Learning to Live (3 page)

He’s tanned with short, dark brown, curly hair and perfectly
sculpted lips that I can’t help but imagine how soft they must be. He
has a strong jaw with a small amount of scruff on his face. The only
flaw I can see seems to be a scar above his right eye. I want to reach
out and touch it but quickly shake off the urge and look at the ground
instead.

I bet he’s an asshole. Nobody can look that good and still have a
decent personality. I study his worn jeans and black, expensive looking
sandals. He obviously has money because everything on him looks the
part.

“I asked if you were okay.” I can hear the smile in his voice as a
shiver races up and down my spine from his southern drawl. “I’m
Jaxon by the way. But my friends call me Jax for short.” I see a hand
in front of my face and know I should be nice and shake it, but I don’t
trust myself yet.

I look up again and say in a bitchy tone, “Thank you,
Jaxon
, but I
can handle myself.” I need to let him know I’m not his friend now and
never will be. I take my bag and start walking away.

“Don’t I get a name or should I just call you Laila Ali?” I see him
keep up pace beside me while I continue to ignore him. “Okay, I get it.
You don’t know or trust me since you already had one bad incident in
the past five minutes, but you look lost and I know this campus pretty
well. If you tell me where you’re going I can help.”

That stops me dead in my tracks and I sigh. I hate looking lost so
maybe I can get him to point out the direction I need to go and nothing
more. “Okay.” I finally give in. “I’m looking for Stokes Hall,” I say,
glancing over at Jaxon. He stares at me and I tap my foot impatiently.
His attention turns to my mouth. My body becomes heated and I
unconsciously lick my lips, not remembering if I put gloss on. There is
nothing more unattractive than dry lips.

I shake myself of those silly thoughts and remember that I don’t
want to be attractive to him or any other douche on campus.
“If I tell you it is going to cost you,” he states, taking a step closer
so the light breeze picks up his delicious, clean scent. I’ve never
smelled something so nice before, but his closeness causes the fear to
creep back in. I feel sweat build on my brow while my heart rate
increases and my breathing comes out rapidly. I look around,
remembering I’m surrounded by others and not alone.
He can’t hurt
you Trudy
. My mantra doesn’t help though.
I step back, ready to defend myself. His cockiness vanishes and he
holds his hands out like I’m a scared animal. “Calm down, all I want is
your name. That’s it.”
I let my shoulders relax and attempt to slow my heartbeat’s
marathon. I’m aware everyone isn’t evil and out to hurt me, but it’s a
feeling carved so deep in me I don’t know how to stop it. After a
minute I decide that since I don’t want to come off as a freak I’ll tell
him. “My name is Trudy and my friends call me Trudy.” I can feel his
stare on me, so I glance up and feel a flutter in my stomach.
Everything seems to stop, including time, and I have another urge to
touch him. I mentally shake myself out of the absurdity of it. It must
be his eyes reminding me of the love I lost six months ago.
I can’t deal with this. It’s hot and my bag is getting heavy. I turn
and continue on my way.
“Wait up, Trudy.” I hear him call as his feet hit the ground to keep
up with me.
I don’t want or need this. I have to get him to just
leave me alone
.
I gather up some backbone, determined to get him to not like me with
my inner bitch.“First of all...” I turn and put a finger out “...I said my
friends call me Trudy, and we’re
not
friends. Secondly, I can find it
from the map...” I wave the campus map in the air “...and lastly, I don’t
know you and I didn’t sign up for a tour guide, so don’t worry about
it.” I ignore him as I walk off. I don’t need to be around this guy
anymore because I can’t think right now. Besides, I’m here to keep up
my GPA, not flirt with Jaxon or anyone else.
“Alright, Trudy,” he says with a laugh in his voice. “I’ll see you
later. Take a left up at Jack Brunson Dr. It will be on the corner. I could
drive you if you’d like.” He’s still hollering while I walk away. People
are starting to stare.
