Learning to Live (15 page)

I’m so pissed I just pull out and speed home without looking their
way. David doesn’t ask any questions until we’re back home and in my
room to clean up for the night. I just want Tru to talk to me about
herself. I know she’s keeping secrets, and I want to know them, but
more than that, I want her to trust me enough to share them with me. I
know I can’t fix everything that’s happened in her past, but I want to
try, and I can’t do that until she tells me.
“Did you see it on her side?” I ask David because I’ll explode if I
don’t talk to him about it. My breathing is still fast, but I continue to
pace. I feel like busting a fucking hole in something with my fist.
“See what? The awesome tattoo or the nasty scar?”
The tattoo is beautiful and I noticed the tiny footprints in the
center, but right now the scar holds my concern.
I interlace my fingers behind me neck so I won’t bust the walls or
break David’s nose. I bet this is what a caged animal feels like. “The
fucking scar. I know it’s not old and it doesn’t look like any surgery
I’ve ever seen or heard about.” I continue to pace and try to calm the
fuck down.
“Well, do you want to know what I think it resembles?” David
asks, sitting on my bed and getting sand on my sheets, but I don’t care
at the moment. I nod my head even though I’m sure we’re thinking the
same thing.
He looks at me and for once he’s not trying to joke around or be a
cocky sonofabitch. “Like a stab wound of some kind, but not with a
knife because it’s crooked and longer than a regular blade.” He shakes
his head and shrugs his shoulders. “Whatever is was fucked her side
up pretty bad and it looks like it would of affected her liver too.”
Hearing him clarify my own thoughts just makes my anger worse.
Fuck it. Turning, I walk over and punch the bathroom door hard
enough to dent it. The pain is a great distraction from my inner
turmoil.
“Jesus, Jax! Calm the fuck down. We need to get ready for your
little brother’s birthday party, not taking you to the ER for a broken
hand.” He gets up and walks toward the bathroom. “I’m heading to the
shower to get ready. Oh! By the way, Nicole and her friends invited us
all to meet them at some club tonight. You up to it? Maybe you can
beat the shit out of someone instead of the door.”
Taking a deep breath, I sit on the bed.“Yeah.” I sure could use a
drink. Lying back, I close my eyes while waiting for my turn to use the
bathroom. I try to figure out this beautiful and damaged girl I know
I’m falling in love with.

After I’m ready I head down to the party. Everyone seems to be
having a blast including me. I put the scar in the back of my mind to
focus on Cohen and his birthday. He loves the Power Wheels red Jeep
I bought him, and with Tru’s gift in hand, he drives around and shows
everyone he’s now old enough to drive.

I watch him offer Trudy a ride, and she looks torn between letting
him down and knowing she won’t fit. Mom luckily saves the day.
“Cohen, honey, Trudy is too big to ride in your Jeep. Go ask Mia
if she wants to.” She bends down to his level and looks at him with
eyes similar to mine.
“Okay, Mommy.” He looks at Tru and says with all seriousness
says, “I sowy you too big to wide with me, but maybe when you get
wittle you can.” He drives off to hunt down Mia as Tru and my mom
laugh together.
I love to watch her interact with my family, especially McKenzie.
She treats her just like a normal nine-year-old girl and doesn’t coddle
her like others try to do. She fits in here and I feel like it’s where she’s
meant to be. With me.
After everyone leaves and the girls help Mom clean up, I head
upstairs and find my dad in his office. “Dad, can I talk to you?”
Whenever I need anything he’s there for me. I have major respect for
him and his advice.
He smiles and nods his head. “Sure. It’ll be good to catch up since
I haven’t seen much of you.” He takes a seat on the old, dark blue
couch that he’s had since he and Mom first married. It stands out like a
sore thumb in his huge office, but it doesn't detract from the amazing
view of the ocean from the large window. His desk and the shelves
behind it are made of light wood and it flows with the theme of the rest
of the house. He has heart models on his desk with the latest Mac
computer and technology. The remaining walls have family pictures of
all of us, in addition to his diplomas and doctorates in wood frames
that match the shelves.
If he’s home and looking for peace and quiet, you can usually find
him here on this couch, reading or napping to catch up on some sleep.
I sit beside him and just stare out the window thinking of how I
want to start this conversation or if I should even discuss this with him
before I talk to Tru.
“Jax, are you okay?” My dad has concern in his voice, and I hate
making him worry.
