wanted to let go of all
that anger, stop playing at life. He wanted to
build
a life, not play at
one. So he’d gotten good and drunk, lit a pipe that had belonged to the old man
with stale tobacco and went out offering smoke to the star and the heavens. It
was a bogus, half assed offering to something he wasn’t even sure was up there,
but he’d said simply “Bring her to me. Bring me someone who will get me. Who
will understand and love me and be with me no matter how fucked up and crazy I
am. Make it undeniable. Make it something I can’t ignore. Make her love me and
I promise to love her. And protect her, even if it means sometimes protecting
her from myself.”

And then he’d been sick and gone to
bed.

Two days later he was cutting
September out of a tool box and then out of cuffs. And he was taking her away
so that Matthew couldn’t cloud his judgment and he wouldn’t fall into that old
way of his. Where he treated her like a toy or something to use. He wanted to
protect her from himself. Because you don’t get much more undeniable than a
woman trussed up in hr underpants looking to you to be her hero.

Be careful what you wish for.

Chapter 23

“Well?” I asked, tossing the curtain
back. The way he looked at me made my stomach warm and nervous.

“Nice. Let’s go.”

“Well? Should I try on the other
colors?”

Lucas looked at his boot. “Same shirt,
right? Different color?”

“Right.”

“So what’s the point?” he asked.

Okay, I certainly felt that in the
belly like a kick. I had been having fun dressing for him. Primping and trying
to tempt him. Instead I got tall, gruff and grumpy. I blew my bangs out of my
face and turned. “Right. I’ll get dressed.”

“I found you a sweater while I was
waiting,” he said. “Now we need unmentionables, pajamas, socks and boots.”

So I got excited when he said boots.
So sue me. “Coming!”

“Soon enough,” I heard him say and
then he laughed.

My body, truly attuned to him now,
reacted. I shimmied into my tight jeans and sweater and bundled the new clothes
under my arm. When I walked out he was holding a cream colored cable knit
sweater out to me. I touched it, feeling the sheer heft of it. I’m sorry, not
to be a snob, but only expensive sweaters felt that way. Heavy and rich, almost
like a physical presence when you wore it. Something pressing you down, keeping
you warm, anchoring you to earth.

“I can’t,” I said, handing it back. I
wouldn’t even look at the price tag. I couldn’t. It would make me cry.

“You can and you will,” he said,
handing it back.

“No,” I said. Something I doubted I’d
ever say so much to Lucas Crow.

“Take it and…” He turned, his broad
shoulders tense with annoyance and frustration. “This one.”

The other sweater was lipstick red. A
gorgeous blue-toned red that would make me look like a pale, flaxen haired
goddess. If I’d take it. Which I wouldn’t. Thinner than the cable knit it felt
like cashmere and I rubbed my fingers lovingly over its surface before
thrusting it back at him. My voice reedy and flustered. “I can’t!”

“Take the goddamned sweaters,
September or I will take you back to your hovel and leave you with that asshole
you called a boyfriend.”

My throat clogged with emotion and I
swallowed hard. “You wouldn’t.”

“I will if you don’t listen. Take the
sweaters and try it on. Right here. Now. Do it.”

I watched him, trying to decide if he
was telling me the truth. Finally, fear propelled me and I started to pull it
on over my thin black sweater Matthew had bought me.

“Nope. For arguing, you can go on and
peel that puppy off,” he said, his face showing no humor. No hint that he was
joking.

“But I—”

“No buts. Come on, we’re burning
daylight. Peel that fucker off and try these on.”

It was like streaking, which I’d only
done once in college. Don’t think about it or you chicken out. Instead, just
clear your mind and go. I set the pile of clothes down on the sweater display
and yanked the black one over my head. My nipples pebbled in my bra from the
chilled air. I heard someone gasp–sadly, not Lucas. I yanked the red sweater
over my head, feeling even in that insane moment, the sensual lick of the
fabric on my skin. I turned, fluffed my hair and kept my eyes on no one but
him. If I looked at another person and read their expression I would simply
die. Float off like dandelion fluff.

He grinned at me and my pussy spasmed
just enough to let me know that he had me. Hook, line and sinker, he had me.
“Well?” I breathed.

“Nice. Very nice. Brings out those
big, innocent baby blues.” Lucas leaned in and kissed me. One rough kiss on the
lips that set my whole being on edge. “Now this one.”

I took a deep breath like I was about
to dive and tugged the red sweater over my head, it tangled around my head, my
hair forcing itself into my nose and mouth. I refused to panic and I tried to
hurry without yanking the delicate fabric too hard. I felt Lucas’s hands on me
and then he helped me extricate myself from my expensive bondage. He handed me
the heavy fisherman’s sweater and I pulled it down over my head. My hair was
charged now. It danced and drifted around my head like it was weightless. He
pushed the stray strands away and rubbed his thumb over my bottom lip. The move
made me think of how he had rubbed his cock over my bottom lip right before I’d
sucked him into my mouth.

“I like it. You look warm and cozy and
very, very fuckable.” His voice was like smoke, worming its way into every nook
and cranny of my body that craved his want, his acceptance, his approval.

“Thank you,” I managed, determined not
to argue with him anymore.

“I have money, Ember. My old man was a
shit in the dad department but he left us enough money that we don’t have to
work. I do what I do for the challenge and because I believe a man–hell, a
person–needs a purpose. Needs something to do. So I do that. Now you’ve been
such a good, good girl…”

I felt my cheeks flush hot when he
said that. I wanted him to see me as his good girl. I wanted to please him. And
I refused to analyze that part of myself right now. He chuckled and I mumbled,
“Thank you.”

“Now get dressed and let’s pay. We can
go to the shoe store. It took balls to do what you just did. Especially…” He
turned fast to eye an older woman who was eavesdropping. “With so many people
not minding their own business,” he said right to her.

She opened her mouth, shut it and then
turned and scurried off. Lucas grinned and I had to stifle a laugh behind my
hand. “Like I was saying. It took balls, I think two pairs of boots are in
order. One for the snow and one for show. The second ones you can wear during
our alone time.”

An hour later we left the mall with a
brown pair of futuristic kick ass snow boots with faux fur trim and a pair of
Lucite stiletto ankle boots made of the most buttery black leather I’d ever
felt. A few pairs of flannel pajamas, six expensive bras, almost invisible
expensive panties, wool socks and a negligee and I was good to go.

In the truck, Lucas handed me my
phone.

“What’s this?”

“You have it if you need to call that
Dawn woman. Or him. Or anyone. No more prisoner. This is something we’re in
together. You can take your phone and stay. You can take your phone and leave.
It’s time for this little game to stop and the figuring out to begin.”

I remembered that I told him I loved
him. I remembered how inappropriate it felt and yet so honest. And I realized,
that even though I wasn’t sure what the fuck was going on–not really anyway–my
heart said the same thing when I looked at him.
I love you…I love you…

I put it on silent and stuck it in my
purse. I watched the scenery fly by as we headed toward the cabin. When it
started to snow it looked magical. When Lucas reached out absentmindedly and
put his big hand on my thigh and rubbed my leg affectionately,
I
felt
magical.

The cabin was bigger than I expected
and more gorgeous to boot. A blonde wood work of art, it sat by itself in the
middle of towering trees. Dusk was falling and the air was blue. Lucas carried
our bags in and we uncovered the furniture. He lit a fire and turned to me.
“I’ll be back, running up for groceries. You’re here alone and if you want to
make calls you can. If you want to leave, you can. There’s a spare truck in the
garage for hunting. The keys are over the sink on the hook.”