I spin around because I don’t want to cause a scene. “No thank
you.” I make my way in the direction I need to, even though I want to
run back and say yes to the offer...because of the heat, nothing more. I
just focus on my goal of making a good life for myself and keeping the
promise I made to Brian six months ago.
After I make my way up to my room, I notice there’s only one bed
in the far corner instead of two like I’d thought there’d be. I say a
prayer of thanks since I won’t be sharing a room with someone and
start unpacking my light blue sheets to make up my single bed.
Unpacking only takes me a few short minutes. Besides some sonogram
pictures of Brian, as well as a certificate with his footprints, I don’t
have many personal items.
I finish hanging my clothes in the small closet and decide to check
out the bathroom. Since the sink and vanity area are in the bedroom
portion, the only things in the actual bathroom are the toilet and
shower. I’m blinded by the pink and white zebra stripes that are
everywhere. When I say everywhere, I mean everywhere—from the
monogrammed towels to the floor and shower mats, as well as some
framed pictures on the wall. I even see a pink night light that diffuses
an apple fragrance in the air. I turn toward the shower and notice a
pink loofah is already there with all kinds of body wash, soaps, and
shampoos. I wasn’t expecting a bathroom that looked like Barbie
puked all over a zebra. I take it that my neighbor and bathroom buddy
likes pink.
As I turn to make my exit, I’m assaulted with a piercing scream
behind me. “OMG!!! You must be my new bathroom buddy.” Turning
around, I’m immediately surrounded by arms and a strong perfume
that invades my nasal canal.
“Yup that’s me,” I say awkwardly while backing away a bit to get
a look at my new neighbor. She’s like a cheerleading Chihuahua
puppy: cute, small—maybe five feet— and full of energy. She’s
obviously not shy, and I’m sure she’s not one to hold her tongue either.
Her long blonde hair has some wave to it, and her blue eyes have an
exotic look to them. Every stitch of clothing matches—from her pink
Nike shorts with a black tank top that has a pink check on the front to a
pair of shoes that are...you guessed it! Pink Nike with black checks on
the side.
Wow!
“I’ve been waiting all day for you to get here. I was kind of
worried that you weren’t coming, but I kept telling myself, ‘Jasmine,
calm down! She’ll be here today because classes start Monday, and it’s
already Friday. Plus, she’ll still have to get her books and settle in. And
of course she’ll want to get situated before the big party tonight that
the dorm is throwing.’ I mean who doesn’t want to party on their first
night of college?” She finally stops and I’m amazed she’s not out of
breath.
I stand there wondering if I should say something, but I’m
nervous. I’ve never been around a girl like her before and don’t know
what she expects of me. I guess I need to give her my name.
I hold out my hand. “Hi, my name is Trudy. Trudy Love.” Instead
of the handshake I’m expecting, she hugs me again. Really tight too.
“Aww! I absolutely love your name. It’s so sweet and has a
famous kind of ring to it. My name is boring compared to yours. It’s
just plain old Jasmine Coleman.”
I take a breath when she finally releases me and step back to get
her out of my space. I’m not used to people being so close, and today
it feels like I’m a magnet for it.
I look around embarrassed, not sure what to do next, and then
notice we’re still by the toilet. She must see how uncomfortable I am
because she backs up as well.
“I’m going to go get ready, but I’ll come by before I leave and we
can walk out together.” She smiles a perfect smile, and I can see the
excitement building in her eyes. “My brother is a junior, and he’s
going to show me around. Since it’s my first night, he’s getting all
protective and taking me to the party. I told him that he can’t do it
every weekend, but I’m allowing it this time. He can introduce us to
people, and no idiot will think about getting fresh with one of us while
we’re with him. Unless they want their ass kicked of course,” she says
while laughing. “Is that Okay?”
I don’t feel like going to a party and I want a shower. I need to get
in bed early so I can get up tomorrow and look for a job somewhere.
I’m about to tell her no but stop. It wouldn’t hurt to have a friend, and
she seems genuine. I decide to take a chance on this girl even though
I’m scared. I’ve never had girlfriends and have only talked to other
girls during class. I want myself to have a life and make some
memories. I nod my head and give in. “Sure, but I really need to take a
shower first. I’ve been on a bus traveling all day and I smell really
bad.”