“Yeah, I’m fine physically. It’s just emotionally...I’m frustrated” I
run my fingers through my hair and look at my dad. I get most of my
features from him, except my eyes and dark hair. His hair is a lighter
brown, but now I notice he has grey around his temples. I smile
because I know he’ll worry and I don’t want that. He worries enough
as it is with all of us kids and his profession. “Nothing I can’t handle,
Dad.” I start to stand. “Sorry for bothering you.”
He grabs my shoulder and I turn toward him. “You’ve never been
a bother, son, and you can talk to me. Does this have to do with Jazz’s
new friend Trudy?” His smile says he knows it does, so I just nod.
“She’s extremely attractive, isn’t she? Seems skittish and kind of lost
too.” He walks over to the window and gazes out. With his profession
he’s always been able to read people. He can see through peoples lies,
and it’s something I used to hate while growing up. Now it’s
something I appreciate. He was the one who warned me about Ashton.
I nod my head. “Yeah. I like this girl. From the first day I met her,
I’ve liked her.” I lean back against the couch and blow out a breath.”
She’s just so closed off and guarded.”
“Well, just give her time and trust that if she’s meant to be yours
for a little while or a lifetime, it will happen.” He turns to me and you
can tell he’s remembering from some other time. “I was like that with
your mother once. She was actually dating a friend of mine, and I was
so frustrated because I knew she was meant for me. Even after they
broke up, she wouldn’t give me the time of day because she didn’t
want to ruin the friendship he and I had.” He walks over and pats me
on the back. I’ve never heard this story before, and I can’t imagine
Mom with anyone other than my dad. “Look at us now though.
Twenty-five years and never happier. The right one is always worth the
struggle.”
Well that didn’t help me feel much better, but I know he’s right. If
Trudy’s meant to be mine, it will happen eventually. I just wish it
would happen sooner rather than later.
“Thanks, Dad.” I give him a hug and walk out the door to go get
ready for the night.
After I shower and shave, I put on a white button down and roll
the sleeves up. Then I pull on some comfortable jeans that are good
and worn with fringe around the edge and slide on my flip-flops. I
head downstairs with David, and we talk to my mom for a few minutes
while we wait for Trudy and Jazz.
“You two behave and watch out for Jazz and Trudy,” Mom says,
pointing her slender finger at us and giving her “Don’t cross me” look.
“Don’t let Jazz get too tired either.” With Jazz’s heart issues she can
get tired a lot easier than a normal person, so we always keep an extra
eye on her. I often forget because she acts like every other eighteen
year old.
“Yes, ma’am,” we say in unison and to me we sound like we’re
both thirteen again and were just punished.
We hear the girls’ heels click on the wooden stairs and then
McKenzie and her friend Samantha complimenting them on how they
look. “Jazz, you both look so pretty. I can’t wait until I’m old enough
to wear makeup and heels.” McKenzie is going to be a knock out even
though she’s in a wheelchair. I’m dreading her growing up.
All thoughts leave my brain when they round the corner and Tru is
in my line of sight. How can someone look so good? Her hair is down
and it reaches to the middle of her back, which happens to be bare.
She’s wearing some green top that hooks around her neck and is
backless plus a pair of skin tight khaki colored pants with some nude
heels. Her makeup is flawless and natural looking. I watch as her
diamond nose stud catches the light while she talks to my mom. I just
realize as she turns around that she is not wearing a bra, and I have to
focus on my breathing and look lower, but of course now my attention
is centered on her ass that’s just begging to be spanked. I need to get
out of here quick because I’m about to go ape shit and drag her up the
stairs over my shoulder.
“I’ll be in the car.” I know my voice sounds rough, but I just head
out without another word and hope she puts me out of my misery soon.
Man, I need a drink,
I think to myself as everyone piles up in the Jeep
and we head to the bar.

We’ve been here an hour, and I’m feeling good sitting downstairs
at the club with Jazz. The place is dark with bright colorful lights
moving in sync with the music. The dance floor is packed with sweaty
bodies, and there’s a metal pole in the center that girls hump trying to
impress the guys.
As soon as we came inside earlier, David found the brunette from
earlier and split. When we found a table, Jax went to the bar. I haven’t
seen him since, and I’m feeling disappointed. Jazz and I have been
surrounded by some of her high school friends since we sat down. I
don’t really know how to talk to all these people, so I sit and listen to
their stories of Jazz and her past high school experiences, even if it
was only a few months ago.