She does a little cheer clap while jumping up and down. “Okie
dokie! You can use whatever you need in the shower stall. It’s just
extra stuff I brought for you as a gift. My own personal stuff is in my
caddy.” Walking out the door she says, “I’ll see you in an hour.”
Once the door is shut, I go back to my room and grab a towel and
some jean shorts to wear with my plaid button down. As I take my
shower, I can’t help but use the shampoo and body wash Jasmine
offered. It smells wonderful and I feel so clean after exfoliating with
the pink loofah. It’s much better that an old washcloth.
Returning to my room, I feel up beat after that long needed
shower and turn on my new iPhone—a treat I bought myself before I
left, along with a new laptop—to play some Florence on Pandora.
Smiling, I get dressed while listening to Florence and the Machine’s
song with Calvin Harris,
Sweet Nothing,
and I then start dancing.
Forgetting that I didn’t lock my side of the bathroom door, I’m
again assaulted with Jasmine screaming, “
I love this song
.” She runs
up while I’m having a heart attack, trying to cover my bra covered
boobs, and starts to dance some crazy shake and jump dance. I can’t
help but smile at the way she just lets go and gets crazy.
“I knew I would get you to smile. See? I can be quite entertaining
when I want.” She stands there still doing some of her Chihuahua
moves, and I burst out laughing so hard I have to clutch my stomach.
My awkward moment is forgotten as I try to decide if I should join in
or call 9-1-1 for the seizure she looks like she’s having.
“Stop it. Please, stop doing that. My gut is killing me from
laughing so hard. You’ve got to stop.”
After the song ends and I’m in tears, she finally stops. I take a
much needed breath and bend over to pick up my shirt. I’m not
thinking about my tattoo until I feel her finger outlining Brian’s foot
prints.
In a soft voice she says, “This is a beautiful tattoo, Trudy. I hope
we become really good friends one day, and you can trust me with the
story.”
I look in the full-length mirror on the door and take a minute to
look at the footprints that will forever be a part of me because Brian
will always be part of my soul. The two lotus flowers are color of
Amethyst for February, the month Brian was born. One is open on my
left rib cage closest to my heart. In the center are Brian’s tiny
footprints, and this symbolizes how he was there, alive for only one
day, just like the lotus. The other is closed and symbolizes the death of
such a beautiful life that was taken too soon. Vibrant green vines
connect the two flowers and spread down my entire left side to my left
hip bone.
I’m very pleased with the colorful pattern that is permanently on
my body as a remembrance of the most important person I’ve ever
known. I look at Jasmine’s eyes through the mirror and nod my head
while smiling. I put on my clothes in silence and discreetly dry my
eyes while getting ready for my first college party.

As I walk back to my frat house, I can’t help the excitement
building with the idea of seeing Trudy again. I need to speak to my
sister, who’s also a freshman in Stokes Hall, and see what she can find
out about her for me. Looking down at my watch, I realize it’s getting
late. I need to take a shower before a few of the other guys and I head
out to the dorm parties. I’d promised Jazz that I would introduce her to
a few friends of mine. Knowing her, she’ll have no problem making
friends, but I still need to watch for idiots who want to mess with her.
First thing I need to do, however, is talk with Craig about the
dumbass move he pulled today. I’d been eyeing Trudy earlier and
noticed Craig walking up to her. I couldn’t blame him for wanting to
talk to her. She’s gorgeous, but with the way she keeps her eyes
downcast it makes me think she doesn’t know her own appeal. The
tight jeans and low cut T-shirt she wore made her sexier than any of
the other girls. I was going to talk to her myself, but I didn’t want to
mess with my frat brother’s game, even if I didn’t care for the guy. So
I decided to watch instead.
Instead of talking to her like a normal person, he decided to grope
her ass. I felt possessive for some odd reason as I watched someone
else touch her and was stunned by my reaction. When I started running
to bust his face in, the little vixen brought him to his knees and was
about to smash his nose, but my fist connected first. I hate busting
heads as a first impression, but the dick deserved it.
I finally reach my frat house and call for my best friend, David,
when I walk in. He was there and helped Craig back here after Trudy
went Ali on his ass. He comes down the stairs, ready to go for the
evening with a big smile on his face.
“What’s so funny?” I ask as I open the fridge for water. Since
tonight I’ll most likely be drinking, I want to stay as hydrated as
possible.
“Nothing. Just thinking of Craig getting his ass handed to him by
that girl. Man, that was something! Wish I had my camera out to
record it for YouTube or some shit.” He sits on the counter and reaches
for a bag of chips. “You should have let her finish him off.”
“I know, I know, but the asshat needs to learn he can’t treat girls
that way. Plus, I was thinking about if it were Jazz in her position. I’ll
admit it was something else to watch though.” I finish my water and
throw it in the trash. “Where is he anyway? I’ve got something I need
to explain to him,” I say through clenched teeth, thinking of Trudy
being touched by some asshole.
“He’s in the shower nursing a black eye and a bruised set of balls.
I don’t think he’ll approach another girl that way again.” He still
laughs while eating his chips and talking with his mouth full.
“Anyway, I saw the way you were eying that chick, and believe me,
you don’t look at your sister that way. You practically turned green and
ripped your shirt off while running toward her. Man, I thought he was
dead when you hit him.”
I scratch the back of my neck, thinking of a way to tell David how
I feel a connection to this girl without sounding like a chick. “Yeah, I
guess, but there is something about her. I don’t know. She’s crazy hot,
but it’s something more than that. I feel like I
need
to know more
about her. There’s this pull between us when I look at her.” I rub my
face in frustration because it’s hard to describe the way I felt earlier. I
feel very vulnerable telling anyone this, but I’ve known David since
our freshman year. He’s my best friend, so I know he won’t judge me
or think less of me.”Forget it, man. I’ll figure it out.”
David and I have a lot in common like baseball, surfing, and of
course chicks. We’re both from Florida. He’s from Miami and I’m
from Pensacola, but where I grew up privileged, David didn’t.
I might have grown up with money because my dad is a well
known Pediatric surgeon, but I’m in no way stuck up. My family is
number one, and I want to become a pediatric cardiologist just like my
dad.
I’ve always been around kids, sick or healthy. My mom is a social
worker and our house has always been full of foster kids. Shit, I have
four adopted brothers and sisters, Jazz being one of them.
My parents couldn’t have any more children after I was born.
They had always wanted a big family so they started fostering since
they had the room and the finances. My sister, Jazz, was one of our
first foster kids. We found her when she was two years old. She had a
heart issue that my dad repaired, and instead of her remaining in the
system, my parents decided to make her a Coleman.
Drew is my little brother who’s fifteen now. He’s as tall as me at
six foot three, and might even surpass me. The identity of his dad is a
mystery, but we know he had to have been African American. Drew is
biracial. His mom was a scared, white sixteen year old girl who needed
money for her dope. Mom decided to take her up on a private adoption
under the agreement she went to rehab and stayed for six months.
Well, she did and now has a decent guy in her life and a family of her
own. Drew sees his birth mother every few weeks and gets to hang out
with his twin half-brothers, Dalton and Derek, who are now ten.
McKenzie is my youngest sister and was adopted from
Guatemala. She’s nine and has had my heart ever since we did a
mission trip there with Dad. I was visiting the orphanage and saw this
little girl scooting around on her hands and arms due to her under
developed legs. She had the prettiest light brown eyes with tanned skin
and dark black, curly hair.
I was sitting reading to her when Mom walked in looking for me.
When she saw McKenzie with me, she knew we had to take her home
with us. So after three months of paperwork, we were finally reunited
and our family added another Coleman to the group.