I love the music the DJ is playing, and I feel like dancing, but not
with any of these other guys that have asked. I’m feeling pretty
confident from the shot of tequila Jazz and I did in honor of our
friendship. I can feel my body starting to heat up as my muscles
loosen, and it’s starting to hum with the need to move. “I need to use
the bathroom,” I yell to Jazz as she talks with some cute guy that she
used to date.
“Okay. I’ll be right here.” She continues to smile and flirt with her
old fling and doesn’t look my way. I’m glad to see this because it
reassures me that I’m wrong about the rumors regarding Professor
Wallace.
I make my way through the crowd, thankful I know how to walk
in heels without falling. It’s one of the perks of my old job. Making my
way through the crowd, I notice that guys look at me as I pass.
Looking down at my outfit Jazz let me borrow for the night, I feel sexy
for the first time ever. Since she is way shorter than me, her mom let
me borrow these slacks that hug my ass perfectly and in all the right
places. I wasn’t expecting to go out so I didn’t bring anything with me.
I’ve never worn anything like this before. The material of the shirt
glides up and down my bare chest and causes my skin to get chills
from the friction. It’s backless so I had to forgo a bra, and I’m sure it
shows. But I don’t care at the moment. Its color brings out my eyes
and the nude platform heels add length to my legs. I was hoping to
drive Jax crazy tonight, but he seems to be avoiding me and I haven’t
seen him.
As I exit the restroom, I finally spot him with a crowd of people
talking and laughing. Determined to make a move I decide since he
won’t approach me, I’ll approach him. I take a deep breath, trying to
gather my courage, and start to walk in his direction. I’m captivated by
his smile as he laughs, revealing his dimple. My heart rate picks up
while thinking of his kiss but then it falls into my stomach. I stop in
the middle of the crowd when the cougar from earlier today walks over
to him. She’s wearing a little more clothing but not much. Her tight
short black dress and black stilettos that wrap up her calves just scream
sex. I think I might be sick with the way she’s rubbing her large, fake
breasts all over his bare forearm while she talks to him.
Through the fog in my brain I hear the song
Va Va Voom
by Nicki
Minaj start up and see her drag Jax to the dance floor with all his
buddies cheering him on. I start seeing red while I watch her rub her
ass all over his crotch. I can tell he doesn’t want to dance with her by
the way he’s trying to avoid touching her. However, he continues to,
which only impresses his friends and pisses me off. Man can he move!
Just watching his hips sway to the beat of the music is so hot I start
imagining his hips pumping against me while I’m being filled with
him.
When I finally shake myself out of my heated, sex-filled daze, I
know what I want to do. I walk over to the DJ on the other side of the
club and ask him to play Rhianna’s and Chris Brown’s remix of
Birthday Cake
. I walk back to the table and see another shot sitting in
front of my vacant seat and down it to gain courage. Either I’ll make a
complete fool out of myself or I’ll leave tonight with the one person
that makes me want more for myself than what I thought was possible.
I look to Jazz who just notices me standing there. “You wanted to
see me dance, well just watch.” I hear her squeal as I walk onto the
crowded dance floor and toward Jax, who’s still being dry humped by
the wild cat.
I hear my song start over the speakers and feel the bass vibrate my
body. I walk like I’m headed on stage with slow catlike movements
until the beat starts, and then I clap my hands and shake my ass the
way I know how. I stare at Jax the whole time, and when he looks up,
his heated stare boosts my confidence and my determination. As I start
to move my whole body—not just my hips like cougar over there—I
notice I have more space. The onlookers have made room and are just
watching. They begin cheering as I dip down and make my whole
body and then my ass vibrate. I own this moment as I forget about the
crowd, and definitely the evil stare from the cougar, and just let go. I
move my feet with the beats perfectly and bend my body in
complicated moves that only professionals can do. I start to break
dance and mix it with some hip-hop, knowing I could give Beyoncé a
run for her money. I lip sing the whole time, and when the verse about
making him my bitch plays, I stare at my target. I hear catcalls and
then Jazz screaming my name.
God, I love this!
When Chris Brown’s vocals start, I notice a young guy coming
toward me. I can tell he dances the way he keeps rhythm with the beat.
I decide to kick my shoes off toward Jazz and repeat all his moves
while adding a few of my own and some pirouettes. As we dance
together, I throw my leg around his waist then grind on him. Even with
all this commotion around me, I’m aware of the heat from Jax’s stare. I
never would have thought that getting attention would cause my
adrenaline to rush through my whole body like a speeding car. But I
know it’s because of one set of eyes watching me above the others that
is causing this feeling.
I strut to the pole for my finale. I grab it with one hand and walk
around it while my steps match the beat perfectly. Then I slowly climb
up and brace it with my thighs before I flip backwards. Coming back
up, I hook one leg around the pole and start to spin while making my
decent.
The guys go crazy and I realize I don’t feel dirty like my previous
pole performance but sexy. I’m not sure if it’s due to the alcohol, Jax’s
stare, or the feeling of control I have over the crowd, but I love every
second. After my bare feet hit the floor, I start walking with a sway to
my hips toward my dark eyed target. He’s staring at me with the same
look I’m sure is on my face:
pure hunger
.
I watch him push cougar aside and walk with purpose in my
direction. Everyone disappears when we reach one another, and I
watch his nostrils flare with every breath he takes. We continue to stare
at each other, and my breathing increases from the excitement building
inside me. It’s causing our chests to touch with each inhale, and I can
feel an electrical current building from the friction.
All of a sudden I lose it and pounce on him. I jump in his arms
and wrap my legs around his waist and drink from the oasis that’s his
mouth. I feel his chest vibrate against mine when he growls and wraps
one hand in my hair and the other grips my ass hard. I love the
intensity of his hold, so I don’t mind the pain. In fact, I want more and
know I can’t wait any longer.
His tongue slides smoothly against mine, and I love the feel of it. I
can’t remember anything tasting so good and know I’ll never find
anything better than his kiss.
The feeling of cool air hits my bare back, and it feels so good on
my overheated skin. Then I feel cold metal against my spine, but it’s
quickly forgotten because Jax thrusts his hips against mine, and the
feel of his hard cock causes me to quiver.
“I want you so bad, Tru,” he whispers roughly as his tongue glides
from my mouth to my ear then lower on my neck. I get goose bumps
all over my body from the sensations his touch causes.
I can’t talk at the moment because the emotions he evokes in me
are so overwhelming. I can only feel and that’s exactly what I do. I feel
everything that is Jax, his gentleness under a tough exterior, but also
the fierce protection he offers me, and I want to feel it forever.
Running my hands down his chest, I feel his heart slamming
against my palm. To know I can cause this reaction in him is such an
aphrodisiac. I can feel wetness building between my thighs and can’t
stop myself from rubbing against him harder, desperate for release.
I slide my hands underneath the hem of his shirt, letting my hands
slide across his bare skin. I think I’m about come just from the feel of
his hard muscles under smooth skin. My hands continue to slide up
and down over the ripples of his abs, and I know I’m close to
exploding. I moan and the sound is so foreign to my ears because I’ve
never felt this way before, and I don’t want it to end.
He braces me more securely, and I feel one of his hands reach
under my blouse. Then he’s palming my breast. His mouth lands on
mine again, and he sucks my tongue into his mouth as he pinches my
hardened nipple. Then I see stars as my body convulses, and I moan
his name.
He’s breathing hard, just like me, when I’m finally able to open
my eyes. It takes me a few minutes, but I realize we’re outside and I’m
against his Jeep. He rests his forehead against mine as we catch our
breath. “I want you so fucking bad, Tru. Not just this beautiful body...”
he glides one hand from my neck, down my sides, then brings it back
up and covers my heart “...but here too.”
I’m scared of what this man does to me, but I want to take all that
he’s willing to give. First I need to let him know who I am, and that
means sharing my past with him. “I want you too, Jax, but there are
things about me that you need to know. Things I’ve never shared
before.”
“I know, Tru. I know you have secrets, and I know you don’t trust
easily. I also know that you
are mine,
and I want to know
everything
about you.” He kisses me with such softness this time, and I feel the
truth of his words.
I trust him even though we only met a month ago, and I want to
see where this leads me. “Okay,” I whisper when we break apart. “I
want to tell you, but not here. I want to be somewhere private.”
His smile is beautiful and I can’t help placing my hand on his
cheek while we look into each other’s eyes. He kisses my palm
without ever breaking eye contact and says, “I’m going to go get Jazz
and David so we can head home. I want you to get in the Jeep and lock
the door okay?” I nod my head and he opens the door for me then
helps me in. Before he shuts it though, he kisses me again then winks,
showing off his dimple as he shuts my door.
I watch as he jogs back to the club, feeling my nerves and
excitement building. I’m nervous with the thought of finally talking
about my past and excited because I’m finally willing to let go and
live. I look down and take a deep breath to gain my composure, but
then I laugh when I see my bare feet and wiggle my toes.