Now she has a fancy pink and purple wheelchair that’s decorated
with glitter and has so many friends that watch out for her at school I
don’t have to worry as much. My baby brother Cohen was the last one
to be adopted. He’s about to turn four in a few weeks—but he thinks
he’s already old enough to drive—is smart as a whip, and loves the
ladies. I like to think I had something to do with that.
Jazz and he could definitely pass as siblings with their blond hair
and blue eyes, but on occasion people mistake him for her son. She
doesn’t seem to mind, though, and eats up the attention. He was left
outside the hospital where my mom works at only a few days old and
had no ID on him. DHR eventually let us foster him once his bill of
health came back okay, but of course we made him an official
Coleman after six months.
David just listens while I talk and knows I like to take on the
underdog at times. I’m sure he’ll think that’s my reason for having this
connection with Trudy. I know that it goes way deeper than that. I just
don’t know how deep and the not knowing scares the shit out of me.
“Cool, man. Did you get her name or some digits?” He stands up
and stretches while crumbs fall everywhere.
I can’t help but smile when I think of her. “Her name is Trudy and
she’s staying in the same dorm as Jazz, so I’m hoping I can get some
info tonight or at least put Jazz on the watch for her. She’s feisty and
wouldn’t let me walk her to her dorm. Fingers crossed I’ll see her at
the party tonight,” I say while turning to head upstairs to shower.
“Well, I’ll be hanging out back with Mason when you’re ready.
He’s heading home tonight and won’t be here for the party. Just let me
know.” David and I bump fist as he heads out to talk with some of the
other brothers in the house. I smile while going up to take a shower,
hoping I’ll run into Trudy tonight.
Passing a few frat brothers on the way, I see Craig’s sidekick
Harold heading from Craig’s room with a beer in hand. He’s an alright
guy but can’t seem to get his nose out of Craig’s ass long enough to
speak for himself. I stop him with an urge for revenge. “Hey, Harold.
Where’s Craig?”
He looks at me warily, and I see him gulp. This kid is no match
for me, so I’d never lay a hand on him, but I like the fact that I
intimidate him. Let’s face it. I’m a guy. After a minute he finally
composes himself and speaks. “Hey, Jaxon. Um he’s still in the shower
but asked me to get him another beer.” He shakes the brown empty
bottle to prove his point. I guess he’s scared that I’ll think he’s a liar.
Walking past Harold I slam open Craig’s door to make him aware
someone’s coming. The last thing I need to see is him jacking off or
some shit. Craig’s rich daddy made sure his stupid pansy ass son got
the only room with an en suite bathroom attached while everyone else
has to share. Doesn’t bother me though because this way he can keep
away from me, and after today it’s in his best interest.
“What the fuck, Harold? I told you to leave it on the bedside
table,” Craig yells through the door, but I ignore his tantrum and bust
inside the steam filled bathroom. The shower is causing fog to
consume the small space, but I know the dip shit is behind the black
shower curtain.
“Hey, pussy, it’s not Harold.” He shuts off the water before he
opens the curtain and shows me things I really don’t want to see in my
life. Thankfully he wraps his lower half in a towel.
“What the hell do you want?” He’s got balls talking to me like
that. Why am I so pissed at this guy for touching a girl I don’t know
and have no relationship with? The only logical explanation is because
he’s a dick and no woman should be handled like that.
Pointing my finger at him as he steps out of the shower, I say
menacingly, “Don’t you fucking dare act like you don’t know. You
don’t touch any female, unless she’s compliant, in any sexual way. You
hear me mother fucker?”
He gulps before he smiles like the little bitch he is and clucks his
tongue at me. God I hate this guy. “Jaxon Coleman. Do have hope to
fuck her too? Because I don’t mind sharing if that’s the case.” He
winks before he takes out his razor and turns his back toward me in a
dismissive manner.
“Watch it, you stupid fuck. Or I’ll have your ass removed from the
fraternity. Got it?” Without waiting for a reply that will just piss me off
more, I walk out and see the fresh beer on the night stand. Since my
words and threats won’t work on the condescending prick, maybe I’ll
ruin his night another way.